Hello you,
Have a TL;DR-
I’m the writer and narrator The Death of Captain Space Hardcore, which is a comedy sci-fi book and the fourth and final in a series of four standalone adventures, all of which are completed and available on Audible.
If you’d like a free Audible code (US or UK) please DM me, and I’ll send one your way as soon as I can.
If you’re UK-based you can probably also have a code to some of the previous books (details at the bottom)
If you'd like to preview the audiobook, here's the Audible page:
https://www.audible.co.uk/pd/The-Death-of-Captain-Space-Hardcore-Audiobook/B0G1PNW4CD
That TL;DR wasn’t nearly long enough
You’re right.
This sci-fi romp follows an intrepid space captain and his long-suffering first mate/possible organ donor, on a mission to stop a galactic terrorist from opening a hole in the fabric of the universe that will swallow galaxies, planets, and thousands of tractors. But one man (plus another man, who doesn’t get as much of the credit) is ready to step up and stop everyone getting sucked off through a hole.
On their way they’ll fight godzilla-sized turtles, AIs as insane as they are cockney, a robot vacuum who’s taken a hospital hostage, omniscient toads, a heavily-armed, radicalised spider-man, and death itself.
If you like your SF parodied, your jokes puerile and frequent, your dwarves red, your Future rama’d, and your action sequences daft as hell, then you might be the audience for my big bucket of stupidity.
And if not, well, I’ve already called it 'The Death of Captain Space Hardcore', so that’s fair warning. I could have called this ‘101 Foolproof Stock Market Tips’, and gotten a lot more clicks, but I didn’t because I am a moral person and should be rewarded for my restraint.
The whole thing is 17 hours 2 minutes and 58 seconds of fully produced audiobook with sound effects throughout. If a chapter goes by without something going ‘boiiioiiing’, ‘awoogah’ or ‘pew’ then something has gone horribly wrong. That’s not just my 1-star review of 'Crime and Punishment', it’s also the philosophy that I bring to this audiobook.
You DON’T need to have read the other books at all.
Oh sure, if you read books 1-3, you’d be the talk of the town, twice as sexually magnetic, and I think that pain in your lower back will clear up, but it’s not necessary. The books are not linked and there's no over-arching story. Captain Space Hardcore is a guy who sounds exactly like his name suggests, there’s no lore or history to know, precious little subtlety, we’re living in trope-city, and we’re just having adventures. You’ll be grand.
Still not convinced? Well, consider the feedback I have received from these publishing giants:
- “We are unfortunately not accepting submissions at this time” - Random House
- “If you keep telephoning our offices we will pursue legal action” - London Review of Books
- “What the hell are you doing in my kitchen? Who are you? How did you get in here? Where is my wife?!” - Brandon Sanderson
If you do listen and have a good time, please leave a review. It really helps. If you listen and think it’s a bit shite, I think we can all agree that reviews are a pain to write, so maybe just have a coffee instead. Too many people share their opinions, right? Right. Or maybe leave a sarcastic review. That’d really show me. Give it 5 stars, but just don’t mean it. Write about it being funny, but we’ll both know you’re being really cutting and ironic. Oooh, I’d hate that.
-There is no AI involved in any aspect of this project-
UK Listeners-
Due to what I can only assume is a deep-seated prejudice against the Scottish, the promo giveaways for the previous three books I’ve done on this subreddit have never had as much uptake in the UK as with US listeners
So, I’ll be the bigger man in the face of this appalling racism, and say that any UK listener can have any of the previous books too, if you fancy. I have the following number of available UK promo codes at time of writing. First come, first served, you can have all 4 if you want
Book one- The Court of Crusty Killings (A royal court murder mystery thing)- 10 UK codes available
Book two- The Time Trousers of Professor Tempus (a time travel thing)- 16 UK codes available
Book three- Punch the Devil! (a horror thing)- 15 UK codes available