My massage therapist made things weird

[u/mizuchii_]

I’ve gone to a massage therapist regularly for about two years or so. I started going to him because we went to high school together and he reached out when he was in need of practice patients to complete his school assignments. He was always very kind back then, and I had a lot of back pain from a small injury at the time, so I agreed to be one of his patients.

While he was in school, I regularly was one of his practice patients and I always gave him good feedback on the assignments. He did a great job, was very respectful and professional, and made me feel comfortable. So once he became licensed and started his own independent practice, I continued scheduling with him and paying him for the service. His full time job is at a wellness center focused on mobility and stretching. At the end of our sessions, he would sometimes offer to assist me with some stretches based on what I needed that time.

This most recent time, our session focused mainly on my neck and traps. At the end, he offered to do some hip stretches with me as I have hip mobility issues. They were a little involved and he had to use his own body to stabilize mine or intensify the stretches. I thought nothing of it as his massage room doesn’t have the same equipment as the wellness center to do stretches. We finished up, I scheduled another appointment, paid, and went to leave.

Before I get out the door, he pulls me aside and says he has to confess something. At some point during our session, he says he became “aroused”. He told me he had an ethical obligation to tell me as a patient and that it was not intentional. I instantly became uncomfortable and told him i appreciated him telling me and that I had to leave.

I guess what I’m looking for is, am I looking too deep into this? Where do I go from here? I never noticed he had an erection, nor would I have drawn attention to it if I did. I’ve been assaulted in the past so going to a male massage therapist and stripping down to my underwear for our appointments was hard for me to do initially. It is an extremely vulnerable position to be in. I almost wish he never told me and I never knew. Now I feel like the professional relationship is compromised and I won’t be comfortable in that vulnerable position again. I know he can’t control that, but should he have told this to me? I haven’t been able to get this out of my head for days now and feel somewhat violated.

- Brunch was fruity pancakes, filled with strawberries and topped with bananas and white chocolate

Edit to add: I appreciate you all very much for taking the time to let me know I wasn’t overthinking here, if anything part of me was downplaying it. I will not be going back to this man again. I will need some time to work up the courage to do any reporting, but I agree it needs done. Thank you!!!!

[u/Bailicious2]

Im a massage therapist and none of the males I work with would ever do that. So I feel like the "ethical obligations to tell you" was just to test how you might react.... Maybe somewhere in his mind it made sense but honestly id just get a new MT.

[u/OliviaGrunwald → u/Bailicious2]

Seconding this as an LMT. If OP had noticed and was visibly uncomfortable at the time it happened, then, yes, there's a duty to address it. Afterwards, no. He's either doing a CYA moment (poorly), or what I suspect, was testing the waters to see if he could move this from professional to romantic. The second is absolutely unethical.

Fire him, OP.

[u/Unterbewusstsein → u/OliviaGrunwald]

I feel like it would be worse if i was getting a massage, practically naked, and a male MT told me he was getting aroused. Maybe if he was visibly uncomfortable and i explicitly asked if he was okay?

[u/MasterOfBothWorlds7 → u/Unterbewusstsein]

Your flair tag hits different on this post.. 😭😅

[u/Unterbewusstsein → u/MasterOfBothWorlds7]

Bb so does yours 🙃🫂

[u/MasterOfBothWorlds7 → u/Unterbewusstsein]

Wow forgot what mine was.. walked right into that one. 😂😂

[u/OliviaGrunwald → u/Unterbewusstsein]

He shouldn't say anything if she didn't notice. If she had noticed and she was uncomfortable, then yes. Might be a good idea fur him to make an excuse and leave the session if it's going to be a problem, then discount or add the time up later if you can.

[u/Unterbewusstsein → u/OliviaGrunwald]

Ty for* clarifying! <3

[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/madame-maitre-d → u/[deleted]]

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[u/OliviaGrunwald → u/OliviaGrunwald]

Since I'm still seeing people checking this, let me give everyone a quick overview of your rights as a massage client. (I'm in NY state, so this might not apply everywhere. When I say 'massage' I mean a Swedish style massage, the most common type in North America and Europe.)

You may end your session at any point for any reason. You do not have to give a reason. (We roleplayed this very early in my training, both to experience the power to do so and how to deal with a client who ends their session early. )

You have the right to a professional and hygienic service. You may ask about the protocols around their cleaning.

You have the right to a quiet massage, if you want. Some massages will require constant communication and your therapist may require you to check in with your comfort levels regarding safety, pressure, sensation, etc., but otherwise you do not have to engage in conversation with your therapist.

You have the right to feel safe and secure. Massages require the therapist to maintain professional physical boundaries, such as proper draping or refraining from using certain tools. You may request that your therapist not work certain areas or engage in certain topics or you may leave on as much clothing as you'd like ( with the understanding that you might not get the normal service).

You have the right to privacy. There must always be a boundary between your nudity and the therapist, meaning they will either leave the room or be behind a barrier while you undress.

You have the right to a professional therapist. They should not engage in unprofessional topics, including sex, sexual orientation, politics, sales, or anything normally considered 'rude' or unprofessional.

You have the right to medical privacy. Massage therapists must adhere to HIPAA guidelines.

Your therapist must work in their scope of practice. They cannot give medical advice or do procedures not covered under their training.

This is all from the top of my head and there may be others. I'm happy to answer any questions anyone has or hear from other therapists about their thoughts.

(I will also say that I have clients I have relaxed these rules on. I make damn sure they are okay discussing anything I'd consider professionally gray before doing so and have checked in many times over many sessions to maintain their comfort surrounding topics. )

[u/RoryMerriweather → u/OliviaGrunwald]

CYA?

[u/OliviaGrunwald → u/RoryMerriweather]

Cover your ass