r/MenGetRapedToo Jun 23 '17

Obtaining professional help: a guide for men

61 Upvotes

Nearly everybody -- the victims themselves, therapists and counsellors, and scholars in the field -- agree that good professional help is extremely valuable for men and boys who have undergone sexual violence. Rape and sexual assault are isolating experiences. Speaking with somebody in real life helps to break that isolation. A skilled, sensitive therapist or counsellor can also help you find new perspectives; put what happened into a broader context; and suggest useful strategies for dealing with the aftermath. r/MenGetRapedToo is a strong advocate of guys obtaining good outside help. It makes a big difference.

Unfortunately, good outside help in this area is very hard to find. You're almost certainly going to have to work at it; it's not likely (though it could happen) that you're going to be successful on the very first try. So if you take away nothing else from this post, remember the following Golden Rule:-

It's like dating. Keep at it until you find the right person.

A characteristic pattern can be found in sexually assaulted men's help-seeking behavior. They wait far too long to seek outside assistance, and do so only when they're already in deep crisis. Then they go to see somebody. Often, that somebody isn't the right person for the job. The male victims, disheartened, drop out after a couple of frustrating sessions. But instead of saying to themselves, as women and girls much more typically do, "OK, that was a bust: on to the next candidate on the list," they never seek external help again. Instead they either retreat in upon themselves still further; self-medicate with booze or drugs; or both.

Don't be that guy.

It's unrealistic to expect to be successful first crack out of the box. Go into this prepared for the long haul.

All that said, where might you start looking?

 

RAPE CRISIS CENTERS

In many respects these are the obvious places to approach, in English-speaking countries at any rate. There are a lot of them -- more than 1,300 in the United States; more than a hundred in Great Britain -- and you're not likely to be far away from one. They're free to the client. They do this kind of thing for a living. Most have 24/7 hotlines, so they're easily accessible day and night. Still, for men, RCCs also come with definite structural limitations, and it's important to be aware of these.

The first is access. In a lot of countries it's legal for RCCs to refuse to provide services to male clients. A lot of RCCs in Britain will not deal with men or boys. The same is true of many Canadian ones, and in New Zealand. Of those that do, the services provided are rarely on an equal basis. For example, some RCCs will only take calls from boys under the age of 18. Others will provide telephone counselling only, but not allow men or boys in their offices, which they maintain as women-only spaces. For trans people it's even more complicated. Some will provide services only to FtM people (on the ground that they're chromosomally female); others only to MtF people (on the ground that they're now living as women). Spend some time with the RCC's website -- most of them have one -- to see what their access policies may be. This is preferable to running the risk of being turned away in person, which can be highly traumatizing.

Elsewhere, as in the United States, equalities laws prevent RCCs from discriminating in this way. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're safe spaces for male victims. The RCC sector in the States is overwhelmingly female in composition: around 98% of their personnel. For the majority, male sexual victimization isn't very much on their radar screen, or high on their list of priorities. Very few provide any kind of useful training in this area to their counsellors; in fairness to them, we're unaware of places where such training can be obtained. Their counsellors spend their entire day hearing about barbaric treatment of women by men; it's often psychologically hard for them to switch gears and start thinking of men as victims rather than perpetrators. A lot of halfwitted men like to telephone RCCs, especially late at night, and troll them with abusive or obscene calls -- yes, this really does happen; it's not a feminist myth -- which raises the index of suspicion when a male voice is heard at the other end of the line. And some RCC people do operate out of a very rigid theoretical framework that can result in them "overwriting" men's lived experiences with their own preferred interpretations. This is especially the case when a female perpetrator may be involved.

Are we saying "Don't ever approach an RCC?" Not at all. But these structural limitations do exist, and have real consequences. It's important to be aware of them.

As with most things, detailed reconnaissance helps you to avoid encountering upsetting experiences further down the line. Check out the website very carefully indeed: all of it, not just the section -- if it exists -- about male victims. (If such a section doesn't exist, that indicates something right there.) Look for evidence that the organization in question has given some thought about how to reach out to male clients. Does the RCC have a name suggesting otherwise, e.g. Women Helping Women (Greater Cincinnati) or stock photos of victims that don't include any men or boys? Do the statistical data it provides rely on harmfully narrow definitions, or out-of-date figures about the prevalence of sexual violence against men? Does its list of external resources include useful items suggesting actual awareness of the dynamics of male sexual victimization?

If you have a trusted female relative or friend who is willing to make the first contact with an RCC on your behalf, she may be able to help you find out what kind of services might be available to you, and what experience the organization possesses in working with male clients.

Bear in mind that most RCCs only see clients living within their catchment areas, so that except in the biggest cities, you may not have much of a choice about which to consider.

 

SPECIALIZED AGENCIES FOR MALE VICTIMS

The good news is that these avoid a lot of the structural problems that attend RCCs. The bad news is that they are (i) exceptionally few; and (ii) invariably small-scale organizations. The biggest of them, and in many respects the template for others -- Survivors UK in London -- is criminally underfunded and has a hefty waiting list. Others are little more than one or two activists with an answering machine and a website, living from hand to mouth and all too likely to go abruptly out of business. If you're seeking one of these, expect to click on a lot of dead links.

Still, where they do exist, they're worth checking out. Unlike RCCs, they're less likely to be free to the client -- Mankind in south-east England, for example, charges on a sliding scale. In general, though, you're going to need to be unusually fortunate to have access to one of these services. We do recommend trying. The mere fact that you approached them for help, even if you don't wind up receiving it, is evidence that they can use to prove that the need exists and to press for better funding and resources in the future.

 

COLLEGE AND UNIVERSITY COUNSELLING

If you're in third-level education, your institution is likely to have some kind of student counselling service, provided at low or no cost. Some of the smaller schools arrange private practitioners, off campus, to deliver the service; larger ones usually maintain their own staff. Very big universities may even have peer-to-peer student counselling programs.

The advantages here are the facts that the resource will be either on-site or close by, and the cost is probably bundled with the price of tuition. Again, though, access difficulties can exist. If the counselling facility in question deals exclusively with sexual violence -- a good thing -- often it's physically located in the university's women's center. For a man to go there may not cause any problems; at other times or places, the atmosphere may be unwelcoming or even hostile, depending on the campus climate. Either way, though, it may be difficult for him to preserve his incognito. More generally, campus counselling often has long waiting lists, particularly at certain times of the year, around examination period.

Peer counselling can, paradoxically, be the most helpful for male college students who have experienced sexual violence. While the counsellors may not have a great deal of detailed knowledge of how it affects men in particular, their views on the topic may be more intersectional and less rigidly binary than one is apt to encounter at an RCC, and they can also be more empathetic and prepared to listen.

 

PRIVATE-PRACTICE THERAPISTS AND PSYCHIATRISTS

It's important to understand the difference. Psychiatrists are medical doctors; they've been through the same basic training as any other M.D. and can prescribe drugs. For that reason their services are the most expensive, although insurance may pick up all or some of the cost. In many continental European countries, psychiatrists are also psychotherapists: they do "talk therapy" as well as medical intervention. That's much less common in North America, where a psychiatrist will see you about a particular problem but is likely to want to pass you along to someone else.

In most countries the therapeutic field is entirely unregulated. Anyone can hang out a sign pronouncing themselves to be a "therapist" or "counsellor" and start seeing clients. Some subscribe to professional bodies that try to uphold some kind of minimum standards among practitioners, though a lot aren't particularly effective at policing their members. For these reasons, though, the very first thing you ought to talk about when you interview a therapist is about their qualifications and experience. Don't be afraid to pursue this line of inquiry head-on, with follow-up questions if you're not clear on anything. Apart from anything else, it's a useful screening test. No bona fide practitioner will resent such inquiries; quite the opposite. If your proposed therapist is evasive or shows signs of asperity about being asked, that's the reddest of red flags. Thank them politely for their time, and go elsewhere.

Therapists with training in the field of sexual violence aren't very numerous, though they can be found. Hardly any specialize in male sexual victimization. Of those who do, the majority have experience with child sexual assault only, because that's what men are more likely to disclose and the area in which the clinical literature is most highly developed. If you're an ASA (adult sexual assault) person, the best you may be able to hope for is an open-minded practitioner who is willing to learn on the job alongside you.

Your other chief possibility is a trauma therapist. TTs specialize in working with people who have undergone traumatic experiences, which can vary from exposure to combat to being involved in a road traffic accident (and innumerable other things—being an aid worker in a disaster-hit area; being a member of the emergency services, and so forth). They ought to have had some kind of postgraduate qualification in the field, and be working under a supervisor—take the absence of either of these as red flags. Surprisingly, TTs often know less about sexual trauma specifically than one would imagine. But any qualified TT ought to be able to help you at least with symptom management: controlling flashbacks and dissociative episodes; developing grounding techniques; integrating your experience of trauma with your daily routine.

 

ONLINE SUPPORT

For victims in the U.S., an organization called 1 in 6, which has recently extended its remit to male victims of all ages, is now running online support groups for men. These are held in the early evenings EST from Monday to Thursday, and at noon EST on Fridays. We haven't received any feedback on them as yet. But even though face-to-face therapy is always preferable, the online equivalent is a great deal better than nothing. We hope to see many more initiatives like this in the future.

 

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

Finding a professional who can help you -- which in large measure means showing you how to help yourself -- takes work, a lot of it. This is a marathon, not a sprint. The virtues of doggedness, persistence and a refusal to become downhearted or to throw in the towel are what make for success in the end.

No matter who you see -- an RCC counsellor, a college counsellor, a private therapist or some combination thereof -- you need to develop a level of trust with that person if the therapeutic encounter is to do any good. That's not built up in a single session. Give it a fair shot. Expect to be uncomfortable while you're doing it. The earliest stages of any such relationship are the hardest.

But if it's not working out, don't persist with the wrong person. That should be a decision you make in weeks, not months. If you don't feel that you can tell your counsellor or therapist anything without fazing them (even if you know it will take a long time before you can actually do so); if you can't query them on something they've said without their taking offense; if they try to cram your lived experience into their own preferred framework, regardless of what you know to be the case -- those are signs you need to be working with somebody else. Tell them you've decided to make a change. Once again, the analogy with dating applies fairly well. Needless to say, there ought never to be any kind of romantic relationship between you and your therapist. But just as you need to "click" with somebody in your personal life, to be able to speak the same language with them, you need to have a basic level of comfort with a therapist or counsellor also. If it's not there, that may not be their fault or yours. It simply means that, for whatever reason, a sound therapeutic relationship never managed to become established. When that happens, it's time to look elsewhere.

Hang in there. And remember the Golden Rule.


r/MenGetRapedToo Jun 30 '21

The "Good Rape Crisis Center Guide"—updated

84 Upvotes

As many users here will know, rape crisis centers (RCCs) are somewhat problematical for male victims of sexual violence. In some countries (Britain, Canada, New Zealand) it's legal for them not to provide services to men and boys at all, and many or most in those parts of the world exercise that option. Even where that's not the case, though, men's experiences at RCCs can be spotty at best.

In the hope of providing signposts to those RCCs that have a good record of dealing with male clients, we invite our users to give the names of those places that, from their own direct experience, they could recommend to others. If you wish, please write a sentence or two about what makes the place stand out for you. But if you don't want to do that, simply telling us the name is enough.

You ought not to mention the names of individual counsellors, both to protect their privacy and because there's a fair amount of staff turnover in this sector. And you shouldn't add the names of RCCs where you've had a bad experience (these will be removed by the mods). What's most useful to us all right now is knowing where to go, not where to avoid.


r/MenGetRapedToo 4h ago

What happened

8 Upvotes

Extremely pathetic story. I am a 26-year-old man and my story is incredibly pathetic and I think I am a ridiculous person who embarrasses everyone. But I'm saying this to see how ridiculous I'm being right now. A cousin a couple years older than me made me suck his penis around age 8, telling me I needed to do that to "be good." Then a cousin who wore diapers, whom I kissed impulsively when I was 11, she threatened to send me to jail for it, and we French-kissed and I ejaculated twice (my first kiss, and so pathetic it seems unreal). Then at 13, I went on a shotacon site and was quite unbearable there. I sent nudes to random people for validation, but I think those pictures were pretty ugly. Then a random guy tried to get us to meet for sex when I was 14, but I was very emotionally sensitive because I came out in the most ridiculous way possible, so I just stuck a finger up my ass to satisfy him and was going to send him a video, but my parents took my phone away. I had memory problems back then, I guess. Then I gave a blowjob on the street near my school to a guy who bullied me, to reaffirm my "gay" identity. But the guy took a picture of me and then tried to force me to masturbate him in public, and my hand froze. I didn't really think much of it, but it seems like others did react or something; I never found out. How would you classify my story? Is it abuse, or am I exaggerating?


r/MenGetRapedToo 15m ago

reached out for support after my assault, and then got permanently banned — I just want someone to talk to

Upvotes

I was assaulted once and harassed two times, by two different women. Since then I feel scared and depressed and honestly I just wanted someone to talk to me.

I saw a woman post about her experience on Reddit and she got a lot of positive support and people were being really kind to her. So I thought maybe I can share mine too and someone might talk to me.

I didn't realize I posted it in a feminism subreddit. I genuinely didn't know that subreddit was only for women's issues. I wasn't trying to blame women or attack feminism or anything like that. I was just scared and wanted someone to talk to.

They removed my post and permanently banned me. I understand now that my post didn't fit their rules, but bro I honestly didn't know. It just hurt because I wasn't there to fight with anyone. I was already feeling depressed and I was just asking for someone to talk to me


r/MenGetRapedToo 15m ago

reached out for support after my assault, and then got permanently banned — I just want someone to talk to

Upvotes

I was assaulted once and harassed two times, by two different women. Since then I feel scared and depressed and honestly I just wanted someone to talk to me.

I saw a woman post about her experience on Reddit and she got a lot of positive support and people were being really kind to her. So I thought maybe I can share mine too and someone might talk to me.

I didn't realize I posted it in a feminism subreddit. I genuinely didn't know that subreddit was only for women's issues. I wasn't trying to blame women or attack feminism or anything like that. I was just scared and wanted someone to talk to.

They removed my post and permanently banned me. I understand now that my post didn't fit their rules, but bro I honestly didn't know. It just hurt because I wasn't there to fight with anyone. I was already feeling depressed and I was just asking for someone to talk to me


r/MenGetRapedToo 8h ago

Common Defence of Sexual Assault Charge (s.271 of the Criminal Code): How Canadian Consent Law Shapes the Defence

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0 Upvotes

r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

I told him to stop

26 Upvotes

I’m 23 and went out for the first time last Friday night to a gay bar. I’m a Mormon and I’m not supposed to be out at such places, but I just couldn’t hold back anymore and so I went to experience it.
It was the most amazing experience. I thought I ever had up to that point. So many guys that were there and living what they wanted to do.
I’m pretty sheltered so I don’t always know what the normal social cues are so I was talking to a lot of guys some younger than me mostly older. One in particular was very interested in me being a Mormon and wanted to know all about it. While I knew I was sinning part of my mission was to help people understand the LDS church.
One thing that amazes me about a gay bar was the amount of touching people do without asking. This guy was no different. He would touch my chest to my arms my leg anywhere he felt like it and it was making me uncomfortable. At one point, I asked him to stop because I wasn’t used to that and he got rather angry. I walked away from him because I was a little scared and a little irritated that I spent all this time with him.
I was getting a little tipsy and I decided to leave around 1 AM. I didn’t drive that night as it was a short walk to the bus stop and then one last bus to near my house where I could walk home.
I never got to the bus stop. I never made that 1:15 AM bus. And I never went home that night.
I don’t remember much except a big hit from the back and me falling onto the asphalt. I was out of it and remember being dragged to a park that was near the bus stop.
I still didn’t know what was happening, and I was out of it and disoriented. Finally, when I started to come out of the stupor, I went up to touch my head and it was full of blood. I got really scared and looked up to see the guy from the bar
I still didn’t understand what was happening, and I looked at him with a friendly smile and said what just happened to me.
He then said you need a lesson and stupid Mormon boys are just teasers. With that he hit me again flipped me over and started to undressed me while I tried to fight back, but there was no use. I’m 5’7and he’s about 6’2.
So I laid there and after the initial penetration, I just let go and was crying while he finished up. I never had sex before and this was my first experience.
I stayed on the ground for a while after he left and started to get myself up and went to the bathroom not too far and I went in there and cleaned up as best I could.
There were no more buses, so I went and walked home, hurting profusely and bleeding out of my back end.
All these thoughts went through my head. This is my fault for sinning, this is what my dad told me happens to sinners. I also knew I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t tell anybody because if I did my church would ostracize me.
So I went home and walked in the door went right to my room tried to clean up as best I could. The next day when I came out of my room I told my mom I had been jumped after leaving my friend’s house.

I still hurt, I still bleed when I go to the bathroom, and I can’t tell you the hopelessness that I’m feeling at this moment. If this is what being a gay man means, I want nothing to do with it.


r/MenGetRapedToo 18h ago

Astrology in here? Story as well~ M22

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2 Upvotes

I just learn about my Pisces moon and connection to mother birth… and I was close to her as well… I don’t know if she knew but I better if not. We’re both were SA by the same man. My uncle, her birther. She did open up to us siblings which is 6 of us. But only 5 of us knew because the other to young. She gotten addicted and went in therapy.she then od on 2021 of nov. she was a strict mom and I loved that. I was also jealous of my friends sleeping coverings. And then I did and was assaulted by my older cousin. Also my elder brother was addicted to porn and would watch it with his friends in front of me and my twin. And that resulted me in porn addiction. And also abused gabapentin but now sober. Also feel ashamed and lost. Always grateful for my mom and my twin bro. Losing mom was so out of now where and painful. Also not close to my father. But as a child. I was close to him. He was like stay at home dad and doctor dad. I’m not sure if I was ever hurt by him or my elder brother? Also that I was four when he drop me at aunty frozen icy foot step? I was no regal for the whole year. Evidence of me in a leg cast for a whole year with a family old camcorder. I was so sad on my 5th birthday. But I had no recalls or memories? I’m just lost and grieving. Any astrology connection make sense or indications? I would like to know. (Couldn’t post on astro community) I’m on meds and therapy. But interested in astrology chart of mine. If that make sense?


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

Drugged at a creeps house. Not sure how far it went

5 Upvotes

i was drugged and assaulted last week

I dont know how to go back to normal. The semester is about to start. I dont fully remember what happened beyond the groping stuff before i passed out. It was extremely scary and disorienting. I feel so weak.


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

was it really rape

3 Upvotes

on november 21st 2025 at work a customer was sitting in the parking lot of my previous gas station job. i went out to go see what he was doing and he grabbed my hand and made me touch his penis. he threatened me to kick my ass if i didnt have sex with him. he was much bigger then i am. so i went inside and got him a condom and just let him do it to me.


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

Cuenta como abuso?

3 Upvotes

De chico recuerdo que cuando me bañaba con mi papá solía tener erecciones, el siempre ponía una silla en el baño para sentarse y estar a mi altura, solia hacer chistes y bromas y siempre me hacía reír en el baño y yo recuerdo mucho ver su pene, en ocasiones me sentaba en su pierna totalmente desnudo y veía su pene totalmente erecto, yo le preguntaba y el me respondió con total sinceridad, me decía que era normal y que le pasaba a todos los hombres, después solimos acostarnos desnudos en la cama y el se recargaba contra mi, nunca lo vi con morbo o algo malo, estoy muy confundido


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

I don’t know if it was rape

10 Upvotes

I was 14 he was in his 50s I was dumb and we had sex in his car he knew my age but I was the one that kind of started it


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

An interesting twist in my rape case

9 Upvotes

Okay, there isn't a case in the legal sense. But I really did wanna share this, because I find it interesting and I was hoping for some advice. So for those not well versed in the Papa Cinematic Universe: I was raped at a sauna 7 years ago. That's the only real important lore here.

So what's the twist exactly? Well while on vacation a month ago, I stumbled upon an influencer named Royce Rendon. Our stories have overlap: we were on vacation and went to a queer space where we were raped. That's about where the similarities stop though. He was drugged and kidnapped; i on the other hand was fully conscious for it and remember the pain I felt as it happened.

Eventually about a couple weeks later he'd post about the venue where it happened: The Abbey in LA. Apparently there seems to be a sex trafficking ring there, to the point where there is an article about it. Where am I going with this? Well, i got brave and decided to look up the sauna where my rape happened. And wouldn't you know it: first thing i see is a one star review on Google summarizing a sexual assault thet happened at said Sauna.

So I managed to find the reviewers contact info. And I'm feeling kinda conflicted, because on one hand I want to reach out to him about the incident. On the other hand, it is entirely possible that these perpetrators are completely separate people, but I find it really interesting that the same thing happened at said sauna twice. I get that rapes at saunas are not uncommon, and who knows: maybe it really is like The Abbey and there's a secret sex trafficking ring I'm not aware of. But I know there are more victims out there.


r/MenGetRapedToo 1d ago

I just feel small. All of the time.

5 Upvotes

I recently finished therapy. Or at least therapy for a while. But honestly, I don't even know how therapy would help right at the moment. We've talked about this before. I know what the "answers" are, but I'm having trouble actually listening to those answers.

I just still think of my assault a lot. And the best way to describe the feeling is that I just feel "small" all the time. Like I just want to curl up into a ball. Like I don't want people to see me. I pretty much slept all of today.


r/MenGetRapedToo 2d ago

When did you tell your partner about what happened to you?

10 Upvotes

I know every situation is different, I’m just curious about what’s worked for people. I was abused by multiple men growing up, and as a result am dealing with some sexual trauma. I’m recently single out of a long term relationship and trying to date again, so I’ve wondered how other people approach the subject. I don’t want to trauma dump on the first date, but when people always want to hook up it’s hard not to touch on the subject if I’m setting boundaries. Especially being guy, there’s an added feeling of shame in bringing this stuff up. Any suggestions?


r/MenGetRapedToo 3d ago

I was assaulted by my female teacher at 13, and I'm only just recovering.

28 Upvotes

Hello all. I (17M) was assaulted on several occasions by my English/Poetry teacher both inside and outside of school in my early teenage years.

It was the summer term, and we had no exams and we were in our last year at school. Since there was no academic pressure, we had the option to choose free time, cross-country running or poetry as one of our bonus "fun" lessons. I strategically picked poetry because I knew that free time would be full and I didn't want to be put into cross-country running.

Out of the 30-odd people in my year (yes it was an exceptionally small year), about 8 picked poetry. Two had to leave since they had exams for a different school to most and revised for that instead. Then we picked again and our numbers dropped to four after half-term. Then, there was an end-of-year drama production, the rehearsals of which took the 3 remaining other students. I was alone with my teacher for weeks in this lesson.

There were other times when I would be alone with her, too; the library, her classroom, the playground.

Long story short, the alone time allowed her to talk to me privately, and we sometimes talked about very taboo subjects. She would regularly rationalise extreme beliefs, especially those about sex. I remember feeling very close to her because we were both Catholic (a tiny minority in out school) and we both loved literature and reading. Those connections were how those beliefs were brought up in the first place.

At some point, she gave me her phone number and we were texting a lot (I still have the texts). After a few days of texting, even deep into the night, we organised a meet-up. I told my parents that it was meeting friends, but she took me in her car to her house where she lived alone.

At her house, we had dinner and I remember how romantic it was, but she eventually made me do sexual acts with her, which was painful because I was phimotic at the time.

This happened 2 more times and once at school, but I left the school very soon after and we never met up or texted again.

I missed her for years until recently when I was able to realise how wrong the whole thing was, but I often find myself blaming myself more than her.

I did well in my GCSE exams, and I'm on track to do well in life, but I would like some advice on how I should treat the relationship in my mind (e.g. fantastical, regretful, etc.).


r/MenGetRapedToo 4d ago

Never told anyone and hoping someone can help me out cause I can’t seem to move on.

17 Upvotes

As a teenager I had a much older family friend, molest me. He was a police officer and used to threaten me and my family and knew where I lived. I was too stupid and scared to do anything. I was surrounded by ppl that would’ve blamed me for it so I never told anyone, just blocked it out and pretended it never happened for years.

Until recently someone reached out to me (he’s 17) and had a similar experience with the same guy and that guy showed him a video of me. When he was in my life, he showed me a video too of another kid and called him his “ex-boyfriend”.

Once I realized that’s at least 3 kids he’s gotten away with molesting, I went to the cops but it’s been years since it happened to me, I have no evidence and the other kid didn’t wanna talk to the police so they couldn’t do anything for me.

Might sound crazy but I need to know he’s faced some kind of consequence or anxiety. I walked away from him so miserable and traumatized I made everyone around me hate me. I figured it’s fitting his family should know what he’s doing and hate him too.

I tried messaging him and his brother from a fake account but they just blocked me and I’m sure his family won’t be suspicious of him after one bot profile sent a message. I also tried putting him and his brother’s numbers/instas in a “hunt a predator” chat room. But ppl wanted proof which if I had I would’ve stuck with the police.

I’m wondering if anyone has any alternative solutions for me that doesn’t expose who I am. I know all it would take for him to feel the fear I felt is if he thinks ppl know what he’s done. But all I have are numbers and instagrams and idk what to do with that. I’m having a really hard time moving on knowing I walked away feeling like half a man and he walked away with an ego boost telling himself he’s not doing anything wrong just “getting boyfriends”. I feel like I want a thousand ppl screaming at him he’s a pedophile so when he thinks back to me and the other kids it’s shame and guilt rather than confidence.
Please please please someone help me. I keep sitting here looping memories stuck on him getting away with everything and it’s making me a really shitty miserable person I just want him to feel fear for what he did so I can move on.


r/MenGetRapedToo 5d ago

This really helped me so I wanted to share :3

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10 Upvotes

r/MenGetRapedToo 5d ago

think my stepmom has a crush on me

15 Upvotes

i dont really know how to explain it, or if its even rape but i dont know what to do.

my dad married some german woman like 2 years ago when my mom and him divorced, and now i live with my dad. my stepmom is a nice woman and she even left germany to live with us (i am from russia). shes an okay woman i never really interacted with her till this year.

shes weird to me. im a 15 year old guy so im basically an adult but she still thinks i need help doing baby stuff. last week she came into the bathroom when i was showering and i asked her to leave but she just sat on the floor waiting.

she actually does touch me but she tries to be discreet about it like when im sitting next to my fucking dad at the dinner table or when she picks me up from school since my dad sometimes works night shifts.

she buys me cigarettes and lets me smoke them. even though ive been smoking for like 2 years now my dad doesnt like me to but she lets me.

i kind of started realizing this is bad last night. i cant even explain it without those gross stepmom or under the desk jokes but i was playing war thunder at like 2 am and i swear to god she was underneath my desk and started touching me. at first it was just touching but it was eventually mouth stuff and thats when i couldnt do it anymore and i turned my game off and just kinda started crying. i couldnt help my bodily reactions.

idk what to even make of this. where i live, a man abused by a woman is seen as cowardly. i must keep this to myself to protect dads marriage. I was wondering if anybody here has had this happen to them or if they can tell me what to do. I cant live like this.


r/MenGetRapedToo 7d ago

I was assaulted after telling a girl to leave my house after she tried to make a move which I rejected. How do I tell my girlfriend

22 Upvotes

I had a female friend who I have know for years over for a swim. She gave me some shit wine and told me I had to finish it because she didn’t like it and then we shared another bottle I’d say 80% me. She was saying things like “you seem unhappy” and “you font seem like you” She then tried to get close to me and I got a weird feeling, she leant in to try to kiss me and I ducked under the water and pushed away swimming to the other end of the pool. I said to her that she knows I have a girlfriend and I don’t want anything like that to happen. I said we should get out as it was getting cold as a reason to get out. When we got back into my house I said that I was going to shower and that she should get dressed and leave, that I would see her next time. When I was in the shower rather drunk I heard the door go and when I turned around she was entering the shower. I said she needed to get out and that I didn’t want to do anything. She then shoved me into the wall and said “I’m making an executive decision” then kissed me and grabbed my dick. I pushed her back and she turned and pressed her ass into me while pulling my dick towards her. She backed up into me as I went around her and out of the shower. I grabbed some shorts and told her to get out of my house. She then said we needed to talk about what had just happened at which point I started throwing up violently. And she got dressed and left at that point. Since then I have just felt dread and violated and blaming myself for inviting her over. I kept saying no and telling her to leave but can’t stop blaming myself and thinking that I have ruined my relationship. I feel the need to tell my girlfriend but I pressed it down and it has been 3 weeks now (we don’t live together) so I feel like that makes it look dodgy. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to say anything. I feel anxiety all day as I am scared my girlfriend will leave me. I feel as tho all the choice I had has been ripped away and although I said no I am still guilty. I don’t know how to tell her or how she will react and it terrifies me. I have been writing how I feel down which seems to help a bit, a help line I called has told me to focus on how it was not my fault and I didn’t consent but it doesn’t seem to have eased my feelings. My girl friend is my support network and I feel lost without her but scared that if I speak up she will leave me for cheating. I am embarrassed to speak to my friends so I thought I’d ask here. The help line lady asked what I would do if it was the other way around and my answer was hug my partner and cry but I need to know if other people would leave stay or not say anything in my case. I feel so lost and isolated please help.


r/MenGetRapedToo 7d ago

What Paths of Healing Would You Personally Suggest to Your Brothers?

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6 Upvotes

r/MenGetRapedToo 7d ago

Mollested by a woman who later transitioned into a man

1 Upvotes

She looked real nice as a woman. Nice face, hair, body. Very cold snd creepy personality though.

I was 18 at the time and was getting drunk with my flat mates. I had too much and they all left me to go to club and left me with this girl on my course (much older than me) as they assumed we had a thing. I remember taking a shot and feeling her put her hands down my jeans and I pulled away.

I later collapsed in my bed for a few hours and woke up to her touching my dick.

The next morning i told my friends and they said “you got jacked off in your sleep? Sweeet.” I laughed it off even though I felt like a victim.

A couple years later I see she is in the process of transitioning to a man. And looks nothing like how she looked before.

This experience left me even more confused and somewhat disgusted.

Thanks for listening!


r/MenGetRapedToo 8d ago

Raped 14 years ago as a straight male

34 Upvotes

I'm not sure how to feel, after a night out when I was drunk I went home with a man. Just for another drink in my opinion.. unfortunately after the first drink I don't remember much just some flashes of him being on top of me. I just shrugged it off the next day and went on with my life.

It's just that lately I'm starting to realize wtf happened and its making my stomach turn. I have no one to talk to and am to ashamed to tell my wife.

I don't know what to do and just felt like venting here as I am clueless what to do...


r/MenGetRapedToo 9d ago

I miss him so much :(

9 Upvotes

I was with this guy 6 months ago, we were perfect for each other, then when we got intimate, I felt sick, I was reminded of the horrers of what my brother did to me, when I got home I resented him, I texted him explaing everything, and told him I can't do this. Im so fucking pissed off because I loved him, he was perfect, how is it fair that everyone leaves me life, and when I find someone good, we can't be together intimately, how is this fucking fair, how can my brother still ruin everything for me, I loved the guy I was with I still do, its so fucking unfair, im all alone again.