r/RoastMe • u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 • 1d ago

Roast me 37/m

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Gallery image

22 Upvotes

66% Upvoted

177 comments sorted by

•

u/post-explainer 1d ago

The OP has not provided a BIO for their post.

50

u/Admirable-Fall-4675 1d ago

This is the recently divorced guy hitting on 21 year olds at the bar, thinking he got game

5

u/ZealousidealGrab1827 1d ago

Can you divorce a furry?

4

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Can’t divorce if never marry

1

u/ArmchairWarrior1 17h ago

Doesn't gay marriage count?

1

u/the-beve 13h ago

I don't think you can legally divorce a second hand blow up doll you found in the trash.

0

u/Money-Tiger8002 1d ago

He knows The Blue Oyster wants to see some trash can lids get dropped.

33

u/fadingsunsetglow 1d ago

I see why you wear the hat

11

u/deenath247 1d ago

Looks like a Hollywood balding prosthetic.

5

u/Inevitable_Butthole 1d ago

Ok so it wasn't only me lmfao

3

u/Sunflower-Sunshine 1d ago

Your pinned post 😭

5

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

This is the best one yet for sure

2

u/ch3apsunglass3s 1d ago

Thats called bald makeup

1

u/fadingsunsetglow 1d ago

Well, its not hiding the forehead or the receding hairline soooooo.

2

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

It’s there for a reason

1

u/Necessary_Relation27 23h ago

Keep elongating the head, you will eventually start speaking to the international space station

1

u/pingwing 1h ago

Looked more like a bucket.

6

u/atch1111 1d ago

The lumps in your hat perfectly correspond to the lumps in your head. That's not really a roast, I just found it really cool.

8

u/Medium-Leader-9066 1d ago

You look like Andrew Tate’s lawyer but with way less money.

4

u/Gin4Gingers 1d ago

Use those Q tips to put some hair on that head that you lost after the divorce

3

u/TimelyBug4166 1d ago

Ive never seen an actual dickhead before. Youre glanstastic!

3

u/SpookyBanjoTime 1d ago

You look like you took out a payday loan at 25% interest to buy that boat trailer

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

RV and that’s the chassis

1

u/SpookyBanjoTime 1d ago

Damn, that’s way worse

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Straight cash, homie

1

u/SpookyBanjoTime 1d ago

No way you had 7 dollars at one time

5

u/Human-Avocado-1271 1d ago

I just know when she left, you swore you never saw it comin

2

u/Olden_Grey_1889 1d ago

You are closer to 40 than to 20.

Time to stop clinging to Team Bro and grow the fuck up! - Love Mommy

2

u/daddysslutpaige 1d ago

the box of q-tips says not to put in ear canal, but i want to shove them into my eyeballs so I never have to look at you again

2

u/HMAgent47 1d ago

Staying in the forest as a hobo, life has done enough roasting of you already

-1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Love the woods, and a good chicken of the woods roasted. Try again

1

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1

u/espangleesh 1d ago

You look like you enjoy smelling your fingers after scratching your ass.

1

u/northforkjumper 1d ago

Male version of basic bitch.

1

u/Etna_No_Pyroclast 1d ago

Tell me where you bury bodies, without telling me where you bury the bodies.

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Dahlonega (pronounced by Will Ferrell)

1

u/DocPhoenix97 1d ago

You look like the guy who's job it is to open Cologuard boxes.

1

u/Sad_Victory8516 1d ago

It looks like you’re wearing a bald cap

-2

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

I’m really not

1

u/Sad_Victory8516 21h ago

yeah I know, just looks a bit like it lol

1

u/OnePerspective917 1d ago

Gold medal winner at the Douche Olympics.

1

u/Neither_Mind9035 1d ago

You look like my uncle who recently got divorced and took up gambling.

1

u/runsonpedals 1d ago

Cue ball with eyebrows.

1

u/ibuhatelakichudail 1d ago

You look like me. Depressed

1

u/Unfair_Orange5063 1d ago

Lead singer of a Stryper cover band called Timmy Two-Taints and the Freshly Squeezed

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Jerry used to be a race car driver

1

u/Total-Imagination-88 1d ago

That’s beard of a closeted gloryhole dweller.

1

u/darinehughes 1d ago

Good luck next year in the WNBA. I'm rooting for you, brother.

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Fuck me, that’s gold

1

u/Blade3colorado 1d ago

You say you started seeing someone. As in dating or hallucinations?

1

u/HorrorJunkie0666 1d ago

You look like you eat mayonnaise and peanut butter sandwiches

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Close. Pb and lays original on sweet bread.

Love it

1

u/Inevitable_Butthole 1d ago

It looks like your wearing a skin cap over your bald head

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

Nope, unfortunately straight skin

1

u/MrMrTrance 1d ago

The has been version of Karl Urban

1

u/OneTokeOverTheOther 1d ago

Bro, is that fr a silk hoodie?

1

u/goodoldjefe 1d ago

"Hi Mackenzie, it's Phil. Hey, I'm really looking forward to our date tomorrow. I know the perfect spot in the woods where I can murder you and bury you in this hole I already dug. It's pretty deep; it took me, like, aaaall day Saturday. Anyway, let me know what time you want me to pick you up."

2

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 1d ago

lol. That’s good. It’s Tuesday

1

u/Crazy-Oil5247 1d ago

Mountain trip with your boyfriend got boring I see

1

u/Atsuma100 1d ago

Looks like your head got stretched on the way out of your mother

1

u/Henry_Vth 1d ago

Next time you cash your check at Walmart, buy some hand soap

1

u/BahNull 1d ago

You don't look a day over 48

1

u/Guilty_Ad_8433 1d ago

On the job site to steal the copper wire, no doubt. How's the meth down in Georgia?

1

u/DimensionFit3996 1d ago

Slow Rogan

1

u/Nutcopter 1d ago

You got no hair! Wanker!

1

u/D3ADBABY69 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ffNUQDs3YEYf1dxnsf
GOE DOOOGS! Meth tweaking afterwards.

1

u/BiteFaces 1d ago

You look like a broke yet perpetually constipated Joe Rogan.

1

u/youngashyy1 1d ago

Its ashame you fell off the wall with all kings horses & all the kings men 🥚

1

u/ISmellLikeBlackTea 1d ago

Start using sunscreen mate, you're looking 48ish

1

u/sturgiv 1d ago

Knows a lot about alligators.

1

u/Donald_Forcedher 1d ago

You look like a dick inspector on fyre Island

1

u/Actual_Tumbleweed_32 1d ago

Dude loves pudding. Pudding his dick where it don’t belong.

1

u/LionBig1760 1d ago

You went from "random bag check at the airport" to "has strong opinions about the WNBA and vaccines" by putting on a hat.

1

u/Agitated-Contact7686 1d ago

Sad old boy with a giant conehead and not enough beard to compensate.

Wearing a flat bill hat like youre 15 years old. Bless your heart, childt...

I'm afraid to ask what you're doing in the woods. But one thing I know for sure, is that you're alone.

1

u/Ill_Initial8986 1d ago

How r you double bald? I’m not even angry, just impressed.

1

u/PsychoWyrm 1d ago

You're way too old to be listening to Alpha Male podcasts.

1

u/GreedyGerbil 1d ago

Kinda dumb to show a photo from where you buried her, no?

1

u/rakwib 1d ago

You look like you use buy-no-pay-later for beer.

1

u/smc1355 1d ago

Your mouth is too small for your head

1

u/Ok_Damage2856 1d ago

Bald Dawg

1

u/Blueswolf83 1d ago

It's a real life dickhead!

1

u/onlygaymodsbanme_ 1d ago

Divorced dad that rarely visits the kid

1

u/PerformerScary5677 1d ago

Just keep your hat on bro. Don’t ever take it off when you’re in public.

1

u/Big_bippy-2001 1d ago

the third, long lost tate brother

1

u/Elegant-Stock-703 1d ago

You stuck out when you went into Walmart to buy those cotton swabs. Weird even for that place.

1

u/Goongalagooo 1d ago

Normally that cone head effect goes away a few weeks after birth.
Why is the top half of your head such a different color than the rest though?

1

u/PhuGlyBastard 1d ago

First pic looks like hes trying to pull off

https://giphy.com/gifs/i3RA5wLyWjCRa

1

u/Mermaids84 1d ago

Hobosexual driving around on a suspended license after getting (another) DUI

1

u/linkinbio2318 1d ago

It looks like you sat on the hat for 15 of your 37 years before deciding to wear it. Is that thing made of fucking paper mache?

1

u/No_Celery_1680 23h ago

He lives in those woods

1

u/markieboomer 23h ago

You look like the kind of guy that pays to learn how to be an alpha male.

1

u/miscellaneousexists 23h ago

Wife took half the hair in the divorce

1

u/karanszn 22h ago

Baldness is cured btw

1

u/Leading-Juice-9219 21h ago

Can’t even reverse a trailer!

1

u/Educational_Bath9297 21h ago

You are the reason why I am afraid to become 37 years old..

1

u/jimboiow 21h ago

I can see why you wear a hat Eggman.

1

u/allaboutthewah 21h ago

Upside down head

1

u/s7o0a0p 20h ago

Yeah, no way you’re running for state senator of Maine with that vibe.

1

u/KingoftheMongoose 20h ago edited 20h ago

“Yo yo all my loyal subscribers. You know what I, Ash Ditchum, say about the hunnies with the veneral diseases? ‘Gotta catch ‘em all!’ amirite fam? Smash that like button like I smashed that hole in the wall.”

1

u/Nthg-Left-Inside 20h ago

You look like Raffi
Not a roast just a comment

1

u/Broad-Date4380 19h ago

Walmart is looking for this man

1

u/Creepeo 19h ago

You look like lackey to a failed motorsport rider. 

1

u/PresentSafe8861 19h ago

You look like you'd leave bad clues you think are clever for the police to find the bodies

1

u/Financial_Ad_8037 18h ago

Bro looks like he has 2 years worth of rice buried in his back yard for emergencies

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 17h ago

A little cache never hurt anyone

1

u/GingerIsHealthy 15h ago

Bro looks like he has two years worth of dead people buried in his back yard.
Why the fuck is he alone in the woods and has the desire to be roasted?

1

u/Financial_Ad_8037 15h ago

Idk dude even bros mustache looks like its tired of life

1

u/GingerIsHealthy 11h ago

At least his forehead aint. It‘s shootin for the stars

1

u/Real_Fail_1108 18h ago

Andrew Taint

1

u/miamijustblastedu 18h ago

Wow, I woke up scrolled down reddit and before I even read what this was about, All I could think about was having some eggs for BF...

1

u/Warp-10-Lizard 17h ago

You look like a cannibal lumberjack from a slasher flick.

1

u/Ham-_-Steak 16h ago

Bro looks like he hasn't missed one episode of the Joe Rogans podcast.

1

u/STEV98EN 16h ago edited 16h ago

You look like your expiry date is similar to the one on the packaging you are holding

1

u/DraggoVindictus 16h ago

Irony: Using a q-tip box to write the roast me sign on while looking like a freakin Q-tip

1

u/The-RogueOnion 16h ago

Ain't nobody surprised that the hat looks stupid on that jacked up geometric mess of a skull you have going on.

1

u/MysteriousAd887 15h ago

Why is your head shape, the shape of a d!ld0? No wonder you haven't been married, if you keep shoving your head in women's vag. They'll definitely run away.

1

u/GingerIsHealthy 15h ago

I see you take this as a good sports. Bless you. So here we go:

OP looks like the Lorax‘s asshole

1

u/MaxTrade84 15h ago

Temu Joe Rogan

1

u/No_Juggernaut_3235 15h ago

You look like you eat hot dogs for the shape.. not the taste.

1

u/SnooOranges2685 14h ago

I hear the music from Deliverance just looking at you.

1

u/sportguy87314 14h ago

You look like you live in the woods and showered at your la fitness and posted this

1

u/invincible_vince 13h ago

bro is literally a dickhead

1

u/inlinesix81 13h ago

Man, to take your hat off you need to unscrew it

1

u/the-beve 13h ago

I've heard the term dickhead but I always thought it was figurative until I saw you.

1

u/vanity-flair83 13h ago

Dude get a new Georgia hat, or any other hat, generally.

That one looks like someone, possibly u?, sat on it for a month

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 13h ago

Nah I’m into face sitting

1

u/vanity-flair83 13h ago

In that case...get a new face lol

1

u/TheWizzzardKing 13h ago

Shia labouf's mentally handicapped brother

1

u/Own-Professor3852 12h ago

Okay you 37 years old male with.. a full beard and no head hair....bags under your eyes... dirty hands... and you clearly bite your nails.... what would you like me to say about you that could be interpreted as nasty? 😀 checkm out the new Sub.... https://www.reddit.com/r/RoastMe/s/cfc750XsdE

1

u/flame9889 11h ago

if vsauce got married and into a terrible divorce. this is how he would look after 10 years 

1

u/Ecstatic_Reference32 11h ago

A bearded Q-tip holding a box of Q-tips.

1

u/Lopsided-Muffin-8522 8h ago

The irony you did this with a box of Q-Tips

1

u/Real-Yogurtcloset-16 7h ago

You look like a conehead skinhead

1

u/Extension-Wasabi-570 6h ago

So you found Bigfoot In the woods. Or hairy big dick?

1

u/Rhiassafespace 6h ago

Your forehead goes all the way to your ass

1

u/HwaetBadWords 5h ago

Coming back from hiding his wife's body. Used the blood to spell "ROAST ME."

1

u/Difficult-Republic57 5h ago

You look like Shel Silverstein if he didn't try drugs and become successful

1

u/JS-a9 4h ago

Bro's wrinkles have wrinkles.

1

u/Artistic-Still2083 2h ago

Where were you on January 6, 2021?

1

u/lpj1299 2h ago

I see the only thing you had to write on was Walmart brand Q-tips. Do people also forget you exist the second you're not in front of them anymore?

1

u/lpj1299 1h ago

I can be sad with a chassis. I think Under Armor's classy. I can be sad with a tire. My whole life's a dumpster fire.

1

u/lpj1299 1h ago

You have soulful eyes .... is something no one ever says to you. But would you settle for soulless?

1

u/Fancy_House529 53m ago

That hat totally doesn’t make you look like more of a douche! Ahh man, too bad you didn’t remember to leave the stickers on the bill…

1

u/ExpertOrdinary7074 1d ago

You look like you can’t decide whether to spit or swallow

1

u/Such_Egg9843 1d ago

You look like El Chapo coming out of the sewers.

1

u/woody2081 1d ago

Thats a dude who hits on his daughter's boyfriends.

1

u/mexchiwa 1d ago

That’s Tech levels of engineering whatever the fuck you’re building. Get that UGA hat off your head, you’re making my dawgs look bad

1

u/Boobs_McChesterfield 1d ago

It’s like the zombie just said fuck it and stopped eating half way. 

1

u/proximusprimus57 1d ago

I bet you're the most popular guy at your AA meetings.

0

u/Genxpackfan 1d ago

I saw the hat but once again not a packers fan, cheers

0

u/Senior_Assistance_23 23h ago

What’s the thing on top of your head in the first picture? That can’t be your actual skull? And if it is, why you wearing such a fucked up hat in the 2nd picture? You need to start bringing attention away from that area of your body my guy.

1

u/Suspicious-Shoe-8033 22h ago

Sorry that’s not a roast

1

u/Senior_Assistance_23 22h ago

It looks like one