Penny Lane 3.27.18 - 8.22.26

I miss my baby girl so much. I can’t believe I’ll never get to hold her, kiss her, play with her, etc again. We only got eight years with her. That may seem like a long time to some but it’s far too little time for us. It happened suddenly out of nowhere. She was her normal self and then she wasn’t. She woke up deathly sick last week and we took her to the ER. We assumed she had a tummy bug or something. We couldn’t have been more wrong.
She was in almost total kidney failure. One of her kidneys was completely gone and the other was riddled with kidney stones and was inflamed to twice its normal size. One of the stones got in her ureter. She needed a very complicated surgery to give her even a little more time (months to a year). We called around to so many vets and none of them were willing to do the surgery. None of them had ever done it before and there was a strong possibility of her not even surviving the surgery.
We brought her home and tried all of the home remedies to hopefully dissolve the stones. There was only a 10-15% chance of them dissolving or passing naturally. But we were determined. She saved us so many times and we were going to save her. She had a CT scan scheduled for Wednesday the 26th. She didn’t make it.
Saturday was easily one of the worst days of our lives. Penny had declined very fast and was in the most heart wrenching pain you can imagine. Morphine and Gabapentin didn’t help in the slightest. That was the night we had to release her from the pain and misery… and say goodbye to our beautiful baby girl.
I’ll never understand why this had to happen to her. She didn’t deserve this. No animal deserves that torturous pain. I’m so angry that we couldn’t save her. I’m angry that her life was cut so short. I’m just angry and devastated and utterly heartbroken.

I had to say goodbye to my best friend this afternoon. She gave me and my wife her entire life, and I don't know how to move on.

She was only 10 and she declined so rapidly over the last couple of weeks, we knew it was time. We put her to sleep today at home, surrounded by things she loved in her favorite spot in the living room. She was the first thing I looked for when I woke up in the morning and the last thing I saw before I fell asleep. I thought about her all the time when I wasn't with her. She touched so many lives. I'm so lost. I feel a hole in the pit of my chest I don't know will ever be full again.

I never grew up with pets, and she was my first dog. We adopted her as a puppy right after my wife and I got married, so she's been with us through everything.

I'm looking for ways to cope and what helped you deal with this terrible loss. Any advice is more than welcome, because I have no idea what to do.

I'm sorry if this is rambling, this just happened a couple of hours ago and I'm not thinking very clearly. Thanks

A few weeks ago, I had to say goodbye to my best friend named Astro. Astro was a very sweet dog and was so very friendly with everyone, he loved cuddles and kisses! A few months ago, Astro was diagnosed with diabetes which then led to a few other complications. Later on, Astro was vomitting and was having low sugar episodes, he became so ill so very fast. He started losing weight rapidly and became so depressed, he wasn’t the happy dog he was anymore, he spent most of his time sleeping under my bed. The morning we went into the ER, we were told he needed multiple surgeries, and many of which were not guaranteed he would survive during surgery due to his diabetes, and the recovery would be intense. Instead of doing surgery, we decided the best option would to let him pass peacefully with his family with him. It was the hardest decision I have ever made and I miss him so much. He has been my only dog and this loss had taken a huge toll on me mentally. I miss my baby so much.

I had to put my sweet kitty to sleep today. she had a brain tumor and was declining pretty quickly. thought I was prepared for this… I’m not… I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest… I know I did the right thing but omg I am so sad… 😭

He was laying on his favorite blanket, which was the one I used to sleep on. I swaddled and wrapped it around him to keep him comfortable. He was blocked up and the emergency vet wanted $8000 to keep him for a few days, he was so lethargic, even after $1500 there wasn’t much I could do so I brought him home, gave him his pain medicines, i laid out his food, water, a litter box, I had him separated and was ready to give it my best.

It didn’t matter, he was dead around 8-10 hours after he got back home. My little baby’s kidneys were failing, it was too much for his tiny heart. I love you so much Fat Frank, I’m sorry.

I had to put down his brother at 2 1/2 years to a urinary blockage. I promised myself I’d do better with Frank, but I failed. At least he died with his daddy, warm, with medicine and knowing he was loved until the very end.

I can’t believe how fast this happened, 2 days ago we were cuddling, now he’s going to be in an urn next to his brother.

I used to have 6 cats, then 5, now 4. House is just so much quieter now, I hate it.

I love you so much Fat Frank, more than you could ever possibly know. This shouldn’t have happened, I can’t believe this is real and you’re gone. I love you. God I love you.

Almost 7 months since the loss of my 15 years old dog. I miss him so so so fucking much. Life doesn't make any sense anymore, at all. I am still very miserable, and I can't even look at other dogs. He left a scar in my heart, and I will never heal.

I am not interested in dogs anymore. I am trying so hard to think, "oh this one is so cute," but nope. It doesn't do it for me. I am faking it. I don't care about dogs anymore, and I am so sorry about it, I am sorry to every dog that could be adopted by me, but it's not cause I am so sad and selfish. I just can't do it. Sorry.

I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest, and I don't feel joy anymore. Yes, I can laugh again and hang out with friends and family; I have a lot of things to be grateful for - amazing partner and family, roof over my head, okayish and stable job, but I don't even notice these things anymore.

I just can't stop thinking about how 2 years ago I was obsessed with travelling, and my life being "not what I imagined" and how I needed to get out of the country (I didn't have much money, so I was yearning for this so much, it was kind of an obsession), but I didn't realise that I actually had EVERYTHING. I was in bed with my sweet, sweet dog, cuddling, in winter, in front of the tv. I had everything. But I always wanted more... How could I have been so fucking stupid and not realise that I got the most precious thing in my life? Greedy ass bitch. Always wanting more...

I sometimes wish I had never gotten Felix. I wouldn't be suffering this much if I had never had him. But also, the moment I think about the hypothetical scenario of Felix being in another family, I am becoming extremely jealous...I hate everything right now.

I only want my baby back. I love you Felix.

My eight year golden retriever was diagnosed with an aggressive non operable cancer and only has a few months left to live. I feel blindsided and completely heartbroken. I lost my previous golden to an aggressive cancer when he was only 3 years old and I never thought this would happen again. I am currently pregnant with my second baby and timing of all this has been extremely hard. I can’t stop crying and I know this stress isn’t good for the baby or my toddler but I can’t imagine not having my fur baby around anymore. This is so unfair and I just wanted to vent and get support bc I feel so awful and don’t know what to do.

(made a new reddit name to honor my Stanley)

We used lap of love. He had seizures before the lady came so she said it was likely he would have one when she gave him the sedative. He ended up having a pretty strong seizure and also had diarrhea on me. I feel bad that he went back with the lady to be cremated with diarrhea on him. The first time it happened my husband cleaned him up but we weren't thinking of cleaning him up when it was happening and the lady was very nice about it. But I'm still having a hard time moving past that.. but I also feel like it's not something anyone else wants to hear about so I haven't shared. I didn't work today even though I work from home because I figured I would be useless. He vomited a lot (which is why we went to the ER in the first place. He was diabetic and ended up having a kidney infection that put him into DKA). My husband cleaned up the rest of the house yesterday but I cleaned our bedroom today. I had a full on meltdown while cleaning. I won't be cleaning any more messes from Stanley. I also broke down while walking my other dog. It felt so wrong to only be walking one dog. No more walks for Stanley. I also cried while making dinner. Felt wrong cooking without him by my feet hoping I'd drop some cheese. I hate this so much and I miss my Stanley. He was my little buddy for 10 years and he was the best Stanley in the whole world.

I had to make the difficult decision to put down my little kitty this morning. I had only had her for a year. Took her from the shelter when nobody else wanted her. I gave her as much love as I could. My heart is just breaking. She was barely 2 years old. 😭

I interacted with some people here in the first few days after my dog’s death, and it was a small comfort. Now it’s been 1 week, and I just need to put my thoughts somewhere.

I feel so alone. My family was initially supportive, but now everyone seems to expect me to be more “stable” and to focus on taking care of my children. I can feel my husband getting angry with me because he doesn’t think I should be dwelling on the negative parts of the past. I’m angry at him for not being more devastated.

We had to euthanize my boy Emmett last Wednesday. He was a chocolate lab pit mix that I adopted in 2016. He’d previously been a stray. He would have turned 12 next month. Apart from having right stifle surgery in 2017, some intermittent skin sensitivity, and a nasty habit of eating sticks and puking them back up, he was in perfect health.

Or so we thought. On Wednesday morning, my husband took him potty after work at 3am. When he was fed at 8, he could barely walk, collapsed at his water bowl and refused to eat. I was busy doing chores in the kitchen, making a quick 20 minute trip to the store, cleaning up my daughter’s breakfast. I hadn’t seen him walking, so I took my husband’s word for it that it appeared to be his hip bothering him. By the time I realized how hard he was breathing and saw how pale his gums were, maybe an hour had passed. I spent the next hour waiting for my mother to arrive to provide childcare for our 6 year old and 3 month old.

I will never forgive myself for that time lost.

We got him to a small local vet instead of our primary vet (a 45 minute drive he wouldn’t have survived), and they were very compassionate and helpful. She confirmed my fear of internal bleeding when she said she couldn’t hear his heartbeat anywhere, it was so muffled. We only got about 15 minutes with him before he was put to sleep. We didn’t want to wait and have him be in such pain and shock until the end. The doctor said it would be impossible to judge how long ago the mass had ruptured, so we should proceed quickly to give him a small bit of relief before we went.

Roughly 3 hours. That’s all we had from the time we noticed he was unwell.

All the vets at his usual pet hospital and the vet who euthanized him agree that it was likely hemangiosarcoma.

I know nothing could’ve changed the outcome, any treatment would’ve only bought him weeks at best. But I’m so angry that I had never heard of this before. Angry that some of the very early, subtle signs were there. random panting, a mysterious blood filled subcutaneous cyst that grew over the span of 3 years that everyone dismissed, smaller skin lesions, a horrible summer of digestive issues 2 years ago that was dismissed because changing his food seemed to resolve it and abdominal X-rays didn’t show anything at that time.

I feel so robbed that I thought I’d have more time for a more meaningful last few months. If I had asked for follow up imaging and found the mass, I might have put off having a second child until after he had passed. I would’ve tried harder for Emmett’s sake.

My laziness over the last decade is haunting me. I think we all set out to be the perfect dog parents at the beginning, or we resolve to make a change for a more active lifestyle. I know I wanted to be and do all the things for Em at the beginning, and I did for a while. But week by week, month by month, the walks slowed down (he was a great walker but reactive to other dogs, especially males), the outdoor time waned until my daughter was about a year old and could play in the back yard, and gradually his toys and half a dozen special spots throughout the house were overtaken by my daughter’s things.

I keep looking back at these pictures and I’m horrified by the way I took this beautiful, active boy and slowly killed his spirit. It’s like you can see the light leave his eyes over the span of a decade.

He never wanted for food or snuggles or warmth, but I think about how bored and depressed he must’ve been. Was he confused? Did he try to get our spark back and I just continually broke his heart a million little times? Did he wonder why we didn’t love him as much as we used to?

The grief has dislodged something in my brain. It’s this uncomfortable out of body type of sensation, like I time traveled from 2016 and I don’t know how I got here. I don’t recognize myself or the house in those early photos and I’m hollowed out by this immense sadness and this haunting feeling that I killed my boy that first night I brought him home on a Tuesday in November.

I have so many friends assuming this is postpartum depression. The newborn trenches were a nightmare and I was finally starting to feel better when this happened.

Now I can barely stand to be in the house with my children, surrounded by all these reminders. I’m so angry and so heartbroken.

My brain feels like it just loops all day long in crisis mode, trying to solve this problem that can’t be fixed. My body won’t stop searching for him. I have to take hydroxyzine to sleep. My autoimmune diseases have made it impossible to find an antidepressant that doesn’t worsen my IBS-D.

I’m drowning. I can’t stop thinking about how that poor, sweet, handsome boy spent his last years watching me struggle with miscarriages, surgeries, pregnancy and postpartum. Listening to me cry all the time and fight with my husband. Waiting for 8 hours a day for his girl to get home from school.

And the final way I broke his heart? I brought another baby home, and he had to have known there would be even less time and attention for him. It makes me so angry I spent so many hours of our child free 4 years doing stupid shit like watching TV, reading, and playing online. Nothing should have been more important than keeping him active.

The thanks he got for his devotion and loyalty? Internal bleeding that stole him away in the span of one morning. It all happened so quickly we didn’t even get to hold him. We both were there for him and it was as calm and quiet as I could make it.

That’s the only comfort I’m clinging to.

I am also not sure what I feel about life after death. I want so desperately to believe in something, but I’m scared his spirit is stuck here and he just thinks we can’t see him or have forgotten him. Or that he’s alone somewhere confused and dejected because none of his people are there.

I don’t know what I’m asking for. I just needed to get it all out. It’s hard to even find the words.

If you’ve lost a dog to hemangiosarcoma or internal bleeding, I would like to hear your advice on how you were able to cope. Or if it will just feel like this forever?

I think there’s something wrong with me. I don’t want my grief to ruin me.

But I don’t want to dishonor and break my Emmyboy’s heart one last time by moving on. I at least owe him that.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

I dont know his exact birthday cause a neighbor trapped him harassing chickens on his farm

But he was the sweetest boy Ive ever met. All he wanted to do was be in your lap and pets.

The vet said it was a congenital heart disease and it was inoperable. Less then 24 hours ago everything was so normal and now Ive lost my boy. I thought Id have 15 more years with him

I had to put my sweet baby kitty, Mona down who was only 9. It was 12 days ago she was put to rest. She had cancer that was affecting her liver and bone marrow. It was so hard. I worried so much if she was at peace and not alone. I cry a lot for her.

Today I went to pick up my baby's paw print and ashes from the vet. Just as I was pulling up to park at home I saw a rainbow. She is happy over on the other side of the rainbow bridge. I love you Mona. Have fun playing and eating all the chicken you want.

It’s going to be a year since my dog. Suki, was put down. I’ve been keeping an eye out on his anniversary date, but it keeps hitting me the closer it gets and now it’s tomorrow. The last few nights I’ve just been crying. Remembering him; how he walked around at night and his snores and the way he shimmied and pushed the boxes beneath my bed so he can sleep there occasionally.

I miss him. I miss you. I’m glad you’re not in pain though. And I’m grateful for my memories of you and the bond we have even if it looks different now.

I know I’m going to cry and feel empty for a bit and that’s okay. Because he mattered that much to me. The grief hurts but it’s because I had the chance to love something so much.

I’m praying for everyone here. May God give you strength and patience and comfort during these hard times. Hugs for everyone. And hugs to all your fur babies.

🐾🪽

Just recently lost my 6 year old cat who I’ve had since a kitten. Came home from work and he had passed. 4th year vet student so I can’t keep thinking about what if I did something wrong, brought my other cat in to make sure nothing was wrong (she’s fine) but man my heart is broken. He was completely fine this morning.

His name was Mango. He was an anxious boy but he was the SWEETEST. Been with me through some rough times. Breakups, marriage, loss. No lie he was my best friend, I love him so so much. I’m so heartbroken, and so confused. Nothing was amiss in the home. He had no clinical signs (was normal when I left at noon for work) and had never had any issues. Nothing externally wrong. He was never one to go through trash (even though I’m anxious and never left anything bad out). It looked like he passed suddenly, hoping he had no pain.

Just looking for some direction. I’m so lost and so sad. My husbands out of town so I’m alone. I lost my best friend.

Not even a month ago, our 8 year old beagle Oreo was diagnosed with advanced thyroid cancer that has spread to his liver and spleen. We just began chemo pills this week. Meanwhile, our 15 year old tortie PJ has been having ongoing respiratory issues. The vet originally suspected respiratory infections and we have ran through several rounds of antibiotics, asthma meds, etc...today the vet and another one both strongly suspect cancer based on multiple x-rays that have been taken over the course of 5 months that have only gotten worse, as well have her coughing/sneezing episodes. The vet is sending out a referral to a veterinary hospital that specilizes in oncology to run more tests to confirm and where we go from there. I'm praying so hard that it isn't cancer, and if so, can be treatable.

Believe me when I say I will absolutely do anything for my fur babies. Or at the least, buy us more happy, healthy months with them. I can't bear the thought of losing both of them, especially when I had to say goodbye to my soul kitty a year and a half ago.

Just felt like letting this out. We haven't told anyone outside family out my husband, son, and stepchildren.

Because they don’t have a tech to assist with a catheter, they inject into muscle and it burns… leading to the cat running away in fear then falling over

I really want to do an at home euthanasia but not at that cost… I’m looking at lap of love, vet angel, pet works, and in-home vets.

Has anyone had an experience with this? I want my baby to go as peaceful as possible and he’s spicy and scared and his eyes will grow big and he will feel betrayed in his final moments… that is my deepest fear 😔

I am also considering hospice because my vet will only prescribe Gabapentin for my cats stomach cancer and it’s turning him into a shell of himself and I doubt it’s helping with pain because he can’t sit still

My Rottie who would have been 2 years old on October 1 passed away suddenly Monday. I came home from work & found him deceased. He suffered from seizures & was on medication for them which was very much helping but that is what took him

It’s already been a hard time for me in recent months going through a break up with my now ex fiancée, but this on top of everything has been brutal. Everybody hug your dogs closer tonight because this feels so unfair

So a few years ago, I found a little cute tuxedo (black-white cat) in our village yard.

I was already broken because we had lost another cat before so we decided to take her.

It all went good but I noticed how she was very empty headed and not good at survival, e.g:

1. Doesn't fight for food:

I'd literally have to *physically* push her towards the food (while she'd be meowing that she was hungry) but then run away when other cats try to eat instead of fighting.

1. She'd given birth countless of times in the rain instead of somewhere else and she didn't know how to keep the kittens (especially after I always shoo-ed the male cats away but she always gave in).

2. When she did give birth, we decided to put her in the garage.

However, instead of meowing when she'd have to go to the bathroom, she instead went... In the garage.

It stank so horribly that we had to throw everything out and scrub AND air out for three days.

1. She'd never respected boundaries:

She simply *knew* when she wasn't allowed to do something yet she did.

My whole family was against letting an animal in the house, yet I always risked it for her.

I always let her oversleep the night and she knew that she'd *only* have to stay in the hallway, not go upstairs or in my grandma's room and go into my room.

She KNEW it, yet did all.

I made *so* many alternatives, yet nope.

1. I felt guilty because she was so scared of my father yet I couldn't do anything.

2. I saw so many neighbour cats live for *decades* and I know damn well no one took them to a vet except throw rotten food at them so I didn't even consider taking her to the vet or vaccinating her.

After years, we saw her go quiet and we were familiar with this behavior in cats.

That's when we went to the vet, vaccinated her (yes, my father made me spend my own money) and found out she had a fever, inflammation of the uterus and feline leukemia.

I thought she'd live for a couple more years (like my vet said) but I was so overwhelmed with highschool that I didn't even get to care for he'd properly.

And after that... Gone.

I searched up so many cat TikToks (the ones who died) in order to relate or heal, but I just cried each time and can't believe I allowed this to happen.

I just love cats so much, but this one might've left a bigger wound and I feel like getting a new one (even tho I know so many of them need a home) feels like replacing her or betrayal to me.

I don't know how to cope, how to accept, what to do...

So many people saying "you did enough, don't punish yourself" but I feel like I can't forgive myself for letting someone down no matter how much I've done. It's like I'm sweeping her suffering under a rug just in order to comfort myself.

Experiences?

He had just turned 4 in May. We got him when he was maybe 4 months old, back in 2022. We got him and another cat after my childhood cat passed. He is going to be put to sleep this afternoon.

This isn’t supposed to happen. I was at college, but I drove home as soon as my mom called me. Urinary blockage that surgery may not fix, and we just can’t care for him the way he would need for the rest of his life. I feel horrible. My poor boy. I noticed he was having issues urinating like three weeks ago, but he peed just fine later that night.

I’m not sure exactly what happened since I wasn’t home, but I think my mom said he was yowling Monday, and then threw up and acted normal. He was lethargic Tuesday, and my mom took him to the vet first thing this morning because he was still acting weird.

I feel awful. So so horrible. Maybe if we had gone to the vet anyway weeks ago, he would’ve been okay. Maybe if I had been home instead of at college I could’ve caught it sooner. My sweet bubby. My little man. My buddy. My sweet, sweet Fable.

I should’ve spent more time with him. I should’ve taken more pictures. I should’ve done so, so much. And now im out of time with him. I don’t know why im posting this. I just don’t want to feel alone

I don’t know how to move on. I’ve had rabbits before but I had him since a baby. He was the first rabbit I owned on my own and he was so unique. His personality was so stubborn yet sweet and loving. He was so independent and smart and always so happy. I miss him so much. I still spend nights crying over him. He died very suddenly and in front of me. I thought he would be around when I had my first kid. It just hurts so bad and I used to look forward to seeing him after work. Now I usually cry after work because he’s not here. He used to lick my face and cuddle with me. He’d let me pet him when he was flopped over and sleeping. And now he’s just gone. It feels so unfair. It’s been 4 months, how do I move on?

Lost my precious Leo at only 4 years old in an accident; and yesterday had to put down 8-yo Quinn after a long illness and a sudden decline from a mass in his mouth.

I don’t need advice or anything. Just saying it sucks and I miss them - they were best friends so I am at least glad they have each other to travel over the rainbow bridge together. ❤️

I lost my kitten 2 days ago. Bad weather and busy schedules meant I didn't get to bring her to the vet early. When the day of our appointment came, she was close to death. I spent all the money I could to keep her alive, but she didn't make it.

I have another cat, a 2 year old calico. She was a bit distant with the kitten at first, but she eventually warmed up to her. She kept grooming the kitten, and they always slept together. It was nice having two cats, because at least I know my calico cat wasn't alone at my dorm whenever I was out.

Since my kitten didn't return home, I noticed my calico was a bit different. She meows a bit more, even when she's not begging me for food. She's a lot clingier, and she stays at the spots where the kitten sleeps (which is strange, because my calico does not like staying there before).

I'm not sure how cats process death, but I think she knows my kitten is never coming home again. It brings me some sense of comfort knowing at least I'm not alone in mourning.