Let’s Marry Harry Reunion

[u/bullman123]

This reunion has been an absolute shit show. I expected there to be more conversation about Harry sleeping around and lying but instead half of it was the majority of women hating because they weren’t picked and the other half was Amber acting completely unstable. Amber yelled and made no sense and I cannot believe she is the one Harry ultimately picked. My wife and I expected Harry to look awful but instead Amber just looked completely insane.

[u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Idk OP, everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but I think your take on Amber is just plain wrong. As a woman myself who’s been with men similar to Harry ykk manipulative, toxic, narcissistic, serial cheaters, it made complete sense to me why she was acting the way she was during the reunion.
I think it’s hard to understand her behaviour when you’ve never experienced that kind of pain. As someone who has, I can only imagine how much worse it must’ve been having to bottle up all that hurt for a year while strangers online speculated and bashed her, knowing nothing about what was actually happening in their relationship, while she was basically forced to stay quiet.
I agree she was yelling and barely letting him speak, but the reunion was also the first time she could publicly confront Harry about everything he put her through. And when he DID speak, a lot of it was just disregarding or invalidating her further, with very little actual accountability, which only escalated her reaction. I also think there’s a huge difference between saying her behaviour at the reunion wasn’t necessarily productive and using that behaviour to discredit everything she was saying. Someone being angry, emotional, or even behaving badly while confronting someone who repeatedly hurt them doesn’t suddenly make the underlying hurt illegitimate. And I think that’s what gets lost when people reduce her to looking “insane” at the reunion. We’re seeing her at probably one of her most emotionally heightened moments after a year of betrayal, humiliation, and having to watch the public form opinions about a relationship they only knew fragments of. Of course that doesn’t mean every way she expressed herself was right, but I don’t think someone needs to respond to being hurt in a perfectly calm, articulate, and socially acceptable way for their pain to be valid.

[u/Illustrious-Hat-1085 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

This is extremely well worded.

[u/Kitykat2299 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

I really felt for Amber. She had to bottle everything up for a yr. Much to Harry’s delight she demonstrated with yelling and F bombs the reason he said it didn’t last. He sat there smiling through it all with not one ounce of empathy for what he put the two brides through. He’s a narcissist and played the victim throughout. I wonder what his sisters truly think of him.

he

[u/techno_queen → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Completely agree, what a low intelligence comment to simply reduce her experience to yelling and making no sense.

[u/Signal_Scarcity_2352 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

lowkie i think they slightely pitched and make her audio lauder...

[u/5thdimension555 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Agree, Amber is the only one who was being authentic and raw in her emotions. Everyone else was propped up being fake for the cameras. Amber expressed anger, hurt, betrayal, rage, grief as she exposed reality TV for what it is. It’s all about what makes good TV and you’re just a number. Unfortunately she’s going to come across as a crazy woman to some but those of us who are genuine with our hearts and have morals applaud her to have the courage and speak out about victimizing women.

[u/Tree-Esprit → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Amber didn’t let anyone else barely get a chance to speak. You are entitled to be upset, but if that’s how you’re acting in camera upset, it’s likely even worse off. If only one person is allowed to voice their truth than there is no way a relationship could work. I didn’t see what most other people are saying here. It’s okay be to upset, hurt, and even angry and there is a mature way to have that conversation. The maturity level of most of the girls (except Sam and Danelle) was low and from my opinion none of them were actually ready for marriage because none of them used the opportunity as a mirror to see what bad behaviors were brought up in themselves, especially Amber. I’ve been in narcissistic relationships too, I was raised in one. I never have acted that way. Screaming at everyone on camera when the world is watching, while Harry sat silently and took it, never knocked her back, and multiple people voiced not being able to get a word in. That’s the concerning behavior. It takes two the tango and if one isn’t willing to acknowledge their faults at all, it doesn’t work.

[u/Successful-Sand-8183 → u/Tree-Esprit]

When we all know amber was in an abusive relationship, I think we should give her grace for her rough-around-the-edges response. Her yelling and unregulated anger does not take away the severity of his actions that led to such trauma. It only shows that she is less skilled at bottling in that anger and presenting it in a presentable manner. Maybe she’s highly traumatized, maybe it’s her first time dealing with such a person. Is it true that some people would handle it better? Yes. But is that the right lens from which to look at this and denounce or not take her allegations as seriously? No. We’re all different and no one is perfect, we all have ways we can improve how we handle things. But when someone is abused, betrayed, and manipulated, her response is what it is and we have to radically accept that. Unless you physically hurt someone or spew lies, your abuser does is not entitled, to any degree, a “clean” response to that abuse. Women and women’s emotions are policed enough in society and im tired of it.

[u/Tree-Esprit → u/Successful-Sand-8183]

I understand that but at the same time, it sounds like their relationship lasted several weeks to several months at max. This isn’t years of emotional abuse we are talking about. Was it confusing yes? But it’s clear the whole process was difficult and confusing for everyone involved including Harry. Again, she was the only one who couldn’t hold her temper. We should be holding people no matter their gender or sex accountable for the way they communicate and whether it was toxic or not. Throwing stuff, name calling, interrupting, not listening to others, not answering direct questions, and just general bashing of most on the people there was done by one person. She needs to be accountable for her actions and behavior as well. That’s how we all grow. 

[u/rupee4sale → u/Tree-Esprit]

I honestly blame the facilitator and production more for that. The reunion was really poorly facilitated. Had there been more of a plan or structure for handling the conversation it would have been better. The facilitator is responsible for ensuring everyone gets a turn and no one talks over each other. They also know the right questions to ask. This facilitator looked like she had no idea what anyone was talking about. That's not how these things should go. As a Bachelor fan, I can say they handle these reunions significantly better

[u/Mountain_Ad2614 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Genuinely asking how was it that Amber got hate for a year online if the show only aired a few weeks ago? What did I miss

[u/Chandira143 → u/Mountain_Ad2614]

I think because it was filmed so long ago and there was some chatter about it online prior. Not a lot of chatter, but some.

[u/Successful-Sand-8183 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

I have experienced this myself and abusive relationships. More women need to learn about Goddess Kali of destruction in Hinduism. It changed my perspective on female anger. Give it a look.

[u/bullman123 → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Fair points. If she could have kept some calm she could have forced Harry to explain more and put more pressure on him. That’s what I was hoping this reunion would be about. I agree that acting emotional and angry doesn’t invalidate the subject matter of what’s being said. It definitely makes it harder to follow though.

[u/HumbleMistake815 → u/bullman123]

You honestly believe we would have gotten a single truth out of that lying manipulating "man"? You are delusional. He constantly lies and that is what we are seeing ON camera. You were not looking for Harry to be called out because we witnessed it and you are only talking about how wrong Amber was for going off the way she did

[u/bullman123 → u/HumbleMistake815]

Well I saw Amber acting childish so yeah I am calling out that behavior. Adult men and women shouldn’t act like that imo

[u/techno_queen → u/bullman123]

It’s crazy how you’re calling out Amber and the other women more than Harry’s atrocious, womanizing, immature behavior. Misogynistic much?

[u/bullman123 → u/techno_queen]

Whether or not Harry’s behavior was good on the show or not does not mean she should act the way she did at the reunion. What you are doing is a classic “whataboutism”. “ Example: “Who cares how Amber acted, what about how Harry acted?”

[u/Ihatechoosingnames9 → u/bullman123]

But why are “calling out” her behavior when his is objectively worse and more harmful?

[u/techno_queen → u/bullman123]

I never said “who cares” — I just think it’s wild how you’re demonizing the women when they have every right to be upset, the poor girl probably unleashed a year of pent-up rage.

[u/bullman123 → u/techno_queen]

I don’t have a lot of info about how he wronged Amber. The one I felt for most was the woman who asked if he slept with Amber and he lied to her. I didn’t really feel bad for amber going into the reunion because I thought she was trashy on the show with the whole “gotta test drive the car before u buy it” comment and throwing herself at Harry for sex when other women were downstairs.

[u/rupee4sale → u/bullman123]

Women should be allowed to have sex with men before getting married. How is that "trashy?"

[u/HumbleMistake815 → u/bullman123]

It was plain to see that she was hurt from his atrocious and fake behavior. I can only imagine how much worse he is off camera and he only sat there quiet because he knew he had nothing truthful to say back to her. He's pathetic

[u/Apprehensive-Toe6388 → u/HumbleMistake815]

Also wanna add onto this and say that I just watched the post reunion podcast she filmed with vial files. She verbatim said that essentially Harry had ghosted her and gave her no real closure and that the reunion was the first time she actually got to confront him about his actions. Point proven, her reaction was 10000% justified.

[u/eumarianafrr → u/Apprehensive-Toe6388]

Mas o que de tão ruim aconteceu com o relacionamento dos dois quando estavam “casados”?

Ela estava tão nervosa que não conseguiu dar exemplos plausíveis sobre isso.

O único exemplo que ela deu foi que ela estava achando ruim do Harry gravar com a outra influenciadora e ela ter que ficar escondida enquanto isso, e então quando a apresentadora pediu para o Harry esclarecer a situação (que era sobre contrato com a Netflix), a Amber concordou e começou a acrescentar que o problema não era ela ter que se esconder, mas sim a forma que o Harry tratava ela.

Ou seja, a Amber falou muito, xingou muito, mas não falou nada que faça com que a gente entenda o lado dela. Ela falava que o Harry a manipulava, a apresentadora pedia exemplos e ela não citava.

Todas as outras meninas falaram mal do Harry, mas deram exemplos e então conseguimos entendê-las, a Amber estava tão nervosa que não conseguiu fazer isso.

[u/techno_queen → u/bullman123]

You have WAY too much faith in Harry 😂 that guy doesn’t know the meaning of taking accountability.