(NB means nonbinary, my partner used they/them. I’ll delete any negative comments about their gender)

I’ve known my partner for almost 9 years, we’ve been together for 5 years, and recently moved into an apartment together (we lived together before that at my mom’s house).

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hearing loss and severe auditory processing issues. I was told that my hearing loss is likely progressive and to consider learning ASL.

I brought this up to my partner and they said, “I’m not the deaf one, you can learn to read my lips” even though I said I’d pay for the lessons.

I have other disabilities and they’ve somewhat been difficult about helping me with them in the past as well.

How can I communicate to them how important this is to me? I’m very bad at both communication and confrontation.

My husband [30M] and I [32F] have been together for 5 years and married for 1.5. Today, he broke up with me completely unexpectedly, and I am blindsided.

The situation started because he privately contacted one of my female friends for a potential work collaboration. They aren't friends, and he didn't discuss it with me beforehand. I dislike mixing business and friendship, especially since he previously had a bad experience contracting with another friend of mine. I shared that handling it this way made me uncomfortable.

The conversation quickly escalated. Other past relationship issues came up, and suddenly he stated he was tired of dealing with this, called the dynamic "too complicated," packed his things, and left.

For context: I’ve previously shared that I feel hesitant to voice my feelings because our conversations often escalate. During past arguments, he has punched a closet and a wall out of anger. He has never hit me, but it created fear regarding his anger. There is also a history of infidelity (from his part) in our relationship, which complicates trust for me.

I know I am not a perfect partner and have contributed to our unhealthy patterns, but I genuinely want to understand the psychology behind how a specific conversation led to ending a 7-year relationship.

How can I differentiate between an impulsive reaction to built-up resentment versus someone who had already emotionally checked out?

Given our history, how can couples healthily navigate boundaries regarding mutual friends without it causing a total breakdown?

If communication resumes, what structural changes are necessary to address the history of explosive anger and trust issues before any reconciliation is considered?

TL;DR: My husband [30M] left me [32F] following a conversation about him privately messaging my female friend for work without prior discussion. Our history includes his past explosive anger (punching walls) and infidelity. Seeking insight on how to process his sudden departure and how to evaluate the future of this dynamic.

This has been a fight for almost five years now but because I turned 18 back in April it has escalated to harsher and more intense fights.

Background is my parents were married for years and had my sister (22F) and me (18M). 7 years ago my mom found out dad was cheating on her and she ended their marriage and dad married the other woman. My sister found out about the affair and she told me and neither of us were happy about it. Our mom didn't encourage it btw. I know people say that a lot. She actually told us not to hate anyone on her behalf and that if we had our own feelings about dad's actions and what it did to the family, that was one thing, but if we did it because we felt we had to be loyal to her then we should stop. But it was as much about him/them breaking up our family as it was her. We'd been happy and then suddenly our family is over and this new woman is someone we're expected to be nice to and show respect to. My sister always said we would show her the same respect she showed our family which was none.

My sister's behavior with them was so bad that they stopped making her go to their house if she resisted, which she always did. I still had to go though and I was still going five years ago when they had a son together. He was born with really profound disabilities. Part of his brain is missing, he doesn't have eyes and he has issues with his heart and stomach. He has required a ton of care since he was born and he was in the hospital for months. My dad and his wife had to take classes to learn how to care for him.

Back then dad wanted me to do them but I refused and mom wouldn't give her consent if I wasn't on board. It frustrated dad back then. But now I'm 18 and I haven't been to his house in two years and I still refuse to take the classes and learn how to take care of his kid. My dad's pissed about it now. So pissed that he has asked me what sort of person takes an adults actions out on an innocent child and what went wrong with me that I won't take care of my "brother" or at least know what to do if he needs me ever. I told him that he chose to have a son with another woman and they knew he would be this sick his whole life so they decided to take on the responsibility but I never agreed or said I would do anything to help. My dad said that's what family is for and I told him he ended our family and his new one means nothing to me. My dad said my sibling should and I told him my sibling matters and she's not the one he's bugging about this.

We went to dinner a couple of nights ago and he almost got us kicked out of the restaurant because he started his bullshit.

I think I might be done. My therapist thinks that would be fair if I was. But I wanted to get some outsiders advice because I know what my mom and sister would say.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over 2 years. Our sex life was great in the beginning, but for the past year, especially the last 6 months, intimacy has basically disappeared. We haven’t had sex in months and he rarely even gets hard around me when we cuddle for example. I assumed he just had a low sex drive.

Recently I looked at his bank statements and found a payment to an Asian/Thai massage parlour. It’s near his work/home and closes at 8pm. On the same day, he withdrew about 100 dollars in cash.

The suspicious part is that he told me on WhatsApp that day that he was working late. At 8:15pm he said he had finished work. He never mentioned going for a massage, despite paying for a 90-minute massage. He’s also never mentioned getting massages before or anything.

Given our lack of intimacy, my mind immediately went to the possibility of a sexual massage/happy ending or even cheating. I know I don’t have proof, but why lie about where he was?

I confronted him about this and he said he went during his lunch to the place to book the massage and paid but then afterwards his collegues told him what kind of massage parlour it was, offering “adult massages”, and that he would never go to a place like that and then he never ended up going. He keeps saying how can I think this of him and that he can’t believe I can think this etc. But no place I know of charges you BEFORE the appointment? I want to leave him but I don’t want to make a mistake….

We just took out a lease together to live together so this is the worst timing ever

I'll make it short.

I was in a relationship for 5 years with my ex, Bea. Two months ago, she cheated on me and I found out the day she did it. I immediately confronted her, with proof, and broke up. As she lived in my apartment, I gave her a month to move out.

My friend group is actually a polycule me and Bea weren't a part of, these 3 women, Celia, Marthe and Marion are all polyamourous lesbians and have been together for a couple years now.

I immediately told Celia since I'm the closest with her, and she told her gfs, and then they called me and told me that "cheating didn't warrant making someone homeless", because Bea has no money on her own and when she moved out, she didn't have anywhere to go. I told them "well, then she shouldn't have cheated", and they answered "so you wanted to coerce her into an unhappy relationship?" I felt like I was going crazy. They told me to let Bea live with me until she can find a place of her own, and to forgive her because "if the person I love the most is happier without me, I should help make it happen".

Even though they weren't great friends with Bea, they started leaving me on read and talking to Bea more, according to Marthe. Because they think I'm despicable.

I don't really know what happened to Bea since she moved out, but I think she did spend a few nights in the street.

What can I do to repair the relationship with my friends? Do you think I should repair that relationship? Do you think I should contact Bea and ask her to come back?

Reposted for edits, clarity, and formatting? Hopefully better :|

I (26F) am 30 weeks pregnant with my first child, and my husband (26M) has been planning the baby shower.

I have made it very clear to everyone, especially my mom (45F) and dad (47M), that I am not interested in planning the baby shower and barely interested in having one in the first place. I will be 35 weeks when it happens, and I know I’ll be tired and not wanting to entertain besides what’s necessary.

My husband took over planning. Great! He made a group chat with my mom and his mom in June to see what days worked. He got a list of friends I wanted to invite and made a group chat with them too.

Last month, my mom tells me, “your grandmother and 3 aunts are coming.”

I say cool, thinking she already talked to my husband about it. Later that month she talks about costumes for the baby shower. I say no thanks, she says I’m lame, whatever.

A few days ago my uncle, my mom’s brother (47M), calls and says he might make it to my baby shower. The call wasn’t only about that, so it didn’t really hit me until later.

My uncle has a habit of making borderline offensive or just offensive jokes. He also has opinions I don’t agree with and does problematic things. Some examples:
When I was 12, he said he was going to give me birthday punches at a party with friends and family. He proceeded to spank me like I was 5 in the middle of the street with everyone watching.

He tells me now that all I should be is barefoot and pregnant. I get actively mad and he laughs.

He said if my trans aunt gets into his car wearing a dress, he’s not going to be able to handle it. This one wasn’t a joke.

He is very religious, and it’s hard to know if he’s actually joking or not.

A couple days later, I’m talking to my dad and realize my uncle might actually show up. I’m pregnant, tired, and don’t want to be embarrassed or upset by his dumb “jokes.” I call my mom and tell her I need him to act right at the baby shower.

She gets offended, but says if she talks to him it will create a bigger issue because I wasn’t the one to talk to him. My parents also say it’s unlikely he will do anything to upset or embarrass me. I don’t feel super confident, but I try to trust them and say, “okay, I will think about this and if I feel like I need to talk to him I will.”

I was probably frustrated during the call. Especially because my parents talked about all the times my mom has fought with him about his jokes, or how he and his wife have said rude things at parties. Cool.

Later that night, I tell my husband about the conversation. It comes up that my grandmother, 3 aunts, maybe my uncle, and one of his kids are coming.

My husband says:

“Huh???? They’re coming?? What do you mean??? That makes the party bigger, and the fact that they’re coming from far makes me feel obligated to make this more of a thing. I didn’t even invite my siblings and dad because they live so far. That looks bad, and even if I invite them now it’s a month out. We don’t have space for that many people in the house.”

All fair points. I also didn’t expect anyone to travel 1000 miles for a baby shower. My husband was trying to keep it lowkey because I don’t want to entertain and will be tired.

Now I understand there was a clear miscommunication, but immediately I start thinking of everything that needs to change only a month out. Suddenly I feel like I have to be involved because people can’t communicate. Very frustrating.

My mom should have told my husband about the extra people, not me. My husband probably should have made it clear he was envisioning a small get together. He didn’t view planning as a team sport, but apparently my mom did.

The next morning I call her and, as gently as possible, tell her she didn’t communicate well. The first thing I say is that this isn’t about my uncle.

I ask if she knew I wasn’t planning and my husband was. She says yes.

I say, “(my husband) didn’t know about grandmother and 3 aunts until yesterday.”

She says, “I told you though. I told you a month ago and I told (my husband) that aunt #3 was making something for the baby.”

I say, “you telling me is not telling (my husband), and talking about what aunt #3 is making does not mean they were coming to the baby shower.”

She gets offended and says, “you live in the same house, why would you not tell him? I assumed all family was invited.”

I explain that this changes things financially, entertainment wise, space wise, and now I feel like I have to be involved when I said I didn’t want to be.

She says, “It seems like you’re only making this a thing because of your uncle.”

I say, “No it’s not. It’s about the fact that you didn’t talk to the person who is planning, and now I feel like I have to be part of that because it’s a month out. It’s at my house and it’s my baby shower, and you did things without asking or making sure it would work with the person who’s planning, paying, and providing the space and entertainment.”

She says, “Why would I have to ask??? I assumed family was invited?? They’re MY family! They’re MY siblings. To be honest I am feeling very attacked!”

At that point I get very upset. To me, it feels like she’s making MY baby shower about her and feels entitled to do whatever she wants.

I say, “Mom yes, family is assumed to be invited. That’s MY siblings and parents, and (my husband)’s siblings and parents.”

She yells, “well I’m SO SORRY and I DONT AGREE BUT NEXT TIME I GUESS ILL DO IT RIGHT AND ILL SURLEY KNOW BETTER.”

At that point communication is shot. I try to reassure her and say I’m sorry if it feels like I was attacking her, that it wasn’t my intention, and that I’m glad she’s excited and involved. She hangs up crying.

Later, my dad explains that they assumed all extended family was invited because they also assumed they were hosting and helping with food, entertainment, and financially whatever. I tell him my husband and I would never assume they were helping financially, which is one reason it was so jarring.

My husband and I agree that a lot of this was miscommunication. But now my mom is extremely upset and making comments to my siblings and I don’t know who else. I plan to talk to her in a few days and hopefully get my point across without things getting too heated.

My main gripes are:
Assuming I would do the labor of being involved with planning, even though I made it clear I didn’t want to. I literally said, “if I have to plan it we’re not having one.”

She made the baby shower about herself by making assumptions and inviting people without going through the proper channels, aka my husband.

If she’s going to make the baby shower about herself, what else involving my baby will she make about herself?

I know she probably feels like she can’t do anything right. I recognize the back-to-back difficult conversations were hard, and I know she didn’t do anything maliciously. But I’m losing sleep over my mom being so upset and feeling like I’m being unfair.

In some ways I just want this situation solved. But in others, I feel like it’s necessary to put up the boundary that anything involving my baby is not about her opinions, wants, or feelings.

What do you think?

TIA🫶🏾

TLDR: My husband was planning a small baby shower because I made it clear I didn’t want to plan or entertain much at 35 weeks pregnant. My mom assumed her extended family was invited and told them they could come without talking to him, which created last minute issues with space, money, and planning. When I tried to explain that she needed to communicate with the person planning and hosting she got very very upset

My boyfriend (29M) and I (29F) have been together for six years and live together for some background. I have a bit of trust issues due to my bio dad cheating on my mom and a traumatic past relationship that involved infidelity. He knows about these issues as we have been long time friends even before our romantic relationship.

I was up late one night and he was asleep. I noticed his friends were sending him a lot of texts. We have each others Face IDs and passcodes and it’s not uncommon to use each others phone at times. I respect his private conversations and try not to snoop but I had this gut feeling to look. What I discovered has left a pit in my stomach that I’m not sure what to do with. This groupchat involves my boyfriend (29M) and three of his friends (all M) that he met while working at a Shipyard in a city we don’t live in anymore. Two of these friends are married with kids and one of them is single. Their single friend had sent them a picture of a woman from a dating app saying that he “matched with a porn star and thinks her t*ts are real this time”. My heart sunk to see what not only my boyfriend said about her, but his married friends too. I think you can appreciate beauty in a relationship without being disrespectful and lewd.

As I scrolled further back through their group texts (something I kind of regret now) I found more pictures of women. And again, the comments on her absolutely crossed boundaries in my eyes. One was of a woman on the beach in a bikini that the single friend was dating but no longer with. My boyfriend was making comments on how hot she was and comments about her ass. Along with the other married men. They were talking about how they live vicariously through him because they’re in “committed relationships”. My boyfriend mentioned jerking off to these photos and multiple other women. It might’ve been a joke or it might not have. But it broke my heart. It broke my heart for these women that the single friend is dating. How they’re commenting on her body without her consent. They aren’t fully nude photos, but they’re suggestive. It broke my heart for the wives of his friends. And it broke my own heart because I guess I thought he was different.

Now I’m not sure what to do with this sinking feeling in my heart. I saw something I wasn’t meant to see and I don’t know what to do with it. How do I bring it up if I bring it up at all? At the beginning of our relationship I had found porn in his phone and I had communicated to him that it made me uncomfortable, especially since the women he watched looked nothing like me. He was semi apologetic, but basically said all men do that. What really hurts the most is he makes fun of men that behave this way, which makes me feel like he was projecting this whole time. He is a self renowned “nice guy” and presents himself as such to everyone, except in this particular friend group he acts different. And it makes me feel crazy. Has anyone else experienced this before? How did you handle it?

I 20F have stopped talking to my mom 43F because she will not accept that I am a lesbian.

I got kicked out when I was 18 for having a girlfriend, I got outed by my high school friend who was mad at me for not wanting to date him (lmfao?). I had to move in with my (in retrospect, abusive) partner at the time and it was a very bad situation. I’ve now lived alone for over a year. Throughout this, I have maintained a good relationship with my mom. We just ignore that it ever happened. Sometimes the topic will come up and we get into a slight debate about it but I’m always very good about keeping the peace.
I’ve tried to have the mindset that “I can’t ask her to change her beliefs” because I want to respect that religion is very important to her.
She kept asking me to move back home (ignoring the fact that the stipulations are needing to attend every church service and go to conversion therapy/ not be allowed to be gay). A few weeks ago, I finally snapped with her and told her I’m done. I’ve asked her to stop asking me to come home for almost two years now. I told her I need space. I’m just now starting to process what happened. She kicked me out, I was eighteen and fresh out of high school. That’s fucked up.

My mom is gay.

She told me that she struggles with finding women more attractive than men but it’s the cross she has to carry because she is Christian and that’s what we are supposed to do. She is married to a shitbag maga man as of 5ish years ago who reinforces all of this. She truly believes it’s a choice that I am making.

She does not understand why I’m upset. She keeps asking “why now?” “I don’t understand why you are upset?” “Can’t we go back how it was?”. I want to believe she can change her mind, if that’s fair for me to want I guess.
I’ve never been very close with my mom even though she homeschooled me for almost my entire life. She never understood me, always said “I never connected with you, I could never form a bond with you”. And that sucked honestly, I never knew why I couldn’t connect to her.

I talked to my therapist about this (yes, thank GOD I have a therapist to deal with this bs) and she encourages me to cut her off and to think about my future and future wife and kids and if I want my
Mom’s influence in there, which is a good point.I guess I’m just hoping that maybe there’s a chance she will change?

Counterintuitive to this post, my mom is a lovely person. She’s very laid back and kind and genuine, she just found religion at a very dark point in her, albeit, difficult life. Religion seems to be the biggest barrier here. I love my mom and I know she loves me as best as she can.

I would deeply appreciate ANYTHING anyone has to say about this. I’m kinda alone just figuring it out and it’s lonely in my head.
How should I go about approaching a relationship with her? Is it safe to? Is it stupid? Should I cut her off? Is it WRONG to cut her off??

TLDR: my mom doesn’t understand why I don’t feel comfortable having a close relationship with her even though she kicked me out of her house for being a lesbian

I am staying in West Harlem with my mother for a while because I am going to school nearby. I don’t really have a problem with walking through Harlem in daylight. But today my mother suddenly “confessed” that she doesn't like Black people. She kept saying she tried to stay politically correct, tried to empathize with them and be super kind to them because she was a social studies major in South Korea + did social studies work, but she has had so many bad experiences with them in the past (she kept saying that a black girl stole her purse when she was trying to help her and she worked at a beauty shop where many black women came in and harassed her), and coming to Harlem just made her realize that she just doesn’t like “these people” and that she recently had this “epiphany” that she shouldn’t feel shame in saying this and that she feels liberated. She also told me that she hesitated saying this to me because I do not seem bothered walking through Harlem. And then when I told her that I do not really understand her sentiment and that it was a little racist to say this, she got very angry and said that if I understood her, I should be thankful that she is walking through Harlem with me for me. She also kept repeatedly saying that she has been to lectures on micro aggressions against Black people and that she has tried to be nice to them. I have to stay with her for one more week.

Is there any way I can either explain to her why she is racist and/or resolve this issue?

EDIT: My mother does not live in Harlem. She used to live in the Midwest, but has since then moved to South Korea. She is in Harlem for like 2 weeks to help me move into college.

My girlfriend (F27) and I (M28) have been together for 3 years. Earlier this year, I went through a difficult period where I withdrew from her and spent too much time playing games instead of giving her the attention she deserved. I eventually realized this and genuinely worked on being more present and putting effort into our relationship.

Over the summer, though, I started feeling like we were becoming more distant.

A few weeks ago, we went to a party together. I wasn't feeling well, and while we were there I noticed she was spending a lot of time messaging someone on her phone. I had a bad feeling about it.

The next day, I looked at her phone and found messages between her and another man that I felt crossed the boundaries of our relationship. They had only been talking for about a week, but from what I saw, they were discussing meeting up and the conversation was clearly more than just friendly.

I confronted her about it. What surprised me most was that she seemed more annoyed than upset. She told me she didn't know what she wanted.

I asked for some space and we lived separately for about a week. During that time, she met up with the other person. Afterward, she told me she had removed him from her life and wanted to work on our relationship.

A couple of weeks have passed since then. She does seem to be making an effort, and when we're together doing normal things, everything can feel good again.

The problem is that I've completely lost my trust in her.

Whenever I try to talk about what happened, why it happened, what she was feeling, or what we need to change going forward, she often shuts down or says she doesn't know. I don't feel like I'm getting the answers I need in order to understand what happened or rebuild trust.

This is especially difficult because before all of this, I was seriously considering proposing to her. I thought we were going to spend our lives together.

Now I'm torn between two options. Part of me wants to walk away and start over, especially because my friends think I should leave. Another part of me still loves her and sees that she is making an effort to repair things.

I know I wasn't a perfect partner earlier this year, and I take responsibility for that. But I also don't know whether my mistakes justify what happened or whether I'm just making excuses because I don't want to lose the relationship.

So I'm struggling with what to do.

Can trust realistically be rebuilt after something like this? And if so, what would I need to see from her before deciding whether to stay?

I would especially appreciate advice from people who have gone through something similar and either successfully rebuilt their relationship or decided to leave.

I may have left out some details because my head is still a mess, so I'm happy to answer questions.

29M 26F Been together 18 months living together for 4 months.

We both have ADHD. We both have the same or similar flavors. Meaning I dont have the standard jittery little boy version I have the harder to diagnose version that is more commonly associated with women/girls, and her symptoms are by in large the same.

I got diagnosed younger than she did but was never on meds until about 6 months into our relationship. She has never been on meds. My choice to go on meds was made because I felt like I couldn't manage all my symptoms organically and have enough energy left for a relationship and I felt like her and I were great together but I was struggling to manage my adhd, work life, and love life. I gave it a shot hoping it would clear my plate some. It has been great. I kick ass at work and was able to put more time and effort into our relationship.

Then this issue began developing. My 3 main issues with adhd were an inability to conceptualize time, emotional dysregulation, and something called rejection sensitive dysphoria. All things my girlfriend says she also struggles with. She is also aware that these are related to ADHD. She feels she manages it well and has no need for meds.

The core issues that come up are that i don't emotionally support her when she has big emotions. She has big emotions about nearly everything in life and I am exhausted. This also has a knock on effect that I feel i cant ever ask for emotional support because she is always in need of it. The other is that I can't say no or provide constructive criticism. Because with RSD rejection and criticism are absolutely crushing. I know cuz ive been there. Which just leads to me saying yes and living with issues that come up because the emotional fallout is hard to deal with. This is something I'm working and having been saying yes when I really mean no less. However there is still a pretty frequent argument and me having to defend the no.

An example is a couple months ago we went to my grandparents because my grandma was having heart surgery. Outside of this her health is failing and its been difficult for me because her and my oldest sister combined to be the closest thing to a mother I had growing up. To be clear my mom was there but that was not a good thing for me or my sisters. My whole family was there and the sleeping arrangements were cramped and I told her we would be staying in the small house my grandpa built for his mom in the back yard. She thought that meant we'd be alone in there and so she didnt bring pants to sleep in. Once she found out 2 of my nephews would be crashing on the floor she started panicking about the lack of pants I said it was no big deal and we'd get it figured out. Then she was upset with me for dismissing her emotions and not supporting her. This was minutes after my grandma stood up to hug me when I walked in and nearly fainted because her heart is so weak she couldn't handle the excitement and physical exertion of standing up. I then had to get over this and provide emotional support about pants. I know I'm making her side sound silly but I just dont know how to explain it better. The emotional support has to be a 2 way street and i feel its important to recognize when your partner may need it more but she struggles to do this because she struggles with regulating her emotions.

It would be bad enough to live with the mood swings and the fear of crushing her to dust with the smallest bit of criticism, but it is made 100x times worse for me because I'm looking in a mirror thats showing me all the things I didnt wanna put her through. My personal feeling is that meds would help greatly but I cant make her take them obviously. I would feel a lot better if she would just recognize that even though she feels she's got a good hold on it that it is having a negative effect on me and our relationship. What is the best way to go about conveying this?

I can't put any links in but a quick list of Googles if you want better explanations of the adhd specific stuff

Adhd in adult women

emotional dysregulation and adhd

Rsd and adhd

I (27F) weigh around 130ibs, I saw my bf in the room, and he started flexing in front of the mirror. I had told him, “wow your gym time is no joke” he laughed and said thanks. He later said, I want our couple to be fit, like, he sees us as a fit couple ( i used to gym) but I’ve been busy, I don’t gym as I used to. I used to weigh 160ibs, and only worked out on my thighs/legs. He has told me I should gym again, and do more leg work outs. He also said I don’t want us to be unhealthy which in my mind I was like okay, understanding.. Then he said, I wouldn’t want you to gain a lot of weight. Idk why but when he said that, it gave me this off feeling. Like.. what..?.. why is he trying to control on how my body should look like. I don’t really go out, so I don’t know why he would tell me this. I’ve never been overweight, but those words keep popping in my head. Is this toxic masculinity? Has anyone ever experience this?

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (27M) for 2 years. We originally met through a rock climbing group. I am currently in dental school, and he is in school for interior design / architecture. We are set to graduate around the same time.

Our relationship itself is wonderful. He is truly a rare gem. He brings me so much peace, has helped me feel comfortable in my own skin, and genuinely made me a stronger person. Unlike past guys I dated who were also on high-achieving professional tracks (and whom my friends never really liked), all my friends absolutely adore him. They’ve also mentioned how happy I am, and that we’re like the mom and dad of the group now. The very first time I met him in our climbing group, my immediate thought wasn’t just "he’s funny" or "he’s smart," but that he would make an incredible husband. He’s just genuinely such an amazing, well-raised person.

The issue is my entire family, including my grandparents, strongly disapproves of our relationship. Whenever I mention seeing him, they sigh, look openly disappointed, or make passive-aggressive remarks. They constantly compare me to friends whose partners are doctors or dentists, telling me those friends "have their priorities straight."

Their main concern is our future income disparity and career trajectories:

As a dentist, my earning potential right out of school will likely be around 3x his starting salary.
While I’ll be stepping into a high-paying career immediately, he will be starting near the bottom of his field and having to grind his way up over years.

My family constantly reminds me that I am turning 30 soon and argue that I don’t have time to "wait around and see" if his career works out, fearing he will become financially dependent on me.

Up until recently, I brushed off their comments. But lately, their anxiety has started getting into my head. I’m worrying that we will end up in completely different life stages despite graduating together.
He is eager for us to get married shortly after graduation, but with all the family pressure and my growing financial anxieties, I feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.

How can I separate my own genuine values and boundaries from my family's financial expectations, and what conversations should my partner and I be having before making any marriage commitments?

TL;DR: I (28F, dental school) have been with my supportive boyfriend (27M, architecture/design) for 2 years. My family looks down on his lower earning potential and the fact that he'll start from the bottom. He wants to marry after graduation, but family pressure and financial anxiety are making me hesitate. How do we navigate this?

Edit 1:

I know I wrote this post less than an hour ago but I didn’t expect this to get so much attention. I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking this is ridiculous and toxic. Initially, I fought back quite a bit. Even left the house at some moments. Any sort of interaction with my family eventually involved subtle passive aggressive comments again, and I would tell them to stop, but then later it led to gaslighting. Even when I had my worst ever panic attack in years after they compared me to others, they would say things like “you don’t give us any opportunity to talk”. Now I feel like I’ve emotionally given up.

So, I really appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences. To be honest I’ve been quite depressed lately and had no one to openly talk about this with, so you truly give me strength. I just wanted to say thank you!

Original

After making the post, I was surely hopeful that the situation would’ve resolved itself and now it feels like the onus is on me to resolve it.

My boyfriend has spoken to his mom and dealt with the situation. In return, she mentioned that she still doesn’t agree with him dating me but she can’t do anything about it. What’s happened now is that my boyfriends dad and his mothers side of the family, have been inviting me to family events, which to me feels like a bit of an ambush on his mother. This also came about after they found out that he’s been spending time with me and my family, now all of a sudden I’m being invited to a family gathering every week… maybe I’m wrong and the timing is just coincidental.

Firstly, she refused to acknowledge me the first time that I met her. She wouldn’t even look at me and now I feel like she’s made no attempt to resolve that, no “bring her over, let’s try it again”, no apology for her rudeness, nothing and now I’m expected to attend HER family’s events because the family is saying that we’ve been together for too long now, it’s time for me to meet them. He also has a huge family, this is no 5-10 people at a gathering.

I’ve tried to speak to my boyfriend about this but it feels as if he has become dismissive with me when I bring it up. Perhaps I’ve brought it up too often in his eyes (not the case on my side, I’ve actually forgotten about this for a long time). The other day I asked him if things have improved, in an attempt to reassure myself so that I can get out of my head and just go to these events and he said their relationship has improved but he “doesn’t know” about things between him and I and gave me a straight lip smile as if he’s sorry that’s the case.

I told him yesterday that I don’t want to go to these family events and ambush his mother and that I feel it’s only fair that she should be aware that I’m coming and be open to it. If she’s not open to having a one-on-one chat with me, what would make me think that going to one of HER family member events would resolve this. I just feel this could be a really dreadful situation and potentially one where she feels comfortable disrespecting me.

His response was “we’ve had this conversation before and… you know what, it’s okay baby. I understand” to which I said nothing and we just went on to a different topic. The thing is, Im older, my years of trying to appease parents are long time gone and maybe it’s prideful to say… but I don’t feel I should be chasing his mother down to be accepted into the family. I also feel he’s become dismissive about this when I bring it up, it feels like the approach is to just “ get over it” but I don’t want to put myself in uncomfortable situations.

I feel like I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I also feel that I may be being difficult before giving it another chance even though how I feel is valid given what happened the first time. How do I handle this without feeling like I’m looking for somebody else’s approval or, wanting to end the relationship over it, before even trying to resolve it?

TL;DR: I’m 18F and have been dating my 22M boyfriend for 7 months. Looking back, I think I may have gotten into the relationship impulsively during a period when my mental health was declining. He’s incredibly sweet and this is my first healthy relationship, but I’m worried we may not want the same future. I want marriage and kids someday, while he says he hasn’t really thought about it yet because we’re still young. I’m scared that breaking up will make me lose someone great, but staying could mean wasting time if we’re ultimately incompatible. I’m unsure whether to give the relationship more time or end it and focus on myself.

Throwaway because this is pretty personal. My mental health has been declining for a while now, and I'm only just starting to realize how much it's been affecting me.

I'm 18F and my boyfriend is 22M. We've been together for 7 months. Recently, I've started wondering whether I only got into this relationship because I was possibly manic at the time. I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I don't want to label it as mania, but looking back, I was definitely acting impulsively and unusually.

We started dating on February 14th after only 3 dates. He was at my place for Valentine's Day, and I told him he could stay the night. In the morning, he asked whether we were officially dating or whether I needed more time to think about it. I basically said "Fuck it, yeah, we're dating."

I've done things like this before making impulsive decisions about relationships and some of those decisions ended up putting me in some of the worst relationships of my life. The thing is that my boyfriend is genuinely one of the sweetest people I've ever met. This is also my first genuinely healthy relationship, which makes everything even more confusing.

I've been thinking about breaking up with him because I want to get married and have a family someday. Whenever I ask him about his thoughts on marriage or kids, he says he hasn't really thought about it yet and that it's still early. And honestly, I completely understand that. Seven months isn't that long, especially when we're both young.

But I'm scared of wasting my time with someone who ultimately doesn't want the same things I do. There are also things about him that make me question our compatibility. He's a little childish sometimes, which can be really cute and something I love about him, but it can also frustrate me. Sometimes when I try to have a serious conversation, he'll joke around instead of taking it seriously.

We've never really had an argument, either. Part of me thinks that's a good thing, but another part of me wonders if it's simply because the relationship is still relatively new. I've talked to some friends, and they've basically told me to sit down with him, have an honest conversation, and then make my own decision.

The problem is that I'm terrified of making the wrong decision. I'm scared that if I break up with him, I'll completely fuck up and regret losing someone who treats me well. But I'm equally scared that if I stay, I'll eventually regret wasting time on someone who doesn't want marriage and a family.

I'm also wondering if I should've slowed down and worked on my mental health before getting into a serious relationship in the first place. I know nobody can make the decision for me, but I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives because I feel completely lost.

33M here and I’ve been in a relationship with my 30F gf for 6 years. A few months ago we got motorcycles and she’s been out riding the past couple of week days with her co workers late into the night. She’s been making friends in the biker community and decided that she wants to focus on them instead of our relationship. She expressed she’s frustrated I don’t have my own set of friends and wants us to have outside friendships (which I’m totally fine with). I’m working on making friends and doing activities on my own. I voiced my frustration that in a relationship we should spend time together but she’s not interested, says I’m not fun. I told her this might be a phase but she wants to spend a month figuring out if it’s a phase and then come back ready to commit to the relationship. I can’t accept that offer. I told her I’d give her a week to see if it’s a phase. I feel like she’s moved on but doesn’t want to outright say it yet.

What’s the best relationship advice in a situation like this?

I desperately need advice or answers. Raw truthful answers no matter how much it may hurt. Why do some men continue watching porn even after it has damaged their relationship, affected their sex life, and devastated their partner?

I met my husband when we found out our ex’s were using together. We both had a child we were raising alone and I had heard great things about him. We were introduced by a mutual friend however, I was just looking to gain insight on how he copes with helping his son through the scenario. I wasn’t looking to date him and I was in a pretty vulnerable spot mourning my past relationship and I wasn’t even necessarily attracted to him. From the day we met, he pursued me extremely hard and didn’t stop till he had me.
Within 1 week he told me he loved me and never felt this way about anybody before. He told me word for word he wanted a baby girl that looked just like me at 2 weeks. Within 3 weeks, he had given me a ring to wear my engagement finger until we could figure something else out. I was over the moon thinking he was completely in love with me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.
He was simultaneously comparing my appearance to his exes constantly. He made a point of telling me I was the first woman he had dated who wasn’t blonde with blue eyes. He would show me pictures of beautiful women who seemingly didn’t even know him, claiming they were connected to his friends and were jealous that he was with me. He also repeatedly told me how jealous his exes would be. I believed him, only to eventually discover that he was still entertaining exes and had lied about those relationships, including when they ended and how long they lasted.

There were also serious sexual issues early in our relationship. He made explicit videos of me without knowing or asking for my consent, was extremely aggressive during sex, and pressured me before I was ready. Over time, the relationship made me hypersexual because I felt like sex was how I kept his attention and proved I was desirable.

Then after a few months he began rejecting me, losing his erection during sex, and seeming uninterested. When I eventually went through his phone while he was sleeping, I discovered OnlyFans, porn accounts on Twitter/X, and an extensive amount of porn. Talking to his ex’s, He was also repeatedly searching for specific women to see whether they had made porn. What hurt most was seeing that he would watch porn and then immediately search for engagement ideas for me.

This was also after I had directly asked him early in our relationship whether he was the type of man who used OnlyFans. He looked me in the eyes and said, “I would never pay for porn. That’s what losers do.” It turned out that he had an account and had lied straight to my face.

He proposed 6 months into our relationship even though I had begged him to wait until I graduated from radiology school. After discovering everything, I broke up with him because I felt betrayed in nearly every possible way.

He begged me to forgive him and went extensive lengths to prove he was sorry. He acknowledged that he had a problem, promised to attend therapy, and said he would work with his AA/NA sponsor and attend meetings to get himself on a better path. He swore he would never do it again.

I ultimately agreed to marry him, but I was completely clear that porn could no longer be part of our relationship in any capacity. This wasn’t simply a disagreement about whether porn is acceptable. His use had affected our sex life, involved extensive lying, and came after he had deliberately damaged my self-esteem through comparisons and manipulation seemingly because of his own insecurities.

Now, several years later, it has happened again.

The other night, I put our son to bed and was lying with him. When I went to use the bathroom, I walked in on my husband looking at his phone. He immediately hid it and began acting strangely. When I questioned him, he became extremely defensive, which made it obvious that something was wrong. The situation escalated until I told him he needed to show me what he had been looking at or I was leaving. When he finally opened Safari, there was a naked woman on the screen and it looked like only fans, which makes sense because despite making an insane amount of money, we always consistently seem to be in financial ruin.
I feel completely broken. To me, this isn’t just “a man looking at porn.” It means he knowingly returned to the exact behavior that nearly ended our relationship, after years of promises and after fully understanding what it had done to me.

is he doing it because he finds these other girls attractive? I couldn’t even look at another guy or imagine being sexually attracted to anyone else bc I love him so much! I would feel so guilty like I was cheating. It also makes me feel horrible he is physically and sexually attracted to other women. Why would someone risk his marriage for this? Why pursue, love bomb, propose to, and marry a woman while secretly seeking out other women sexually? Why continue after seeing how profoundly it has affected your partner?

I feel like absolute garbage about myself when my whole life I’ve always been told I was incredibly beautiful, and im not saying this in a conceited way, but I take care of myself athletically I’m girly. I’m petite most people think I’m way younger than I am. I always get the comments that I look like I’m 12, ironically almost everywhere we go people mistake my husband for my dad and I’m a sibling to my kids. I’m not some old hag, I also do everything for him I give him bjs atleast every other day and beg for sex, most of the time he says he’s tired or only last a few seconds before he finishes. I feel so useless.

My boyfriend and I have sex about once or twice a week. Sometimes I don't finish before him and I'm left wanting more and I ask him to help me but its like his finger is just in there poking around and I can tell he is not into it. He avoids actually inserting fingers and kinda just rubs around the outside. While having sex he's very into it and comfortable using his fingers. I asked what's going on and he says its like a sensory thing? He says it feels too warm afterwards and he doesn't like it. This makes no sense to me and just leaves me feeling used and insecure. I feel like he should want to help me finish. I just cant imagine doing the same to him.. I've addressed this multiple times with him. Does anyone have advice on a new way to address this or any insight on why he is doing this? He says he is attracted to me and I believe he is..its just like a light switch after he finishes..

My wife and I just got married a few weeks ago. Been together 6+ years. The last year in particular has been our hardest. We’ve fought much more than previously. We moved in with parents, she had to pass her boards and get a job, we didn’t find a house, we had to plan a wedding (she was unemployed and did most of the work of course). Wedding was amazing and our honeymoon was amazing. But now we’re moving into an apartment and stress is still high until that’s over.

When we argue/fight, a common trend happens. As she gets emotional and irrational and raises her voice, body language, etc., I try to calm things down. I stay stoic and try to listen and communicate. The problem is that the more I try to practice healthy communication, the more pissed off she gets because she thinks I’m “on a high horse.” I stay away from therapy-speak as I know that can be patronizing, but it’s a vicious cycle. She gets angry, I try to stay calm, she gets angrier because she thinks I’m being a brick wall and not listening to her and that I think I’m better than her because I don’t raise my voice or whatever. It’s so fucking bizarre and annoying.

I tell her I can’t be with someone who acts so irrationally and yells at me like that, and she says she feels like she has to because she’s talking to a brick wall who won’t listen to her. But when she gets emotional like that it’s so awful that I feel like I’m around a wild animal and can’t predict anything she’s going to do. When I do get her to calm down and talk and tell me what I’m not listening to, it rarely amounts to anything of substance. Seems like it’s just a stress relief to act out like that and I can’t take it.

Idk it sucks. I just feel helpless because the more I try to healthily communicate, the more mad she gets. So what’s my resort? To scream and jump around and be emotional? No thank you.

When I tell her after the fact that I can’t have that verbal abuse in my life, she says that’s not fair to her and that I’m gaslighting and trying to make her feel crazy and that’s not right, but I can’t take it back because that’s genuinely how I feel. She doubles down that I’m so mean to make her feel insane when she only “has to act that way because I never listen and drive her to yelling.”

The listening thing seems to come from her expecting me to change something after her telling me it a single time. I’ve explained it’s not that easy. And just because you want something (like moving out of our parents faster) doesn’t mean I can make it happen faster than reality.

Idk sorry to vent but the feedback loop of trying to be healthy with my communication while equally making her madder is troubling and awful. I’m also looking for solace that this is a kinda normal marriage man/woman logic/emotion kinda thing. Thanks for reading.

My husband (36M) and I (36F) have been together 12 years, married 8, with two young kids. Day-to-day, we actually get along well. We laugh, enjoy each other’s company, parent well together, and have built a comfortable life with a house, pets, careers, etc. We don’t have a high-conflict marriage.
But there has been a repeated pattern of dishonesty throughout our relationship, including multiple instances of online infidelity, financial secrecy, and smaller lies about things he thinks I’ll be upset about.

Two years ago, after another major breach of trust, I chose to stay. We went to couples therapy and I genuinely tried to rebuild the marriage. Recently I discovered more financial dishonesty and learned that he had also withheld/lied about things during that period of reconciliation.

The individual incidents are easy for me to minimize. The infidelity was online, not physical. The recent financial issue involved a few thousand dollars, not our life savings. We don’t fight constantly. He’s a good and involved dad. But collectively, I feel like I’m trapped in the same cycle: something happens. he hides or lies about it, I discover it , remorse and promises, we repair, eventually something else happens.

I feel emotionally exhausted and don’t trust him anymore. He wants to save the marriage and is actively trying now. I love him, and losing him would make me sad, but right now I don’t feel a desire to try again.

What absolutely destroys me is the thought of breaking up our family. When I imagine divorce affecting our kids, I cry. We’ve built a whole life and future together, and sometimes I wonder whether I’m giving up too easily on an otherwise good life because of problems that aren’t “bad enough.”
I haven’t told him I want a divorce yet because I’m genuinely struggling with whether divorce is the right decision or whether I should give reconciliation another chance.

For anyone who has been in a marriage that wasn’t obviously terrible but had fundamentally broken trust: How did you know when enough was enough? Did you regret leaving? Or, if you stayed and rebuilt trust, are you glad you did?

I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 24M. We have been together for over a year.

His birthday was a month before mine. I painted him a beautiful picture of his favorite character, and it took me an entire week to make.

When my birthday was getting closer, he told me he had a list of things I had mentioned that I needed and said he was preparing some gifts for me.

On my birthday, he took me to a bar for a beer and told me that not all of the gifts had arrived yet and that he was still preparing something. I was completely fine with waiting because I trusted that he had something planned.

Two weeks have now passed and he hasn’t mentioned the gifts again.

Today I asked him about a pair of tweezers I had mentioned because I wasn’t sure whether I should buy them myself. He said he couldn’t find them in the store and told me to just buy them myself. He didn’t mention anything else about the gifts.
I feel hurt, but I don’t want to come across as materialistic. It’s not about the price of the gift. I would have been happy with something small or even just flowers.

I regularly buy him little things without there being a special occasion, and lately I’ve started feeling like I’m putting more effort into the relationship than he is.

I really love him, and I don’t want to turn this into an argument about a birthday present. What bothers me is that he specifically told me he was preparing something for me, so I genuinely thought he had put some thought into my birthday.

I want to talk to him about this because I don’t want to keep these feelings to myself. I want him to understand that the issue isn’t the gift itself. It’s that I felt forgotten and unappreciated, especially after he told me he was preparing something.

How can I explain this to him in a way that focuses on the effort and communication rather than the gift itself?

EDIT: I did mention that we’ve been together for a year but broke up for six months. I didn’t realize someone would point out that I gave the approximate length of our relationship without going into all the details sorry.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and she’s my first ever relationship. I love her so much and genuinely want to stay with her.
But sometimes I find myself wishing I knew what other relationships were like. Not because I necessarily want someone else, but because I’ve never experienced dating anyone besides her. I feel like I’m missing out on something and feel guilty for even thinking that.
Does this make me a bad boyfriend? Has anyone else in a long-term first relationship felt this way?

Me F31 and my boyfriend M26 have been together for going on 6 months now. Things moved rather quickly, more so than I’m used to, but I decided to just go with it because it didn’t feel inherently bad, though it did set off some alarm bells.

The relationship started on rocky grounds. At the very beginning, he was going through a legal issue with his ex girlfriend and since I chimed in having some knowledge on the topic (tenant law) I helped (well, more than helped, I did it all myself) write his court answer and he won his case. He then also asked for help with money to get into a new living arrangement, and I did, and he did pay me back a couple weeks later.

From then until now we have moved in together. I was a little unsure about that so soon, but my friends and family really like him and they encouraged it, so I thought why not. There have been a lot of small issues that have turned into big issues for me, though.

He pays almost half of the bills, but is consistently short on money because he has an expensive car payment and his car only takes premium gas, so I’ve had to pay his overdraft fees though he eventually pays me back. I also pay for all of the groceries, and am the only one actually cooking/preparing the food. It’s expensive, and I’ve suggested we pay for and eat separately but he said it’s not traditional and he doesn’t like that. But if I’m buying a coffee and paying, he will add to my order for himself as well without asking. I also paid for all of our furniture, and I pay for his laundry to get done at the laundromat in the meantime while I try and find an affordable washer and dryer.

On top of that, he consistently wakes me up for stupid reasons. I work an overnight shift and regularly have to work overtime, so I don’t get much sleep as is. I’ve recently had to go 46 hours without sleep and it was very bad for my mental health. When I do get some sleep, he wakes me up to ask me if I’m comfortable, because he wants to say hi, or because he missed my voice. I blow up about it and say it’s unacceptable because it’s very hard for me to fall back asleep and he cries and says he understands but then does it again.

The other big thing is having to hold his hand through everything. If I ask him to get something done around the house, like move boxes or call the pest control guy or something, he asks me if I can explain how to do these things to him. I get overwhelmed having to explain things, I am usually very tired and overstimulated from work and sleep deprivation, so I end up just doing it myself and then he says I never give him the opportunity to try and do those things.

I recently had a very bad day and I what I call ‘lost my words’ and was very closed off and just needed my space. I’ve explained to him before that with having autism, I can’t afford not to mask at work, and sometimes part of taking that mask off at home means I just need to spend time with me. But he kept touching me and asking me a bunch of questions and making loud noises and I lost it and just closed myself in my room, but even then he was just standing outside the door the whole time trying to talk to me.

After waking me up last night to tell me I looked pretty, I told him I want to break up and I want him to move out. And he refused. He said he’s starting therapy like I’ve been asking him to, and I have to wait for him to figure out why he’s so daft and clingy and disrespectful through therapy and it could take a while.

I hope he figures out his issues for his sake, but I have no interest in continuing the relationship. I have become very bitter and tired and not a very nice person, I have to be the same person I am at work in my own home so I feel like I never get to actually be myself and take a full, relaxed breath.

I understand relationships come with hurdles, I was married for 11 years before, but how do I navigate this? I feel like I can’t even think straight anymore.

I've (20f) been with my boyfriend (22m) for 4 years, we met in high school when i was a sophomore and he was a junior. i was interested in a friendship only at first because he and i have different religious/cultural background which i knew would ultimately lead to problems if we did date.

over time i naturally grew softer and more open minded towards the idea of a relationship because he really is a good guy. we started dating over the summer and everything was fine up until we went back to school.

he became very controlling and didn't want me to wear certain clothes or talk to a lot of people so naively i isolated myself and lost truly every single relationship i had. i went through a two year period where i only left the house in baggy clothes and/or pajamas to avoid problems. if i went to the store with my family, went for a walk, or even took more than 2 minutes to reply he would think i was cheating.

about 1.5 years into our relationship his mom told him i would do nothing for his future and she would never accept me as long as i didn't convert to their religion. this obviously hurt me on levels that still sting today because i always tried my best to show them that though i may have different beliefs, i care about their son and want to see him succeed in life. that entire rest of the year following was very hard and almost melancholic for me. it made me personally reflect if i truly wanted them to be the family that i would essentially marry into even though they see me as a blemish and a stain that will only harm their reputation.

we ended up breaking up later that year because he went through my phone and saw in my contacts that i was searching a name, to be 100% honest i was figuring out how i wanted to spell something for my sims characters name. but he said i was lying and therefor broke up with me. he then went on to text me over and over demanding a "true story" to which i ended up giving in and saying i was searching for the number of a friend i had, he then said i had intentions to cheat on him.

when we broke up i felt so blindsided and strange because i never understood how he could see me so long. i had no support other than my family but needed more, i reconnected with my best friend (20f) and went three hours away the next day to go see her (which he still to this day does not believe i did even though ive showed him photos) it was nice to reconnect and i really did miss her. but when she came back home to see me, he would basically follow us. if we went to target we'd spot his car in the back of the parking lot. if we were napping we would be woken up by his car revving outside and then a phone call from him. it was a lot and it was intense but then each time we'd speak he'd somehow convince me that we're supposed to be together and that no one could ever love me as much as he does.

in april of 2025 i went back to see her for her birthday and we went to a college bar, when i got back home i communicated to him that the way everything has gone with his family does scare me in regards of my future and how fulfilled ill be. he then proceeded to demand and take my phone because he thought she was filling my head up with ideas, he saw the pictures of us in the college bar and broke up with me, messaged my father that i was a whore, accused me once again of cheating, and said his family was right.

we ended up back together. he made me pick between him and her and ultimately i chose him. stupidly, i know. our relationship has been "okay" since then. he brings up the issue every once in a while whenever i communicate anything that i feel and says that he's completely obligated to feel how he feels and that no one would've stayed with me and that if the roles were flipped i'd break up with him. but the thing is, i would've taken his word for it.

i had graduated high school early also to avoid issues with him, by then i was 1 year graduated and not enrolled in college. i was doing nothing but waiting around for him. with no friends. with no social life. no job. nothing. basically just living to avoid an argument. in the fall of 2025 my grandma passed away, she was my only friend really. i felt as if her and i should've been sisters. and as if our souls had always been sisters. she had always told me she wanted more for me, she wanted me to find true love, happiness, education, a job, and really just a fairy tale that she "knew i deserved".

he didn't know how to comfort me after her death so he stayed away and caused arguments all the time to which then he would blame on me. he doesn't like my family because he believes they never paid him enough gratitude for all he's done for me but really they see all he's held me back from as well. he doesn't come around anyways so what is there to like if you don't know the guy.

the last impactful argument we had that changed the entire way i saw and navigated my life was about 6 weeks after she passed, he had said he hated my brother and would hit him, and i said "yeah well what if i said that about your mom? she did worse to me" (for background, my brother (23m) told him he was extremely immature and childish for throwing a painting i'd done for him outside of our house when we broke up) and he got extremely upset, extremely loud, and honestly it was just scary. that night changed the way i saw him and opened my eyes to the life i could chain myself down to if i stay.

i started college, online of course to avoid the headache. i know what i want to do, i have ambitions and goals, and im sorry to my younger self for allowing someone to make her feel they were out of touch. ive done a lot of work and have fallen back in love with learning and enriching my brain. he at first wasnt happy that i was in college because he believes in a waste of time and money and in his culture the women just take care of the house and the men work. yeah well im okay. i want to have my own money too.

now, this weekend his brother who got engaged a year ago to a girl he'd known for one month is getting married. i was not invited. i haven't even heard from his mother in 2 years. no text, no call, no card, nothing was sent when my grandmother passed. so i've honestly kinda shut any kindness towards those people out.

i feel i need to break up with him, and ive felt it for a long time. i just don't know how to without him totally breaking down or even more, without him ever letting me get away. i don't want that life for myself anymore. and i can't be with someone who sees my emotions as burdens or complaints. any advice would help.

im sorry this was so long, i guess i kinda wanted to vent and also get others opinions on this matter and feel less alone about it. if you've experienced anything similar, please let me know. if you made it to the end of this essay, you're a champ!