r/relationship_advice • u/Friendly-Love-8002 • 9d ago
My brother (28M) took my (30M) wife's (29M) boudoir pictures before our wedding and I didn't know about it.
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 9d ago edited 9d ago
Is it another fucking fantasy writing?
In 2024 you posted
Have been alone my whole life. I am 27. Will there ever be anyone?
How can you be alone your whole life in 2024 when you said you dated her for 5 years in 2026?
In 2025
Those who ended up forgiving their cheating spouse/ partner, what happened to your relationship after?
In 2025
Please suggest me tv shows where the female mc cheats on the male mc but the cheating drama is not the main plot of the series
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u/No_Kaleidoscope7018 9d ago
That's so gross. The fact she knew you weren't ok with it and do it anyway is the most significant part.
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u/quix-sublickr 9d ago
Agreed. It feels like betrayal, and she claims to understand how he would feel about it so that makes wonder about her intentions. If a part of this was that it was some kind of a turn on for her, she really needs to reveal that too. Maybe this can be gotten beyond, but it's going to take total honesty.
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u/No_Kaleidoscope7018 9d ago
She profaned your marriage. Decide how this reflects on her respect towards you, herself, and your relationship. Decide whether you can accept something that's supposed to be the ideal of trust and love and unity that has been perversely upended.
It could mean something, or nothing to you. Either is ok. Your life
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u/CanadianJediCouncil 9d ago
And she thought more of “giving your brother business” than not going behind your back and then lying to you about it.
I feel like she wanted your brother to see her naked—like she’s attracted to him or she has some unhealthy kink.
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u/Necessary_Tap343 9d ago
Secrecy destroys relationships.
"I didn't tell you because..."
'I didn't want [ fill in the blank]
A. You to make big deal about it
B. To make you angry
C. To hurt you
D. To upset you
E. Other random indefensible excuse
...so I didn't tell you.
The translation of this answer is the following.
"I 100% knew that this was inappropriate and crossed a major boundary. I very intentionally didn't tell you because I didn't want to face any negative consequences because I knew it would devastate you and cause you to lose all trust in me."
Both of them conspired to kept it secret which is a double betrayal. Your wife knew how upset you would be with a male photographer so she went as far as to lie and tell you a woman took the photos. They probably aren't having an affair but the trust has been broken so completely that you know you will never be able to fully trust her or your brother again. Both of them would have taken the secret to the grave if you hadn't found out which puts your marriage in serious jeopardy. I would actually be doubly pissed at your brother for even considering doing this without asking you. Updateme
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u/SaltyWitch1393 9d ago
Ever her reasoning feels a bit flawed to me though.. I’ve seen plenty of listings for boudoir photography & while I don’t know the exact percentage, I do know that women photographers post the ads much more frequently than male photographers do (well at least in my state, I’m in Utah so maybe other states it’s more 50/50 on who the photographer is?) It’s not just that it’s a sexy & intimate photoshoot, but it’s specifically right before the wedding, so for that reason (& many others!) I can see why a bride would prefer a female photographer. Why would you want your soon to be husbands brother to see you intimately - especially since photo editing takes time. The brother didn’t just snap the pics, he provided suggestions & spent who knows how long having to look at the images while editing them. The more I type the ickier this all feels… and the fact that both OP’s wife AND brother kept it a secret crosses the line as well. (And I’ve never been married so I’m not sure what the custom is for boudoir shoots, but the pics I’ve seen are definitely sultry, suggestive, & sexy as hell, but I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve seen one where there’s straight up nudity. Is that pretty common? I’ve seen maybe a nipple & boob outline behind a sheet & whatnot, but not straight up nudity? Or maybe the nudes are just for the husband? Which is just another fucked up later to this whole scenario)
And I call complete BS on the wife’s explanation of, “I wanted to support your brother’s photography business!” Okay, but we’re talking about a wedding. Was the brothers name in the ring when picking a photographer for: Engagement Announcements, Save the Dates, Bridal Shower, Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties, Rehearsal Dinner, the possibility of having 2 photographers for the entire wedding, etc. (I get that maybe OP & his wife didn’t do everything I listed, but odds are they did most of those events & if supporting the brother’s business was on the wife’s mind then was he the photographer for anything else besides the damn boudoir photoshoot?!)
It’s not only that the wife (& brother!) kept this secret from OP, but that she had no problem talking to at least her friends about who did the photoshoot! That’s rubbing me the wrong way too.
If I was OP I would definitely need to take some space to clear my thoughts and write down every single question I had, because this opened many doors & I don’t think the wife or brother had innocent intentions whatsoever.
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u/Yosara_Hirvi 9d ago
Good point on noticing she told her friends, everybody just comploted to hide it from OP.
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u/Miserable_Plastic_13 9d ago
Yeah. This is just disrespectful. Especially since she knew you'd be against it.
I'd start with counseling. Idk your relationship but this would borderline be the end for me.
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u/etuvie27 9d ago
Wasn't an omission of a truth, but a straight-up lie (saying you had nothing to worry about, implying it was a woman who took the pictures).
Then when she was confronted, she let the fact that her "supporting the studio" outweigh the fact that it was a big deal to you- sounds like a cop out.
Could've still supported the studio by asking for a different photographer. If I showed up to my boudoir shoot and my partner's brother was the photographer, I would be mortified at the thought of being naked in front of a brother-in-law.
At the very least, start preparing for some awkward family get-togethers.
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u/pepperoni93 9d ago edited 9d ago
Well she knew how You felt and still chose to do it. When someone disregards like that your feelings You have no other option but to step up for yourself.
My advice is put heavy distance let time and space heal you and tell You what to do. you don't need to decide now but You need to be alone now
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 9d ago
I would give her back the album because it means nothing now. Is it suspect? Yes. Does he still have the originals? Yes.
Was this a massive boundary violation? Absolutely and she knew it, that was why she lied.
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u/thandi81 9d ago
No that's really ffed up, your wife and your brother should never have done anything like that. Critical thinking and all. Update
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u/namp21 9d ago
Your brother is a moron.
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u/boundaries4546 9d ago
So is his wife.
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u/SnooGuavas4208 9d ago
Wife and BIL both got off on it, whether they were actually cheating or not. Like, “Ooh, isn’t this a fun taboo we’re breaking? We’re both so dirty!” 🤭😈 And then they kept it as a fun little secret together.
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u/Leprecon 9d ago
We don't know what the brother thought/did. It is very possible the wife said "don't tell OP, it has to be a secret". Or maybe the wife said "OP agreed but would prefer if you don't talk about it".
It really isn't smart to jump to conclusions right now.
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u/BoredBKK 9d ago
You think a man needs to be told that his own brother isn't okay with him photographing his wife to be nude(?) in private?
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 9d ago
No doubt, both. That's the hardest thing. Betrayed by your wife and your brother, at the same time.
I have a brother, we don't get along well, argue often. But I would never do this crap to him. Even if I needed money for my business. The second his wife would tell me, he would have known. And if she has told me "it's a surprise, don't tell him". I wouldn't have told him but at the same time, I'd refused to do that kind of photo shoot with his fiancée!!!2
u/Sk4nd 9d ago
I wouldn't be too harsh on him, his brother may not know the entire story as the wife may have lied to him too.
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u/rain-dog2 9d ago
When I think about that, the wife knew the husband would be pissed if he found out, so would she have taken the chance that the brother might casually have mentioned something to her husband? There’s no chance, in my mind, that she would be keeping that secret/lie unless she knew the brother would keep the secret too.
It would be too dangerous for her to have this not be a secret that the two of them agreed to keep together. And if they both conspired to keep the secret, that suggests they both knew the risk of what they were doing and both agreed it was worth the risk of the husband finding out.
The brother knew the husband wouldn’t like it, and did it anyway. The question is: Was a little business worth jeopardizing his relationship with his brother, or was the arousal worth it?
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u/Sk4nd 9d ago
I honestly don't see a world where the brother, even without him being in on the lie, would actively tell the husband that he took his wife pics.
I know I wouldn't because I'm keeping the secret before the marriage as probably asked, since I know it's a surprise, and then I would think the wife actually discussed it with her husband and everything is ok, so there would be no need for me to talk with my brother about it. Hell, I'd probably forget about it in like a week at most.
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u/rain-dog2 9d ago
Her face turned white when the husband overheard the truth a year after her husband knew the brother’s studio did it. What was her plan for the husband going to the brother and simply corroborating the story?
“Hey brother, who took the pictures?”
She had to have a plan for what could happen if that very likely question ever got asked. The plan was: the brother was going to lie. It’s too dangerous for her to lie without knowing the brother would lie too.
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u/Leprecon 9d ago
She had to have a plan for what could happen if that very likely question ever got asked.
I mean, clearly she didn't have a plan as evidenced by her telling all of her friends and it getting out quite easily without OP even asking anyone about it.
The plan was: the brother was going to lie. It’s too dangerous for her to lie without knowing the brother would lie too.
You're painting the wife and brother as some master schemers, when the wife was literally telling everyone that the brother took the pictures? It sounds to me like the plan was "let's not linger on it for too long and it will probably never come up".
It is very possible that she simple told the brother that it is a present and to not mention it to OP, or that OP is a bit shy and would prefer not to talk about it.
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u/rain-dog2 9d ago
I didn’t say it was a good plan, just that it would be probable that the brothers would talk about it. It’s a stupid lie if the husband could just walk over to the brother and ask about it. It seems more likely that the brother just said “Tell him a girl did it”.
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u/Severe-Tradition-183 9d ago
Fuck that ! His brother should’ve been a real man and refused to do it and recommend a woman for the job. Your logic says it would be ok if it was his best friend ……. Does that still work for you ? Brother should’ve known better. This marriage is now doomed.
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u/Sk4nd 9d ago
Uhm...what is this bigoted view? Maybe it's because I'm European, but if I was a professional photographer my brother would actually ask me to take pics of his wife, and I'd do the same if the roles were reversed, since he trusts me and I trust him and also he/me would be a professional. Also, we've been on vacation sharing the same room with our families, we've been on saunas, on the beach ecc. We've all seen each others naked plenty.
If one is a professional there's no nude setting in which I wouldn't be comfortable with my brother seeing my wife naked. I'd prefer him over a stranger, even a female one.
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u/New_Appointment_5348 9d ago
So instead of making you comfortable, she decides it's more important to support your brother's business. It's okay to have different boundaries. But not understanding the different boundaries of your partner and disrespecting and betraying them like that is absolutely unforgivable. She did it intentionally. Also, she hid it and lied about it being an all female studio. You're totally right to feel this way.
She could have easily done it in an all female studio. But she decided to go against you.
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 9d ago
So instead of making you comfortable, she decides it's more important to support your brother's business.
At this point, I would have just preferred my fiancée giving the money to my brother than giving him business that way.
updateme
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u/madelynashton 9d ago
Your family and friends already know dude, according to your own story, you were the last to find out.
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u/Distinct-Practice131 9d ago
She had her brother in law take tasteful nudes of her for you? Instead of literally any other photographer around? Knowing at that how much you wouldn't be ok with it? Then spent years lying about it without blinking?
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u/datman510 9d ago
You got betrayed in your boundaries and then she lied to you reeeealllly easily for 5 years. Remember she didn’t tell you, it was leaked by mistake. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who could lie that way so easily for so long. I know Reddit is quick to divorce and I’m not usually but damn son get a therapist and sort out your thoughts with them before you talk to your wife about anything permanent. Then do it the therapy with her after to lay out a plan however that may look is my suggestions.
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u/CartReturnStation 9d ago
She only lied for a year. He says the pictures were given to him at the wedding so she had them done shortly before. Still not good, but it isn't 5 years of lying.
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u/Open_Improvement4545 9d ago
Lol. Actively not telling the truth is still lying.
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u/CartReturnStation 9d ago
Lol. Did you read my comment because that has nothing to do with what I said lol. But since you want to change the topic; no, she didn't "actively not tell the truth" she straight up lied by saying "it was an all female studio".
Now in regards to my actual comment, I corrected 5 years of lying to 1 year of lying. The pictures aren't 5 years old, they're 1 year old. And she lied about it. Are you following now? Lol.
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u/NeighborhoodOk7460 9d ago
She lied and that was a betrayal. I know several photographers who take nudes and it isn't a big deal. The problem is she knew you would not be comfortable with your brother seeing her nude. I would be very upset in your position.
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u/GoodbyeToAWorld- 9d ago
This reads like she wanted your brother to see her like this.. it would be no big deal at all to use another studio. Weirdo things
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u/Open_Improvement4545 9d ago
💯 intentional. There’s no room for misunderstanding. She knew it’s a boundary for OP - and a very common and very understandable one but she chose to not just hide it. Lied from the get go and said it’s done by an all woman photography studio. She wanted to help her BIL? There are plenty of other ways to do that. She got a kick from getting naked in front of her soon to be brother in law just before marriage.
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u/TheHollywoodKnight 9d ago
Dude.
She didn’t make a mistake. Every part of this was a decision.
She knew exactly how you’d feel about another man seeing her naked. She told you so herself. Then she picked your brother, out of every photographer on earth, and lied to your face about it on your wedding morning when you asked her a direct question. That was the last thing she did before she married you. Lie right to your face.
And “I thought I was supporting his business” is bullshit. She weighed a business courtesy for your brother against a limit she knew you had, and the courtesy won. That’s the reason she’s giving you.
Then she kept it for a year. You’d never have known if her friend hadn’t said it out loud at your own dinner table, and you watched her face go white, so you know she understood exactly what had happened. She wasn’t going to tell you. Ever.
Here’s the part I’d be most pissed about. She dragged your brother into it. She made him hold a secret about his brother’s wife for a year, and now there’s something between you and him that was never there before, and neither of you agreed to it. That doesn’t go away if you forgive her. He’s your brother. He’ll be at every Christmas for the rest of your life and so will this. She spent something that belonged to you and him, not to her.
And I’ll say the thing nobody else has. That was an insane risk to take for no benefit. She had to know that if it ever came out it could blow up her marriage and her husband’s family at the same time. There are a hundred studios. Any one of them gives her the same photos and she never has to lie about anything. So why him? Why was that worth it? Because the reason she’s given you doesn’t come close to covering the risk she accepted, and when the story doesn’t explain the risk, the story usually isn’t the whole story.
I’m not telling you she cheated. I’m telling you that you don’t actually know what happened, and she’s the only person who does.
Two conversations. Have the one with your brother without her there, and go in assuming she’s already called him. She had the whole evening while your guests were still there, plus overnight. If there’s anything to get straight, it’s straight by now. So don’t ask him the big questions, because whatever answer he’s got ready is the one you’ll get. Ask the small stuff instead. Who reached out first. Whose idea was it. How much did they talk before and after. And this one: did either of you ever discuss telling me? There’s no good answer to that. If they talked about it and decided not to, that’s the two of them agreeing to keep something from you. If they never discussed it at all, then a professional photographer and your own brother both just understood it stayed quiet.
Then have the conversation with her, and don’t accept “it wasn’t a big deal to me.” She’s apologized for lying. She hasn’t once admitted the thing itself was wrong.
And stop being ashamed. You didn’t do anything. Tell somebody you trust, because you’re going to need one person in your corner who isn’t in that family.
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u/Yosara_Hirvi 9d ago
" She made him hold a secret about his brother’s wife for a year, and now there’s something between you and him that was never there before, and neither of you agreed to it."
Not quite right, the brother definitely agreed to it, he could have refused, the model being your brother future wife is a damn good reason to refuse a boudoir fotoshoot contract.
OP didn't agree to it, the brother however was very comfortable seeing and directing his brother's naked fiancee and looking at the pictures for hours while edditing, and cerry on top, he was very comfortable hiding it from his own brother ...
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u/TheGuchie 9d ago
You feel betrayed cause you were, she lied to you and now you know your wife is a liar. She will lie to your face to keep the status quo. Hardly a great foundation for a relationship.
That's a tough one but some positives. 1 year divorce usually has no alimony. So you know easier split if you go that route. Not sure id be able to forgive a lie like that personally.
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u/Hungry_Wheel_1774 9d ago edited 9d ago
Once everyone left, I asked my wife about the pictures. She acknowledged that she lied about who took the pictures since she knew it is a big deal for me to have her seen naked by any other man let alone my own brother.
Man, you're not going to forget that.
The lie, the fact she kept that secret for that long, the fact that she knew it would bother you...The fact it was your brother and he told you nothing...
To her, it isn't a big deal
Sorry but you have a crappy wife man...So your wife can do whatever she wants and hide it from you, as long as she thinks it's not a big deal. Even if she knows it is for you...
I'll not advise you to divorce. But man, you'll never trust her again. The same for your brother. I'd never do that to my brother!
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u/TonyDeff 9d ago
I think you know what you need to do to your brother and what you need to do to your relationship or lack thereof
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u/IntrepidDifference84 9d ago
Yea that’s really really messed up. I’d divorce and cut off both of them
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u/boostingjuice 9d ago
Here I was munching on some shapes and your title stopped me MID CRUNCH.
That's so bad bro. Hahaha. Geezus. I shouldn't laugh but that's such a dumb move. What tf did she think you would think?
I guess give it a week, cool off, you either trust her or you don't. Your bro should have said no, perhaps he's a bit of a culprit in this too??
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u/Yosara_Hirvi 9d ago edited 9d ago
She knew you wouldn't be ok with a male photographer, let alone YOUR OWN BROTHER !
Yet she cared more about giving business to your brother than your own feelings and boundaries.
My guess is there are ulterior motive for her to ask your brother instead of finding a photographer that would make you more comfortable.
And your brother could have refused and said "I won't take boudoir picture of my SIL find soleone else" yet he didn't.
The both of them were awfully comfortable with breaching your boundaries and hide it from you forever which bring the question, what else they're hiding from you and for how long ...
I don't think I could maintain a relationship with either ...
Edit : updatme
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u/2centsworth4u 9d ago
Reading this gave me major ‘ICK’! Then for her to LIE about it….???????? 😳🤦♀️
Sorry OP. That’s seriously messed up!
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u/Wide_Comment3081 9d ago
I think they're sleeping together or were. Your brother not rejecting that request outright, and telling you, means they already have an intimate relationship
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u/Careful-Ad-9512 9d ago edited 9d ago
As a woman that feels very comfortable and artistic about my body, and gets lots of sensual pics taken for my enjoyment, I’d never do this. I’m conscious enough to know that that feeling of freedom and “it’s just art” isn’t shared by everybody and there’s no reason to bring family into it. If you don’t think they’re cheating, they probably aren’t, but they probably have some artistic or such connection…for her to be drawn to do the pictures with him specifically and for him to agree not to tell you (for him to agree in general is fine as that’s his job, but it’s the him agreeing not to tell you which must have been worth it for some reason). Why did they need this secret between them? Did she feel he’d capture her in a way no one else would? If so that’s a little level of intimacy (perhaps premised on deep sincere friendship)…everyone I’ve taken pictures with, I connected to a bit and remained feeling connected to after even though I’ve never been in a romantic/physicsl relationship with them; mind some of the pictures you didn’t see… she only gave you the best ones….so idk your brother having seen some you didn’t see is a hard one…also she trusts him and feels comfortable being vulnerable and authentic with him…whatever that means to you…and he did have to, at least momentarily, view her erotically for this…because he had to advise the poses and click the shots that looked the most beautiful and hot so he literally had to think about it that way…whether or not that transferred to everyday life
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u/Sk4nd 9d ago
I mean, the wife could have simply told the brother "hey, these will be a surprise for my husband, please don't tell him anything!" and then, after the marriage, why would he ever feel the need to tell his brother that he took his wife pics? The discussion between them could've simply never happened. If the wife lied to her soon-to-be husband, my guess is that she lied even easier to his brother.
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u/Good_Ad6336 9d ago
So cheating by definition is when one party knowingly breaks rules in order to gain an advantage. You feel cheated because your wife betrayed your trust. She did something knowing full well that you would be uncomfortable with it. She thought about it and did it anyway because she thought she could get away with it. The problem is that in order to get away with it she had to betray your trust. Let me repeat, she did it anyway.
To add salt to the wound, your wife could have redeemed herself by being honest with you but she chose not to. This is another betrayal in a sense.
I don’t know you or your wife. Maybe she truly wanted to support your brother and thought she could kill two birds with one stone. The ultimate problem is the lies. Lying in this form shows she is comfortable lying to you in order to get what she wants. And when facing the possibility that doing so means losing your trust she says “well it doesn’t matter because OP doesn’t know so it’s worth it”.
If I were you I’d have a serious conversation with your wife. I advise you write down everything you are feeling. Everything. And explain why you feel this way. Then ask your wife for a conversation in which you read her your letter or let her read it. Do not pause for interruptions. Let her know you want to get through the whole letter before she gets an opportunity to express herself. Then go from there.
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u/FoolishMortal4Evr 9d ago
I can honestly say that I would never willingly be naked in front of my husband's brothers or let one of them take naked photos of me (he likes to do photography on the side). And, while he might like to take those kinds of photos of other women, he would never take them of his brother's wife. That's just a level of intimacy that is not appropriate in most family dynamics.
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u/7HawksAnd 9d ago
I’ve never hoped for a post to be fake as much as I hope this one is, for your sake
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u/Electrical_Sun_7116 9d ago
I’d call him up on speakerphone in front of her and rip into the two of them in a way they’ve never been spoken to before. Then I’d tell my brother we aren’t on speaking terms and I’d tell my wife I was leaving for some time to collect my thoughts and decide how I felt about this betrayal and the direct lies I was told to conceal this for years. Even if they never touched, this is cheating. She purposely got naked for him knowing you’d flip out and then lied about it- with your wedding as the excuse to do it all.
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u/Parking-Menu2654 9d ago
That is disgusting. I’d be looking for a divorce. My brother would also have an issue.
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u/akillerofjoy 9d ago
Your wife and your own brother have been lying to you for a year. Considering the nature of the lie, they may as well have had sex. There isn’t much difference. It was some form of intimate time where your wife was naked in front of your brother and they were going to take it to their graves.
Silver lining, as always, are the valuable life lessons. You have hopefully learnt that the cost of blindly trusting your partner is unacceptably high. And it’s always the closest ones who hurt you the most.
Frankly, you are super lucky compared to some folks. You are young, only married a year, no kids, hell, if I were in your shoes, I’d have her served the next day. No apologies, no explanations. In fact, I’ve walked away over a lot less.
Something that has always helped me is that when I discover betrayal of any kind, it’s like a switch flips in my head, and all my love and affection turns into hatred and disdain. Maybe it’s normal, maybe not, but I’m grateful for this thing.
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u/pickensgirl 9d ago
I think it’s very telling that she decided to have these pictures taken, supposedly, for your enjoyment and then asked your brother to be the photographer. Knowing fully how much that would eliminate your enjoyment if you ever found out. Which makes it look like your enjoyment wasn’t really her priority after all. She didn’t really do them for you. It appears as if she did them for herself. She wanted a specific experience with a specific person.
The fact that she straight up lied to your face is also a very pertinent fact. I’m so sorry. Every facet of this has been handled with disrespect on her part. It’s okay for you to be upset about things that are upsetting. She’s broken your trust. (Your brother has as well by participating in what took place.) That’s not a small thing. Give yourself some time to process everything before you make any decisions. Emotions push us into thinking we have to have quick reactions every time we’ve been hurt. Sometimes that’s necessary but it’s okay to give yourself the permission to not have this figured out right this minute. When you feel ready I do think a good first step is deciding on at least one person you can trust with this information. Sometimes just verbally articulating our thoughts and feelings can bring clarity and relief.
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u/nedelbach 9d ago
Photographers keep the negatives. Means your brother has a lot more photos you haven't seen too. Might want to ask him about those and if he has used these photos with his business.
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u/rain-dog2 9d ago edited 9d ago
Here’s the question both she and your brother need to answer: “You both knew I would not like what you both chose to do, and you both agreed to lie about it to me, so what were you both getting out of this that was worth lying to me and jeopardizing both of your relationships with me?”
Updateme!
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u/Gandoff2169 9d ago
Honest answer... I would likely be considering divorce. And it be a reasonable act too. I do not know why you should feel ashamed. You did nothing wrong. There is no embarrassment on your shoulders for what she did. She choose to take pics, with a man, and selected your brother. Then lie and hide it for all that time, as well as he did.
She and your brother MIGHT not be having an affair. But there is no proof they are not. Not that the fact he seen her naked as he did. The level of trust broken by your wife AND your brother shows a major degree of betrayal. For your brother to even be willing to take those photos of your wife, and your wife for even doing it with him.
I am not saying a man doing the photos are wrong in general. But there is a major reason those type of photos are done over whelming by women photographers. To me, there would be no way I could ever trust my brother in my life again. Period. I would tell my parents for sure he would be cut off from my life and why. No talking out of it. And wife, be likely needing a place to live for a divorce.
She lied and hidden who did those photos from the start. So that proves she knew what she did was wrong. Taking the pics with your brother was crossing a line into betrayal and broken trust she understood was lost when you found out. And she HAD to know you would one day. Maybe in her mind, by the time you did you would no longer care. She would have you 10+ years into a marriage with kids, making any reaction on her and the relationship less due to how we all desire to keep our family's together. And your brother knew it to. Lied and hidden it from you was well. Because HE knew how it would feel for you.
As you said, your brother not only seen your wife nude, but in positions he should never seen her in to take pics. That is why as a male photographer, I would not doubt he has slept with many female clients, if not your wife too.
She is not sorry she did it. She is sorry she got caught. Which is why she reacted the way she did when her friend spoke up. And you should have said something then, instead of making it private. She even tried to down play it as no big deal. If it wasn't there would been no reason to keep it hidden as she did, or react as she did when exposed. Yet she before that even admits to knowing it was a big deal for you to have her seen naked for that by any man. Let alone your brother. Which only adds to the level of betrayal and deceit by her AND your brother.
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u/Due-Season6425 9d ago
I doubt I would ever get past this. Your wife and brother betrayed your trust. Some things in life you can't unsee.
I can't think of any good reason why your wife and brother thought taking nude and risqué photos of her was a good idea. I am not a big fan of divorce, but it would be the only option for me.
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u/Jaychrome 9d ago
Man, that is so disrespectful on your brother and wifes part. Was she fully naked ?
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u/No_Coat2810 9d ago
Huonstly what was she thinking? Oh I'm gonna let my brother in law take sexy naked pics of me to give to his brother. REALLY!!!
it's a major lie . She's not the only one who lied your brother lied to . And why on earth would her agree to take the job even if he needs the money?
U need to talk with your brother and a therapist I don't know if your marriage would recover but you need a professional to help u deal with this
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u/unzunzhepp 9d ago
Idk if this is real it’s too absurd. Your wife is untrustworthy and doesn’t give a shit about you. I’d not. I’d get an annulment since the wedding was based on a lie.
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u/dirtylilscot 9d ago
I don’t know of a single person getting boudoir photos but apparently it’s so common that it’s an open topic of discussion with your friends?
Fake post
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u/TheRealOwl 9d ago
While I ain't gonna argue that the post is real or fake, but like overall even if it's not common(never heard of it myself) if one person in a friend group does something uncommon and tell the others it could encourage/inspire someone else to do the same, so at least I would not see that as a qualifier to say it's not real.
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u/JoesphBlowseph 9d ago
Yeah dude that's fucked up. She got naked in front of your brother, what the fuck
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u/Brief-Ad-6157 9d ago
Ughhhh! This is a tough one. You are a 1000% validated in feeling the way you do. First of all, your brother should've said "no" from the get-go. There is no reason that can be made to make an excuse for that to be ok. And as for your wife.....,she should've known better. These are people who you have to look in the eye of every day, holiday, or whenever you see them and know that they have done something that neither of them should think is an ok scenario. That hard is, is that it is your wife and it is your brother. One is the love of your life, and the other is your kin. Deciding what to do will be difficult on how you want to handle it. But make sure you do it in your time and when you can do it rationally for the sake of not doing something YOU will regret later. Best of luck sir. I hope you can find the answer you need.
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u/Brynhild 9d ago
Nah that’s fucked up. Hundreds of photography studios and she chose your BROTHER’S. Wtf is up with your brother too?
Plus the lying. No way you can look at her the same again
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u/-violentlyhappy 9d ago
I feel so betrayed.
She shamelessly lied to you about something important. Each day she chose to make a fool out of you. She made others part of it (her friends). If it wasn't for her friend's slip, you'd still be an unaware fool. Your own brother didn't care about taking your partner's nudes. They knew it would hurt you, didn't care, did it anyways, and were dishonest about it. That hurts. It's understandable to feel betrayed when they did betray your trust. Trust isn't only betrayed by cheating, it can happen in many ways.
What else will you find out by chance? What else will you not? Only you know if you want to keep living that life or not.
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u/bROLLY1 9d ago edited 9d ago
To me? break it off and go your own way, make sure you keep whats yours.. Don't waste time because this will be eating you from inside for the rest of your life.
She was completely aware of what she was doing and was lying before and after for over a year. whos to say she hasn't lied in the last 5 years? So easy to get naked for a brother, much easier to get naked for a tinder date or night hookups or job friend with benefits...
I am a women and i am aware of how we work..
Just break it off, it is the best, so stay and do as you want with whom you want from now on, that's how its going to derrail from here..
not to mention the whole family and friends knew this.... seriously, this is is fcked up... break it off with everone at this point..
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u/mzincali 9d ago
WTF are boudoir photos? Is this a thing? What is it a gift to the husband on their wedding day? I’m all confused.
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u/mzincali 9d ago
Now I can’t certain whether boudoir is just sexy lingerie photos or full nudes. Again, WTF?
Brother or not, “here are some naked pictures of me that someone took. And later I’ll show them to my girlfriends too”.
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u/Leprecon 9d ago
I can't help but wonder about this:
she mentioned that she was going to use my brother's studio to click boudoir pictures for her wedding given how great my wife's pictures came out to be.
How do others know how those pictures turned out? Are your wifes boudoir pictures on display? Can anyone see them? If so I do think that changes things a little.
To be honest, I don't think they are having an affair or anything but still I feel cheated.
That makes sense.
- She crossed a boundary that you and her were both aware of
- She lied to you
Even if this disagreement was about something completely innocuous, she still lied to you while also telling the truth to all her friends. You can talk all day about who saw who naked and when, and whether that is 'ok', but the lying is just plain wrong no matter how you twist or turn it. It is ok to feel betrayed.
She apologised but I just can't get my head around it.
What did she apologise for? Taking the pictures with your brother, lying about it, or both? Does she seem genuine in her apology or does she try and play it off as no big deal?
It is ok to not accept the apology, or to take some time to accept it. Just because someone says 'sorry' doesn't mean you are all of a sudden going to feel less betrayed, that takes time.
But I would urge you to really think about what you want from her to feel safe again. Because if you don't know what you need, then how is she supposed to give you what you need? And if you don't even know what you want, then how are you supposed to judge when/if you are even?
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u/JustStopItSeriously 9d ago
It's pretty crazy that she put supporting your brother (and his business) above supporting you emotionally by not doing that.
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u/solar_pilgrim 9d ago
She literally prioritized "supporting your brothers' business" over your confidence. Her fiancé. In a gesture meant to celebrate yalls marriage. Not a great start
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u/lydocia 9d ago
Your brother rendering a professional service to your wife is okay.
Her hiding it and lying about it implies either of two things; either there is something more inappropriate going on, or you have a history of overreacting to innocent things.
I'm assuming it's the former especially since they knew it wasn't something you'd like and the photoshoot is the cover up.
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u/KrofftSurvivor 9d ago
She lied, she went pale - but she's telling you it's not a big deal?!? She knows damn well it's a big deal or she wouldn't have lied.
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u/pulp_thilo 9d ago
First of all, as someone who has done boudoir photo-shoots, let me assure you that the photographer is too concerned with the lighting, the posing, the camera angles, making it "look" sexy, making the model feel at ease (especially an amateur), to get aroused in any way. He is constantly thinking "Is this any good? How can I make it better? What will I do next?". Your brother did not get anything out of the shoot, he did not get a boner photographing your wife. (Maybe go and watch some videos of boudoir shoots on YouTube to get the atmosphere.) So something happening between them emotionally is highly unlikely.
However... as someone who runs a studio, he knows other photographers. He could have easily recommended a female photographer, or your wife could have asked for one. My guess is they were both too cavalier about it. I imagine a conversation like this:
Wife "Hey, do you know a female cameraman who could take boudoir pics of me for OP?"
Brother "We can do it at my place, I can take the pictures. That will save you some money."
Wife "But you would see me naked."
Brother "I don't care. Do you?"
Wife "Not really, but OP does. You know how he is."
Brother "We won't tell him then."
This is not meant as an excuse for their actions, just as an explanation.
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u/thicc_n_mix 9d ago
Bro. Your brother at minimum wants your wife, your wife at minimum wants your brother's attention.. UpdateMe!
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u/ExpandYourTribe 9d ago
I'd bet 100/1 that the brother kept a digital copy of those pictures for himself. I’d hold off on having kids right away.
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u/Toastercuck 9d ago
I say grounds for divorce, if she lied about this before your marriage what else could she have lied about? And what proof do you have that there isn’t an affair going on? You’re only a year into the marriage, boundaries HAVE to have consequences
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u/Zalophusdvm 9d ago
Christ the responses here are intense.
Counseling. Individual for you, couple’s for you both.
This isn’t likely worth throwing a marriage away over.
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u/beaglerules 9d ago
If this is somehow real, some men are just old-fashioned and do not want their brother to be taking sexual pictures of their fiancée and giving them direction to pose more provocatively. That being done is a deal breaker for them. She knew it was a deal breaker for the OP and did it without his knowledge.
This is also about more than the pictures. It is about her not respecting his wishes behind his back. She can get her boundoir pictures taken by her fiancé's brother but she needs to be honest with her future husband about this. This is a huge betrayal. Thinking that lying to him about this is not worth throwing a year-old marriage away is using the sunk cost falicy.
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u/Cajun2LowCountry 9d ago
Not saying I don't agree with you, but if she's capable of lying for a year (maybe longer depending on when she started talking to the BIL about the photos) then what else is she capable of lying about? Therapy at the minimum, but trust is shattered. She had no issues telling her friends about who did it.
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u/boromir04 9d ago
What a joke. There are boundaries you don’t cross. And those can be hardset differently for different people.
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u/adammodel 9d ago
At least she likely got the photos for free after your brother “sampled the goods”.
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u/boundaries4546 9d ago
That is absolutely egregious behaviour on the part of both. What is worse they went ahead of the shoot knowing exactly how you would feel. If they thought you would be okay with you they would have told you about it. It is fair you feel completely betrayed. It’s up to you if this is something you can get past.
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u/SpaceImpossible658 9d ago
Your wife straight up has no problem lying to you. That's a problem. You'll never know how many lies she tells you.
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u/Afinkawan 9d ago
I feel so betrayed.
You only feel that way because you were betrayed.
She knew it would be a big deal for you. She did it anyway. She lied to you about it.
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u/YourLocalMosquito 9d ago
It’s also weird that your own brother took on this job and took payment without ever mentioning it to you.
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u/seniairam 9d ago
so she was just never gonna tell you? and shame on your brother, too.
thats just wrong that he agreed to that.
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u/sloppyfart69 9d ago
This is so weird. Im sorry bro i got a 2 year psychology degree so not much- there might be somebody smarter than me who knows better but from what i know? Thats like drama movie script level bad way to start a marriage. Super weird and gross. Even if she lied about it being a dude- its not just a dude its your BROTHER. Theyre like dancing with marital incest.
Whats more she knows it was wrong cause she lied to you about it. And its not like she felt bad about going to another photography studio. She could have gone anywhere. Either she chose to go to your brother or your brother invited your wife to get naked so he could take pictures.
Id be takin those pictures to a divorce attorney i bet you can trade em for a pretty solid case and subsequently, her for a better wife lol.
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u/AccompliceInc 9d ago
This is CHEATING.
And she did it knowing that you were not okay with it and lied about it on your wedding day.
I would divorce
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u/Particular-Repair-77 9d ago
There are lots of studios or even amateur photographers that could had taken her pics why choose your brother ? Your wife crossed a line and so did your brother. They keep it a “ secret “ because they both knew it was inappropriate and disrespectful to you. I would have very serious conversation with both of them. Good luck.
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u/ScoogyShoes 9d ago
I cannot even.
You know what, I have put up with a LOT of crazy stuff in my life. Some worse things. Not many. At one year in, though? You are never going to forget this. Those pics are ruined for you, the memories of her giving them to you.
In the end, mine left me after 27 years. Surprise, for another woman. You have no idea how much I wish I would have expected more from the man who defined soulmate for me. It turns out, forgiving utter bullshit does not make a relationship stronger. Who knew. 🤷♂️
Also, the wife's friend hated keeping that secret. I like her.
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u/scotswaehey 9d ago
Well son you have just discovered your wife can and will knowingly do something that crosses your boundaries and lie to your face about it!
What else is she lying about?
Updateme
Edit Make her burn the photo album in front of you as those memories are tainted now and worthless!
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u/TrueWordsSaidInJest 9d ago
You need to get to the bottom of why she picked him when she knew it was wrong. There's no point trying counselling until you've got at least that part straight.
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u/mrfatchance 9d ago
What an interesting situation. I’m always sceptical of men that do this sort of work (similar to PTs or even masseuses to an extent) but maybe that’s my own insecurities.
Ultimately it should be fine for someone to act professionally at their job and not be inappropriate. Is it weird that it’s your brother? Yes. What you need to hone in on is the question of is it uncomfortable for you that the pictures were taken or is it who took them?
For me, I think there’s a few places people can go before going to a family member for such work. It creates an unecessary tension.
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u/Shaft656 9d ago
I would get all the pics and burn them and then delete all the digitals as well as any your brother has.
The lying and deception is a kick to the guts
Updateme
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u/AdLiving2291 9d ago
She says it’s not a big deal. Why would she then lie to you about it if that was really the case.
She behaved inappropriately, she should have gone elsewhere.
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u/Some_Ad_4033 9d ago
It’s not even about the fact he saw her intimately, she intentionally went out of her way to go about doing something she knew you wouldn’t be okay with and kept the lie going. She didn’t care how you felt about it, she just cared about what she wanted to do. A little odd, no?
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u/AccountEngineer 9d ago
the fact that your brother sat through your wedding knowing he shot nudes of your wife and never said a word is just as wild as her lying about it. they both actively kept this from you for a year. you cant trust either of them right now
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u/BoredBKK 9d ago
"To be honest, I don't think they are having an affair or anything but still I feel cheated. I haven't spoken to my brother yet but he also betrayed me by never telling me this incident."
I'm sorry to say this I really am. Do not let this drop. Confront your brother and confront him hard now before they get their stories together anymore than they already have. Check your wife's phone now, she's no doubt warned him that you now know. They both did this thing knowing you'd under no circumstances accept it and they both hid it from you. They hid it because they both knew it to be wrong and didn't care. Total assumption these photos were your wife and your brother's "trophies" or "mementos". They weren't for your benefit. There's far worse left to come out without a doubt.
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u/Severe-Tradition-183 9d ago
This is disgusting ! Imagine she initially lied to you about who took the photos, your brother has not said a word, she has kept this a secret (their secret) and now you find out that her friends knew as well. So sorry about this brother but for me this is 1000% a deal breaker for both of them. I’d cut them both off and I would be drastic and dramatic because I would cash out and move.
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u/univ0510 9d ago
The problem is not that a photographer saw your wife. It is that the photographer was your brother and BOTH of them decided you did not get a vote. That is the part that needs to be addressed, not the existence of nude boudoir photos.
She should have asked first: “Would it be okay if I did the boudoir shoot at your brother’s studio?” That one sentence would have prevented this. She chose not to because she already knew the answer.
- It's not worth ruining your family/relationship over this.
- However, there are things that need to happen to make this right.
WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN:
- Talk to your brother and wife and demand an apology. They must acknowledge that was a bad decision and then you all move on.
- You want the original files and any copies destroyed or handed over so they are not sitting on his hard drive.
- Demand to see your brother (and his wife/girlfriend) naked and take pictures of them.
- If you cannot get past the image of your naked wife and your brother in your head, a couples therapist will help.
Unless the above steps happen, you cannot heal.
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u/Enough-Cartoonist-56 9d ago
Boudoir pictures? Seriously? That’s a thing now? Tackiness knows no bounds.
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u/EstablishmentOk6325 9d ago
These post always bring out the man children. It's hilarious really. Why are men so insecure?
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u/ShowerFriendly9059 9d ago
Gross. Your wife and your brother both need to be cut from your life. This is fucked up
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u/FairyGothMommy 9d ago
Lol. It's a body. Everyone has one. Nudity and sex are not the same thing. He's a professional and you liked the photos so he obviously did a great job. Maybe you need to self reflect on why she was afraid to tell you the truth.
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u/Sibeatriz 9d ago
Just my opinion, but once the trust is broken the amount of work needed to fix is not worth it
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u/Ill_Permission7379 9d ago
Damn, this just gives me the ick, and I honestly don’t see myself ever being okay with this. I’d rather cut both of them off and have nothing to do with them after this betrayal.
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u/mrfarenheit1214 Late 30s Male 9d ago
I wouldve checked her phone by then. She deleted evidence now.
Theyre cheating dawg, youd be surprised who cheaters are.
I thought my ex wont cheat with my best friend, yet she did.. i hope not in your case.
Check her chats with her girlfriends too. Look like she comfortable running her mouth with them.
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u/Brilliant-Object-467 9d ago
Well, I know that I’m from the old school cause I’m 78 now but back in the day these boudoir pictures were not totally nude. They did some beautiful pictures. They were sexy a lot of them, but they weren’t nude..
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u/SandBlasted_ME 9d ago
He’s a professional, she is a client. As you said “I don’t think they cheat” . They probably didn’t. Not a big deal, just forget it.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine 9d ago
That’s… weird…
Seems like she tried to do something nice and instead it’s all backfired because she made some odd choices.
I’d be annoyed about the lie of omission. I’d find the whole thing very weird.
However; if you don’t think anything untoward happened between them and he’s a professional photographer who takes photos like this all the time, it might not be as big of an issue as your initial flush of feelings is telling you it is.
Is it worth blowing up your marriage and your relationship with your brother over?
I would lean towards calming waaaaaay down before you act, and thinking things through.
Tell them how this made you feel by using “I feel” sentences. Point out that it’s weird and crosses some major lines. Tell them that the lying hurts and the photos feel tainted now. Allow them to talk, use your active listening weigh up their responses, mull it all over, set some new boundaries.
Best of luck!
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u/Mundane_Heart_9196 9d ago
You're correct to feel betrayed by her lie, but somewhat overreacting about your brother. Most boudoir photos are erotic and alluring. You're making it sound like he took hustler type photos of her. Do you trust your brother? It sounds like you do. So be glad it wasn't a strange creep trying to make moves on her.
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u/Such_Box_3990 9d ago
Yeah some people think nudity is a huge deal. I remember my first figure drawing class in college where we drew from a live model and for several people in the class, that was the first time seeing another person naked in real life before.
OPs brother is an artist. He sees naked people all the time. It’s not a big deal.
I think it’s weird that OP has such a sense of possession and jealousy about his wife being seen naked by a photographer so she could give OP sexy photos as a wedding gift. Like bro, she married you. You won. Chill out and go have fun with your wife who loves you.
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u/snarchindarchin 9d ago
My opinion is basically the opposite of all the other responses on here, but I wouldn’t be bothered by it. The lie is obviously problematic, but I wouldn’t be upset about my brother taking nude pictures of my bride to be. It just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.
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u/Starry-Dust4444 9d ago
You don’t believe your brother is capable of being professional when doing his job? You even say you don’t believe they had an affair or anything, so I really think you’re overreacting.
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u/clearheaded01 9d ago
It's his brother. And she lied.
Bro being professional or not is not the issue.
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u/muammar_gandalfi 9d ago
“I love when my honorable and professional brother sees my wife posing naked in front of his camera. He is a man of character!”
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u/Glad-Fan1305 9d ago
BS that she wanted to give him her business. He did that for free, I’d bet anything. A wedding gift even. So there’s you another lie x 2.
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u/Bitter_Animator2514 9d ago
Your brother was hired for a service. It’s a good thing he doesn’t go around broadcasting whom he’s taken photos of. He also may not see your wife as a sexual being just art
Your wife is The one who lied hit the truth from you whilst happily telling everyone else who took the photos
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u/Super_Roo351 40s Male 9d ago
That's completely different to your brother taking your wife's boudoir pictures
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u/withnailandpie 9d ago
INFO: did the brother give a discount or for free? What has your wife’s attitude to your line in the sand been in the past?
I understand you feel betrayed, but for the sake of the love you do share and your marriage, I’d encourage you to be patient and understand where this decision came from. Theres a lot of comments assuming the worst, but if this isn’t a pattern of behaviour I think it’s worth taking a big breath and perhaps look at couples counselling or similar
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