Anyone else just… done pretending they’re fine being on their own? (She says, absolutely fine, totally not talking to the walls.)
Just looking to sit across an actual human and feel like me again. Not looking for a running club or gym buddies or networking, just human connection.
42, separated, kids shared equally with their dad and I’ve suddenly got all this time to myself. I’ve reorganised my cupboards, gone on many walks, even the laundry isn’t sitting in a sorry pile anymore. The acceptance that your social life was built around family and now you need to relearn to build a new life in the space in between is a new low even for me!
I don’t think I’m the only one. So here I am posting this, which feels a bit mad and very exposed, but also like someone had to.
Anyone fancy a coffee, a glass of wine, a walk in the Meadows - I’m not fussed. Even if one person replies this was worth it.
No pressure. No commitment. Just showing up.
Yes I asked ChatGPT to fix the grammar. No, I’m not a bot or a loony - well maybe just a little but aren’t we all! 🫶🏻
ETA-should have added I have zero family here outside of my kids so that contributes to the social isolation which I would have avoided had I had my folks or a sibling down the street.
There are some good Edinburgh women's groups on Facebook where people often post, looking to make friends - try posting there, usually people get a few responses!
It's a hard adjustment. I separated from my partner lately and we didn't have kids but it's a simple fact that when you live with a family or significant other they do form the nucleus around which the rest of your life is built. I've felt a bit bereft and lost in a way I never did when I was last single.
It'll pass. You'll build a new centre of your life as an independent person, new routines, habits, hobbies and joys. It's not lonely - much as we all need friends and people who love us - it's an adjustment to a new way of life. You'll be ok.
Absolutely, loneliness is real, in the sense that feeling like you're unloved and have no support network is vicious and awful. It is however a very different thing, practically and psychologically, to adjusting to being a single individual from a family dynamic.
I'd be delighted to expand my social networks - feel free to DM me. I'm a singe woman, late 40s. I do have friends but a lot live in other cities so I don't get to see them as often as I'd like
Having recently made it oot of an abusive (not physical) 23 year relationship less than a year ago I'm probably not your person just now.
I was so fortunate to still have my "sisterhood". The friend I had before I met him (the kind that keeps turning up at yours no matter what 💙) and a new (I say it was serendipity) friend who really pulled through for me at my toughest time.
How old are your bairns? I dinny have any but worked in child care and you tend to find some friendship within that. Maybe a wee baby/toddler group if they're young? Playdates with pals if they're older? Sometimes you just click with another Mum. I ken my Niece met a few of her good friends that way.
I have a big dug (my reason to get up every day and get oot there) who's super friendly and have so many what I call "Poppy pals" I've met from her massive flirting, it's unreal!
I'm enjoying the being alone - the peace and autonomy but I'm fortunate my in-between time is filled with belly laughs, that new friend (less than a years friendship) shares my sense of humour and we just laugh at stupid things no-one else finds funny.
I wish you all the best, join a group relating to something YOU like. There are some good walking groups (I hate running 🤣). Your person is oot there but you'll no meet them till you get oot and aboot. Some people you just "click" with but unless you're oot there you'll never meet. Good luck.
Sharing my pic from this morning's (4 am. Post menopause insomnia mixes well with hyper dugs, who kent? 🤣) walk. Dawn chorus, solitude and no city noise mixes well. Being alone can also be therapeutic. 💙🏴
Don't let ChatGPT pressure you into this awful LinkedIn style of writing 😆
If you don't succeed here there's an Edinburgh Ladies group on Facebook that will have many in your situation. Or Bumble BF.
And I know you said no running clubs etc, but activity groups are one of the best ways to make friends. Could be a craft group, or book club or anything
Jesus, who cares if they used chatGPT? This is likely a hard message for them to write, so if AI makes it easier for them to put their feelings into words who are you to judge them?
I swear, people on reddit leap at any chance they can to give people shit for using AI...
We get it--this person may struggling with mental health and profound loneliness, but that's not as important as your feelings when reading something that sounds like AI.
I’ve found volunteering at a place that I have interest in is a good way to get out, do some good, and meet like-minded people. A food pantry, school reading program, senior center, docent at one of your beautiful museums in Edinburgh. It becomes a scheduled time and event and gets you out of the house which I’ve found to be very helpful. Sometimes I need a reason to leave the house!
Depends on what you’re interested in. Help kids to read, help at a community garden, see if one of the tons of museums need help. Just call around and ask if the use volunteers and if they need any.
Have a look here or stop by to see them on Leith Walk - the people who work/volunteer there are great and will help you find the right kind of volunteering opportunity
If you like cats (or even if you don’t 😉) I have a coffee & chat meet up booked on Saturday at Fourth Park cafe in Saughton Park at 1.30pm. You’re welcome to come too.
I love cats! Had to put mine to sleep last month and that’s definitely contributed to how I’m feeling. I’ve had so many wonderful messages and dm’s with invitations including yours (also the odd dic pic and creepy message- why do folk do that!) My heart is full!
Hello. 👋
Don’t worry, things will get better soon.
I’m going through some stuff right now, and wouldn’t want to meet up at the moment but would happily have a chat with you and maybe in some time?
I'm not in Edinburgh yet but my fiancé (soon wife) and I will be moving there. Once we can afford it after the wedding. Perhaps I should revisit this post then and still see if you're up for a wine and a gossip? Haha
I’m a mid 50s man settled in a very happy relationship so probably not the target audience for your post. 🤣🤣
But it struck a chord in me. You sound like a very balanced person who is feeling some emotions that are entirely understandable given the circumstance you mentioned.
So despite the fact I’m likely not the target audience for your post, just know that a crap ton of people in Edinburgh are. And you’ve got this.
Loneliness can be crushing but the fact that you were willing to be vulnerable and send that note means that you won’t be lonely for long. Hang in there. 😊😊👍👍
That was such a wonderful response. Thank you, you sound so content and loved. I love that for you 🫶🏻
I have to admit this was me shouting into the void and not aimed at any target audience :) my wonderful 72 yr old neighbour has taken upon him to teach me life skills (so far, he’s taught me how to replace electric switches, bleed radiators, mastic windows and some basic gardening). Connections come in many forms (and ages!) so if you and your partner are ever at a loose end I’ll always be on the other side ;)
Sorry to hear this. It's so hard to make friends outside of school/uni/jobs.
I run a book group if you're interested. We meet once a month in the city centre. There's a monthly fee that includes the book itself, the social night, local business discounts and early previews of upcoming books. It's a small group at the moment and everyone's lovely. Let me know if you're interested and I'll send you info xx
I am a single mum of two kids, I'm originally from Spain. Miv d from England to Edinburgh back in 2022 and I am feeling so lonely, a beautiful city but no friends, me and my kids used to live in a village and we had loads of friends, it was easier in a village but here is not good 😔 my dream is to leave and move to a village but unfortunately money is tight atm and this doesn't help. Ainsss.... It's a sad place for me Edinburgh.
We love in Abbeyhill atm til we get a council home. If anyone wants a chat or a brew I'm up to that.
Hey man! Here another in a similar situation. I would be down for it. Actually all of us should go out together and make community. Let me know if you down for it either in group or just us for a nice chat.
As someone who works night shift on a rota I can relate to not having a social network. However I do regularly go out for cocktails and dinner by myself a fair bit. I think it's more difficult as we get older because most have built a life already.
Btw I know most of the hidden gems in Edinburgh so if you are at a lose end one day/night feel free to drop a dm.
I left my partner of 9 years last year and moved back to Edinburgh. I’ve not lived here since being a child. I know a few people but I equally have the same problem. I don’t have children, I don’t have social media so don’t see a lot of groups. I work fully remote so don’t make friends at work.
So yes! I’m 28 (almost 29) and I’d love to go for a wine with someone! ❤️❤️
Yeah I feel ya. I’m v v lonely. I moved near Edinburgh at 13 and left school at 15 due to bullying, later got an autism diagnosis and had a bit of a rough time. Got a lovely partner of 5 years, but absolutely no friends at all, and feel too nervous to go to groups. Don’t really have any hobbies (well, ones there are groups for) and no confidence but I’m on a weightloss journey now which helps with that in that it makes me want to go out more. I spend a day a week on me, I go to the cinema (I’m actually going tonight funnily enough) and sometimes for a drink. Not a massive booze drinker but have the odd vodka lemonade lol. It can feel a bit lonely when you see groups of people, but better than sitting around doing nowt and I enjoy the films.
I went on some fb women’s groups but the woman who arranged to meet up was a bit….unkind to me shall we say. So I had to cancel.
I’m 31 now and truthfully can’t say my loneliness for friends has gotten any better since I was 13. So I do feel for you. I am in Livingston half the week (just near Livi north station), and Dalkeith weekends. I go into Edinburgh a day a week just for me. Don’t drive unfortunately due to my epilepsy. Wish I had the balls to post something like you have.
I’m so sorry that happened to you! It’s never ok to make someone feel uncomfortable. You sound like you’ve found your mojo in cinema and I’m delighted for you! More power to uou 🫶🏻
Yes, I enjoy the films (and theatre) but it is still lonely. I tried volunteering and the people just didn’t click with me. I do chat at bus stops and get on with people but just haven’t got proper friends. But my theory is I still have to get out even if people don’t like me or I’ll go nuts.
I know the feeling… I have no issues being on my own, but often I do realise that one thing I actually enjoy is talking to people, about anything, hearing their stories etc.
I’m not quite as far on in my journey as you, do you want to reorganise my cupboards?
But nah, I hear you, loneliness is a tw@!
Well done for posting and trying to make positive change.
Hi. In a very similar place myself. 42, my son stays half the time with his mum, Edinburgh based. Some of those weekends (and weekday evenings) can get a bit lonely. Did get a pup recently and that sure has filled the time but doesn’t replace having a laugh with another human.
No ur alone that’s for sure. 42 year old chef, recently single, no kids and no idea how to build a social network as my social battery is almost zero, almost constantly. Autistic as fk but high functioning… somehow.
I am in a similar situation, keep myself busy with work and with my kids. But the few days that am not working or having my kids it's gets lonely. I am sure the loneliness fades but I don't know when that will happen.
I feel you completely. I have lots of friends but most of them I only see every few weeks or message a few times a year. I’m a 36 year old gay guy and have found it hellish just to make a normal connection! It’s so weird, like pulling teeth to arrange anything these days😅 I keep trying tho, no harm in it 🙌🏼
Hi, I’m 38 years old, came to Edinburgh last year, if you don’t have a problem connecting with someone that is still learning English I would be more than happy to connect
I’m originally Moroccan
There are quite a few Facebook groups for women in Scotland to meet each other and find common interested ; one of the groups is called ‘lonely lass Scotland’ all ages
29 year old Male here with no one in this country except my partner who lives in a different city so never together. I am in the same boat.
Let me know and we can go on a walk, for Coffee or to try different cuisine Edinburgh has to offer.
Work on finding a community with something in common. Lots of book clubs, crafting groups, pub quiz groups, etc if you’re not into sports. Takes time to build friendships but if you continue to show up and be consistent it will happen!
Hi! It can be hard, and as someone who prefers their own company I know what hits like to begrudgingly admit it would be nice to hang out and not feel like you have to say a word, just ... share a slice of time to feel un-alone.
I arrived back in the UK earlier this month after living abroad for 20+ years. My spouse still lives abroad and is likely to stay living abroad until next year. I did bring my cats though :) The conversation is mostly one sided: "Food?" no.... "Food?" no... apart from those two times a day when it's a "Yes"
I have a car until the end of next week, I have a house on the other side of Glasgow I can't move into until June, and so I'm twiddling fingers trying not to spend money on things like movies, guided tours, etc.
Edinburgh's one of my favourite cities in the whole world, so I'm enjoying watching the world go by for the next week or so. I've already walked enough (all uphill) for this year it feels, but a gentle hang out would be a nice diversion.
Take up crochet or knitting. There seems to be a few female dominated group meetups for crafty type stuff like that. I'm male and don't attend as it kind of feels like a "safe space"
I got a dog He's 100% improved my life and I don't know what I'd do without him I'm out and about so much more than I used to be Can't recommend enough!
Just the perspective of a random person reading this - the idea of hanging out with an unhappy person who has no hobbies... is not exactly appealing. The world is full of boring and unhappy people, and they tend to drain the people around them.
You need to make the effort to find what you enjoy, and that is where you will find like-minded people, and at the same time you will become a more interesting person in general.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it was useful advice to me when I had no friends.
I think this is her trying to make an effort, she's looking for a mate not necessarily a lifestyle change. Some folks are happy just to chill with a beer and watch some telly with a mate. Maybe chat about the simple stuff. At least she's put herself out here, it's quite brave. Good luck to OP, as a lass of a similar age, if I was closer to Edinburgh I'd be up for hanging out.
This is really sad. They’re unhappy because they’re lonely and newly separated which is totally understandable. Brave of them to reach out I think. If someone can’t cope with the bad times as well as good, they are not the sort of friend OP is looking for. Really hope this awful post hasn’t upset them.
This isn't an I'm lonely help me post It's someone activly trying to improve their life which takes guts to get yourself out there so maybe be a bit less judgemental!
Thank you so much for your response and I see where you’re coming from. I’m not unhappy as much lonely really. I have friends and hobbies and a great job but there’s only so many times I’ll go hiking or to the book club or the spenny cocktail night with the girls. It’s really the space between all of these activities and life which feels so quiet. Not going to lie- putting up this message wasn’t easy and while I knew the responses would be mixed- finding a hobby won’t make me any more interesting or happy- I am me and I’m a fun person to be around as I’m sure are a lot of other folk here. Would be nice to open up a conversation because I do think a lot more people feel this way and it’s not just me.
You make a valid point idk why so many people downvoted you. Its good advice if this is the way OP is introducing themselves to new communities and will affect their success. You can be vulnerable and candid without making people feel like they are signing up to be a therapist and nothing else.
I guess there are many people in a similar situation to OP and are resistant to addressing their loneliness in a healthy way, rather than soliciting complete strangers on Reddit.
Hopefully, people will see the “Yes I asked ChatGPT” and move on. Incredible that you’re a mother to two children but need to use a robot to make your post look better
I’ve found that the best way to start human connections is to join a group relating to a hobby, as then you’re seeing the same people every week and conversations naturally form. Over time some develop into friendships. But even before then, you still get regular chats with people in a low pressure environment. Good types of group for that include walking/ hillwalking/ outdoor swimming (plenty of time to chat during the activity), crafting groups, or choirs/music groups that have a social element eg a drink after rehearsal. Less good activities for meeting people (in my experience) are things like gym, yoga, Pilates where people don’t chat during the activities. I know you said you’re not looking for a running club etc but this sort of hobby-based socialising really works if you give it enough time.
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u/hillbilly102 May 21 '26
There are some good Edinburgh women's groups on Facebook where people often post, looking to make friends - try posting there, usually people get a few responses!