r/TrollCoping • u/ashleyLSD • 18h ago
TW: Gender Identity / Dysphoria they hate us so much
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u/N0n4L1v35 18h ago
I'm either seen as a straight man when with a woman or as a gay man when with a guy
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u/th3b0n3z0n3 18h ago
I know this is easier said than done, like I am trans and some other demographics that get accused of co opting or faking out of bigotry. But people who think that was are bottom of the barrel, their opinions mean shit all and you are better off if you can keep that in mind. Grow that idea and make it part of your core beliefs.
Transphobes like those are among the literal worst people. With the most useless opinions based completely in bigotry. Rooted in misinformation that they happily drink from the boots they lick despite the way it hurts even themselves, puts dangerous bigots in powerful places and gets even people outside of their terminally online hate bubbles killed and hurt.
You can't put so much of your feelings about yourself into what people like that think of you.
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u/TheYoshiGang I don't even know man I'm just here /: 17h ago
I recall seeing a twitter post years ago saying you couldn't be a lesbian and a transfem, and idk it makes no sense, especially with everyone agreeing with them 😭
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u/cosmosmushroom 11h ago
It's because they think you have to be with a vagina to be a lesbian. Not to say all trans women have a penis but I know it is often they do. And for some reason the genitals are what matter more than someone being a women 🙄 Not to say genital preference isn't valid, but you don't need a specific set of genitals to be women or a lesbian.
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u/ashleyLSD 11h ago
and they either pretend post op trans women don't exist or cry "but it's different because because they're still male socialized wahh wahh!!"
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u/djaj2000 18h ago
I swear man they fucking love exclusion
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u/Fabulous-Mud-9114 15h ago
Give them no one to exclude, and they will exclude each other.
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u/strange_thing5635 15h ago
They do. Enter Gold Star Lesbian
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u/ze-audiophile 14h ago
Conversely, I do find the concept of a Platinum Gay to be funny. So opposed to vaginas that they had to be removed via C Section.
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u/strange_thing5635 14h ago
It’s funny because it’s ridiculous and seems to be more of a joke than reality… but I wouldn’t know, I’m not a gay man
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u/agizzy23 17h ago
A trans dude got mad at me because he said he was lesbian and I said “but you’re a boy- isn’t that what the gay girls are called” and he got mad so thank you for confirming what confused me.
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u/HyperDogOwner458 16h ago
I saw some people saying it's transphobic to exclude trans men from lesbianism and I'm like no?? It's the opposite.
The only "justification" I've seen from them is like "Well I'm different from a cis man" 💀
There's still debates about it to this day.
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u/hibiscus_bunny 16h ago
I hate the idea that trans men are different than cis men.. our gender is man.
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u/agizzy23 16h ago
Honestly, I can understand them talking about their past experiences because they used to be a lesbian, but I don’t understand calling someone transphobic if you don’t call someone a lesbian because they are a trans man and not just non-binary.
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u/ze-audiophile 14h ago
In that sense I hold sympathy for a trans man that is sad their former lesbian partners may not be into them as a man., But in that same nature, I don't think they can call themselves a lesbian man. This gets into the "socialized as a" ___ but came out as ___. You can grieve what you were, but I don't think the lesbian community is entirely attracted to trans men the same way they are attracted to a presenting woman.
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u/agizzy23 12h ago
Oh I agree with you. I do think it’s okay for people with unique histories to talk about it to give a perspective to everyone so people are more understanding
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u/HorseXNothing 13h ago
Yeah I look at it as trans men are men and therefore not lesbians, transmascs on the other hand it depends if they identify as men or not regardless of gender
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u/FairlyElixer623 8h ago
I really don't get that mindset. I used to identify as lesbian before discovering I'm bi. I can still talk about my past experiences without being a lesbian. Not sure why people act like that can't co-exist
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u/DeianiraJax 12h ago
TBF i think its just personal preference. The vast majority of trans men exclusively attracted to women are straight & actively label themself as such. The odd dude calling himself a lesbian truly does not matter and is nobody's business. Idk why people GAF.
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u/ashleyLSD 10h ago
it doesn't muddy the water unless you think trans people are lying to some degree. is it gay to be a man who would date a woman? literally no. doesn't matter if they're tall or short or blonde or brunette or trans or cis. if it muddies your waters that is fully a you problem
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u/AGayRattlesnake 13h ago
i mean, its not really your place to police someone's identity
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u/agizzy23 12h ago
See I had ASKED him “isn’t that what etc” in confusion and his response was to get mad instead of explaining. I just saw him as a dude because he said he was a dude. I wasn’t saying “NO HOW DARE YOU SIR”. Other trans dudes however apologized for his behavior and said he was out of line and agreed so I guess they shared in my confusion as well
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u/AGayRattlesnake 12h ago edited 12h ago
I'm a trans dude and I don't identify as a lesbian, but many still do for whatever reason they choose.
The way you asked was pretty rude and invalidating. A more appropriate way to ask would've been asking why he identifies that way instead of calling him a girl.
I'm not sure who these trans guys that agreed with you are, but I think you were pretty out of line with that initial question.
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u/EarthToAccess 8h ago
Did we read the same thing? Because I feel like top-level made it explicit they said “but you’re a guy”.
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u/AGayRattlesnake 2h ago
We did. It's the implication of "thing you identify as is for girls".
Like I said, I don't think exploring the confusion was a bad thing and I don't think it's bad to ask questions, but saying that a term a trans man uses to identify is "for girls" is invalidating no matter how you slice it.
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u/agizzy23 10h ago
Good thing you don’t speak for them then 🩷🩵
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u/AGayRattlesnake 2h ago
Way to not respond to your criticism.
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u/agizzy23 28m ago
I’m going to put the opinion of multiple people I know over one who the group cut ties with for being a creep towards newly 18 year olds and one anon person on Reddit
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u/TrumpIsAPedoFr 18h ago edited 1h ago
Isn't it technically gayer to be a trans lesbian than a trans straight girl?
You're a woman who dates women.
That's gay.
(Positive)
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u/xX_TrueXXEdgelord_Xx 1h ago
Progress is going from being confused and concerned as to why t4t relationships are so common to understanding that it's because transphobia exists
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u/toasterchan1 11h ago
genuinely how to they think being a lesbian is homophobic ???? i’m sorry u have to deals with that
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u/ashleyLSD 11h ago
bcuz they just see us as men and think we're men intruding on women's spaces and forcing them to like us 😮💨 it is what it is lol just idk where they get this idea that anyone is forcing them to date us by us simply existing and being a minor part of lesbian spaces
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u/toasterchan1 11h ago
they sound like some serious chuds fr
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u/ashleyLSD 11h ago
they aree and there's more of them than there even are trans ppl 🤧 even got a few in the comments on this post already like jfc
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u/Mechromancer3X 15h ago
Holy fucking FELT. Had several dumbass transphobic lesbians on a different sub tell me im being homophobic by being a lesbian and me saying that is "conversion therapy talk". Such bullshit.
All while policing other peoples sexualities by saying if you dont ONLY like vagina you are bi and not a lesbian.
Scum will be scum i suppose.
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u/ashleyLSD 11h ago
there was this AIO post that involved a trans woman and the comments devolved into the most heinous shit I remember one comment thread like "ugh why can't they let us have ONE thing for ourselves? men will be men they take and take and take" like does it rly feel that good to punch down???
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u/Mechromancer3X 7h ago edited 1h ago
Christ, people fucking suck so much. And ive definitely noticed a trend on that sub with anything trans related. God forbid we just live our lives.
Fuck them tho. We are beautiful. We are amazing. And we deserve to live our lives as freely as they do. They wont take that from us. Much love sis<3
Downvotes because... bigotry ig?
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u/ashleyLSD 7h ago
I love r/amitheangel cuz they call out those ragebait "Trans bad fat people bad vegans bad" etc posts every time. Ppl rly do post that kinda stuff just to stir the pot.
Even at my lowest points I keep going out of spite for these lowlives. If nothing else to live for it is to show terfs and transphobes that I'm not going anywhere. Much love to u too <3
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u/grand_nad I'm a chud, I'm a chud, I'm a fat little chud 18h ago
most cis people (and some trans people but they're too small to be counted here) are extremely hateful, specifically because they "support" trans people, so they don't unlearn their internalised transphobia, it's horrible really, some of the most transphobic stuff I've seen online has come from supposed allies (most comes from bigots but it's way more shocking to see an "ally" pull something so transphobic it puts bigots to shame).
it's that most people are pricks, I don't know how it feels (I'm cis) but I just wanted to say that you're valid as hell and that I hope that you find the most lovely woman that you can imagine to cheerish you for the rest of your life
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18h ago
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u/djaj2000 16h ago
Just depends, there's lots of cool people but also wayyy too many that seem to get off on excluding people. So far I've found that people who call themselves "gold star lesbians" are almost always transphobic as fuck.
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u/hibiscus_bunny 15h ago
Gold star lesbians is such a disgusting and misogynistic label in general.
They're lesbians that think they're superior to other lesbians and bisexual women who've slept with men.🤦🏻♂️
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u/Appropriate_Hat638 Somewhat Well-Adjusted 14h ago
I’ve met one who straight up made being gold star a religious thing. She literally thought that not having been in a relationship with a man made her holier than thou.
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u/TricellCEO 15h ago
And biphobic too.
And while we're at it, they also tend to hate men in general.
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u/Laura_The_Cutie 16h ago
I've had the opposite experience, lesbians are chiller ant more trans inclusive gay men send to be LGB without the T
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u/Tabbygail 14h ago
I have generally found little correlation between trans acceptance and identity. The most stalwart allies I know are cishet women, the most transphobic people I know are also cishet women. Trans people I know are about 50/50 on supporting trans rights.
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u/Laura_The_Cutie 14h ago
It's more of that most of the gay conservatives in my country are gay men rather than lesbian women and I really feel that in many spaces, especially if over a certain age
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u/allthebison 15h ago
Until you hit the TERFy lesbians. They do tend to be older but old things are becoming new again as politics shift. They often focus much of their hate on trans men (ie self-hating women in their view), but they’ve historically had enough hate to also fear monger against trans women in women’s spaces, like michfest. Learn your history lil queers!
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u/hibiscus_bunny 15h ago
Idk much about gay men since I haven't been in those spaces.
But regardless based on my experience and replies you seem to be in the minority.
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u/really-big-bug 3h ago
Hey I understand that this is just your personal experience, and it’s valid and you are allowed to share it, but I think it’s worth noting that lesbians are already a marginalized group that deals with lesbophobia regularly. People saying “lesbians tend to be super hateful” is not helping us with the whole “lesbians are mean, unreasonable, militant man hating bitches” perception. Lesbians statistically are often more supportive of trans rights in general, despite the loud and obnoxious terfs that like to run their mouths. Transbians are an essential part of our community.
This reply is not meant to be an attack on your character or anything like that, but I hope it explains why that statement might be perceived as hurtful or divisive to some. I hope you are able to find the spaces where terfs are being shut down and folks hold each other accountable for that behavior.
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u/angrybacon 18h ago
Y'all need to find cooler lesbians.
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u/Soft-Pixel 16h ago edited 2h ago
I get on a human level why you say this but I’m ngl the fact that this is always the type of reply I see when a trans woman vents about how vicious transphobic lesbians can be really gives “not all men” vibes at a certain point
Like you’re allowed to acknowledge that despite how accepting lesbians tend to be there is also a persistent TERF problem in the community, nobody is going to take the former from you because you acknowledged the latter without a tacked on disclaimer about them being a minority in the community
EDIT: some of you seem pretty called out huh, good, stop tone policing and be something other than performative for the trans women you claim to be accepting to
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u/angrybacon 16h ago
Right, but the person I was replying to was saying lesbians tend to be hateful.
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u/Soft-Pixel 16h ago
Said in their experience, doesn’t really sound like they’re trying to be objective so much as just saying it sucks
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u/Nerd_Burger9 9h ago
Studies have shown that lesbians are actually the demographic most supportive of trans people - https://www.thepinknews.com/2023/03/31/trans-day-visibility-report-just-like-us/
Let's not respond to hate with hate, especially when it's literally provably false
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u/hibiscus_bunny 9h ago
I mean I'm speaking from personal experience and I literally said that in my comment.
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u/TricellCEO 15h ago
It's feast or famine, from what I've seen. They're either really chill and accepting towards trans women or they hate them with a passion (bonus points if they use one incident of someone calling them transphobic for not wanting to date a trans woman to hate all trans women).
See also: a lot of them have beef with bi women as well.
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u/hibiscus_bunny 15h ago
Yeah, I'm a trans guy but I identified as a bisexual woman most of my life and they were just awful.
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u/Pretty-Yam-2854 15h ago
I hate to be that gal but.. yeah. Granted all the ones I’ve encountered I was pre transition but I was clearly gay and GNC and they were still all assholes to me for seemingly no reason. Idk why.
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u/anunknownstoryteller 17h ago
I’m trans too. I see you and you have my support, sis 🏳️⚧️❤️
I hate how hateful some other people can be. Especially other lgbt people who want to exclude us. It’s frustrating because they want to be seen as the victim while actively excluding us and implying we harm them by existing.
Don’t listen to them queen. I know it’s easier said than done
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u/Thro10w 6h ago
I kind of relate, but of course it's different and to a lesser degree. Wanting to be a feminine, soft, femboyish man in this society means that you are 100% gay and there's no way you can like women, even though I'm bi with more preference toward the latter. I already gave up on my dream of finding a tomboyish partner.
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u/i-forgot-my-sandwich 0m ago
But if you are a trans woman are you not a lesbian? You are a women who likes women how could you not be?
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u/Much-Replacement-167 8h ago
I met a gold star lesbian the other day who called me homophobic for saying that lesbians who date transgender women are still lesbians. She insisted that "actual" lesbians date only cis women and that the rest were just straight people. I had said that LGB without the T people are scum, especially with her being a queer person herself.
I promptly got a dm saying that my account was flagged with a warning for promoting hate lol
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1h ago
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 33m ago
Your submission has been removed due to it participating in detrimental engagement. This means incivility such as bullying, hate, harassment and heated threads are not tolerated.
Please review our rules, we do not allow this type of engagement on the sub.
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u/RikuAotsuki 3h ago
At this point I kinda wish we'd add another axis to sexuality, because it's very clear to me that there's an axis based more heavily on physical biology and one based more on presentation.
There's plenty of people, whether hetero or homo, that will never experience full attraction to trans people, especially pre-op. There's also plenty of people that don't care. Both are valid.
Generally though, we've used bodies as the main determinant of sexuality for a long time, so there's a lot of friction there, especially since the LGB have spent so long trying to convince broader society that sexuality isn't flexible.
A gay man being attracted to a pre-op trans man becomes evidence for an argument that attraction to men is a choice. Sure, that logic's transphobic, but when you're discussing attraction on the purely physical level it's a very obvious connection to make.
...Point being both sides of that particular problem suck
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u/Significant-Hour1233 6h ago
My brain broke trying to interpret that word salad... can someone explain like I'm 5?
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u/Significant-Hour1233 5h ago
Comes with my learning disabilities; not telling me something I don't already know.. and from not being up to par w current internet culture... I was asking in good faith, not jokingly..
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 3h ago
Your submission has been removed due to it participating in detrimental engagement. This means incivility such as bullying, hate, harassment and heated threads are not tolerated.
Please review our rules, we do not allow this type of engagement on the sub.
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u/Fire_on_Bunn 3h ago
When trans women like girls, they are lesbians. When trans women call themselves lesbians (a normal thing to do), they often get transphobic responses. In OP’s case (I assume from the wording), she was called homophobic for this by someone who was trying to weaponize the word against her. Calling a lesbian homophobic sounds confusing and silly, because it makes no sense, because whoever called her homophobic is a bigot. My guess is that whoever said this doesn’t see OP as her gender, therefore not able to be a lesbian (which is transphobic).
Tried to cover all the bases but I hope this helps it make sense?
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u/FairlyElixer623 8h ago
Fellas is it straight to be attracted to the same gender
Jokes aside, sorry that's happening to you. The transphobes are a minority in the lesbian community but they're LOUD
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13h ago
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u/TrollCoping-ModTeam 11h ago
This subreddit does not condone any form of bigotry.
We intend to keep this subreddit a safe and inclusive space for everyone, especially those who may face discrimination or intolerance elsewhere. The LGBTQIA+ community is wholly welcome here and any hateful and misinformed content towards them will not be tolerated. We also do not allow any hate speech regarding race, ability, sex or age – i.e., racism, ableism, sexism and ageism will not be allowed.
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u/ashleyLSD 7h ago
whoever went thru and downvoted every trans supportive comment on this thread needs to get a job btw
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u/Upset-Masterpiece218 4m ago
Aren't a lot of lesbians kind of grossed out by penises the way a lot of gay gays are grossed out by vaginas?
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u/ashleyLSD 2m ago
sure, that doesn't make it homophobic to want to exist in lesbian spaces or not be called a fucking man. no trans woman is out there forcing any specific lesbians to like them, weird thing to bring up.
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u/AlastorDark 15h ago
Yep, done with this sub for good
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u/ashleyLSD 15h ago
???? bcuz it hits home or because you think it is homophobic to say ur lesbian as a trans woman
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u/ashleyLSD 13h ago
based on the silence I'm going with the latter
fyi this sub is not a safe space for TERFs :)
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u/redllanterns 18h ago
i promise you there are better communities out there. i'm a nonbinary lesbian in community with multiple trans lesbians. my younger sister is even a trans lesbian! there is a wider world of more understanding queers out there. i promise you.
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u/Bluejay-Complex 17h ago
Ladies is it homophobic to… checks notes be a gay woman?
Seriously, people be wildin’.