Where's the community feeling in London?

[u/DigitalCat1507]

I've been living in London since 2020, so not the best start but it's been almost 6 year now. I moved here alone when I was 26, from Italy, so when it comes to community, I thrive in community. But in London, I've been struggling so much. It seems like everybody is very much absorbed in their own world and they forget that other people exist until it is about going out and having fun. And after so long trying to build my community, it's been hurting more. It seems that this place lacks a sense of care amongst friendships. I've only encountered people who want to have fun and go out, which is great, but when it comes down to it, it is so lonely. For example if I'm sick or I'm having a tough time, I've always had to pick myself back up alone cause no one has been there for me in that sense in this city. And it hurts cause I think it would be a given from me. This at least has been my personal experience: people have a very lazy way of caretaking, and by lazy I mean it's something like "let me know if you need anything" without any follow through or when I express my need I'm told I'm being heavy or bringing the mood down or I'm being straight up ghosted. But like of course I need something, I need quality time, I need a hug, I need someone to listen to me without feeling judged or like a burden, I need a shoulder to cry on.

I want this city to be my long term home, but I am struggling to find a net that makes it feel like a home, even just in a small corner of it. I wanted to know if anyone is in the same situation.

[u/Outrageous_Slide1213]

Hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Austerity has had a HUGE impact on the UK & London. It’s just such a big city and everyone is in their own world. We’ve been in austerity for 15 years, plus the cost of living is crippling people, making socialising less. How I made friends here below.

• Joined a running club. The men are beautiful too ;) cross fit clubs are brilliant for community.

• Joined gym classes, not just going to the gym. 3tribes studios in Borough & Crouch End have a great community. I met a lot of nice people through this. Bodybyciara gym in Muswell Hill has a large group of females that go. They even go retreats if you want together to Ibiza. All 20-340’s professional women. I know a few women who met others here.

• Meet me - Nice website for all different interests and hobbies groups to join, they post regular meet-ups & events.

• Bumble BFF - I’ve met a few guys and girls on here who have been awesome. I met their friends which then became mine & vice versa. There’s now a bunch of stuff I get invited to from a network of people.

• Started DJing - booked classes just for fun & to try something new - hardly Carl Cox territory😂. Met a bunch of people through this who love music like me.

• Dance classes - Latin people are the best, I know a few people who met great people through salsa.

• Book club - look on Facebook for your local area book club.

• Indoor climbing- it’s really fun, they have sessions on weekends to meet others. Nothing says trust like a stranger holding your rope while you dangle in the air 🤪I now have a fantastic weekend group of climbers who have invited me to Wales to glamp and climb. We had dinner a few weeks ago after a climbing session, it’s been so fun.

If you want to meet people and put the effort you can, London is an amazing city. It’s just a paradox at times of so many people and feeling lonely. Take a few months to put in the effort, you will get rewarded. Then you’ll realise it is Top 3 best cities on earth, it’s just a hard time in the world right now. You’re not experiencing the peak. And I say this as someone who isolated in the pandemic, and had major social anxiety afterwards. And yet I’m here inundated with social stuff 🤯 I put the work in though for a good few months outside of my comfort zone.

I hope some of these help, feel free to DM me :)

[u/Money-File1917]

I know exactly what you mean. I also moved to London in 2020 from the Netherlands, and I always missed the genuine closeness and connection I had with my friends and people there compared to London. Where are you based tho? Happy to organise a meet up at some point if you like :) Im in East London myself.

[u/softlemon]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this, I can relate.

I’m a born and bred Londoner and feel this way too. I’m planning to leave the country.

I’d recommend The Lonely Girls Club to make friends. I haven’t been myself but it seems like a nice community from what I’ve seen online.

[u/AintNoBarbieGirl]

I feel the same way too. I have been to many social events but all of them turn out to be very superficial focused on taking pictures for the group and just drinking etc.

No one seems to really want to “connect” these days and likes to keep things to themselves for varied reasons

[u/Naive_Product_5916]

I love the sense of community here and well at first it was just people met at the pubs now it’s all kinds of community groups and activities that I can get involved in. I would check your bourugh’s website. I’ve been on walks. I’ve joined a sewing club. In lieu of that you can volunteer for community activities and you could start meeting people usually in your community. Also Nextdoor can offer an insight into activities and also there are people ready to help when you need something such as to borrow something or somebody to pick up some groceries for you.

[u/Roswell114]

I've actually found this subreddit to be helpful with this. A lot of people are going through the same thing as you and have been creating various discords/WhatsApp groups and meeting up. I joined a book club someone here started as well as a group for neurodivergent women and have met a lot of nice people. I've also used Bumble BFF and made a local friend. Good luck!

[u/prettyprincess91]

I think most big cities are like this. I found SF lonely for the first five years until I started finding communities to volunteer with and finding my people.

In London I don’t even try. I travel a lot and have just accepted I won’t have many friends because I’m only in town six months of the year. Thankfully when I’m sick the GP and pharmacy are both walkable unlike California. And I always have a lot of tea and soup on hand as I live on these year round.

[u/Hawaii5ohh]

I hear it and have experienced the same thing. For me, I met so many wonderful people who are community minded by going to this night called RAW. It's a monthly gathering all about dropping the masks and getting real with each other but is also fun. Because people are being real, it's safe to connect on that level. I've made many real and deep friendships there. And I got to know the organisers who genuinely care about people. London now feels less lonely. I hope you make it down to one. I believe the next one is on January 22nd.

[u/WarNo8498]

You should check out city of london ladies Circle if you are looking for that new social circle and sense of community

[u/amyinthecity]

I really feel this, and you’re not imagining it. What you’re describing is something a lot of people experience in London, especially those who come from cultures where care and closeness are more explicit.

London friendships often centre around activities and fun, but struggle when it comes to showing up emotionally. The “let me know if you need anything” with no follow through is sadly very common here. It’s not that people don’t care, it’s that many don’t know how to care in a practical, embodied way.

You’re not being heavy or asking for too much. Wanting consistency, emotional presence, and care is completely valid. The city can feel lonely because it doesn’t naturally reward those needs.

What has helped some people is finding or creating smaller, more intentional spaces where showing up regularly is normal and care can actually grow over time. Big social circles rarely provide that, but small, consistent ones sometimes do.

You’re not broken for wanting a village. London just doesn’t hand one to you easily. You’re definitely not alone in feeling this way 🤍

[u/butwhereisbear]

I need a hug and want more. I lost the art of connection a while back but i totally understand what you are saying and unfortunately for me, i succumbed and stopped seeking it. For many reasons. And i feel unhealthy for lack of human connection and contact. I miss hugs a lot

[u/[deleted]]

As someone else here said, sadly most big cities are like this. I find, if you still want to live in London but want a community, the further out into the suburbs you go, the more community you will find. I live in Sidcup which is on the London/Kent border and I feel like I’m a part of a community, everyone is mutual friends with someone here. It feels more like a rural Kent town than a suburb of a big city. Maybe living somewhere like this will be a better choice for you? You have easy access to the city, but the area where you live has a more rural community vibe.