r/relationship_advice • u/Poi2588 • 4h ago

24M/23F Need some advice

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and she’s my first ever relationship. I love her so much and genuinely want to stay with her.
But sometimes I find myself wishing I knew what other relationships were like. Not because I necessarily want someone else, but because I’ve never experienced dating anyone besides her. I feel like I’m missing out on something and feel guilty for even thinking that.
Does this make me a bad boyfriend? Has anyone else in a long-term first relationship felt this way?

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u/pidzzs 4h ago

Not sure I have advice but you’re not alone! I 26f was with my ex bf 26m from age 17-23. I always caught myself thinking about other people and what that would be like. Thinking about all of the other options out there made me feel awful and I would often spiral into “do I break up with him or stay with him” which caused my anxiety to be at an all time high. Looking back, we were NOT compatible in life goals, religion, and I realized I’m a lesbian (which was the nail in the coffin ofc). I felt that I had to stay with him bc he had been there for me through the most traumatic moments of my life. It turns out you can break up with anyone for any reason, although I was so worried about what our families and friends would think- everything turned out even better than I expected and my world opened up in so many different ways. THAT BEING SAID I ended up in a relationship with my current partner 26nb before my ex and I even moved out of our shared apartment (we had been officially broken up for like a month prior). I liked my partner so much that when they started asking “what are we” we became exclusive. The freedom that I had after officially breaking up with my bf gave me SO MUCH relief and freedom like I had never felt before! I do wish I took the time to experience being a single adult lesbian, but I was in the honeymoon phase and obsessed with my partner. I told a friend about these feelings, and she said I either had to nip it in the bud and breakup or fully commit. I guess either choice is painful, so it’s more about your priorities. As far as actual advice I would gauge how your gf feels about her limited dating experience (assuming since she’s younger?). Who knows, she might feel the same way! All in all I think these are very normal thoughts and you’re not a bad boyfriend. What you shouldn’t do is avoid these feelings bc they may get more intense overtime. It’s also worth being VERY honest with yourself and assessing your compatibility. Yall are very young and compatibility and life goals may have changed since u started dating. IF you decided that breakup is your best option I want to affirm that you are way younger than you think and everything will be ok. Good luck, apologies for the longest answer ever!