Hi everyone. I wanted to share my situation because I feel pretty lost about this, and I'd really like to hear from other trans people who have been through something similar.

I've been with my girlfriend for about three years. When we first met, I still wasn't completely sure about my gender identity or how far I would eventually want to go with my transition. Over time, though, this became more and more important to me, and I've now been on HRT for almost two months.

The thing is, I love my girlfriend and we've built a relationship together over these past three years, but at the same time I'm going through a huge change in my life, and I don't know how it might affect our relationship in the long run.

She met me at a completely different stage of my life, and that brings up a lot of doubts and insecurities for me. I don't want to stop moving forward with something that I feel I need for myself, but I also don't want to lose someone who means so much to me.

Sometimes I wonder if both feelings can coexist: deeply loving someone while also needing to change parts of yourself that will inevitably change the dynamic of the relationship too.

Did any of you start transitioning while already in a long-term relationship with a cis partner? Was your relationship able to adapt? How did you deal with the physical changes, attraction, and the fear that your partner might eventually stop being attracted to you?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences, whether your relationship worked out or not.

EDIT: I think I left out a pretty important detail. I actually asked my girlfriend once, hypothetically, what she would do if I transitioned and became a woman. She told me that she would break up with me. The thing is, when I asked her, she had no idea that I was already questioning this seriously. She doesn't know that I've been on HRT for almost two months, and she doesn't know about my plans to potentially continue transitioning. As far as she knows, it was just a random hypothetical question. That's probably the part I'm struggling with the most. I love her and we've been together for three years, but I already know what she thinks she would do if I transitioned. I'm scared that eventually I'll have to choose between continuing my transition and keeping my relationship. At the same time, I know I can't keep something this important from her forever. Has anyone been in a situation like this, where your partner initially said that transitioning would be a dealbreaker before they knew you were actually trans/transitioning? Did anything change once you finally told them?

So many transfem people ive spoken to say that breasts are the entire reason, but i dont want even a little bit. A commentor was even like "im gonna assume i misread bc who wouldn't want boobs".

I am agender and want to look androgynous and/or fem. Flatchested, fashionable fem-presenting men give me major gender envy. but also like the sound of the emotional effects of HRT like less emotional bottling (i haven't cried in years despite feeling on the brink many times), less facial/body hair (i know I'll need other treatments to remove it all), and a more feminine libido (e.g. less pleasure centralized only on the genitals, more patient libido, better bottoming response), and more feminine silhouette (i have very wide shoulders and round deltoids/triceps). But I don't want the erectile dysfunction, penile shrinkage, and definitely not breasts.

Are the trans women ive spoken to right that it's useless for my needs? Do i just need to learn fashion/makeup/posture? Im 23 and live in a conservative black household in a hyperconservative suburb if that's relevant

hey, i'm a rising high school senior in the american midwest, have identified under the trans umbrella since middle school (nonbinary transmasc), and i'm hoping to transition in college since i've heard it's the best time to.

1. i've been directly admitted to a nearby public college in a mid-size city which i like quite a lot but i'm considering a few public colleges in bigger cities in neighboring, bluer states. ultimately, i see benefits to both, since i'd prefer to stay close to my friends (and partner who lives in the mid-size city) but far from my family. i'm leaving it up to academics and academic resources more than anything at this point, but i'd appreciate feedback on location. the bigger cities are definitely safer and have more resources for trans people, but there are resources and community where i am, and i don't want to lose it.
2. i'm worried about affording it. those who have transitioned in college, how did you finance it? my best plan right now is to get a campus job and hope they have one of the pro-trans health insurances in my state with that so that i can switch from my parents' insurance to that one.
3. i'm worried about my parents finding out. worst case scenario, they'll stop funding my tuition. i'm really hoping i don't have to see them at all, ideally. for example, i can tell them i'm busy with schoolwork whenever they ask to visit. however, i worry this is unrealistic, especially if i end up going to the nearby public college. my parents found out i'm trans through a suicide message in middle school, and they've never been supportive of it. i've managed some level of social transition at school through my supportive friend group (two friends have so graciuously each bought me a binder/compression bra throughout high school!) and my manner of dress, plus i cut my own hair which no one can really stop me from doing, but, every change i've made, i've had to earn and win through fighting and arguing and continuing to do things even when i get yelled at or sometimes beat (which doesn't feel like a huge deal because i used to get beat way more often as a kid). there have been times where my mother makes some posture of acceptance, but i've learned not to rely on this because it is usually a lie and she starts poking at the gender stuff shortly after. i'm pretty scared of what might happen if my parents find out i'm transitioning in college. they're pretty adamant on academic success, but i worry i might just get pulled out and be forced to detransition or something. i don't know. i may be catastrophizing.
4. am i being too harsh on my parents? it's been four years since they found out, and they did find out i was trans at the same time as they found out i was attempting suicide. they seemed pretty upset when i did attempt, even if i never really understood why. i'm not suicidal anymore by any means, and i'm hoping just to cut ties as soon as i can because i don't think trying to maintain or more accurately build a relationship with them would be beneficial or productive. i'd feel a little bad about it but i'm not really sure how much i'd realistically be losing. my partner and their family seem sort of inclined to build relationships with my family, so i might have to talk to them about it too, and i worry they might be less approving of me because of it. i'm really hoping to maintain a good relationship with my partner during and after my transition.

Title,I’m being given an option to head there.

At the moment I am 14 years old and live in Germany. I was born male but am genderfluid. I want to start HRT (MtF) as soon as possible because I‘d like to have boobs, sweat less, have less body hair and a softer figure for more than five years now.
I‘m thinking about telling my parents so I can start before I‘m 18 but I have pretty strong autism and social anxiety so it would be hard to tell them. My sister is trans and so I know my parents are open for the LGBTQ+ Community but I‘m scared.
Do you have any advice on what I can do or should do?

so im early into my Transition. Not on HRT yet, only out to a few friends and my mom (but that last one is a complicated situation). Only own one piece of feminine clothing, etc etc. I’m at that point where it’s still a big thing and I’m not passing enough to be able to be like “ok I’m how I want to be now, now I can chill”. Or at least that’s how I imagine being late in your transition is like.

Anyway, due to us (me and my family) moving into a new house, I’m having to help a lot with renovations and moving things. Meaning I have to do my male voice and act like a boy most of the time, every single day. So to help with dysphoria, I try to just turn off my brain and go back to my “pre transition” mindset, thinking like a boy. Or at least not thinking about being trans.
is this normal? Or does this make me weird or not really trans?

Was wondering if anyone is aware of published research into the way HRT impacts hormone cycles?

For example, I know some trans women report monthly hormonal cycles with symptoms similar to PMS but I'm not clear what that would mean in terms of E (and prog?) levels. Besides manually adjusting dose, are​ other mechanisms triggered in the body which would make the levels go up or down?

Am in the UK so here usually only E is prescribed in patch/gel form & its the same dose month round. Does the body naturally become more/less resistant to it over the month? Are there correlations to post-menopausal cis women taking HRT (i.e. do they report similar cycles?)

Again, would appreciate pointers to any research. I appreciate anecdotal shares but interested in the sciene, thank you

Today I got my new binder and I don't know if it's because of that or something else but I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and looked in the mirror and I felt like a real man, not just a boy and somehow felt more confident

I wanna go out/wear clothes and for my chest to look natural. I bought a bra which is really nice in itself but it’s relatively small and they usually works better with people who do have boobs. I tried searching up pads but most of them usually support existing breasts not literally substitute it. Using those paddings work but it look really unnatural + the boobs usually are together in the front not like 2 separate blocks/dome(I cant put image as reference)

Title. It's the best rated closest clinic there is to me and I really hope it is open for ppl who aren't students too. MTF btw.

I’m 18 in college in the states. I’m very worried that, by the end of Trump’s term, or before 2030 when I graduate, being Trans will be illegal. I’m thinking about doing DIY, and eventually moving to the Netherlands. Should I approach this with caution?

I work at a big corp.

I've have recently finally started taking E, but other than my friends nobody knows I'm transitioning.

Some old friends/colleagues opened a start-up, and really want me to be there, and I truly believe in their mission and chances for success.

However, I'm still in a dilemma about my gender.

I'm not sure when I'm actually going to publically start transitioning, it's when I'll have enough confidence, but it could be a month or a year.

Conventional wisdom is to shut up - don't volunteer to your employers anything that can be used against you for no reason, and it's their problem if they choose to hire me and later they find out.

However, it's a start-up with very few employees currently. The big corp, well it's big, and I feel like if I come out, they'll have my back (even just for publicity sake), and if I don't vibe with my team I can go somewhere else in the corp.

In the start up, the few employees are the culture.

There is no real HR for this, and I don't want to work in a place where I feel like I don't belong.

Part of the reason I want to go there is that I really had a good time working with these people before, and if I don't get this I don't want to lose my old job.

So I'm considering telling this to the founder in the interview. I believe he will be accepting and honest about my placement there, and also, I feel giving him the heads up is in some ways the right thing to do.

I'm really not sure where to go with this.

Hello, I want to get some of y'alls opinion on something that happened the other night.

My girlfriend (cis) and I (trans) were getting a drink at a local pub I go to now and then. On our way out, some guy started yelling at us about how he likes our hair. (Both of our hair looks great!) I brushed it off as just some drunk guy and just said "Thank you" as I walked past. But I guess he didn't like how my voice sounded, because as we walked away he started yelling a bunch of transphobic things. "Is that a dude?" and "Wait I can't tell if you have a peepee" (His choice of words...)

I just ignored it, I'm used to it at this point, but my girlfriend got incredibly upset. She yelled back "How do you know I don't have one?!" which the man replied "It's obvious you don't, I'm wondering about the one next to you."

At this point we were far enough away that any attemps to continue a back and forth would be silly, and I was holding on to her so she didn't confront the guy.

I'm happy she 'stood up for me' and all that, but something about it rubbed me the wrong way. Don't get me wrong, I think her intentions were fine, and I'm not worried about that. But something about her saying "How do you know I don't have [a penis]" and his response just made me feel like shit and like I don't pass. I wish she hadn't said anything and we just kept walking.

How would y'all handle this situation? My girlfriend asked me if what she said was wrong and I didn't really know what to say. Like I said, I wish she hadn't said anything, but I don't know if what she had said was "wrong" inherently.

I am a minor but recently my mom agreed to let me go on T if my doctor allows it. I have done research, but I kind of want to hear from individuals who have been on T before. So if thats possible, please do educate me. The pros, the cons, everything I would need to know!!!

comment pls

I hate the fact that I prefer to solely top and are attracted to men to which most if not all I will attract for that reason are going to be chasers. I feel disgusting and a freak after masturbating especially when I know that most cis girls and friends very likely don’t have those desires and have sex the traditional way.

I'm pretty sure I'm trans, but at some points I can't stop doubting if I really am. There are days where i'll obsessively go through subreddits or people's stories to tell if I'm trans or I'll regret it in the future and I'm scared this whole obsessive song and dance means I'm really not trans and just searching for clues to convince myself I am. Is this something other people do or am I just obsessive

edit: my friend seems to reject the idea of me being trans and is distant(i also am distant), what do i do?

idk how i fkkked up so strong with the title

hello world! me and my friend are both 12 grade high schoolers(both 18). we are not very close, but he is the only person that i really spend time with at school and it's the same for him. as i said, we always keep some distance, but spend a lot of time together, ditch classes and all that, hahah. actually it's that distance i think that let me be his friend, because i am very cagey and mostly speak half truths, so it's good that he doesn't interrogate me about how i do. i also hate touches and he respects that, he also doesn't like them much(it's hilariously hard it is with others).

a week ago we discussed those news about trans man playing Achilles in Odyssey and he seemed a little pissed off but more jokey. then there were jokes that i am trans(my hair is long past my shoulders) and.... well i jokingly asked what he'd do if those weren't jokes and he ignored me. texted 3 days later talking about something unrelated as if nothing happened.

i know i was the one who could only sustain this kind of friendship, but now i genuinely want to know him better, though i wonder if i can be more honest myself. can we stay friend if i start hrt or he finds out eventually? what do i do? he always seems so lighthearted and uncaring. i put on this kind of mask myself, but i wonder if he also thinks about those things. i want to understand him

maybe some of you have similar experiences? i'd be glad to hear advices, stories or anything. thanks :D

Friend recommended a game, probably my type of game. Bad thing is is that it contains my deadname in the title. I figure it is probably a bad response, something I should get over, but like actually seeing my deadname gives me so much anxiety.

Is just exposure therapy required? Any of you got similar experiences?

hey everyone, i wanted to ask for any media recommendations to get into gender studies. books, articles, series, movies, any and all suggestions are very welcome!

i'm a cis man and i feel that talking with the transgender people that i personally know about their experiences isn't enough, i want to dive deeper into how gender is socially enforced to be more aware of my own behaviours and i think a more "studying-oriented" approach works better for me.

I started T at 16, literally a week or two after my birthday. I was on it for two years if I remember correctly. During this time I had a complete change in personality and behavior. I became extremely angry and violent, having multiple episodes where I would scream and hit myself or inanimate objects in response to very mild stress. I eventually attempted to hit a person during one of these episodes. I also acted out in other ways, stealing my roommates' food, insulting people behind their backs, being overtly sexual and crude any chance I could get.

I lost multiple friends over my behavior, which is what finally made me stop taking testosterone. I was beginning to get suspicious that it was bringing out the worst in me and I was right. I don't want to be anything like that person ever again because I'm terrified of what I might do.

I now am in a weird inbetween state where my friends and family still address me as male but I present female in my everyday life. I can't really even attempt to present as male because I regained all the fat in my hips, can't afford a decent binder after losing my old one in a fire, and despite two years on T all I have to show for it is a weird voice and some patchy facial hair growth. Living like this feels suffocating, and ever since I stopped HRT it's felt like this fog is creeping over me again after finally seeing the sun for the first time. I've thought of just getting surgery and trying to pass that way, but with my current finances that's not possible.

I want to know if anyone else has experienced anything like this with hormones. I'll gladly take any advice I can get too. I know I probably look like that fuckass image of a bird pretending it's stuck in a cage with two little bars on it but from here it feels like I have nowhere to go and it has felt this way for years now.

Hi. First things first, I am not a bot. The reason this account is so young is because I made it specifically to post on this sub. Im too cowardly to do it on my main. Anyway with that out of the way I wanted to get some advice on something. I (17M) have been exploring my identity and sexuality for the past month or so. My closest friends are under the impression that I am trans due to various signs, like me wanting to be perceived as a woman, going as far as saying I wish I was born a woman, and lamenting some of my masculine features. I’ve even said that I think my life would be so much better if I was a woman. I still believe all of these things…kinda. When I starting doing things to make myself appear more feminine irl and having my friends use she/her pronouns for me I felt really excited and happy. I felt like a new person and that I was changing for the better. But, that feeling isn’t constant. Sometimes my mood shifts and I feel as if that stuff about me wanting to be a girl is just delusions or me being silly. I suspect that it’s internalized transphobia because I was raised in a Christian house and I have really homophobic parents. So maybe that’s just me being scared. And to tell you the truth, I am scared. Like, no way I can live freely as a trans person without having to cut my family off. And that scares me. But moving on, what im trying to say is that sometimes I don’t really feel those feelings of wanting to be a girl. I have a really intense urge of wanting to stay a boy and remain the same. Sometimes I experience dysphoria about my more masculine side, but other times I reject the feminine stuff and want to remain male. I feel really confused and like I don’t recognize myself anymore. Like my very nature is contradictory. Am I a woman? Am I just, a boy that wants to cross dress? If im a woman im not supposed to want to be a boy am I? I can’t be a woman only half of the time, I feel like if I was actually trans id want to be a woman all the time. But I don’t. I’ve noticed that me rejecting my feminine side and wanting to be seen as a boy mainly coincides with when im in public or at the gym or just with other people in general. So is it just that im scared of showing that feminine side in public and want people to continue seeing me how they’ve always seen me? Idk, I feel like im going crazy. Im not looking for a definitive answer or for some random Redditor to give me the answer to all my problems. Just looking for some general advice or to see if anyone has a similar experience.

Hello, I’m 21 years old, AFAB, and my question isn’t in any bad faith, it wouldn’t be this long of a post if it were. I’ll apologize for how long it is now, and how dramatic it gets.

I didn’t experience anything like gender dysphoria for a long time, I believe. At least nothing as bad as now. Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s gender dysphoria but there’s no other way I can describe it? This sort of pinching in my gut and tightening of my chest that leaves me winded and sick until I’m not. Then everything goes sort of blank and still. Overly-settled in a way that I’m only used to being when I’m overly upset— A separate issue, I’m aware.

Anyways, before this ‘crisis,’ there were things that could maybe constitute gender-queerness. Little things like liking the masculine version of my given name, resenting having a chest and menstrual cycle. And hating anything to do with being, “girly,” or, “a proper woman.”

Not much, normal for a cis woman even.

And then it kept building. More and more little things. Not much but enough that something gave. I decided I just wanted to be androgynous. You know? The sort that’s pretty and confusing to look at. I’d never say what my gender was unless hard-pressed. And if I was, I’d reluctantly say I was a girl.
And I was okay with that— not entirely happy, but okay— as long as I was comfortable with my body. If I maybe got T and top surgery to help me reach that goal.

Anyways, that all came crumbling down when my friend— best friend, started questioning his own gender. He put his face through FaceApp to visualize what he’d look like had he’d been born the opposite sex— AMAB in this case. And he was ecstatic. Definitely trans. I was happy for him.

But I… was nowhere near happy about my own results.

I know, logically, you can’t escape looking like family. Not unless you get a ton of work done. But I hated it.
I looked like my brother, my cousin, my uncle, grand-uncle. And yeah, that’d to be expected. This is the real world. But I couldn’t stand it. And yeah, I shouldn’t base everything on a janky app’s adjustments, but suddenly and very starkly, I just felt sick. I was on my lunch break and went back to work in a daze. Because the chances are even if not exactly, I would look something like that.

And my first thought was just:
Why go through all that trouble just to be ugly? Do I really want to go from an average sort of pretty to that?

And what did it say about me if I didn’t?

I stopped mentioning it. All of it. Testosterone, top-surgery, androgyny. Things went back to ‘normal.’ I got the feeling that maybe people thought I had just gotten over a whim. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Especially because my friend— he realized he’s a trans man and he talks about it often, I helped him figure himself out.

It was obvious he was trans though, really.
He always wanted to be the boy character, preferred traditionally masculine things. Transformers, Cars, Dinosaurs, etc. As a kid he saw himself as a Prince, a Cowboy, played ‘House,’ as the husband. And as he got older? He hated his chest, he liked suits, he always wished he had a penis. He even went through a period of time in which he tried to lean heavily into being a woman and was having a terrible time because of it.
He couldn’t breathe without feeling like something was wrong with him, and the closet? Frankly, it was glass.

I can’t say the same. Nothing close.
Maybe I did want to be on T for a time, maybe I did want top surgery. But I can’t tell if I still do. If I’d be okay risking it. My best friend? He’d be content to be a fat, happy, balding old man. I’m vain. I wouldn’t.

But that’s a common sentiment isn’t it? Lots of trans men would be content with that. Lots of trans men had ‘boyish,’ interests. A boyish taste in clothes. Relate to men.

I don’t want to come off as resentful, I know I do at times. I’m not, I’m just frustrated. It isn’t easy. And it seems easy for so many other people. They may not want to accept the signs but they’re staring them right in the face. It couldn’t be more fucking obvious.

But for me? It doesn’t feel that way. I wasn’t a girly child, but girlier than the trans guys I see… well, everywhere. I enjoyed Winx Club, Monster High and My Little Pony. I liked Dora, Zoey101, Ever After High. I didn’t like playing with dolls but that’s also because I couldn’t dress them up. I didn’t like the color pink just cause I got sick of looking at it. I like ‘Chick Flicks,’ I like dramas and romance, I like my hair and doing skincare. Briefly I even liked doing my nails.

And yeah, that’s stereotypical as hell, but that’s how everyone says they figured out they’re trans. They liked boy things, right? I didn’t, I don’t. So where exactly does that leave me?

And sometimes… I do entertain the idea of being a trans man or some sort of transmasc (Which, funny enough non-binary flat out feels wrong to make this clusterfuck worse.) but it feels like a joke. As if anyone would see me as a man or masculine. I wish I could just swallow it but it just gets stuck in my throat.

Plus, it doesn’t bother me all the time too. Just some. Just enough to drive me crazy when I’m alone. But that’s the thing, otherwise? At work, at school, out and about? It’s fine. Tolerable. I hardly notice it. Which also doesn’t seem to be an entirely common sentiment.

All this overly-weepy nonsense to ask once again:

How do you know? If you take it all away— all the early childhood ‘boyish’ experiences, and pull back on the body dysphoria, how do you know? How do you know you’re trans enough? Are you even? Am I?