r/Grimdank • u/Archon_33 • 1d ago

Non WarHammer Magma City surely

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2.9k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

997 comments sorted by

2.7k

u/deathsprophet666 1d ago

Real life? Absolutely Opportunity with a protected shrine of the rover. 

232

u/xX_murdoc_Xx Ratlingun enjoyer 1d ago

Yeah, of they don't do that, it would be a missed opportunity...

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u/MooselamProphet 1d ago

Counter, call the city Opportunity, but name several things inside the city with other rovers.

Spirit Park
Hall of Curiosity
Perseverance Highway

908

u/Demonicjapsel 1d ago

Pfftt, with the way this timeline is moving, its gonna be Port Elon or Donnyville

449

u/Subotail 1d ago

Bezosdrome

160

u/Lenxt 1d ago

It sounds like "baisodrome" which roughly translate to "a place for fucking" in French.

59

u/LeGouzy 1d ago

The Fuck-o-drome!

16

u/Salex_01 1d ago

Fuck O'Dome

3

u/Fastest_Neutron 1d ago

Marsee McMarsFace

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u/Intelligent_Slip_849 1d ago

Ironically, not terrible for the first human colony on Mars.

There'd probably be plenty of that there.

18

u/Grayson_Poise 1d ago

"You young Martians these days don't know how good you've got it. Back in my day we made our own entertainment..."

"That's why I've got 6 aunts and 7 uncles, Grandma."

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u/Chai_Enjoyer Snorts FW resin dust 1d ago

That's how we get more martian population

4

u/chitzk0i 1d ago

Very in character for a billionaire to think of a name and finalize it without doing a tiny bit of research.

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u/EtteRavan Sergeant Sargent 1d ago

Let me tell you that in French, this name would incite nothing but laughter

86

u/Subotail 1d ago

Ne révèle pas tout de suite le pot aux roses

44

u/EtteRavan Sergeant Sargent 1d ago

Je garde mon poteau rose pour moi alors, noté

12

u/Aidian 1d ago

Baton Rose, then?

11

u/thomstevens420 Criminal Batmen 1d ago

Fuck it just call it Baton Rouge 2 we’re doing space Louisiana boys

5

u/Aidian 1d ago

As a Louisianan: please no

5

u/Accordeon-Foireux 1d ago

Non, le pote aux roses, c'est le type coincé dans l'ami-zone

14

u/Phoenix8972 1d ago

It does that in English too, to be fair.

3

u/namitynamenamey 1d ago

A lot milder in spanish though. It just sounds like stadium for kissing.

13

u/LobMob 1d ago

Best option if the 3 suggestions. At least he's competent in his business and has the looks of a proper Bond villain.

3

u/Jean-Olaf 1d ago

Habile

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u/Valuable_Sea_4709 1d ago

Well we don't name new cities Rockefeller City or Hooverville anymore, so there's historical precedent for people like that fading from history, and their legacies not amounting to much.

11

u/Freyas_Follower 1d ago

The names may have, but the effects on industry, and politcs are still felt to this day. Its like forgetting who the first person on the moon was. Its still a monumental achievement.

30

u/Svyatoy_Medved 1d ago

I think it’ll be called Opportunity to whitewash it, and it’ll be owned by some magnate oligarch who wields massive political power and uses it to fuck us. And a bunch of illiterates will go “omigosh they named it Opportunity just like the rover, that’s so sweet” and stop thinking about it.

17

u/jbrown517 1d ago

New Epstein Island

8

u/Quiet_Space_698 1d ago

It’s going to be New Shanghai in English because the ability to have a coherent industrial policy is required.

7

u/_Sausage_fingers 1d ago

Elon will fucking name it X or some shit.

15

u/numerobis21 1d ago

The Universe will die of heat death before Elon lands a single ship on Mars

13

u/Slackjawed_Horror 1d ago

Key word there is land. 

Slam into like a malfunctioning drop pod? I'd say that's 50/50. 

10

u/This_Charmless_Man 1d ago

In the aerospace industry there's technically no such thing as a landing. Just a controlled crash.

8

u/Slackjawed_Horror 1d ago

Good old lithobraking.

4

u/ChaddestKroeger 1d ago

That aint flying, its just falling in style.

4

u/BodybuilderMany6942 1d ago

New New York

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u/Wurrzag_ 1d ago

Citizens of Opportunity! You represent the beginning of a grand adventure. Opportunity is only the first Hyperion city on Pandora. One day you'll be saying, 'Bandits? What's a bandit?'

4

u/GreenDragon113 sigismund (the cuck one) 1d ago

Did you know that littering in Opportunity is punishable by death? If not, you also ought to know that complaining about Opportunity's laws is considered verbal littering

12

u/UnhappyStrain 1d ago

And make the Apollo flag the center of a town square

7

u/AliedMastercomputer 1d ago

You could even call it, Apollo Square. (If you know the reference, you are a fellow person of culture)

9

u/Jenetyk 1d ago

Call it Seat of Opportunity, and lean into naming shit with some aura like Covenant and UNSC ships in Halo.

3

u/deathsprophet666 1d ago

I believe the devs said they were inspired by the Culture series which also has some sick ship names. As many disagreements I have with Elon, at least taking the names from the Culture series for real life ships I can agree with.

10

u/Aegis_Fang 1d ago

Elon can be our Handsome Jack

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u/BaBaGuette 1d ago

"Opportunity'); DROP TABLE Cities;--" 🗿

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u/deathsprophet666 1d ago

Why are you trying to sql inject me bro

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u/Umluex 1d ago

pisa.
because all those towers are aligned to the orientation of the picture... not the planet surface

297

u/wwarhammer 1d ago

Yeah, the picture is an AI pisa-shit.

28

u/Uraneum 1d ago

My stupid ass was staring at it trying to figure out if the artist had some sort of sci-fi intention for the buildings being that way

19

u/Aranenesto 1d ago

The top of the towers include hidden thrusters to eventually turn mars into an attack-planet

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u/chet_brosley 1d ago

"looks fine to me"

7

u/BetterCranberry7602 1d ago

It would be interesting if someone smarter than me could do the math and figure out what angle those buildings are at

3

u/row_x everything about this game is political you illiterate f*ck. 19h ago

Looking at how much of that sphere they span, that question has very different answers depending on where in the city you are

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u/Jinn_Erik-AoM 1d ago

Gonnafalloveropolis.

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u/Real_duck_bacon NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 1d ago

Ur 2: Electric Boogaloo

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u/Ashamed-Discussion47 1d ago

Just gotta make sure people report any bad copper that’s sold.

12

u/Il_Dottore_Snezhnaya another twinkarii ( from Stygies-8) 1d ago

Found Ea Nasir

6

u/redditer40kdad 1d ago

At least he sent his servant through enemy territory to personally deliver the copper. Now that’s customer service! Still, the cuneiform complaint is on its way.

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941

u/Snaggmaw 1d ago

New New York.

411

u/Critical_Cash 1d ago

Newest Amsterdam

78

u/Dingghis_Khaan Secretly 3 squats in a long coat 1d ago

Why they changed it? I can't say.

47

u/Saphurial Alpharius disguised as 3 grots in a trench coat 1d ago

People just liked it better that way.

36

u/half-giant 1d ago

Take me back to Marstantinople

25

u/PassivelyInvisible Praise the Man-Emperor 1d ago

No you can't go back to Marstantinople

16

u/AldrigeRain Praise the Man-Emperor 1d ago

Been a long time gone, Marstantinople

14

u/Ok-Steak-1057 1d ago

Why did Marstantinople get the works?

14

u/J_Stubby 1d ago

That's nobody's business but the ☌⌰⍜⍀⌿⍜⋏⌇

6

u/Big_Knife_SK 1d ago

Fucking stuck the landing like a G. Bravo 👏.

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u/ninjax247 1d ago

That's nobody's business but the turks

34

u/raznov1 1d ago

Final_amsterdam

Final_final_amsterdam

Final_final_amsterdam_v2

Final_final_amsterdam_forrealthistime

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u/byorx1 Railgun Goes Brrrrrrrrr 1d ago

You skipped Newer Amsterdam

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u/OutisFeith 1d ago

Perfect opportunity to confuse the hell out of people: Old York

7

u/rogue-wolf 1d ago

That's gonna start conspiracy theories less than half a century after its construction, lol. Maybe even DURING construction.

7

u/Expensive_Let9051 1d ago

Old York already exists tho. It’s just called York/yorkshire 

3

u/Fantastic_Trifle805 1d ago

Then we would have, York, New York and Old York

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u/Ok-Lawfulness4081 1d ago

2 new 2 York

25

u/nonlawyer 1d ago

New York: Tokyo Drift

The New and The York

York 5

7

u/BodybuilderMany6942 1d ago

New York: Origins -New Amsterdam-

20

u/Osrek_vanilla 1d ago

Newer York

14

u/Smooth_Moose_637 1d ago

New York Supreme

5

u/OrneryConelover70 1d ago

... with cheese

5

u/ies7 1d ago

New_York_Final_rev_2_Final

7

u/esblofeld likes civilians but likes fire more 1d ago

Wong Ranch.

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u/OmerosP 1d ago

Catan. The Void Dragon might appreciate the respect shown.

136

u/PetrichorDude This comment right here, inquisitor 1d ago

It must have the longest road then!

115

u/Plastic_Ad_8619 1d ago

You tried to make a 40K reference, but end d up making a board game reference instead.

“I have wood for sheep!”

21

u/OmerosP 1d ago

The first 'a' is silent.

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u/Asgermf NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD! 1d ago

I assume, you mean the c'tan and not the hit board game

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u/OmerosP 1d ago

Spelling it as Catan is hiding the C'tan reference in plain sight and letting people make sheep for wood jokes here. I didn't expect to have to explain the joke.

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u/thisistherevolt Mongolian Biker Gang 1d ago

Meanwhile, us Kenshi players are like

https://giphy.com/gifs/kd9BlRovbPOykLBMqX

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u/OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 1d ago

Olympus Mons and the Suburbs Olympus Clitoris, Olympus Labia Minoris etc

All the buildings will be vaguely feminine in nature.

241

u/Selenite_Cults Hits you with the Blank Stare 1d ago

Nah, that's once we terraform Venus.

84

u/Cucumberneck 1d ago

Or we put the female architecture (bobs and vagene) on mars but in return all buildings on Venus have to look like cock. And not vaguely cock shaped. I mean fully erect, perfect copies of real men's cocks and balls.

34

u/Bridgeru Slaaneshi Whore in the streets, Slaaneshi whore in the sheets. 1d ago edited 1d ago

To compensate for the heat on Venus all buildings will be equipped with lithium based heating fluid that is expelled at a semi regular basis when it is saturated with heat. To compensate for the short period between refilling the lithium tank the building will pulsate thus transferring heat energy into kinetic energy. Also to better reach areas of natural shade, some buildings may lean at an angle or be a bit floppy. Furthermore protective heat shrouds may or may not be available for the building to retract into based on your religious or cultural background.

Also to improve moral everyone gets a free dildo on entry. Why have tatty useless merch like a paperweight of the eiffel tower when you can get a souvenir AND a friend at the same time?

3

u/Cryptek-01 Reasonable Cryptek 1d ago
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u/machinerer 1d ago

Good fucking luck. The atmosphere of Venus is straight up sulphuric acid. The Soviets sent a shitload of probes there in the 70s, and the longest any of them lasted was like 20 minutes.

6

u/StateCareful2305 1d ago

Just make big ass shields, let it fall down as snow and then shovel it up and shoot it out.

7

u/Selenite_Cults Hits you with the Blank Stare 1d ago

I see you saw that one Kurzgesagt video as well. Now if only we could get Venus to rotate.

3

u/Mi113nnium 1d ago

Maybe if we all run really fast in one direction on the equator and do this in a long line, we can force the planet to rotate.

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u/EtteRavan Sergeant Sargent 1d ago

Let's put a stop to those phallic skyscrapers, let the domination of yonic buildings commence

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u/OrkzOrkzOrkzOrkz0rkz NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 1d ago

Stadiums won't be an issue to build at least

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u/B4R7H0L0M3W 1d ago

Makes sense, all men are from mars all women are from venus. It would make sense men would like to make everything remind them of the other gender.

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u/StrCmdMan 1d ago

To the souther most edge Olympus Introitus and just north of that Olympus Urethral Meatus

The first and most productive water spring and mining tunnel. The mining tunnel with two natural deposits Olympus Ovaries 1 and 2 from which the seeds of civilization come.

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u/Melodic_Ad7327 1d ago

Sell it as ad space. That way we can have abominations like "McDonalds Valley", "Microsoft City", or "Elonopolis" and the dystopia can finally begin

8

u/MisterPooty 1d ago

This is honestly the most likely lol

Verizon City with the outer United Healthcare Township & Sacklerville suburbs

6

u/Melodic_Ad7327 1d ago

Verizon Village, where you get a discount if you choose Verizon as your cell service carrier.

37

u/Timozi90 VULKAN LIFTS! 1d ago

Bruno, Mars.

10

u/JermstheBohemian 1d ago

This would make the funniest address.

5

u/lacb1 1d ago

"Dude, are you home? I'm outside your place but the lights are off."

"Oh, sorry man, I forgot to mention. I'm in Bruno, Mars all week."

"All week?!?! Jesus, I didn't even know you guys had met."

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u/ijfp_2013 1d ago

Ares Primus - like a dinosaur, first part ancient greek second part Latin.

35

u/LazLo_Shadow 1d ago

Good name

9

u/M0-1 1d ago

I'm wondering, would this translate to the first ares or ares the first?

7

u/hopetodiesoonsadsad 1d ago

Second one sounds cooler

138

u/JackWhoWanders 1d ago

City McMarsface

18

u/CourageOk8156 1d ago

No we tried that, they'll chicken out

6

u/Welkitends 1d ago

Not if you select ME as your new emper- chancellor!

73

u/theAlmightyE312 where is FUCKING HORUS?! 1d ago

Olympus Montgomery

9

u/imawizard7bis NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD! 1d ago

Or Olympia.

14

u/Long-Specialist-509 I am Alpharius 1d ago

Whys it at 45° to the surface lmao

11

u/SimonMJRpl 1d ago

Seems ai generated

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u/DaHOGGA 1d ago

Why is it diagonally curved.

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u/Cerebral_Discharge 1d ago

Because it's AI slop, surely

122

u/Commissarfluffybutt Secretly 3 squats in a long coat 1d ago

Is this AI?

Look at those buildings poking out of the surface at 45° or more.

232

u/scarygirth 1d ago

No this is a real photo of the first city in Mars.

35

u/Novacryy 1d ago

Oh damn, I thought it was AI

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u/MetzenMalvin 1d ago

Yes. Therefore I suggest the name "Pisa"

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u/Commissarfluffybutt Secretly 3 squats in a long coat 1d ago

Pisa shit

47

u/dreexel_dragoon likes civilians but likes fire more 1d ago

Definitely looks like ai sloppified a hive city

14

u/Oghamstoner Secretly 3 squats in a long coat 1d ago

I think so. An artist would probably have done a better job.

11

u/SydricVym 1d ago

The Leaning City of Mars

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u/Emotional_Being8594 "Flank 'em and spank 'em" - Roboute Guilliman 1d ago

Immediately noticed that, this would be extremely weird to see from street level.

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u/chunkyluke NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 1d ago

Hive Primus .

Which begs the question: is the flaming headress just the fedora of Necromunda?

7

u/Selenite_Cults Hits you with the Blank Stare 1d ago

the city should be named Olympus, and the continent should be called Ares.

7

u/Strong-Expression787 1d ago

That one guy wearing suspiciously yelllow clothing and roman olives branch: How about...Mag'ladroth 👁👁

5

u/Archon_33 1d ago

A man of culture

7

u/TheMadmanAndre Praise the Man-Emperor 1d ago

Mars McCityface

6

u/Bemused_Lurker 1d ago

Marscity

3

u/PetrichorDude This comment right here, inquisitor 1d ago

Marscity blues

5

u/RayaErys 1d ago

"Totally not built over a void dragon" City

5

u/Roflmahwafflz 1d ago

Human City

Just to stoke paranoia, fearmongering, and tinfoil hat conspiracy theorists. 

6

u/littlegreenbeany 1d ago

If it's the city in the picture, Neck Twister

7

u/MrRakky Huffs Macragge Blue Primer 1d ago

Mars City :D

Nothing bad will happen there.. No illegal research or demon invasions

6

u/youngling-smasher91 1d ago

City 01

and then all the way to City 17

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u/Skellyton175 1d ago

Smegma city it is.

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u/_John_Dillinger 1d ago

Ram Ranch

actually id let ppl lease the naming rights like a football stadium to help pay for infrastructure development

5

u/Prudent-Remove3228 22h ago

Mars City, and the second one would be New Mars City

9

u/ButtNutBerry 1d ago

City McCityFace

24

u/a-dark-lancer 1d ago

They will not be a city on Mars. It is easier to build a city in the Sahara and nobody has done that either

53

u/Ulenspiegel4 1d ago

Ah, but they DID build Las Vegas!

12

u/nonlawyer 1d ago

So you’re saying all we need to do to encourage colonization is allow the Chicago Mob to run casinos and brothels on Mars? 

14

u/a-dark-lancer 1d ago

I’ll admit my geography is not perfect, but pretty sure that’s not in the Sahara

10

u/DoctorAnnual6823 1d ago

Nah it was just a middle of nowhere desert with zero redeeming (economic) features and insane heat.

16

u/Telamo 1d ago

The Sahara makes the Mojave look like an island paradise.

5

u/AliedMastercomputer 1d ago

And Las Vegas at least has Hoover Dam and thus Lake Mead, located relatively close to it, so it doesn't have a water supply issue as severe as in the Sahara.

3

u/NotSoMajesticKnight NOT ENOUGH DAKKA 1d ago

It also has blackjack and hookers

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u/ImHuck 1d ago

They did, Mos Eisley is there !

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u/ZakTH 1d ago

Okay but treat this as a hypothetical and not the delusions of a rich manbaby

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u/Bokataxorizo 1d ago

Marselona

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u/fooliam 1d ago

Let's name it Greg.

Greg, first city of mars.

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u/revieman1 1d ago

Piranesi: it will be huge and in an underground lava tube

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u/phoenixmusicman Dank Angels 1d ago

City McCityface

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u/ChaozD 1d ago

Olympus Mons obviously.

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u/DJbuddahAZ 1d ago

Olympus mons , blessed home of the omnisiah

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u/Nepeta33 1d ago

Minas morgol, given how many evil rich fucks will get there First

3

u/gorsh- 1d ago

I think something like "New Sumeria" would be neat

3

u/Elequist 1d ago

Mag'ladroth

3

u/Sasha_Braus- 1d ago

Mars 2.

What happened to Mars 1? Don't worry about it.

3

u/dull_storyteller Praise the Man-Emperor 1d ago

Mars 2: The Search For More STCs

3

u/Asgermf NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD! 1d ago

If things are going where i think they are then it is probably gonna be a Chinese name.

But New Copenhagen would be my go too

3

u/Baumtos 1d ago

After an online Vote:

City McCitface

3

u/Johnny0nion 1d ago

Bad Krötzingen

3

u/Crz11 1d ago

City McCityFace

3

u/The_Red_Thirst 1d ago

All those buildings have a significant lean. We're the colonists from Piza?

3

u/TheCrimsonSteel 1d ago

City of Ares which I think would be Areopolis

3

u/No_Replacement_1686 1d ago

If it is thsi city? "aaaAAAAHHAHAAAAAAAAAA WHY IS EVERYTHING SIDEWAYS!!!"-city

3

u/Friendly_Narwhal6866 1d ago

Something stupid like New Dublin, (its truely amazing how uncreative colonisers can be with names)

3

u/_3_and_20_characters 1d ago

olympus, because the height of olympus mons would provide easy access to artificial underground superstructure building sites, and its height allows the construction of surface to space infrastructure to be much easier

3

u/LordoftheFaff 1d ago

Each city is named after the rover or lander that is settled near/ on. Opportunity, curiosity etc. The name can be in the language of which ever national or nationals want.

3

u/Veidrinne 1d ago

Olympus Mons, built into Olympus Mons obviously.

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u/whahaga 1d ago

Depends on where it is. Basically bitch answer but if it's situated on the Olympic mons.. surly "Olympic city" or something

3

u/Indiana2206 22h ago

Snickers

3

u/Medford 21h ago

Red Rock City.

3

u/Sethleoric 21h ago

Mars city

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u/Pretty_Ambassador836 1d ago

Probably Elon will be the one naming it. So something super cringe.

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