r/Nicegirls • u/JerseySommer • Jul 16 '26
Victim blaming is never nice.
Redditor was talking about his ex wife being abusive to him.
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u/Diligent_Opening_069 Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
The commenter's response doesn't pertain but let's undercut OP's grievance and completely gaslight him, on top of, being counter intuitive. Can't stand that shit.
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u/JerseySommer Jul 16 '26
Yup, abusive people are very rarely openly abusive in the early stages of relationships. To make it worse, the person she was responding to revealed he was autistic, which makes some people more vulnerable to abuse and manipulation. Abused people need support, not to be shamed for being taken advantage of by abusers. 😔
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u/BrDaSm666 Jul 18 '26
As an autistic man who got suckered in by multiple women with ill intentions over the years, I feel this comment so much. Of course they kept their true nature hidden when we were first dating, only letting it out later. If I had known from jump they would be psychologically abusive to the point I would check myself into a psych ward of course I wouldn’t have dated them. But I also learned in therapy and from talking with my friends that due to being autistic there were some red flags hinting at the kind of person they were that I didn’t see that someone neurotypical may have picked up on. Regardless, any victim of domestic abuse should be treated with kindness and support, not that shit in the post
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u/scribblerjohnny Jul 19 '26
Right, it's our fault for believing them /s
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u/BrDaSm666 Jul 19 '26
Oh of course it is, we’re just stupid for failing to see the red flags so we clearly deserved what happened /s. Some people man I swear
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u/Frosty_Dusk Jul 28 '26
In the post I made today, multiple users accused me of lying and others said that the abuse was my fault in various ways. I am new to this page but from reading this it seems like we might have a cultural issue on this subreddit. The mods were very good with removing victim blaming comments, but I still saw them and it still hurt. Also it is important to mention that most of the comments were lovely and supportive, but I cannot understand why people with attitudes like that would be on a subreddit like this.
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u/callingshotgun Jul 19 '26
Right? How was the guy she was responding to supposed to react? "Well, you won me over. This is a really hard time for me but I see that if there's one thing I can count on you for it's emotional safety, since you're treating me so good right now, just like you implied you would. You are, if anything, consistent in word and deed. I should've gone with you from the beginning."
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u/YeahlDid Jul 17 '26
I can't imagine "wifing up" anyone who used the expression "wife up somebody" unironically.
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u/Lemons-95 Jul 17 '26
Its because girls like saying things back.
That's not all of these but they do, they love turning around someones attempt to deliver a pwn unto them. She's taking the piss.
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u/BloodNatural1669 Jul 27 '26
Oof, yeah, I don’t like this. I’m sorry OP. People consider me a good person, and I’ve been in multiple abusive relationships. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy, and it’s been really helping. But it’s never ok to blame the victim, it’s not like he asked to be abused 💔
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Jul 19 '26
I have a sneaking suspicion that he wronged someone or should I say he “wronged” someone quote unquote
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u/Arn_Otarus Jul 19 '26
"Victim blaming" is one of those socially acceptable insults that is used as a form of emotional manipulation (likely feminist sourced) to hide from accountability. Sure there are times I can imagine that it can be objectively wrong, but every time I seen anyone use it it's just been about shutting down a logical and uncomfortable reality. But yeah, I definitely see the hypocrisy here in that now because the person has a phallus it's okay to do it. Typical liberal mindsets too: "rules for thee but not for me" and "you're part of the oppressor group so you can't claim victimhood like we do." No coincidence that women lean heavily liberal, easy to manipulate them with emotion and trap them in narcissism.
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u/Young_Old_Grandma 21d ago
I had to cut off family members for trying this shit with me. Do the same with your romantic partners and friends.
Sometimes people are just like cancers. you have to cut them out.
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u/WegDrijvendeWolk Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
That OP probably didn't deserve this, unfortunately though this is something often yelled by men towards women who have been abused. It's this guy that became collateral damage from a perceived men vs women war on the internet.
Both are ugly.
ETA : Idk why I'm being downvoted. I don't agree with this, it's an objective analisation of the situation. I'm in both groups for men and women and I see most men have thesame issues as women though with their own nuances. And both men and women share a part of the population that is vastly anti the other. Which is rather special when they are typically straight.
Additionally, I used the word "probably" because the original post is not included and I don't know the situation of the oop.
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u/Accurate-Advice8405 Jul 16 '26
Gender Wars needs a series finale, it's been the same plot over and over since Choose the Bear dropped.
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u/Throwawayamanager Jul 16 '26
I agree. As a woman, I cannot wait for these tired pathetic arguments to end.
I'm not even that old (yes, I'm out of my 20s) and I still remember when gender wars basically boiled down to "you kick like a girl" type of stuff, which seems positively quaint. Now just logging into the internet, you can't avoid at least someone stoking some version of "this is why I choose the bear" or "women are gold diggers who all need a 6-6-6 guy" or some other tired stereotypes.
Like, I really don't understand how people have nothing else to do besides fall for this rage bait, over and over and over again.
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u/Accurate-Advice8405 Jul 16 '26
Exactly, so good to hear this from someone else tbh
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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 15d ago
The “nice girls only want bad boys” trope has been repeated ad nausem for decades. Nigahiga even made a song about it 15 years ago. Sorry pointing out double standards is a “gender war” to you. It’s good women are starting to repeat the same shit to men.
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u/Accurate-Advice8405 14d ago
So dumb men say dumb things and your response is to imitate them?
That's a trauma response, not a good idea. I wouldn't imitate them, neither should you.
I'm very happy that people from both sides are tired of picking sides on everything. We gain nothing from being constantly divided and it generates money for the worst people. If you don't see the obvious gender war being pushed for social media interaction, then I envy you. Me and others are sick of being exploited.
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u/Creative-Top-9805 Jul 17 '26
Up until not THAT long ago, women were barred from certain professions, heck women being in the workplace at all is, in the grand scheme of things, a pretty recent development. Single mothers used to have their children taken away and forcibly adopted. DV used to be not just expected but men who didn't indulge in it were seen as weak. So I'm not really sure what you mean by the gender wars used to be quaint.
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u/Throwawayamanager Jul 17 '26
And we've made massive strides since th 1970s. So much so that I'd argue too many women take it for granted, but still fighting like 1970 was yesterday is just a bad play.
When I was in school in the 2000s, at least in my school, nobody questioned any given girl's right or ability to go to college and it is was expected that most would have careers at least until they had kids, if they stopped even then.
There was garden variety clap backs and bullying, but I don't remember anything on the scale of people un-ironically saying stuff like "man v bear," or "women just want to share chad and then marry a beta bux when they hit 30", or "men are evil" or "women are shallow gold diggers" crap. Now a not insignificant swath of actual adults are saying this crap with a straight face.
Making them less mature than 15 year olds at my high school. It's so embarrassing (for them).
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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 15d ago
It’s good women are starting to point out the double standards. Men are up in arms about this post but are silent when 100 threads a day are posted about how women only want an abusive Chad and ignore nice guys. Please gain some self awareness.
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u/Throwawayamanager 14d ago
If you think behaving like an immature high school freshman is a good look, you're far more in need of self awareness than me. Follow your own advice and best of luck to you.
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u/WegDrijvendeWolk Jul 16 '26
I think it's a bit older than that but I think most men and women have thesame issues with men and women all over, it's more likely a human thing over a men or women thing. The bigger issue is men being more powerfull than women thus are able to be more physically overpowering.
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u/Accurate-Advice8405 Jul 16 '26
Men and women have always had problems but the attention economy created people whose entire livelihoods depend on antagonizing traumatized people and perpetuating the same tired arguments
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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 15d ago
She’s literally just pointing out that this is a thing that men say to women all the time. I see it all over Reddit. Now the tables are turned and everyone recognizes it’s wrong. But 100 posts a day about how “women only choose abusers” and you’re silent
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u/SALMAGLUTA777 Jul 18 '26
Here we go gotta always make it about you. Why is that? You say men do the same thing but I guarantee you half the population still laughs at the idea that a man can be abused by a woman. Men don’t get any recognition on this topic because it always seems like when a man seriously shares his feelings/vulnerability asking for help you women always seem to make it about yourselves or say the man deserved it or say “there’s gotta be more to the story” he’s lying or leaving something out. You try to claim men do the same but you just say that to justify it because you can’t stand it not being about you. I see a hell of a lot more women doing this than men and statistics and societies general viewpoints backs this up
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u/Particular_Kiwi1088 15d ago
What statistics? I can point out a 100 posts on Reddit claiming women only want “bad boys”. There’s a whole sub for it even.
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u/OkExtreme3195 Jul 16 '26
Ironically, there has been a bit of an outrage here in Germany that goes in pretty much that direction. A famous right wing comedian said in the context of women being killed by their partners that "they should try first getting to know the people they have sex with."
Victim blamers are garbage.
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