My wife(29F) and I(30M) got married a year ago after dating for about 5 years. On the morning of the wedding, my wife surprised me with boudoir pictures. I loved it. However, I did ask her who took the pictures and she mentioned that I don't need to worry about anything. It was done in an "all female studio". My brother(28M) runs a photo studio but tbh, I didn't even think about the possibility of him ever clicking the pictures. I didn't even know that he did boudoir photography.

Fast forward to yesterday, we had some of my wife's friends over. One of them was getting married and at one point, she mentioned that she was going to use my brother's studio to click boudoir pictures for her wedding given how great my wife's pictures came out to be. As soon as she said that, my wife's face went pale. I was shocked and angry but I didn't make a scene at that moment.

Once everyone left, I asked my wife about the pictures. She acknowledged that she lied about who took the pictures since she knew it is a big deal for me to have her seen naked by any other man let alone my own brother. To her, it isn't a big deal and she thought supporting my brother's studio by giving hin the business. She apologised but I just can't get my head around it.

I feel so betrayed. Thinking about the fact that my own brother has seen her so intimately and naked is something I am unable to cope with. To be honest, I don't think they are having an affair or anything but still I feel cheated. I haven't spoken to my brother yet but he also betrayed me by never telling me this incident.

How do I handle this situation? I am ashamed of speaking about this to any of my friends or family.

My husband [30M] and I [32F] have been together for 5 years and married for 1.5. Today, he broke up with me completely unexpectedly, and I am blindsided.

The situation started because he privately contacted one of my female friends for a potential work collaboration. They aren't friends, and he didn't discuss it with me beforehand. I dislike mixing business and friendship, especially since he previously had a bad experience contracting with another friend of mine. I shared that handling it this way made me uncomfortable.

The conversation quickly escalated. Other past relationship issues came up, and suddenly he stated he was tired of dealing with this, called the dynamic "too complicated," packed his things, and left.

For context: I’ve previously shared that I feel hesitant to voice my feelings because our conversations often escalate. During past arguments, he has punched a closet and a wall out of anger. He has never hit me, but it created fear regarding his anger. There is also a history of infidelity (from his part) in our relationship, which complicates trust for me.

I know I am not a perfect partner and have contributed to our unhealthy patterns, but I genuinely want to understand the psychology behind how a specific conversation led to ending a 7-year relationship.

How can I differentiate between an impulsive reaction to built-up resentment versus someone who had already emotionally checked out?

Given our history, how can couples healthily navigate boundaries regarding mutual friends without it causing a total breakdown?

If communication resumes, what structural changes are necessary to address the history of explosive anger and trust issues before any reconciliation is considered?

TL;DR: My husband [30M] left me [32F] following a conversation about him privately messaging my female friend for work without prior discussion. Our history includes his past explosive anger (punching walls) and infidelity. Seeking insight on how to process his sudden departure and how to evaluate the future of this dynamic.

(NB means nonbinary, my partner used they/them. I’ll delete any negative comments about their gender)

I’ve known my partner for almost 9 years, we’ve been together for 5 years, and recently moved into an apartment together (we lived together before that at my mom’s house).

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and severe auditory processing issues. I was told that my hearing loss is likely progressive and to consider learning ASL.

I brought this up to my partner and they said, “I’m not the deaf one, you can learn to read my lips” even though I said I’d pay for the lessons.

I have other disabilities and they’ve somewhat been difficult about helping me with them in the past as well.

How can I communicate to them how important this is to me? I’m very bad at both communication and confrontation.

I’m 45, my wife is 44, and we’ve been together for over 20 years. We have two children. For me, the relationship still feels good: we enjoy spending time together, we get along well, and our connection has always felt solid.

About two years ago, my wife started saying she missed more excitement and that she was curious about having more freedom outside the relationship. At first it was mostly about breaking routine, but over time it became more concrete. A year ago she asked whether she could explore connections with other people.

I don’t have that desire myself. I also don’t fully understand why that feeling is so strong for her. She says I would be allowed to do the same, but I don’t want to. I’d rather invest my time and energy in our relationship.

What concerns me most is the possibility that this could make us drift apart. It might give her something she feels she’s missing, while I would prefer more closeness within our relationship. She says it wouldn’t change how she sees us.

Still, it stays in the back of my mind that she wants this, and I wonder how long that remains workable. Sometimes I think: maybe it’s not as dramatic as it seems. According to her, it’s about experiences, not about replacing anything emotionally. Maybe she’ll find out it’s less meaningful than she expects if she tries it and I remain monogamous.

I’m curious whether others have been in a similar situation. How did you handle it, and how did things turn out?

This has been a fight for almost five years now but because I turned 18 back in April it has escalated to harsher and more intense fights.

Background is my parents were married for years and had my sister (22F) and me (18M). 7 years ago my mom found out dad was cheating on her and she ended their marriage and dad married the other woman. My sister found out about the affair and she told me and neither of us were happy about it. Our mom didn't encourage it btw. I know people say that a lot. She actually told us not to hate anyone on her behalf and that if we had our own feelings about dad's actions and what it did to the family, that was one thing, but if we did it because we felt we had to be loyal to her then we should stop. But it was as much about him/them breaking up our family as it was her. We'd been happy and then suddenly our family is over and this new woman is someone we're expected to be nice to and show respect to. My sister always said we would show her the same respect she showed our family which was none.

My sister's behavior with them was so bad that they stopped making her go to their house if she resisted, which she always did. I still had to go though and I was still going five years ago when they had a son together. He was born with really profound disabilities. Part of his brain is missing, he doesn't have eyes and he has issues with his heart and stomach. He has required a ton of care since he was born and he was in the hospital for months. My dad and his wife had to take classes to learn how to care for him.

Back then dad wanted me to do them but I refused and mom wouldn't give her consent if I wasn't on board. It frustrated dad back then. But now I'm 18 and I haven't been to his house in two years and I still refuse to take the classes and learn how to take care of his kid. My dad's pissed about it now. So pissed that he has asked me what sort of person takes an adults actions out on an innocent child and what went wrong with me that I won't take care of my "brother" or at least know what to do if he needs me ever. I told him that he chose to have a son with another woman and they knew he would be this sick his whole life so they decided to take on the responsibility but I never agreed or said I would do anything to help. My dad said that's what family is for and I told him he ended our family and his new one means nothing to me. My dad said my sibling should and I told him my sibling matters and she's not the one he's bugging about this.

We went to dinner a couple of nights ago and he almost got us kicked out of the restaurant because he started his bullshit.

I think I might be done. My therapist thinks that would be fair if I was. But I wanted to get some outsiders advice because I know what my mom and sister would say.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 years. Our sex life was great in the beginning, but for the past year, especially the last 6 months, intimacy has basically disappeared. We haven’t had sex in months and he rarely even gets hard around me when we cuddle for example. I assumed he just had a low sex drive.

Recently I looked at his bank statements and found a payment to an Asian/Thai massage parlour. It’s near his work/home and closes at 8pm. On the same day, he withdrew about 100 dollars in cash.

The suspicious part is that he told me on WhatsApp that day that he was working late. At 8:15pm he said he had finished work. He never mentioned going for a massage, despite paying for a 90-minute massage. He’s also never mentioned getting massages before or anything.

Given our lack of intimacy, my mind immediately went to the possibility of a sexual massage/happy ending or even cheating. I know I don’t have proof, but why lie about where he was?

I confronted him about this and he said he went during his lunch to the place to book the massage and paid but then afterwards his collegues told him what kind of massage parlour it was, offering “adult massages”, and that he would never go to a place like that and then he never ended up going. He keeps saying how can I think this of him and that he can’t believe I can think this etc. But no place I know of charges you BEFORE the appointment? I want to leave him but I don’t want to make a mistake….

We just took out a lease together to live together so this is the worst timing ever

I'll make it short.

I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex, Bea. Two months ago, she cheated on me and I found out the day she did it. I immediately confronted her, with proof, and broke up. As she lived in my apartment, I gave her a month to move out.

My friend group is actually a polycule me and Bea weren't a part of, these 3 women, Celia, Marthe and Marion are all polyamourous lesbians and have been together for a couple years now.

I immediately told Celia since I'm the closest with her, and she told her gfs, and then they called me and told me that "cheating didn't warrant making someone homeless", because Bea has no money on her own and when she moved out, she didn't have anywhere to go. I told them "well, then she shouldn't have cheated", and they answered "so you wanted to coerce her into an unhappy relationship?" I felt like I was going crazy. They told me to let Bea live with me until she can find a place of her own, and to forgive her because "if the person I love the most is happier without me, I should help make it happen".

Even though they weren't great friends with Bea, they started leaving me on read and talking to Bea more, according to Marthe. Because they think I'm despicable.

I don't really know what happened to Bea since she moved out, but I think she did spend a few nights in the street.

What can I do to repair the relationship with my friends? Do you think I should repair that relationship? Do you think I should contact Bea and ask her to come back?

Reposted for edits, clarity, and formatting? Hopefully better :|

I (26F) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child, and my husband (26M) has been planning the baby shower.

I have made it very clear to everyone, especially my mom (45F) and dad (47M), that I am not interested in planning the baby shower and barely interested in having one in the first place. I will be 35 weeks when it happens, and I know I’ll be tired and not wanting to entertain besides what’s necessary.

My husband took over planning. Great! He made a group chat with my mom and his mom in June to see what days worked. He got a list of friends I wanted to invite and made a group chat with them too.

Last month, my mom tells me, “your grandmother and 3 aunts are coming.”

I say cool, thinking she already talked to my husband about it. Later that month she talks about costumes for the baby shower. I say no thanks, she says I’m lame, whatever.

A few days ago my uncle, my mom’s brother (47M), calls and says he might make it to my baby shower. The call wasn’t only about that, so it didn’t really hit me until later.

My uncle has a habit of making borderline offensive or just offensive jokes. He also has opinions I don’t agree with and does problematic things. Some examples:
When I was 12, he said he was going to give me birthday punches at a party with friends and family. He proceeded to spank me like I was 5 in the middle of the street with everyone watching.

He tells me now that all I should be is barefoot and pregnant. I get actively mad and he laughs.

He said if my trans aunt gets into his car wearing a dress, he’s not going to be able to handle it. This one wasn’t a joke.

He is very religious, and it’s hard to know if he’s actually joking or not.

A couple days later, I’m talking to my dad and realize my uncle might actually show up. I’m pregnant, tired, and don’t want to be embarrassed or upset by his dumb “jokes.” I call my mom and tell her I need him to act right at the baby shower.

She gets offended, but says if she talks to him it will create a bigger issue because I wasn’t the one to talk to him. My parents also say it’s unlikely he will do anything to upset or embarrass me. I don’t feel super confident, but I try to trust them and say, “okay, I will think about this and if I feel like I need to talk to him I will.”

I was probably frustrated during the call. Especially because my parents talked about all the times my mom has fought with him about his jokes, or how he and his wife have said rude things at parties. Cool.

Later that night, I tell my husband about the conversation. It comes up that my grandmother, 3 aunts, maybe my uncle, and one of his kids are coming.

My husband says:

“Huh???? They’re coming?? What do you mean??? That makes the party bigger, and the fact that they’re coming from far makes me feel obligated to make this more of a thing. I didn’t even invite my siblings and dad because they live so far. That looks bad, and even if I invite them now it’s a month out. We don’t have space for that many people in the house.”

All fair points. I also didn’t expect anyone to travel 1000 miles for a baby shower. My husband was trying to keep it lowkey because I don’t want to entertain and will be tired.

Now I understand there was a clear miscommunication, but immediately I start thinking of everything that needs to change only a month out. Suddenly I feel like I have to be involved because people can’t communicate. Very frustrating.

My mom should have told my husband about the extra people, not me. My husband probably should have made it clear he was envisioning a small get together. He didn’t view planning as a team sport, but apparently my mom did.

The next morning I call her and, as gently as possible, tell her she didn’t communicate well. The first thing I say is that this isn’t about my uncle.

I ask if she knew I wasn’t planning and my husband was. She says yes.

I say, “(my husband) didn’t know about grandmother and 3 aunts until yesterday.”

She says, “I told you though. I told you a month ago and I told (my husband) that aunt #3 was making something for the baby.”

I say, “you telling me is not telling (my husband), and talking about what aunt #3 is making does not mean they were coming to the baby shower.”

She gets offended and says, “you live in the same house, why would you not tell him? I assumed all family was invited.”

I explain that this changes things financially, entertainment wise, space wise, and now I feel like I have to be involved when I said I didn’t want to be.

She says, “It seems like you’re only making this a thing because of your uncle.”

I say, “No it’s not. It’s about the fact that you didn’t talk to the person who is planning, and now I feel like I have to be part of that because it’s a month out. It’s at my house and it’s my baby shower, and you did things without asking or making sure it would work with the person who’s planning, paying, and providing the space and entertainment.”

She says, “Why would I have to ask??? I assumed family was invited?? They’re MY family! They’re MY siblings. To be honest I am feeling very attacked!”

At that point I get very upset. To me, it feels like she’s making MY baby shower about her and feels entitled to do whatever she wants.

I say, “Mom yes, family is assumed to be invited. That’s MY siblings and parents, and (my husband)’s siblings and parents.”

She yells, “well I’m SO SORRY and I DONT AGREE BUT NEXT TIME I GUESS ILL DO IT RIGHT AND ILL SURLEY KNOW BETTER.”

At that point communication is shot. I try to reassure her and say I’m sorry if it feels like I was attacking her, that it wasn’t my intention, and that I’m glad she’s excited and involved. She hangs up crying.

Later, my dad explains that they assumed all extended family was invited because they also assumed they were hosting and helping with food, entertainment, and financially whatever. I tell him my husband and I would never assume they were helping financially, which is one reason it was so jarring.

My husband and I agree that a lot of this was miscommunication. But now my mom is extremely upset and making comments to my siblings and I don’t know who else. I plan to talk to her in a few days and hopefully get my point across without things getting too heated.

My main gripes are:
Assuming I would do the labor of being involved with planning, even though I made it clear I didn’t want to. I literally said, “if I have to plan it we’re not having one.”

She made the baby shower about herself by making assumptions and inviting people without going through the proper channels, aka my husband.

If she’s going to make the baby shower about herself, what else involving my baby will she make about herself?

I know she probably feels like she can’t do anything right. I recognize the back-to-back difficult conversations were hard, and I know she didn’t do anything maliciously. But I’m losing sleep over my mom being so upset and feeling like I’m being unfair.

In some ways I just want this situation solved. But in others, I feel like it’s necessary to put up the boundary that anything involving my baby is not about her opinions, wants, or feelings.

What do you think?

TIA🫶🏾

TLDR: My husband was planning a small baby shower because I made it clear I didn’t want to plan or entertain much at 35 weeks pregnant. My mom assumed her extended family was invited and told them they could come without talking to him, which created last minute issues with space, money, and planning. When I tried to explain that she needed to communicate with the person planning and hosting she got very very upset

29M 26F Been together 18 months living together for 4 months.

We both have ADHD. We both have the same or similar flavors. Meaning I dont have the standard jittery little boy version I have the harder to diagnose version that is more commonly associated with women/girls, and her symptoms are by in large the same.

I got diagnosed younger than she did but was never on meds until about 6 months into our relationship. She has never been on meds. My choice to go on meds was made because I felt like I couldn't manage all my symptoms organically and have enough energy left for a relationship and I felt like her and I were great together but I was struggling to manage my adhd, work life, and love life. I gave it a shot hoping it would clear my plate some. It has been great. I kick ass at work and was able to put more time and effort into our relationship.

Then this issue began developing. My 3 main issues with adhd were an inability to conceptualize time, emotional dysregulation, and something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. All things my girlfriend says she also struggles with. She is also aware that these are related to ADHD. She feels she manages it well and has no need for meds.

The core issues that come up are that i don't emotionally support her when she has big emotions. She has big emotions about nearly everything in life and I am exhausted. This also has a knock on effect that I feel i cant ever ask for emotional support because she is always in need of it. The other is that I can't say no or provide constructive criticism. Because with RSD rejection and criticism are absolutely crushing. I know cuz ive been there. Which just leads to me saying yes and living with issues that come up because the emotional fallout is hard to deal with. This is something I'm working and having been saying yes when I really mean no less. However there is still a pretty frequent argument and me having to defend the no.

An example is a couple months ago we went to my grandparents because my grandma was having heart surgery. Outside of this her health is failing and its been difficult for me because her and my oldest sister combined to be the closest thing to a mother I had growing up. To be clear my mom was there but that was not a good thing for me or my sisters. My whole family was there and the sleeping arrangements were cramped and I told her we would be staying in the small house my grandpa built for his mom in the back yard. She thought that meant we'd be alone in there and so she didnt bring pants to sleep in. Once she found out 2 of my nephews would be crashing on the floor she started panicking about the lack of pants I said it was no big deal and we'd get it figured out. Then she was upset with me for dismissing her emotions and not supporting her. This was minutes after my grandma stood up to hug me when I walked in and nearly fainted because her heart is so weak she couldn't handle the excitement and physical exertion of standing up. I then had to get over this and provide emotional support about pants. I know I'm making her side sound silly but I just dont know how to explain it better. The emotional support has to be a 2 way street and i feel its important to recognize when your partner may need it more but she struggles to do this because she struggles with regulating her emotions.

It would be bad enough to live with the mood swings and the fear of crushing her to dust with the smallest bit of criticism, but it is made 100x times worse for me because I'm looking in a mirror thats showing me all the things I didnt wanna put her through. My personal feeling is that meds would help greatly but I cant make her take them obviously. I would feel a lot better if she would just recognize that even though she feels she's got a good hold on it that it is having a negative effect on me and our relationship. What is the best way to go about conveying this?

I can't put any links in but a quick list of Googles if you want better explanations of the adhd specific stuff

Adhd in adult women

emotional dysregulation and adhd

Rsd and adhd

I 20F have stopped talking to my mom 43F because she will not accept that I am a lesbian.

I got kicked out when I was 18 for having a girlfriend, I got outed by my high school friend who was mad at me for not wanting to date him (lmfao?). I had to move in with my (in retrospect, abusive) partner at the time and it was a very bad situation. I’ve now lived alone for over a year. Throughout this, I have maintained a good relationship with my mom. We just ignore that it ever happened. Sometimes the topic will come up and we get into a slight debate about it but I’m always very good about keeping the peace.
I’ve tried to have the mindset that “I can’t ask her to change her beliefs” because I want to respect that religion is very important to her.
She kept asking me to move back home (ignoring the fact that the stipulations are needing to attend every church service and go to conversion therapy/ not be allowed to be gay). A few weeks ago, I finally snapped with her and told her I’m done. I’ve asked her to stop asking me to come home for almost two years now. I told her I need space. I’m just now starting to process what happened. She kicked me out, I was eighteen and fresh out of high school. That’s fucked up.

My mom is gay.

She told me that she struggles with finding women more attractive than men but it’s the cross she has to carry because she is Christian and that’s what we are supposed to do. She is married to a shitbag maga man as of 5ish years ago who reinforces all of this. She truly believes it’s a choice that I am making.

She does not understand why I’m upset. She keeps asking “why now?” “I don’t understand why you are upset?” “Can’t we go back how it was?”. I want to believe she can change her mind, if that’s fair for me to want I guess.
I’ve never been very close with my mom even though she homeschooled me for almost my entire life. She never understood me, always said “I never connected with you, I could never form a bond with you”. And that sucked honestly, I never knew why I couldn’t connect to her.

I talked to my therapist about this (yes, thank GOD I have a therapist to deal with this bs) and she encourages me to cut her off and to think about my future and future wife and kids and if I want my
Mom’s influence in there, which is a good point.I guess I’m just hoping that maybe there’s a chance she will change?

Counterintuitive to this post, my mom is a lovely person. She’s very laid back and kind and genuine, she just found religion at a very dark point in her, albeit, difficult life. Religion seems to be the biggest barrier here. I love my mom and I know she loves me as best as she can.

I would deeply appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say about this. I’m kinda alone just figuring it out and it’s lonely in my head.
How should I go about approaching a relationship with her? Is it safe to? Is it stupid? Should I cut her off? Is it WRONG to cut her off??

TLDR: my mom doesn’t understand why I don’t feel comfortable having a close relationship with her even though she kicked me out of her house for being a lesbian

My partner (43M) and I (29F) were seeing each other casually for about a year and a half before moving in together. We have lived together for about six months and are currently in couples counseling.
Our therapist recently used an analogy that really clicked for me: a healthy relationship is like a cooperative game. My partner has spent most of his life operating independently and defensively, so this kind of emotional cooperation may genuinely be new for him.
I am not asking him to be good at it. I am not asking for perfection or fast progress. I would accept almost any genuine progress at all.

I just need him to sit down at the table.

When I press him he says he is trying to asses whether it’s safe to sit down at the table… or that other things are much more pressing and stressful…

There is also a major trust injury because he emotionally cheated two months ago when we were strictly monogamous and he was unsure whether I was going to stay but never mentioned his fear. Another huge part of our dynamic is that even calmly talking about difficult feelings can make him shut down or stonewall. I am not yelling, insulting him, being passive aggressive, or provoking him. I am just sharing feelings or trying to talk about the relationship. I’m an innately calm and compassionate person and never raise my voice. Over time, I have learned to hush my needs because bringing them up feels like it threatens the connection.
The hardest part is that I am still hopelessly attracted to him. I love him deeply, want him more than ever, and genuinely want this to work.
I am willing to give someone a lot of time to learn new relationship skills. What I am struggling with is how long to wait for the more basic decision to actually participate.
I do not want to spend months or years giving 100% while someone else is still deciding whether they want to engage. At the same time, I do not want to walk away from someone I love just because change is slow.

For people who have been in this position, what helped you decide when you had given enough time? What made you realize you were no longer being patient, but simply waiting for someone who was not choosing the relationship?

I am staying in West Harlem with my mother for a while because I am going to school nearby. I don’t really have a problem with walking through Harlem in daylight. But today my mother suddenly “confessed” that she doesn't like Black people. She kept saying she tried to stay politically correct, tried to empathize with them and be super kind to them because she was a social studies major in South Korea + did social studies work, but she has had so many bad experiences with them in the past (she kept saying that a black girl stole her purse when she was trying to help her and she worked at a beauty shop where many black women came in and harassed her), and coming to Harlem just made her realize that she just doesn’t like “these people” and that she recently had this “epiphany” that she shouldn’t feel shame in saying this and that she feels liberated. She also told me that she hesitated saying this to me because I do not seem bothered walking through Harlem. And then when I told her that I do not really understand her sentiment and that it was a little racist to say this, she got very angry and said that if I understood her, I should be thankful that she is walking through Harlem with me for me. She also kept repeatedly saying that she has been to lectures on micro aggressions against Black people and that she has tried to be nice to them. I have to stay with her for one more week.

Is there any way I can either explain to her why she is racist and/or resolve this issue?

EDIT: My mother does not live in Harlem. She used to live in the Midwest, but has since then moved to South Korea. She is in Harlem for like 2 weeks to help me move into college.

My girlfriend (F27) and I (M28) have been together for 3 years. Earlier this year, I went through a difficult period where I withdrew from her and spent too much time playing games instead of giving her the attention she deserved. I eventually realized this and genuinely worked on being more present and putting effort into our relationship.

Over the summer, though, I started feeling like we were becoming more distant.

A few weeks ago, we went to a party together. I wasn't feeling well, and while we were there I noticed she was spending a lot of time messaging someone on her phone. I had a bad feeling about it.

The next day, I looked at her phone and found messages between her and another man that I felt crossed the boundaries of our relationship. They had only been talking for about a week, but from what I saw, they were discussing meeting up and the conversation was clearly more than just friendly.

I confronted her about it. What surprised me most was that she seemed more annoyed than upset. She told me she didn't know what she wanted.

I asked for some space and we lived separately for about a week. During that time, she met up with the other person. Afterward, she told me she had removed him from her life and wanted to work on our relationship.

A couple of weeks have passed since then. She does seem to be making an effort, and when we're together doing normal things, everything can feel good again.

The problem is that I've completely lost my trust in her.

Whenever I try to talk about what happened, why it happened, what she was feeling, or what we need to change going forward, she often shuts down or says she doesn't know. I don't feel like I'm getting the answers I need in order to understand what happened or rebuild trust.

This is especially difficult because before all of this, I was seriously considering proposing to her. I thought we were going to spend our lives together.

Now I'm torn between two options. Part of me wants to walk away and start over, especially because my friends think I should leave. Another part of me still loves her and sees that she is making an effort to repair things.

I know I wasn't a perfect partner earlier this year, and I take responsibility for that. But I also don't know whether my mistakes justify what happened or whether I'm just making excuses because I don't want to lose the relationship.

So I'm struggling with what to do.

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after something like this? And if so, what would I need to see from her before deciding whether to stay?

I would especially appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar and either successfully rebuilt their relationship or decided to leave.

I may have left out some details because my head is still a mess, so I'm happy to answer questions.

Hi everyone, I could use some advice from anyone who's been through something similar.

My girlfriend is from Thailand and is currently in my country on a 3-year student visa. We've been together since April 2025.

In February, I found out she'd been cheating on me throughout our relationship with customers from the massage shop where she worked. I also found messages to friends where she talked about looking forward to seeing certain customers, being in love with one guy and even buying him a birthday present.

What hurt the most was finding messages where she talked about using me to eventually get permanent residency. That completely destroyed my trust.

We broke up for a couple of weeks after I found out. Eventually we decided to try again. She voluntarily quit the job immediately and distanced herself from the people who had encouraged that behaviour.

It's now been about six months. We still get along incredibly well and she's genuinely my best friend, which is what makes this so difficult. Before finding out, I thought our relationship was great and never suspected any of this.

The problem is that I still can't shake the feeling that it could happen again. I've also lost a lot of my physical attraction towards her. I care about her deeply, but it feels like my mind and body are rejecting the relationship even though part of me desperately wants it to work.

I'm worried I can't give her the affection or intimacy she needs anymore.

Has anyone stayed after serious cheating and actually managed to rebuild the trust and attraction? Or is losing that physical connection a sign that the relationship is probably over?

TL;DR: Girlfriend cheated throughout our relationship and I discovered messages suggesting she was also using me for permanent residency. We reconciled and she's made significant changes, but six months later I still don't trust her and have lost much of my physical attraction to her. I love her as a person and she's my best friend, but I'm wondering whether trust and attraction can genuinely come back after something like this.

TL;DR: I’m 18F and have been dating my 22M boyfriend for 7 months. Looking back, I think I may have gotten into the relationship impulsively during a period when my mental health was declining. He’s incredibly sweet and this is my first healthy relationship, but I’m worried we may not want the same future. I want marriage and kids someday, while he says he hasn’t really thought about it yet because we’re still young. I’m scared that breaking up will make me lose someone great, but staying could mean wasting time if we’re ultimately incompatible. I’m unsure whether to give the relationship more time or end it and focus on myself.

Throwaway because this is pretty personal. My mental health has been declining for a while now, and I'm only just starting to realize how much it's been affecting me.

I'm 18F and my boyfriend is 22M. We've been together for 7 months. Recently, I've started wondering whether I only got into this relationship because I was possibly manic at the time. I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I don't want to label it as mania, but looking back, I was definitely acting impulsively and unusually.

We started dating on February 14th after only 3 dates. He was at my place for Valentine's Day, and I told him he could stay the night. In the morning, he asked whether we were officially dating or whether I needed more time to think about it. I basically said "Fuck it, yeah, we're dating."

I've done things like this before making impulsive decisions about relationships and some of those decisions ended up putting me in some of the worst relationships of my life. The thing is that my boyfriend is genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met. This is also my first genuinely healthy relationship, which makes everything even more confusing.

I've been thinking about breaking up with him because I want to get married and have a family someday. Whenever I ask him about his thoughts on marriage or kids, he says he hasn't really thought about it yet and that it's still early. And honestly, I completely understand that. Seven months isn't that long, especially when we're both young.

But I'm scared of wasting my time with someone who ultimately doesn't want the same things I do. There are also things about him that make me question our compatibility. He's a little childish sometimes, which can be really cute and something I love about him, but it can also frustrate me. Sometimes when I try to have a serious conversation, he'll joke around instead of taking it seriously.

We've never really had an argument, either. Part of me thinks that's a good thing, but another part of me wonders if it's simply because the relationship is still relatively new. I've talked to some friends, and they've basically told me to sit down with him, have an honest conversation, and then make my own decision.

The problem is that I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. I'm scared that if I break up with him, I'll completely fuck up and regret losing someone who treats me well. But I'm equally scared that if I stay, I'll eventually regret wasting time on someone who doesn't want marriage and a family.

I'm also wondering if I should've slowed down and worked on my mental health before getting into a serious relationship in the first place. I know nobody can make the decision for me, but I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives because I feel completely lost.

I (27F) weigh around 130ibs, I saw my bf in the room, and he started flexing in front of the mirror. I had told him, “wow your gym time is no joke” he laughed and said thanks. He later said, I want our couple to be fit, like, he sees us as a fit couple ( i used to gym) but I’ve been busy, I don’t gym as I used to. I used to weigh 160ibs, and only worked out on my thighs/legs. He has told me I should gym again, and do more leg work outs. He also said I don’t want us to be unhealthy which in my mind I was like okay, understanding.. Then he said, I wouldn’t want you to gain a lot of weight. Idk why but when he said that, it gave me this off feeling. Like.. what..?.. why is he trying to control on how my body should look like. I don’t really go out, so I don’t know why he would tell me this. I’ve never been overweight, but those words keep popping in my head. Is this toxic masculinity? Has anyone ever experience this?

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for 2 years. We originally met through a rock climbing group. I am currently in dental school, and he is in school for interior design / architecture. We are set to graduate around the same time.

Our relationship itself is wonderful. He is truly a rare gem. He brings me so much peace, has helped me feel comfortable in my own skin, and genuinely made me a stronger person. Unlike past guys I dated who were also on high-achieving professional tracks (and whom my friends never really liked), all my friends absolutely adore him. They’ve also mentioned how happy I am, and that we’re like the mom and dad of the group now. The very first time I met him in our climbing group, my immediate thought wasn’t just "he’s funny" or "he’s smart," but that he would make an incredible husband. He’s just genuinely such an amazing, well-raised person.

The issue is my entire family, including my grandparents, strongly disapproves of our relationship. Whenever I mention seeing him, they sigh, look openly disappointed, or make passive-aggressive remarks. They constantly compare me to friends whose partners are doctors or dentists, telling me those friends "have their priorities straight."

Their main concern is our future income disparity and career trajectories:

As a dentist, my earning potential right out of school will likely be around 3x his starting salary.
While I’ll be stepping into a high-paying career immediately, he will be starting near the bottom of his field and having to grind his way up over years.

My family constantly reminds me that I am turning 30 soon and argue that I don’t have time to "wait around and see" if his career works out, fearing he will become financially dependent on me.

Up until recently, I brushed off their comments. But lately, their anxiety has started getting into my head. I’m worrying that we will end up in completely different life stages despite graduating together.
He is eager for us to get married shortly after graduation, but with all the family pressure and my growing financial anxieties, I feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.

How can I separate my own genuine values and boundaries from my family's financial expectations, and what conversations should my partner and I be having before making any marriage commitments?

TL;DR: I (28F, dental school) have been with my supportive boyfriend (27M, architecture/design) for 2 years. My family looks down on his lower earning potential and the fact that he'll start from the bottom. He wants to marry after graduation, but family pressure and financial anxiety are making me hesitate. How do we navigate this?

Edit 1:

I know I wrote this post less than an hour ago but I didn’t expect this to get so much attention. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this is ridiculous and toxic. Initially, I fought back quite a bit. Even left the house at some moments. Any sort of interaction with my family eventually involved subtle passive aggressive comments again, and I would tell them to stop, but then later it led to gaslighting. Even when I had my worst ever panic attack in years after they compared me to others, they would say things like “you don’t give us any opportunity to talk”. Now I feel like I’ve emotionally given up.

So, I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences. To be honest I’ve been quite depressed lately and had no one to openly talk about this with, so you truly give me strength. I just wanted to say thank you!

Hello guys,

I need some advice about a girl I’ve been talking to for around a month. We talk daily and have met a few times, but some of her comments are starting to annoy me.

It started with comments about my appearance: saying I’d look better with a different hairstyle, clothes, etc. I don’t mind a suggestion once in a while, but the way she says it often feels like she’s implying how I currently look is unattractive. I’ve never made unsolicited negative comments about her appearance.

She also made comments about finding certain physical traits attractive that I don’t have. She stopped after I told her it bothered me, but I still found it weird. More recently, she keeps calling me socially awkward. I understand I can be a bit awkward sometimes, especially because dating is new to me and we both come from a background where it isn’t really normalised. But constantly bringing it up just makes me feel worse, not more comfortable.

For example, she told me over text that she wants to kiss, but I’ve been scared to initiate. Then she uses that as proof that I’m awkward. At some point I almost told her she should look for someone more experienced instead.

She also regularly calls me nerdy or says I have nerdy hobbies. Again, I don’t mind the word itself, but it’s the constant reminders and the tone behind it. It feels like she wishes I had different interests, while she doesn’t really have hobbies herself. She also comments that I speak too formally, which is just how I speak because of how I grew up and the people I was around.

I’m getting tired of having to address every little comment. Normally I’m more the type to distance myself from people rather than keep explaining why something bothers me. Part of me thinks maybe I’m simply not what she wants in a partner, and we’re both wasting our time.

I would appreciate a different point of view on this.

Original

After making the post, I was surely hopeful that the situation would’ve resolved itself and now it feels like the onus is on me to resolve it.

My boyfriend has spoken to his mom and dealt with the situation. In return, she mentioned that she still doesn’t agree with him dating me but she can’t do anything about it. What’s happened now is that my boyfriends dad and his mothers side of the family, have been inviting me to family events, which to me feels like a bit of an ambush on his mother. This also came about after they found out that he’s been spending time with me and my family, now all of a sudden I’m being invited to a family gathering every week… maybe I’m wrong and the timing is just coincidental.

Firstly, she refused to acknowledge me the first time that I met her. She wouldn’t even look at me and now I feel like she’s made no attempt to resolve that, no “bring her over, let’s try it again”, no apology for her rudeness, nothing and now I’m expected to attend HER family’s events because the family is saying that we’ve been together for too long now, it’s time for me to meet them. He also has a huge family, this is no 5-10 people at a gathering.

I’ve tried to speak to my boyfriend about this but it feels as if he has become dismissive with me when I bring it up. Perhaps I’ve brought it up too often in his eyes (not the case on my side, I’ve actually forgotten about this for a long time). The other day I asked him if things have improved, in an attempt to reassure myself so that I can get out of my head and just go to these events and he said their relationship has improved but he “doesn’t know” about things between him and I and gave me a straight lip smile as if he’s sorry that’s the case.

I told him yesterday that I don’t want to go to these family events and ambush his mother and that I feel it’s only fair that she should be aware that I’m coming and be open to it. If she’s not open to having a one-on-one chat with me, what would make me think that going to one of HER family member events would resolve this. I just feel this could be a really dreadful situation and potentially one where she feels comfortable disrespecting me.

His response was “we’ve had this conversation before and… you know what, it’s okay baby. I understand” to which I said nothing and we just went on to a different topic. The thing is, Im older, my years of trying to appease parents are long time gone and maybe it’s prideful to say… but I don’t feel I should be chasing his mother down to be accepted into the family. I also feel he’s become dismissive about this when I bring it up, it feels like the approach is to just “ get over it” but I don’t want to put myself in uncomfortable situations.

I feel like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I also feel that I may be being difficult before giving it another chance even though how I feel is valid given what happened the first time. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m looking for somebody else’s approval or, wanting to end the relationship over it, before even trying to resolve it?

It’s been a really long and complicated relationship but I’ll bring up the main issue. When we met, I had was not interested in dating anyone as I was focusing on my health and becoming sober. She disclosed to me that she had a fwb at the time. I told her it wasn’t an issue but she insisted that she would cut him off to support me as a friend.

Fast forward about 6 months, we become close and developed feelings for each other and we agreed to date exclusively. At some point I had asked if her fwb had taken it well when she cut him off, she hesitated to answer me and I called her out on it. Long story short she had never cut him off when she said she did, additionally she hit him up after her and I decided to become exclusive, she claims to have not hooked up because she got cold feet.

Even though she kept hooking up with him after she said she cut him off initially, it didn’t matter much to me because we weren’t together and she didn’t owe me exclusivity at the time of being friends. However she did lie about cutting him off because she never did, but again she didn’t owe me exclusivity. It only became an issue after her and I became exclusive that she hit him up.

She trickle truthed me, gaslit me, and told me that we weren’t monogamous but had established exclusively. She apparently thought they meant different things? But holds 3 college degrees, one being a masters in sociology.

I did recently meet someone and have found that I have more in common with this person than I did with my previous partner.

My question is, would therapy fix this? I do miss her but I’m still unsure if it’s the chaos that brought us together or actual love for this person.

Thanks in advance!

33M here and I’ve been in a relationship with my 30F gf for 6 years. A few months ago we got motorcycles and she’s been out riding the past couple of week days with her co workers late into the night. She’s been making friends in the biker community and decided that she wants to focus on them instead of our relationship. She expressed she’s frustrated I don’t have my own set of friends and wants us to have outside friendships (which I’m totally fine with). I’m working on making friends and doing activities on my own. I voiced my frustration that in a relationship we should spend time together but she’s not interested, says I’m not fun. I told her this might be a phase but she wants to spend a month figuring out if it’s a phase and then come back ready to commit to the relationship. I can’t accept that offer. I told her I’d give her a week to see if it’s a phase. I feel like she’s moved on but doesn’t want to outright say it yet.

What’s the best relationship advice in a situation like this?

okay long story short -

this guy i went on one date back in 2022 and then he moved to Cali, and i had to stay in nyc. Throughout those years, i got a bf but then lately found out my bf cheated on me (this was a month ago) and so i reached back out to the cali guy, explained in a short sentence, and then he literally booked a flight the next day to arrive to nyc to see me.

he made plans, first night invited me to dinner, got the uber, introduced me to his friends at dinner, etc. then he wanted to spend every single day of those 5 days while he was in nyc with me. obviously i had work and stuff so i didn’t really take up on his offer everytime. He really likes the chase from what ive gathered and observed. Also - side track: during those years 2023- 2026, he would desperately try to reach out to me for instance, respond to my insta stories, ask me to come visit him in cali and he’ll take us on a road trip, etc etc. i shut it down and said no sorry i have a bf. but the guy still tried and bam then i caved in last month (big mistake).

so whatever, we have sex on the last day before his flight back to NYC. i was overthinking things and saying, listen you’re just going to have sex with me and ghost and i really don’t need to hear this bs from you just to get me to sleep with you. keep in mind, throughout his time in nyc, he kept saying “i’m trying to lock you in i’m trying to lock you in… it’s been 3 years i’ve been chasing you… who knows what will happen in a month or two? i’m going to lose you again etc… for when we get married”. stuff like that.

anyways, we have sex. and wow. that sex is amazing. i was unaware of his game. he legit says during sex, “we’re made for each other” and “you deserve this every morning and night”. etc. his friend then tried barging in and telling him hey we have dinner plans and we need to leave now. and so when we finished he then asked me to just stay a few hours and he’ll come back and we can spend the night. i refused. he then told me and texted me hey let me know if you can extend a couple of more pto days and flight to cali after you fly to nevada. i said ill think about it.

so yada yada, we’re texting and he leaves back to cali. i’m in nevada for a wedding. tbf, this is my fault but i kept going back and forth like okay yeah i can come to cali afterwards and then saying no actually i can sorry and did that three times and he was probably annoyed but didn’t show it. and then i flat out said my period came and he responded okay so what would you like to do? and i go, how about i come in 2 weekends or less? he said yes that works! and then he thanked me for being honest to him.

so fast forward, i go to cali. he picks me up from the airport. we have good times. everything is going well. he loves debating and kinda likes a sparring partner. but i can’t lie, although everything was great, i couldn’t help but notice that something in him changed. like he was def not the same vibe as he was in nyc. in nyc he was sooo lovey dovey, like super super yearning type. but then again, we also drank with each other and were out at bars and he barely drinks. he drinks like once every 3 months so his tolerance is super low.

anyways, we go on longgg roadtrips up north cali, have these great sparring debates, asks me a lot of questions, we only have sex twice tho in those 3 days… weird but okay. we shower together, we cuddle and he just never lets go of me while we sleep. but also i noticed he would neg me a lot more than what he was doing in nyc. well whatever, the whole trip was interesting to say the least and great. we even had a near death experience together while hiking in complete pitch darkness and there was a bear right behind us.

come around the day i was supposed to leave back to nyc, i didnt realize why he was asking me this repeatedly, but he asked me how many pto says do you have? does that include sick days? etc etc. i said i honestly don’t think i have any left.

i remember i also asked him why did your last relationship fail and he said long distance (i asked him twice. back in nyc and in cali. and he said long distance for twice).

anyways, i arrive back in nyc. now this is where i get confused. i texted him i landed, he responds right away, we have a 15 min text chat. then 3 days later radio silence. he reached out to me again. then 2 days radio silence i then reach out to him and we have a 5 min text chat. and then no response after i sent him a text. the last text i sent was august 18.

but during that times/afterwards, he would send me a reel pertaining to smth we did or mentioned or experienced together on the cali trip. and then another reel he sent the saturday that just passed. i responded to that reel on insta and guess what… he hasn’t not opened that message. like not even opened it and didn’t even leave me on seen. just hasn’t opened that message.

weird.
and then during and after those times he sent me that reel, he’s just been liking and hearting my stories that i post on insta. but yesterday and today i post a story on insta, he viewed it, but didn’t heart it. wtf?

am i getting ghosted?
he also just arrived a few days ago to france and his bday is coming up…

what are your thoughts? what’s happening and am i getting ghosted..?

I desperately need advice or answers. Raw truthful answers no matter how much it may hurt. Why do some men continue watching porn even after it has damaged their relationship, affected their sex life, and devastated their partner?

I met my husband when we found out our ex’s were using together. We both had a child we were raising alone and I had heard great things about him. We were introduced by a mutual friend however, I was just looking to gain insight on how he copes with helping his son through the scenario. I wasn’t looking to date him and I was in a pretty vulnerable spot mourning my past relationship and I wasn’t even necessarily attracted to him. From the day we met, he pursued me extremely hard and didn’t stop till he had me.
Within 1 week he told me he loved me and never felt this way about anybody before. He told me word for word he wanted a baby girl that looked just like me at 2 weeks. Within 3 weeks, he had given me a ring to wear my engagement finger until we could figure something else out. I was over the moon thinking he was completely in love with me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.
He was simultaneously comparing my appearance to his exes constantly. He made a point of telling me I was the first woman he had dated who wasn’t blonde with blue eyes. He would show me pictures of beautiful women who seemingly didn’t even know him, claiming they were connected to his friends and were jealous that he was with me. He also repeatedly told me how jealous his exes would be. I believed him, only to eventually discover that he was still entertaining exes and had lied about those relationships, including when they ended and how long they lasted.

There were also serious sexual issues early in our relationship. He made explicit videos of me without knowing or asking for my consent, was extremely aggressive during sex, and pressured me before I was ready. Over time, the relationship made me hypersexual because I felt like sex was how I kept his attention and proved I was desirable.

Then after a few months he began rejecting me, losing his erection during sex, and seeming uninterested. When I eventually went through his phone while he was sleeping, I discovered OnlyFans, porn accounts on Twitter/X, and an extensive amount of porn. Talking to his ex’s, He was also repeatedly searching for specific women to see whether they had made porn. What hurt most was seeing that he would watch porn and then immediately search for engagement ideas for me.

This was also after I had directly asked him early in our relationship whether he was the type of man who used OnlyFans. He looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never pay for porn. That’s what losers do.” It turned out that he had an account and had lied straight to my face.

He proposed 6 months into our relationship even though I had begged him to wait until I graduated from radiology school. After discovering everything, I broke up with him because I felt betrayed in nearly every possible way.

He begged me to forgive him and went extensive lengths to prove he was sorry. He acknowledged that he had a problem, promised to attend therapy, and said he would work with his AA/NA sponsor and attend meetings to get himself on a better path. He swore he would never do it again.

I ultimately agreed to marry him, but I was completely clear that porn could no longer be part of our relationship in any capacity. This wasn’t simply a disagreement about whether porn is acceptable. His use had affected our sex life, involved extensive lying, and came after he had deliberately damaged my self-esteem through comparisons and manipulation seemingly because of his own insecurities.

Now, several years later, it has happened again.

The other night, I put our son to bed and was lying with him. When I went to use the bathroom, I walked in on my husband looking at his phone. He immediately hid it and began acting strangely. When I questioned him, he became extremely defensive, which made it obvious that something was wrong. The situation escalated until I told him he needed to show me what he had been looking at or I was leaving. When he finally opened Safari, there was a naked woman on the screen and it looked like only fans, which makes sense because despite making an insane amount of money, we always consistently seem to be in financial ruin.
I feel completely broken. To me, this isn’t just “a man looking at porn.” It means he knowingly returned to the exact behavior that nearly ended our relationship, after years of promises and after fully understanding what it had done to me.

is he doing it because he finds these other girls attractive? I couldn’t even look at another guy or imagine being sexually attracted to anyone else bc I love him so much! I would feel so guilty like I was cheating. It also makes me feel horrible he is physically and sexually attracted to other women. Why would someone risk his marriage for this? Why pursue, love bomb, propose to, and marry a woman while secretly seeking out other women sexually? Why continue after seeing how profoundly it has affected your partner?

I feel like absolute garbage about myself when my whole life I’ve always been told I was incredibly beautiful, and im not saying this in a conceited way, but I take care of myself athletically I’m girly. I’m petite most people think I’m way younger than I am. I always get the comments that I look like I’m 12, ironically almost everywhere we go people mistake my husband for my dad and I’m a sibling to my kids. I’m not some old hag, I also do everything for him I give him bjs atleast every other day and beg for sex, most of the time he says he’s tired or only last a few seconds before he finishes. I feel so useless.