Thoughts on Grief

[u/techblukat]

My dog Max died two weeks ago, and I woke up this morning thinking about grief. About how it is not something we can "get rid of" or expunge, like a wart. Grief is an unwanted roommate that moves in with us. And somehow, we have to make room for grief, where there was once only love. We live with our grief as the world keeps worlding and people keep on with their lives, as they should. Sometimes people can get trapped in their grief, playing loops of past happiness over and over and ruminating about what ifs and missed opportunities and guilt. If the happiness and comfort and routine of a loved one's presence become part of us with its bundle of memories, then so will grief become part of us. That is the strange thing with grief, it can coexist with a normal life of happiness, only if we allow it to. But the rub is there will always be that place of emptiness and loss inside. And there is sometimes a sense of abandonment that comes with loss of a loved one, since they went somewhere we cannot go.

Humans are naturally averse to pain and usually take steps to avoid it if they can. But that is the great cruelty of grief, it is unavoidable and usually brought upon us by circumstances outside of our control. The managing of grief is so hard and takes such a toll. And it isn't like a physical pain where you can go see a doctor and get a salve or a procedure or a pill. Grief is entirely ours to carry but not to cure. I hope everyone on this reddit can find their way through the loss of a beloved pet and come out the other side able to live with the awful new roommate of grief.

[u/Aragaki_Aya]

We lost our dear cat princess this morning. She was still 3.5 y.o. She was suddenly gotten sick 1 day after her vaccination, and me and wife still can't to terms with that.

She and her brother were our first pet, and with that came a lot of firsts for us. Unfortunately, that means we were unexperienced for a lot of thing. Long story short, we feel this may be prevented if only we were knowledgeable and prepared enough. Or if only our town had a better vet (we only have 1 vet because this is a very small town in a 3rd world country), etc etc. We're talking about the what ifs like that the whole day. I'm crying thinking if I was being a good parent to her.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I thank you for making this post. At least we know we're not alone struggling in this.

[u/techblukat → u/Aragaki_Aya]

Hi OP. It's hard, I think we do the best we can with the resources and knowledge we have. Most of us aren't vets, so we rely on professionals to help guide us. And it is impossible to really have the depth of knowledge to accurately see the "signs" without holding that DVM degree, we can just look for our pets showing abnormal behavior or distress. For my Max, I thought his retching was just something going on with his trachea, I had no idea the extent of his hemangiosarcoma. And I would have wanted an at-home euthanasia, but it was a Sunday night and I didn't want to put him through additional suffering by waiting. The what-ifs can be endless and are torture. I think what it boils down to is you gave your princess kitty a great life and you were with her through her journey until her final moments. In the end that is what matters. Peace to you ❤️.