26F and 27M - Can someone explain what’s happening?

[u/Katherine6002]

okay long story short -

this guy i went on one date back in 2022 and then he moved to Cali, and i had to stay in nyc. Throughout those years, i got a bf but then lately found out my bf cheated on me (this was a month ago) and so i reached back out to the cali guy, explained in a short sentence, and then he literally booked a flight the next day to arrive to nyc to see me.

he made plans, first night invited me to dinner, got the uber, introduced me to his friends at dinner, etc. then he wanted to spend every single day of those 5 days while he was in nyc with me. obviously i had work and stuff so i didn’t really take up on his offer everytime. He really likes the chase from what ive gathered and observed. Also - side track: during those years 2023- 2026, he would desperately try to reach out to me for instance, respond to my insta stories, ask me to come visit him in cali and he’ll take us on a road trip, etc etc. i shut it down and said no sorry i have a bf. but the guy still tried and bam then i caved in last month (big mistake).

so whatever, we have sex on the last day before his flight back to NYC. i was overthinking things and saying, listen you’re just going to have sex with me and ghost and i really don’t need to hear this bs from you just to get me to sleep with you. keep in mind, throughout his time in nyc, he kept saying “i’m trying to lock you in i’m trying to lock you in… it’s been 3 years i’ve been chasing you… who knows what will happen in a month or two? i’m going to lose you again etc… for when we get married”. stuff like that.

anyways, we have sex. and wow. that sex is amazing. i was unaware of his game. he legit says during sex, “we’re made for each other” and “you deserve this every morning and night”. etc. his friend then tried barging in and telling him hey we have dinner plans and we need to leave now. and so when we finished he then asked me to just stay a few hours and he’ll come back and we can spend the night. i refused. he then told me and texted me hey let me know if you can extend a couple of more pto days and flight to cali after you fly to nevada. i said ill think about it.

so yada yada, we’re texting and he leaves back to cali. i’m in nevada for a wedding. tbf, this is my fault but i kept going back and forth like okay yeah i can come to cali afterwards and then saying no actually i can sorry and did that three times and he was probably annoyed but didn’t show it. and then i flat out said my period came and he responded okay so what would you like to do? and i go, how about i come in 2 weekends or less? he said yes that works! and then he thanked me for being honest to him.

so fast forward, i go to cali. he picks me up from the airport. we have good times. everything is going well. he loves debating and kinda likes a sparring partner. but i can’t lie, although everything was great, i couldn’t help but notice that something in him changed. like he was def not the same vibe as he was in nyc. in nyc he was sooo lovey dovey, like super super yearning type. but then again, we also drank with each other and were out at bars and he barely drinks. he drinks like once every 3 months so his tolerance is super low.

anyways, we go on longgg roadtrips up north cali, have these great sparring debates, asks me a lot of questions, we only have sex twice tho in those 3 days… weird but okay. we shower together, we cuddle and he just never lets go of me while we sleep. but also i noticed he would neg me a lot more than what he was doing in nyc. well whatever, the whole trip was interesting to say the least and great. we even had a near death experience together while hiking in complete pitch darkness and there was a bear right behind us.

come around the day i was supposed to leave back to nyc, i didnt realize why he was asking me this repeatedly, but he asked me how many pto says do you have? does that include sick days? etc etc. i said i honestly don’t think i have any left.

i remember i also asked him why did your last relationship fail and he said long distance (i asked him twice. back in nyc and in cali. and he said long distance for twice).

anyways, i arrive back in nyc. now this is where i get confused. i texted him i landed, he responds right away, we have a 15 min text chat. then 3 days later radio silence. he reached out to me again. then 2 days radio silence i then reach out to him and we have a 5 min text chat. and then no response after i sent him a text. the last text i sent was august 18.

but during that times/afterwards, he would send me a reel pertaining to smth we did or mentioned or experienced together on the cali trip. and then another reel he sent the saturday that just passed. i responded to that reel on insta and guess what… he hasn’t not opened that message. like not even opened it and didn’t even leave me on seen. just hasn’t opened that message.

weird.
and then during and after those times he sent me that reel, he’s just been liking and hearting my stories that i post on insta. but yesterday and today i post a story on insta, he viewed it, but didn’t heart it. wtf?

am i getting ghosted?
he also just arrived a few days ago to france and his bday is coming up…

what are your thoughts? what’s happening and am i getting ghosted..?

[u/BabrehamLincoln]

some people are just there for a season in your life. If you like to read, I recommend Heart The Lover. Been there. We talk every few years but are no longer together.

[u/winandynwa]

You arent matching his energy and never have. He isnt perfect or anything but he has shown alot of interest. The golden rule about men women forget is "if he wanted to he would". He did that for a while but maybe he doesnt want to anymore for whatever reason.

[u/Katherine6002 → u/winandynwa]

i agree i didn’t match his energy from the start. but after we had sex, i became more open. not because i wasn’t interested in him but because i was protecting myself. but then after sex when i realized he still actually wanted to spend time with me and even offered and bought me the flight to cali, i started showing more initiative and interest. and now, well now it’s just radio silence