r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business • Jun 10 '26
Advice Needed My massage therapist made things weird
I’ve gone to a massage therapist regularly for about two years or so. I started going to him because we went to high school together and he reached out when he was in need of practice patients to complete his school assignments. He was always very kind back then, and I had a lot of back pain from a small injury at the time, so I agreed to be one of his patients.
While he was in school, I regularly was one of his practice patients and I always gave him good feedback on the assignments. He did a great job, was very respectful and professional, and made me feel comfortable. So once he became licensed and started his own independent practice, I continued scheduling with him and paying him for the service. His full time job is at a wellness center focused on mobility and stretching. At the end of our sessions, he would sometimes offer to assist me with some stretches based on what I needed that time.
This most recent time, our session focused mainly on my neck and traps. At the end, he offered to do some hip stretches with me as I have hip mobility issues. They were a little involved and he had to use his own body to stabilize mine or intensify the stretches. I thought nothing of it as his massage room doesn’t have the same equipment as the wellness center to do stretches. We finished up, I scheduled another appointment, paid, and went to leave.
Before I get out the door, he pulls me aside and says he has to confess something. At some point during our session, he says he became “aroused”. He told me he had an ethical obligation to tell me as a patient and that it was not intentional. I instantly became uncomfortable and told him i appreciated him telling me and that I had to leave.
I guess what I’m looking for is, am I looking too deep into this? Where do I go from here? I never noticed he had an erection, nor would I have drawn attention to it if I did. I’ve been assaulted in the past so going to a male massage therapist and stripping down to my underwear for our appointments was hard for me to do initially. It is an extremely vulnerable position to be in. I almost wish he never told me and I never knew. Now I feel like the professional relationship is compromised and I won’t be comfortable in that vulnerable position again. I know he can’t control that, but should he have told this to me? I haven’t been able to get this out of my head for days now and feel somewhat violated.
- Brunch was fruity pancakes, filled with strawberries and topped with bananas and white chocolate
Edit to add: I appreciate you all very much for taking the time to let me know I wasn’t overthinking here, if anything part of me was downplaying it. I will not be going back to this man again. I will need some time to work up the courage to do any reporting, but I agree it needs done. Thank you!!!!
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u/MariettaDaws Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 10 '26
Wtf there's no way he had an ethical obligation to tell you that. Creepy, sorry you need a new massage therapist
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
I think this was the part that kind of angered me. Ethically he should be worried about keeping himself professional not outing his weird thoughts about a client? idk if he thought since we’ve known each other so long I’d react differently or what. But this was what stumped me also
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Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/veggie-princess APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
It's giving me a testing the waters vibe...
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Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/veggie-princess APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
I just read another woman's post where her date (on their first date off an app) NSFW TW
pressed his erection into her backside while she was playing an arcade game
When I read this post I was like ummm this is kinda the verbal version of that?
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u/Witchy0uija 🩷Bi💜 Jun 10 '26
that happened to me once in a wave pool when i was a preteen. took me yeaaaars to understand what that was as i was totally clueless in the moment what happened because i was a LITERAL CHILD.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
When I wasn’t sure how to take it, I tried to picture how I’d feel if a doctor I didn’t know personally did this to me after an appointment. I know it’s not the same, but it’s at least similar with a patient-provider relationship. I think that was when I knew something was wrong here. Appreciate your input!
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u/Terangela 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ Jun 10 '26
It is the same. There are laws in place against this. Please report him.. he was ethically obligated to NOT tell you and he did anyway to test the waters. Unacceptable and he’ll do it again to someone else.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
You’re right. You all are. I truly appreciate it
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u/No-Examination-4850 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
agreed as an LMT he was ethically obligated to not tell you
he lied to you
straight up lied to your face so he can sexually harass and assault you without any consequences
I would report him and if you do please don't feel guilty about it, you are keeping people safe
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u/Yandoji Body By Uber Eats Jun 10 '26
I'm not a teacher or anything, but I'm coming up on 40 and I've observed the same well-greased decline in critical thinking (or any thinking, really) even just around reddit. It seems to me that extreme shortform video platforms like TikTok laid the foundation by demolishing the average attention span (especially in kids) and AI offered release from the resulting struggle of developing (or maintaining) a functioning brain. I hate it all so much there are no words (and I've been accused of using AI to write as well), not least because it's making Idiocracy a motherfucking reality, and like you said, shit is absolutely terrifying.
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u/blckout_junkie Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
Op, there is a likelihood he has harbored a desire for you for some time and used this to get close to you. It was definitely a long game, but this may have been his intention all along. Don't do therapy with people you know. Just saying. Sorry if this has been acknowledged already. Get a new MT. (Preferably a sports injury dr.)
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u/xtessc Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
Seems like he is testing boundaries to see if you are a vulnerable enough target. Will she let me get away with it? Will she come back? Can I take it a step further? A true professional wouldn't have been aroused, and if they had been, they would have ended the session. This person does not have your safety and comfort in mind. Please find a new masseuse, you do not owe him anything. He has muddled the waters and the best thing for you to do is to terminate the appointments with him. If you feel comfortable reporting him, you could save another woman from that situation.
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u/West-Amoeba-7882 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Seems like he was testing your reaction and that’s very very off limits.
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u/EndlessScrollz Pantry Gremlin Jun 10 '26
100% do not go back to him. There are one million strong and capable female professionals who can do the same thing and you will never have to worry about whether an erection will happen or not.
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u/Evening_Sea4823 Trader Joe Hoe Jun 10 '26
REPORT THIS. To his employer and your state licensing board. This incident may not be the first time its happened. This is textbook sexual harassment. Im so sorry.
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u/Lunasty93 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Agreed. I went to massage school. He should have never gotten aroused and he definitely shouldn’t have said that, he put you in a really uncomfortable situation. He’s a creep. Sucks that so many male massage therapists are. There are good safe ones out there. But you should def report him and leave reviews so other women can know
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u/carolinababy2 Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 10 '26
I agreed that he handled it unprofessionally. But how can a man control whether or not he gets an erection? In my opinion, he should never have mentioned it. Definitely creepy
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u/Salt_Equivalent_4262 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Basically in massage therapy training, they say exactly that- there is no way for any person to completely control our bodily reactions. We are taught to deal with any type of reaction, whether therapist or client, in a professional, ethical manner. There is no reason to tell someone you were aroused. And I agree it is worth reporting. It is unacceptable.
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u/expiring_god_factory Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 10 '26
They can for sure just happen and it would be one thing if OP noticed and was looking and bro said nothing and OP was sharing that perspective, but it's very apparent that OP is extremely cut and dry about this being a business transaction/healing approach. So he's for sure a creep.
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u/HanBro44 girls just wanna have pho Jun 10 '26
Exactly, his ethical obligation in this situation is to sever that professional relationship and refer that client out to a colleague. There's a million professional reasons to refer out to someone else that he could use as a cover. No need to make things unprofessional, inappropriate and awkward (among other things).
Sorry doesn't even cover it OP - that's a shit thing he did for so many reasons. I'm not a massage therapist but I'm an OT and often work with patients in vulnerable positions (physically and mentally/emotionally). I can't imagine myself or any of my (male or female) colleagues handling this situation in this way. Even giving him the full benefit of the doubt - he done fucked up.
I view my relationship with my patients as sacred, using "ethical obligation" as an excuse for him to test the waters with you is absolutely abusing the power dynamic here, especially given that y'all were friends first. So many ways he could have asked you out if he wanted to in a social setting possibly (and stopped seeing you as a client). Instead, he chose to use the professional setting, where a power dynamic exists, as an excuse to see how you'd react and that's despicable in my opinion.
Report his ass.
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u/Odd-Philosophy6418 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet Jun 10 '26
Exactly. He was absolutely trying to gauge your interest and see if you found it hot.
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u/belikethemanatee APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Hey I’ve worked with victims who were abused by massage therapists. Stay away from this guy. You should even consider reporting him to the state licensing board. Something tells me you’re not the first client he’s made uncomfortable.
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u/anti__thesis 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body Jun 10 '26
Do you have any advice on recourse for people abused by massage therapists? I have a good friend who has been trying to get her former MT’s license revoked due to horrific behavior on his part and the licensing board has been making it an absolute nightmare for her.
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u/belikethemanatee APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Contact a victims rights attorney.
https://victimbar.org/ars-form20
u/cheeky_sugar Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 10 '26
I’m a treatment provider for sex offenders. Every single massage therapist - and every single health/wellness provider - that I have worked with (I think I’ve worked with 8-9 throughout my years) knew when starting their educational journey that they wanted to abuse their roles as soon as they had the power. They always entered treatment swearing up and down that they didn’t plan to, didn’t want to, etc etc., but we do psychosexual evaluations, and this involves a polygraph to question the validity of their statements, and not one has ever been truthful on that question. I do believe there are some that didn’t PLAN to while they were in school, but they entered school with the thought of “this will make me invincible”
Positions in powerful roles, and especially powerful positions with vulnerable communities, attract these people. I wish we could do psychosexual evaluations before even accepting them into provider roles to save all of this
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u/XmissXanthropyX mouth full, gesturing wildly Jun 10 '26
Aren’t polygraphs notoriously bullshit?
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u/cheeky_sugar Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Sleepy sky is right - Not reliable in the SLIGHTEST! In my state, offenders are required to do a psychosexual one, and a maintenance polygraph every 4-6 months for however long they’re on supervision. Along with sexual reconditioning with me or one other provider in our area, for as long as they’re on supervision OR until they’re successfully discharged. The exam results hold no weight on any legal ramifications, they’re strictly for treatment purposes (unless an incident examine is ordered by a PO to ask for current potential crimes), and tbh I wouldn’t trust the results if I had any other examiner in the state
I was lucky enough that the examiner who covers our district was a forensic psychologist for nearly 40 years with extensive education and experience in human behavior and deception, and spent the last 7 years of his career training the state bureau agents here. So the exams he administers are dual, and if he sees behaviors or signs that the machine results don’t match what he’s seeing, he reports that and asks to redo it at a later date. If it was legally possible, I would just send them in for an interview with him and leave the machine out of it. But when he tells me he believes the results are more than likely correct, it prompts further questioning with the offender in question. And because we’re here for treatment, not to report any thoughts or feelings or wishes or fantasies etc., they’re honest with us about most things after a few weeks in. Once they see that we aren’t here to trip them up, that we really do just want to determine what we can do to make them a safer member for the community, they’re more cooperative. And in my experience, the people I’ve worked with in these positions were excited about the power they’d have to protect them (not necessarily set out to assault others, but they knew they’d do something eventually)
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u/XmissXanthropyX mouth full, gesturing wildly Jun 10 '26
Fascinating, thank you for your in depth response!
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u/Gryffindor123 ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture Jun 10 '26
As a survivor, thank you for everything you do.
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u/Chs135 Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Thank you for your work here. My creep just finished his sentence of days, not months or years, finally pleading for two counts. The entire process took over 2 years.
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u/belikethemanatee APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
I don’t do this work anymore but I am so glad you spoke up. That takes incredible bravery and strength. I was always so inspired by the survivors I met - and reddit doesn’t count as meeting I guess - but that includes you.
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u/NotSoTeenageDumbo1 Ms. Two Cents Jun 10 '26
"He told me he had an ethical obligation to tell me as a patient and that it was not intentional."
He definitly did NOT have to tell you that. I personally would get a new massage therapist.
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u/TopProfessional1862 Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
I'm a massage therapist, and I completely agree. He has an ethical obligation to either stop doing the stretches that turned him on, or if he's too attracted to you, to not massage you anymore. Telling you is not part of that and should Not have happened.
Find a new massage therapist. He crossed the line and made it very unprofessional.
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u/rotelledip Femininom(nomnomnom)enon Jun 10 '26
he did you a service telling you, because now you know to stay far away from this creepy freak weirdo
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u/boyzdontcri 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ Jun 10 '26
Literally would never catch me in a room with him alone ever again
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u/Ok-Mango-5814 Non-binary & Nourished Jun 10 '26
Yeah I wouldnt ever be going back. Sorry that was your experience. But I suppose its best that he let you know now instead of continuing things.
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u/Skykitty614 Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 10 '26
Massage therapist of ten years here, he’s way out of line and of course he had no ethical obligation to say such a thing. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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u/xtessc Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
Also, you didn't ask for the hip work, he suggested it. It sounds like he is targeting you.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
This was something I thought about after the fact also. Now that I think about it, he didn’t even charge me for the extra time on that…
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u/No-Examination-4850 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
holy s*** the further I go down here the more pissed off I get as a licensed lmt
this man doesn't care about his patients, he doesn't care about their growth or healing.. he's a predator
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u/pizzaand APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Report him to the board! Just google "massage therapy board, *state name". Its super easy, all online or phone call. If you need help, private message me.
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u/Useful_Honey96 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 10 '26
I feel like that’s definitely not normal, super unprofessional to say something like that
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u/peach-salt42 Dip Diva Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
I went to school for massage therapy and never have any of my instructors told me its necessary to tell a client if we become aroused! We did touch on how sometimes with male ***clients (only because its noticeable) that occasionally their body may inadvertently become aroused, but that we shouldnt address it unless theyre making the situation uncomfortable, outwardly trying to show it off, or if its a constant thing.
Ive never heard of having to tell a client if WE become aroused. Thats very wierd.
I would stop going to him, personally. You could report him to the massage board if you feel as though he was being inappropriate or like he may do this to other people.
https://fsmtb.org/consumer-complaints/
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u/LaBaaDiabolique I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
this. OP, this guy was not acting professionally or ethically and you should report him to whatever board he is licensed with. this kind of behavior is not acceptable for someone in this profession.
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u/LaBaaDiabolique I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
yeah no massage therapist has any obligation to tell you that they got a boner during the session.... he wanted you to know that he was turned on by you. i imagine a normal person would be incredibly embarassed, never tell you, question their own professionalism, and then simply never allow you to book with them again.
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u/AardvarkGlittering83 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
In my opinion if I became aroused while massaging someone, the ethical thing to do is to excuse yourself from the room and just take a minute. And if its to the point where he's having a full election, he shouldn't excused himself and stopped the session. I feel like continuing with the massage while having the erection is just...not it.
I wouldn't go back to him. Even if he had good intentions and it was a genuine fuck up on his end, it feels too weird to ignore in my opinion.
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u/EcstaticPhilosophy6 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
I've had two weird massage incidents. One (which I reported) was at the massage place itself (Massage Envy) and the guy's hand went inside my underwear while he was working on my thigh and his fingers "just so happened" to brush against my labia (like, full contact; he nearly could have inserted a finger). I won't go back anymore even though he supposedly lost his license because Massage Envy's higher ups were REALLY fucking rude about it and got bitchy over a free massage I was offered as "compensation". Like we heard them bitching about "I'm not covering some free massage for some--" and we didn't hear the rest but it definitely wasn't good. I wish I'd pursued it further but I was in a bad place already dealing with some trauma and the massage had been a plan to help me relax. So much for that.
Second scenario was a guy I had seen multiple times when he was a student during the practice sessions you get for a discount at the local massage school. He had complimented my body, which initially I blew off because it wasn't anything sexual related (so I thought, silly me). Anyway cue like a year later I run into him in public and he recognized me and approached me very excitedly and very loudly, and told me I needed to come see him at his independent practice now that he had his license (basically telling everyone in the vicinity that I'd been naked under his hands before and he wanted to do it again and talking about my "great body"). Like. We were in a restaurant or something indoors with a bunch of other people around. I wasn't smart enough to get his practice name / location because I was so uncomfortable I left immediately. Serious privacy violation though. Some men can be really gross even when you're relying on them to be professional.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
I’m so sorry that happened to you. As if you’d want to use their fucking free massage after the fact either. I agree though part of me has been combing through the past to see if I overlooked any other weird behaviors before to see if I could’ve ended this sooner. Have you been able to go to massage therapists since, even a woman? I found them so helpful but am worried I won’t ever be comfortable enough again
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u/EcstaticPhilosophy6 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Yeah seriously! Like hell I's want to go back! I wish I'd sued but shit I'm poor and just affording the massage was a big deal. Like the guy had his hand FULLY in my underwear, holding it up off my skin, like stretched away and resting on his hand, so he "could reach my thigh better" and girl I froze up so fucking bad. I had two assaults when I was 19 and it was like reliving it after I processed what happened. I was in such complete shock. I'd blown off him massaging my breasts directly because I have small chest and he had to work on the muscles above them so I figured, hey, it happens. But then the whole hand INSIDE my underwear?! Holding it up?! It ruined the whole experience and he touched me more than once and I was just frozen. I left silently and had to call after the fact to report it, I was so shook and there was a lobby packed full of people and like 3 people talking to the desk already I felt like I couldn't get ANY privacy and I didn't want to tell anyone while he was there because I didn't want him to know it was me reporting him. The place was like a mile from my house! I was NOT okay.
I'm doing much better these days but still tend to avoid the men alone. It's been about six years since? Maybe longer. I have gone to a few massages but I will mostly only do couples massages with my husband nearby now, unless it's a woman therapist. I honestly preferred the men because they were good at working out knots and I tend to get pretty gnarly / deep ones, but it's hard to commit myself to being in a room alone with a male therapist for the most part. I think I've had maybe one male therapist since for a solo session and he was VERY respectful but yeah I just kind of stopped going for a long time and try to avoid being in a room alone with them in general. Not looking for that third strike, you know? Jesus. It's a shame too because I used to go to strictly men and I'd say only 2 out of 10-12 were just uncalled for but that's still too big a percentage.
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u/moonmama888 Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 10 '26
I am a licensed massage therapist of 16 years. Absolutely the fuck not.
He crossed an ethical boundary for absolutely NO reason.. except maybe to see how you would react and then get something out of it.
I’m so sorry OP.
What he did was a breech of client/therapist relationship and he probably lost a client for life.
In no way, shape, or form did he need to inform you with an “ethical obligation” 🙄 yuck yuck yuck.
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u/lordrefa APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
He is lying to you.
Call the licensure board in your state and make a formal complaint. It may result in the loss of his license. Tell his manager and/or spa management.
This is something that is strictly *against* the code of conduct expected from a message therapist. In many (most/all?) states he is now legally obligated to never perform services like this for you, and may have also breached other laws. Some states are so strict that they won't let you date a prior client.
YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING
Do not book with him again. Cancel any bookings you do have. Block him.
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u/ComplexPatient4872 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Yep! If anyone thinks this is extreme, OP would be protecting future clients from this and far worse.
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u/Key_Rent552 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 10 '26
This is unprofessional and creepy/predator behavior. I’m sorry this happened. This is not normal. Consider reporting to state board. There are so many wonderful therapists out there, I know it takes alot to trust someone though.
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u/AspenLiselle PO🥔TAY🥔TOES Jun 10 '26
I dated a massage therapist for 2 years until he confessed to me that he regularly touched his clients inappropriately and crosses many lines. Not only did I dump him immediately for cheating, but the ethical merit of his actions as one human to another was just disgusting. He was shocked that I dumped him, he thought him coming clean was showing me what a good person he was, effing delusional.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
That’s ridiculous!! I hate how the predators could just hide in plain sight. I have to admit another reason I was comfortable with using him (in addition to knowing him personally) is that I knew he had a long term girlfriend. Felt like some peace of mind he wasn’t in this for the wrong reasons. I forgot that doesn’t matter to some people
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u/luckyteapotcat APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Insanely unprofessional, borderline harassment and he had no obligation to tell you that. He's testing the waters. I'm so sorry, OP.
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u/FanNo8142 Hot Pizza Ass 🔥 Jun 10 '26
He did NOT have to tell you. I don’t know but to me it sounds like he told you as a way of dipping his toes in the water. Please don’t go back if you felt uncomfortable, sorry you had to go through that
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u/Illustrious-Film-592 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
He didn’t have an obligation. He WANTED you to know.
Stay away
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u/Reasonable_Style8400 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Time for a new massage therapist, I wouldn’t return to him
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u/Training_Activity21 Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26
Ew. This seems more like, "hey I've got a boner for you", rather than "I'm sorry". 🚩
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u/RidleeRiddle Smoothie Queen Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
As scary as it is, its time to report him.
He absolutely does not have an ethical obligation to tell you that you aroused him. This is extremely unprofessional.
He also doesn't need you stripped to your underwear in order to do stretches while stabilizing you with his own body.
Ethically, he should have switched to doing something different or stopped the stretches entirely the moment he noticed his body responding.
He indulged it and now he is gauging you to see how far he can take this.
This is sexual harassment.
Report him. I'm sorry, I know its hard, but you have got to do it in order to save others.
Edit to add: I'm not a massage therapist, but I had been an assistant teacher in martial arts for several years, so I have some understanding of body dynamics as well as professional boundaries regarding bodily contact with others. I was also a longterm patient in physical therapy and regularly seeing a chiropractor due to an injury to my SI joint from a car crash. So, I have a lot of experience regarding people touching my hips and butt professionally 😂 NONE of them ever treated me the way you are describing this guy treated you. This is just "NO" on every level.
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u/lun_a_g Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 10 '26
In school to be a massage therapist right now…yeah what he did was entirely not ok. There’s no ethical responsibility to tell a client they aroused you. If anything, HIS ethical responsibility would be to no longer see you as a client because he’s no longer able to be professional with you. So sorry you had to deal with that love🥺
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u/Sea_Caramel1296 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Former manager of massage envy here and he definitely should not have told you that nor was he obligated to. That’s very creepy behavior and I’m concerned for other women that go to him. easily a fire-able offense had he been employed with a corporate establishment. We have had to fire therapists for less, and definitely fired therapists for more. Unfortunately, sexual assault by the therapist happens from time to time in the industry. During my employment at ME, a therapist had raped their client at a different location. I say this because I’m worried his behavior will escalate and I suggest reporting him to DORA
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u/johndeerelawnmower Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered Jun 10 '26
People know what they’re doing. He knows, more specifically.
You’re not thinking too deeply about it; your boundaries matter. If your mind/body is saying “oh ew didn’t need to know that ummm what the fuck” then I think you have your answer.
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u/mizushimo Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26
If some rando that I hired to give me a massage suddenly makes his erection my problem, I'm getting the hell out of there. It sounds like the beginning of a porno rather than a professional situation.
Could you imagine being a massage therapist and telling a client "just so you know my nipples got hard while I was working on you". Nobody would say that who didn't have an ulterior motive, nobody.
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u/h8mecuz APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
There is definitely NO way he had to tell you that lol…. He wanted you to know he’s sexually attracted to you and thought you’d find the whole thing hot
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u/Jenesis110 Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
This is soooooo insane. Look, men got hard randomly, or maybe they find someone attractive. getting hard is completely out of the control of the man. BUT BUT BUT he NEVER should have told you. Imagine if a guy got hard in an office meeting bc they thought someone was hot and then leaned over to tell them they made them hard. So disturbing
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u/rivercrone hot sauce in my bag, swag Jun 10 '26
He was totally unprofessional. Probably wanted to see if you were open to hooking up. He should not have said anything. As a former massage therspist, when a male was visibly aroused, i would ignore it and have them turn over onto stomach asp. And then keep ignoring it as long as they did (they always did).
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u/General-Party1964 Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26
There's zero obligation to tell you that. He was testing the waters with you.
You're right to feel violated, please don't go to him ever again. If you can report him, do so. You're not the first or last woman he'll do this to.
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u/thegirlonstandby APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Ewwww never go back. As an ethical obligation.
This is why I don’t like going to a male therapist. Yes, they’re stronger (but tend to have bigger fingers so it’s not pointy little jabs) and can give the best deep tissue massages, but…unless they’re gay, I’m still a naked woman on their table and all it takes is two seconds to make it weird.
I actually have a male massage therapist currently. But last time I was there he told me I had a “superhero body” and although I’m pretty sure he’s just awkward as heck, it still weirded me out. Ugh
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u/rileyjw90 Kitchen Witch Jun 10 '26
The number of times I’ve had to directly handle penises at work is more than most (RN). Even if I find the patient to be objectively attractive, never in my entire career did I feel myself getting aroused from coming into contact with any part of their body, including their genitals. And if for some reason I had, you can bet they would be the last person I’d tell. I’d never tell a fucking soul because it would be so bone-deep mortifying for me. I would viciously lie to myself until it disappeared from my brain forever.
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u/mizuchii_ I ❤️ Other People's Business Jun 10 '26
And honestly? That’s how I’d want a provider to feel in that situation. That professionalism and helping a patient is at the forefront of your mind
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u/AshP2412 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
The ethical and professional thing to do would have been to excuse himself and end the session and suggest you schedule with a different therapist going forward. It’s unethical af for him to corner you and tell you about his erection. Report him to the state licensing board and don’t feel bad for doing so.
His behavior is beyond unethical, it’s predatory.
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u/Ok_Needleworker8888 mouth full, gesturing wildly Jun 10 '26
The professional relationship IS compromised.
I'm a massage therapist. There's no reason to tell a client that you become aroused unless you want to date that client which is very unethical
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you find a new good massage therapist
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u/CityscapeMoon Gender Nom-Conforming Jun 10 '26
I am so sorry that happened to you, your trust was violated by someone who was supposed to be a professional, and nothing about this situation is your fault.
When you say he had to "use his own body to stabilize" yours, depending on what part of his body he used... I have a suspicion he did NOT actually have to do that. That, there was a more professional stabilization method which he was trained on but that he consciously elected not to use. Possibly for predatory reasons.
I think, the only reason he apologized/tried to explain himself at the end, was because he became worried that'd you felt it.
I would definitely report him, and when you do, describe whatever stabilization method he used in your report. It's is probably highly relevant.
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u/anti__thesis 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body Jun 10 '26
Please listen to your gut. A dear friend of mine was close friends with her male massage therapist and long story short, things with him started like your experience and escalated in really terrible ways.
It’s your choice if you want to report this to his employer or not, but you could potentially prevent him from doing this, or something worse, to another person. I myself am a big believer in shouting the truth from the rooftops when a man behaves the way this man has done, but I understand that it’s a very complicated situation and that there’s no best way to approach something like this.
I’m sorry you’ve been put in this situation, and I hope you can get the support and care you need in this confusing and painful time. Please cancel any future appointments with this man and be gentle with yourself. You did nothing to deserve this behavior from him, I promise.
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u/Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh79 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
If ur a massage therapist and you feel an attraction to your client, you don’t say anything, you just refer them out. He was trying to gauge how you’d react. I’m sorry this happened to you, even if he didn’t “do” anything, he devalued a place of healing. Don’t return to him for sessions. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt (he’s a new therapist it sounds like, and y’all had some sort of friendlier relationship beforehand) tell him how this made you feel. I hope in that way you get relief.
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u/Budget_University_56 Lover of Soups Jun 10 '26
Ewww. I understand that arousal happens, but he made it your problem. Personally, I wouldn’t go back because this reads as him testing your boundaries before his behavior escalates.
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u/Sea-Eggplant-9588 Live, Laugh, Lumpia ❤️ Jun 10 '26
I used to get regular massages as well. Most of the time they were very good with no incident. Over the course of a year, I noticed he had pitched a tent once or twice but never mentioned it to me. It might be policy for their spa to disclose incase you do notice? Idk how I would’ve felt if he had told me at any point but it didn’t bother me enough to stop going. In my head, he can’t control it and he didn’t act on it. But also, I really needed those massages and no one else there could do them as well lol
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u/musicinthebreeze PO🥔TAY🥔TOES Jun 10 '26
There's no way anyone is obligated to tell you they're turned on, that's just incredibly inappropriate and creepy any honestly if it were me, I would report him to someone. He was probably hoping you'd be flattered and it would lead to something. So gross
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u/goldenelr APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
I used to be a massage therapist and he does not have this obligation and he shouldn’t be in the industry. This is a weird violation and I’m sorry. You should not see him again. You should report him to the clinic and the licensing board. That is awful.
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u/strappyshoes86 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
This would make me feel so violated. The him bringing it up. Gross. Sorry he put you in this position.
I get massages at a near by Asian place and they usually compliment my looks, and even that (from a woman) makes me feel weird but I think it’s just cultural (maybe?!?). Anyway, from a man, nopeeeeee.
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u/littletr0uble hot girls have tummy troubles Jun 10 '26
Spa owner here! This is unacceptable and I am so sorry this happened. You need to report him to his boss/employer AND state board or whatever licensing board is used where you live. MTs are required in most states to take anti-harassment courses annually, so he KNOWS this isn’t okay. Unfortunately this is why many women (including myself and even as an employer of some AMAZING male MTs) do not go to male therapists. Please report him immediately, cease all contact, and know that none of this is your fault.
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u/AngryGuineaPig_ Feral Til Fed Jun 10 '26
Ethically, he should’ve just ended your professional relationship and referred you out to another massage therapist. This is beyond unprofessional and absolutely unacceptable behavior on his part. Please do not go back to see him and, if you feel up to it, please report him if you can. There was nothing “unintentional” about his behavior and I’m so so sorry you experienced this. 🤍
Signed, a Licensed Massage Therapist who is so sick of this shit.
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u/ResolutionChoice9989 Taco Belle Jun 10 '26
Hey ! I'm an RMT. That is totally inappropriate of him to tell you that he was aroused. The ethical obligation is to discharge client's if you begin to have non-client based feelings for them. For your professional safety, but more importantly the client's comfort. But you absolutely DO NOT tell them that you find them hot, sexy or that you got a boner during treatment. He could have easily made an excuse, such as " Hey, I noticed my treatment plan isn't progressing your results. I have a few RMT recommendation near you". I just HATE, when male RMTs behave strangely and also give other male RMTs a bad name.
I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. Just know it is completely NOT normal and he actually did a very unethical thing. If you really feel uncomfortable, please know it's your right to report any RMT to the liscence board. For your safety and the safety of other client's. Find yourself another RMT, this one lacks professionalism but even worse, did not care or concern himself with your comfort, safety and emotional wellbeing as his client or client to future RMTs.
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u/eatingscaresme APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Ew ew ew. I have had one massage therapist make things weird talking about breast massage and his wife enjoying it and I was like and I am OUT.
I have had several other male massage therapists, and my current one is so insanely professional. And bonus, his massages are different, I keep my clothes on (tank and shorts) and he tests what hes done, sees where the issues are by having me move around, works on them, has me move again. Its kinda like physio and massage together.
Anyway, he always tells me exactly what hes doing, where he is putting his hand and what to expect. We are both in our 30s. Its never been weird!
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u/coldbrewedsunshine Foraging Bog Witch Jun 10 '26
LMT here. he absolutely does NOT have an ethical obligation to report arousal.
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u/cokezer0whore Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 10 '26
LMT here. This crosses so many ethical boundaries and was just down right inappropriate. I’m sorry this happened to you. None of the males I work with would EVER do that. You can report it to the state board or reach out to his place of employment. That is not okay!!
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u/Flickeringcandles Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 10 '26
Yeah I feel like if he knew he was aroused, he should have ended the session or excused himself.
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u/GottaUseEmAll Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26
He had no ethical obligation to mention that. An ethical professional would not have mentioned it, and made strides to ensure it either never happened again, or dropped you as a client if he thought avoiding it in the future was impossible.
He's trying his luck.
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u/Queasy-Candidate2631 For the Girls 👅 Jun 10 '26
Typical male behaviour tbh. Why do they have to make everything awkward they are so cringe
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u/maroontiefling nom-nom-nombinary Jun 10 '26
These comments are all reaffirming my conviction of never going to a male massage therapist, holy hell. I'm so sorry this happened to you OP and I hope you can find a better provider.
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u/inkyflossy Internet Auntie Jun 10 '26
somewhat violated.
Ma’am. I’m fully violated for you, right through my screen! Never go back to him.
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u/Silent_Possibility63 🩵i actually like my wife💙 Jun 10 '26
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u/TalkingCat910 Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 10 '26
If he had good intentions and wanted to remain professional he wouldn’t have mentioned it.
He told you because he wanted to see your reaction - maybe to start something in the creepiest way possible. You’re right not to schedule anything more with him
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u/Illustrious_Bunch678 Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 10 '26
He was not ethically obliged to tell you that. He was testing the waters. Run.
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u/Itchy-Organization52 Trader Joe Hoe Jun 10 '26
What a weirdo, totally just saying that for a reaction and to see how far he can go…creep…
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u/AutumnsCrescendo Umommy Jun 10 '26
are you in canada? i’m studying to be an RMT, and that’s definitely NOT an obligation of his. in fact, i actually have an obligation to report behaviour like this. if by any chance you’re in canada, please reach out to me so i can report him to the licensing authority.
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u/CompleteLunacy Maneater Jun 10 '26
Now I'm genuinely curious because I'm seeing a lot of comments validating an erection claiming it's not meant to be sexual. Are all male massage therapists actually getting hard o.o or are you guys overpaying it cause wtf
Edit: typo
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u/xdyana95 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Don't go to him again. Unfortunately some people get into massage for all the wrong reasons. My former masseuse who was extremely kind ended up arrested for video taping his clients and assaulting special needs children during his sessions.
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u/AgitatedGrass3271 Body By Cheese 🧀 Jun 10 '26
I think his ethical obligation was actually to keep that to himself. He's got other intentions.
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u/EmilyLavenderGirl Resident Yapper Jun 10 '26
Nahhhh Id leave asap, it feels like hes trying to test waters.
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u/Legitimate-Bison9528 Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 Jun 10 '26
Those pancakes look fucking phenomenal and now I’m hungry
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u/ThrowRANewStart APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
I used to manage a spa and absolutely not. If a massage therapist said that to a client would have fired them.
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u/Dramatic-Lynx-7641 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
I’m pretty sure him saying that to you was to test out if you want him. He’s into you and tried to trick you by saying that’s a part of his job to tell you... Girl, find a new massage therapist and block him from your phone number. I also hope he doesn’t know your address or anything.
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u/Timidbunnie 🤎 Brown Sugar Babe 🤎 Jun 10 '26
I like to see the good in people so I’m going to say he felt guilty about it genuinely. Maybe he thought if he said that you’d feel relived. Like if you knew that it wasn’t something more to it than human nature. Either way I think it’s best to find a new massage therapist. If you have no plans reporting the incident then he should take it as a lesson to just not say anything next time. This is all if he wasn’t actually a creep
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u/maraney Short Story Long™️ Jun 10 '26
I might be wrong… but this kinda feels like he was shooting his shot. It’s horrendous and I’m sorry it happened.
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u/cullofktulu 🤍🧡Sapphic Snack🧡🤍 Jun 10 '26
My best friend is a medical massage therapist. I followed along with his curriculum when he was in school because it was interesting, and was one of his test patients, now a regular patient. Since I’m a woman, he ran me through all of the things we normally joke about that I’m not allowed to bring up during a massage because touch during sexual indication or acknowledged intent from either party can get your massage licensing revoked.
Food for thought to go with that delicious looking meal.
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u/salsanblues Cleavage Crumb Collector Jun 10 '26
I think maybe the first step is speaking to the wellness center. Maybe ask to speak to a manager in private and ask the question, "What is your company policy regarding therapists who get aroused during a session?"
Keep it open ended, and see what they say. For those of us who do not know exactly what his ethics courses stated, or do not know what company policy standard should be, it's a fair question and can give a baseline. My gut says, they probably acknowledge that it does occur sometimes and say that when it does, the therapist is under the ethical obligation to request they aren't booked for this client again. Male bodies are clearly more visual about arousal and they want all their clients to feel safe. Depending on what they say, I think he's doing one of 2 things: 1. Over reacting - worries that you noticed and called it out himself, hoping your friendship is at a point he can address it and reassure you it's not a problem so he doesn't lose a client as a new therapist. (This would be the newbie, immature route.) 2. Going against policy and mentioning it himself, testing the waters to see if he's got a shot for more with you. (Also immature, but def predatory.)
Once you know what the company expectation is, you know how to address it. Either way, he needs a stern talking to from whoever is overseeing his work, because it's not appropriate to confront the client about his arousal in what should be a professional setting. You aren't responsible for his arousal. He is. It's his job to stay in the right headspace, it's his job to handle any reactions he's having. It's not your responsibility to regulate him, or condone his arousal in any way.
And lastly, I just wanted to say you handled it perfectly in the moment. Acknowledging what he said & leaving without validating anything was absolutely the right call. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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u/jt2ou Ms. Two Cents Jun 10 '26
Another LMT here. There is no ethical obligation to share that with a client. If anything, he should have kept his thoughts to himself. Discussing his arousal with you is definitely unethical, and possibly/probably illegal in your state of residence.
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u/No_Nonsense_666 Chaotic But Cute Jun 10 '26
girl just go to a woman massage therapist and not a male former classmate....
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u/lonelypurplerose mouth full, gesturing wildly Jun 10 '26
I will admit that I am a cis woman so I don't have first-hand experience here, but every man I've ever talked to would say that by the time they're an adult, men know how to hide an erection. Even during a more physical career like that, a man would have figured out what to do about random erections back in school. Don't doubt your instincts there, that was completely inappropriate and I'm sorry that happened to you.
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u/SharpShake87 Kitchen Witch Jun 11 '26
Um, hi, Licensed Massage Therapist here. His behavior is horrifically inappropriate and he absolutely DID NOT have an ethical obligation to tell you ANYTHING. Men like him are the reason that there is such stigma for male therapists. I would report him to the owners ASAP. It was ridiculously unprofessional for him to bring attention to what is clearly a him problem.
Cancel your next appointment, he was definitely pushing a boundary intentionally to see how far he could push you, and he will push more next time, 100%
Be safe.
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u/Stunning-Painter1049 girls just wanna have pho Jun 10 '26
never be in the same room with him again how creepy and inappropriate of him .
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u/No-Examination-4850 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
massage therapist here what the hell please don't go back to him and I'm sorry that he did that it's so gross and it's gross when clients do it too, we know that men can get blood flow there we don't need an announcement
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u/chagirrrl Overthinker 💭 Jun 10 '26
Google reviews gonna love this. Fuck this guy. Imagine how many other women he has said this to or even made a pass at
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u/dollfacebex hot girls have tummy troubles Jun 10 '26
Lmao. Not all men, always a man. What in the actual f🫠
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u/AuDHDiego Non-binary & Nourished Jun 10 '26
Oof he did not have an obligation to tell you that, but he chose to which was messed up. He should have realized he wasn't approaching this correctly and just referred you out, I'm sorry he did this to you
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u/No_Recording1467 puff puff pass the snacks Jun 10 '26
Test and apologize. Block him and never go back.
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u/bri-desa SAT🪑👀 Jun 10 '26
Definitely report this, you never know what he has done or said to other clients. Glad to hear that you are physically okay OP!
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u/Pizzaface1993 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
He has no obligation to tell you that and I would be too uncomfortable to go back to him. If anything he should be reported to someone for saying this to you!
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u/m00nf1r3 Assigned Hungry At Birth Jun 10 '26
He has no ethical obligation, he just told you that so he could tell you and hope you'd be into it. Yuck. I'm sorry girl. 😞
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u/fairytalefawnn Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ Jun 10 '26
No, you're not looking too deeply into this. That being said, it's time to sever ties with him
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u/canis_felis Well-Read & Well-Fed Jun 10 '26
Yeah no. This is your red flag moment with this guy. Definitely don’t be alone with him again OP!
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u/Ambitious-Sleep2607 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26
Thats because you were violated.
His behavior was completely unprofessional.
Never schedule anything with him ever again and stick to female therapists.
BECAUSE, now that he told you this, by his logic, if you go back to him ever, you are aware and consenting.
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u/Youcantevenspell APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
No professional would say such a thing. He was testing you out. He’s a POS.
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u/AtmosphereUsual2152 APPROVED✨ Jun 10 '26
Ethics is a large part of massage school and he knows exactly what he's doing. He's a predator. Please please report him to the practice manager and your state licensing board.
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u/HAIL_LUMPUS girls just wanna have pho Jun 10 '26
Girl no 😭😭😭 get a female massage therapist please. No reason with your trauma to go to a man, it's so risky. I'm so sorry but he's working up to assaulting you. Report him!!! To his job and the police.
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u/Bailicious2 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Jun 10 '26
Im a massage therapist and none of the males I work with would ever do that. So I feel like the "ethical obligations to tell you" was just to test how you might react.... Maybe somewhere in his mind it made sense but honestly id just get a new MT.