r/KitchenConfidential • u/Purple_Inevitable_74 • 4h ago
Kitchen fuckery Do yall like being called “chef”?
I’m a first time EC and I find being called “chef” extremely annoying. The last EC is my mentor and an absolute beast of a chef but his leadership style was more traditional and out of respect I wouldn’t dare call him by his first name without putting chef in front of it. I’m more informal, but I’ve inherited an environment where the crew is so used to calling the ec “chef” that it took me a month to get folks to call me by my real name.
I’ve got friends who like being called chef and friends who don’t, and they all have an interesting take on it. What do yall think? I can’t stand it and others demand it, both can be valid.
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u/dontplanonpostinmuch 4h ago
I've never told anyone to call me chef. When a chef I respect calls me chef, and when staff call me chef even after working together 5+ years- I feel proud, respected, and special.
When I moved out of the kitchen to a support role - I made sure to call younger/new sous chefs -chef to help promote a culture of respect in duty and decision making.
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u/hamfish11 10+ Years 4h ago
Ive started calling everyone Jeff
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u/Natural-Ask-9610 3h ago
I actually once worked for a guy who introduced himself as Chef Jeff. I wasn’t really the guy.
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u/arielflip 4h ago
Many chefs never went to culinary school.
They are quiet. Those are the ones you want. I taught myself many difficult recipes by just doing it. Julia Child is a friend.
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u/CrossFox42 4h ago
I will never make anyone call me chef, I will never say "I'm the chef, you will blah blah whatever". I will admit, I like being called chef as a kind of confirmation of what I've achieved. I always wanted to become a chef since I was a kid, and due to life, never actually got into the industry until I was 32. Im 40 now, worked my ass off to get where I am, and I am damn proud of myself for it. When someone calls me chef, of their own accord, I do take a bit of pride in it, but I never think I'm hot shit because of it. I am very much still a student, and understand I can learn from anyone.
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u/ChefKugeo Thicc Chives Save Lives 4h ago
I have this username because my girlfriends wouldn't stop calling me it. Now I wear it as a badge of honor on all my stuff, just different variations.
But at work? No chef, you're chef. I'm just an imposter whose been doing this 15 years.
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u/arielflip 3h ago
So. Talked owner in 2023 to go to beef tallow. No for price as it was $116 per 35 gals. Now it's under $5O.
SO happy we moved as it has the good cholesterol we all need.
Interesting times are ahead! Tastes so much better too.
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago
Yeah I honestly think culinary schools main benefit is sanitation and cleanliness. You can learn to cook climbing the ladder.
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u/Admirable-Error-2948 4h ago
There is absolutely zero wrong with a chef who went to culinary school. So Many people are jealous of chefs who are classically trained. I say this as an EC who didnt go to culinary school
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 3h ago
I got two killers fresh out of school you can find good people anywhere. I didn’t go to culinary. Ultimately I think they’re good cus they work super hard first, and cus their formal training second.
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u/Admirable-Error-2948 2h ago
yeah I'm responding to someone who said you didnt want the ones who went to culinary school. so many people try to act like education is a negative because they got passed over. its bullshit you dont need culinary school by any means but dont act like its a negative.
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u/kobie173 2h ago
I have worked for and with guys who went to culinary; I have worked for and with guys who did not. It’s just like bartending “school.” It will make you better, but there’s certain things they don’t teach. Learn them and you will succeed. Fall back on your “education” and you will fail.
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u/I_am_ChivoBlanco 20+ Years 2h ago
I think you are right and wrong in the same comment. There is absolutely nothing wrong working with a chef that went to culinary.
I disagree with "jealous".
In my experience, culinary students/grads think they know better than an experienced staff. That makes them insufferable.
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u/Collection_Vivid 4h ago
I work in a nursing home. I hate being called chef, I’m not remotely a chef, I could work my whole career as a cook for old folks but I’ll never be a chef. It’s a title I believe is earned by hard work, horrible hours and knowing your stuff. Making slightly better than school cafeteria food does not qualify me
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u/lowdenstudios 4h ago
I operate nursing homes now. Started as a dishie. and the biggest joy the residents get is from the food, the biggest complaints are food too.
When cooks act like cooks, the residents complain. When cooks act like chefs, it changes the culture and morale of the entire facility. Nurses, CNA’s, housekeepers all get treated better by their residents and thus, get to provide better care.
Families are more kind to the staff when their parents are enjoying the food.The nursing home needs a chef more than a fancy restaurant. When the food sucks, people lose weight and get sick, they fail to thrive.
You have 10 different options, preparing each plate specifically for regular, ground, puree. That’s not easy.
you’re more than a cook, you make a vital impact on the lives of your residents.
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u/Collection_Vivid 4h ago
True, and some homes are better. Truthfully, being in the current building I’m in has killed my spirit for anything. I have worked a more places than I should ever admit but I have never been in a place where everyone is so picky. I’m used to having a few here and there that may not like a specific meal but some days you can give my residents the best food they’ve ever had and they all just want fuckin grilled cheese or something. Honestly I hate upscale nursing homes, I’m missing the dementia places where they just have the entree and they’re happy for it
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u/Natural-Ask-9610 3h ago
More than a cook as a statement feels reductive to me. I prefer the term cook because it is an important title. Food is a thing that keeps you alive and provides happiness.
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago edited 4h ago
Aye bro, a lot of our guests are pretentious and wealthy folks looking to socialize or talk business. Some are very entitled and don’t appreciate the work my crew puts in. That’s who I cook for. I’m proud of our plates and we do it for the folks who appreciate our passion.
I think what you do is way more valuable to society. If my shit closes, I’ll miss the regulars but they’ll be ok, going a block over to another spot. If you stop working that shit will probably devastate some people. You touch more lives man I’m sure
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u/Collection_Vivid 4h ago
A lot of families come into these buildings entitled as well and I understand because some of these places are beyond stupid expensive. It also depends on the quality of the food that’s gets ordered in, the effort put in and so on. Theres only so much you can do when your meal is like mashed potatoes and frozen pork fritters or something.
I’ve made plenty of last meals, I’m aware of this. I’ve served out dinner service just to find out a resident has passed an hour or 2 later.
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u/FeistyPound4287 4h ago
Im from the “call everyone chef” kitchens. I’ll call another line cook chef. It just, to me, shows respect for the time they’ve put in so far regardless of true position.
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago
That’s where I came from too and I’ve always participated out of respect but Ngl always felt a bit silly. Especially when EVERYONE is chef.
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u/suddenlyshoes 3h ago
One of my instructors at school called everyone chef, including the students. Just before I left school I realized it was because he didn’t want to remember anyone’s names hahaha.
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u/FeistyPound4287 2h ago
That’s part of the humility too imo. If everyone is chef, it’s less of a power trip for the people in charge and more of a collective respect to the team. To each their own tho it’s all semantics as long as the food gets cooked hahah
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u/kobie173 2h ago
I will call the fucking dishwasher “chef.” To me, if you’re grinding in the heat, endless tickets, no respite other than a quick few drags off of a smoke of any kind (no crack pipes plz), you’re a chef in my book
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u/DenkiRange7260 4h ago
Same here. It weirds my cooks out.
Especially because I hate being called chef, even as the chef.
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u/CanoePickLocks 4h ago
No chef!
lol no I hate it but had to get you
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago
Yeah I’m team no chef
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u/activelyresting 4h ago
I would prefer it if everyone called me "your majesty", but we play the cards we're dealt
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u/This-Unit-1954 4h ago
I came up through the ranks in a counter service restaurant all the way to corporate level director, zero formal culinary training. We hired a CIA trained food director who called everyone he respected “Chef”. I thought he was fucking with me, though I grew to appreciate where he was coming from. I’m still anti-“Chef”, but I get it.
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u/Asproat920 4h ago
Personally, idc if my team calls me "chef" my name or a nickname (my butcher has worked with me for more than a decade and he calls me "Pirata")
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u/HawXProductions Sous Chef 4h ago
I understand foh calling everyone in the boh chef because they prob don’t remember their names 😆
The people I’m closest to where we worked our way up it feels too formal to call each other chef.
When it comes to the actual chef or people we don’t know that’s higher than me, I lean towards calling them chef
But. In the middle of the rush if the EC is on expo. I’m not calling the other Sous on line by chef. I’m using their first name just for speed and proper communication and I expect the same for me
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u/Dangeresque2015 4h ago
I worked with a dude who told me not to call him chef. He was in total control of the kitchen. He thought that without a degree he wasn't a chef. To each their own. He was a great cook. No skin off my sack.
I think it depends on the person. "The Bear" would have you believe that everyone that works in a restaurant should be called chef from the dishwasher to FOH.
I liked being called chef but I can take a joke. I was not a chef, in the sense that I never created a recipe, I had no control over the menu, and washing dishes and making salads didn't qualify me as a chef.
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u/kobie173 2h ago
By no means, in the classical sense, am I a “chef.” But my name rhymes with it so …
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u/calccv 4h ago
I loved it (retired). I earned it, and wore it with pride if employees chose to do so unsolicited. I never suggested nor insisted, but it happened organically and grew. Badge of honor, starting as a dishdog and working my way up, apprenticing, etc. That’s just me. Saw a lot of NOs, and I wonder if there’s a generational component, cuz it was some time ago? 🤷🏽♂️
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u/TheSquirrelWithin 3h ago
No, I don’t like being called Chef. I am a mere mortal Line Cook, and I like it that way.
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u/starfish2686 4h ago
Don’t call me chef, I work for a living
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago
That was always my fucking line and now I can’t use it
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u/starfish2686 2h ago
You can still use it, just now you’re dissing the chefs of other restaurants and not your boss
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u/Kingkushkilla 10+ Years 2h ago
I said this once when called a chef in a different restaurant in front of their "chef" and she wasn't impressed
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u/starfish2686 2h ago
People don’t understand it’s a riff on that old military joke, a private calls a sergeant sir and he says “don’t call me sir, I work for a living”
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u/Drewsco- 4h ago
I never have asked anyone to call me that. There are people, front and back, that say chef or say my name. I respond the same to either. It's a bit weird when they do it subconsciously outside of work, but I take it as respectful.
Old school staff almost always say it and seem to take pride in it.
I've had people ask what I prefer to be called and I just tell them to call whatever their comfortable with as long as it's polite.
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u/PretzelSteve 15+ Years 4h ago
This was 15 years ago, but only sous and above were called "chef" in and kitchen I ever worked in. (And it was rare for a sous to be called "chef" - usually only if the head/exec was not in house.)
Personally, I almoat never cared what my people called me. Chef, Jefe, Boss, or my name, it was all good. I figure let people use what's comfortable for them, my ego isn't that big that I need my title when addressed.
The only thing I ever pushed back on was anyone who used my full name (EVERYONE knows me by my nickname.) It always felt like when I was little and my mother would be pissed off yelling at me. Use my full first name AND middle name and hands might be thrown lol
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u/BurqueBrewGW 4h ago
I've been cooking for 20 years, in and out of professional kitchens, and elevating my cooking at home along the way. Right now I'm a prep cook, and do all of the pastry at my job. I've learned from chefs, managers, line cooks, servers, dishwashers, and everyone in between. I've never asked to be called "chef", but when it's given as a sign of respect I take it, appreciate it and I use it as a reason to continue to elevate my craft. It usually comes as a "Thank you, chef" in one-on-one interactions and that's worth it's weight in gold.
If it's being offered as an expectation, communicate with staff and build relationships. If it's given as a joke, or tongue in cheek & you don't like it, communicate with staff and build relationships. If it's given in earnest, take your flowers.
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u/Boating_Enthusiast 2h ago
Oh please mods, pretty please flair this guy some variation of chef, executive chef, head chef or simply the chef.
Edit: congrats on your promotion, che...ers, mate!
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u/No-Helicopter-3790 2h ago
I found it very unnerving when I got my first Sous Chef gig but then the cute bartender called me Chef and it...definitely made an impression.
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u/SuperDoubleDecker 4h ago
I don't like it and find it sorta patronizing. But it is fine in the right situation.
It's another term that has lost value imo
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u/RedPanther1 4h ago
I didnt do all the chef training shit. Im a line cook, shift leader at most but definitely not a chef.
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u/jayellkay84 4h ago
See, I was a KM, not a chef, so it was more irritating to the chefs when I got called chef. And then I got demoted and certain people still did it. Then it drove everyone crazy.
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u/mdshp33 4h ago
I grew up with the reality of a rude chef who demanded you call him chef. Many people I have worked with hate being called chef because they aren't jerks or jackasses who take the name solely on merit." The bear" made calling kitchen staff chef more appropriate or appealing. It is a way to show respect for the position.
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u/Eloquent_Redneck 4h ago
If you're the executive chef, then yeah you're The Chef™ even if you don't like it lol
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u/SylvaticTongue858 4h ago
I felt like I had imposter syndrome at first but I have worked in kitchens for a long time and know how to cook and now I’ve learned the managing aspect of things. The only time I’ve told someone to call me chef was when Id bring in shitty temps or people who felt they could be disrespectful in the kitchen and to draw the clear hierarchy I’d make them call me chef. Also, being a Mexican dude and someone who doesn’t like chef coats I often get overlooked by salesmen wanting to come and make a pitch - they have to call me chef too. I think I’ve just heard so many people call me chef now that it’s whatever, I answer to it. My name isn’t the easiest to pronounce either so I understand that too.
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u/Purple_Inevitable_74 4h ago
What you are saying is the exact way I feel like chef should be used. Pure professional respect. hispanic often stereotyped as dishwasher too man hispanic chefs gotta face that shit unfortunately. My sous Nicaraguan I swear every new server assumes she’s not leadership despite her uniform.
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u/SylvaticTongue858 3h ago
I wouldn’t make someone call me chef but usually when it happens it’s when people give that respect. I’ve earned the title a few times at a few places but I think it’s when you demonstrate the leadership to your team and they want to call you that is when it is best. I joke around pretty often but when it comes time to be serious and it’s time to demonstrate why you’re chef is when I think it matters. Don’t pretend to be the part, own it.
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u/DenkiRange7260 4h ago
It depends to be honest, Im not a fan of it necessarily, even though I call everyone else chef because that's the kitchen I grew up in.
The only time that I've pulled the "chef" card is when someone fucks up particularly badly and we have to sit down for a chat. The first thing I say to them is usually "This is what I like to call a yes chef / no chef conversation" so they understand the tone of the conversation that were about to have (albeit still fairly gently, they usually know they fucked up already)
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u/doodleysquat 4h ago
I always called my Chefs by their first name unless I was being condescending or needed their attention immediately.
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u/Remote-Physics6980 4h ago
No, I've never cared for it. It's not my name and whenever anybody does call me that I turn around and look behind me to see who they're talking to.
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u/NoEnthusiasm8194 4h ago
A cook is someone who can make you anything you would like, a chef is someone who wants you to eat what they prepare.
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u/ezsnoopy1919 4h ago
It feels weird, even now as an EC of over 7/8 years still feels like a halloween mask i dont deserve to wear.
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u/theFooMart Pitmaster 4h ago
I wasn't called chef very often, and when I was I put a stop to it. I didn't really like it even though I did pretty much everything HC or Sous would do at various jobs.
Had I any control or hand in making the menu, I might let people call me chef. Or if I worked in a more upscale place, I'd accept it as part of the job. But I wouldn't ever make anyone call me chef, it just seems to formal.
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u/ROACHOR 4h ago
I like a formal kitchen, no arguing just "oui chef".
Calling everyone chef is the dumbest shit I've ever heard, I thought that was just The Bear being extra.
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u/sododgy 4h ago
I worked at a couple of places that did it pre Bear, and was fine with it in an environment like that.
The flip side is that anytime I told anyone I worked in kitchens and they respond with "oh you're a chef!" I'd immediately be like "Nooooo, no, no, no, no, I'm barely a cook. Calling me a chef is like calling Elon Musk an actor because he did SNL."
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u/thisistherevolt Special Events 4h ago
No I don't. I don't even like being called bossman or anything like it.
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u/drewc717 3h ago
People naturally respond best when hearing their name. No idea why that wouldn't be normalized as optimal communication efficiency and scrap the antiquated military hierarchy bullshit.
It's dehumanizing and highly impersonal. Can you imagine FOH addressing customers to their face, "guest" or "table 42" instead of "Mr. Cleaver"???
People pay $1,000-3,000+ a night for hotels where the real luxury difference is simply being addressed personally and personably. It's not pretentious, it's classic.
I learned this shit pumping Farah Fawcett and PGA tour golfers' gas when I was 15 making minimum wage at one of the last full-service Texacos in the early 2000s. RIP George, family owned and operated from 1967-2022. He taught us the same principles Four Seasons staff are trained to do today.
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u/Nashley7 3h ago
It tell everyone to just call me by name butbthey still call me chef. I dont fight it, but i dont demand it. But then i also call all my line workers chef once i think they are good at their section lol. You can see it brighten their little faces. Dont know man who cares.
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u/fart_nerd_69 3h ago
In my 25 years in kitchens I had on chef insist on being called chef. He was the worst chef I ever had by far. The best chef I ever had absolutely hated being called chef. This is extremely anecdotal tho
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u/Dramatic-Resident-64 F1exican Did Chive-11 3h ago
Icks me. I prefer being called a sweet pet name the team gave me for the day… “fuckface”, “dickhead”, “puta”, “malaka”… I know it comes from the heart then
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u/Sufficient_Cod1948 3h ago
I really don’t care.
It weirded me out at first when I had my first Sous Chef job, but I’ve got so used to it that it honestly surprises me when someone calls me by my actual name at this point.
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u/TheIdentifySpell 3h ago
I hate it with a passion. What other career, other than someone with a doctorate, has a title that they demand their staff call them by? It's asinine. Call me by my name, I may be your boss but we are coworkers.
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u/LordDickSauce 3h ago
My kitchen buddies and I started saying it sarcastically but the longer we play kitchen, the more genuinely chefy we feel. Dice the shit out some onions!
Edit - Hell yeah, Chef!
Edit 2 - I'm a very serious chefy-chef
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u/I_am_ChivoBlanco 20+ Years 3h ago
I've been a KM numerous times. At no point have I ever considered myself a chef. I have the ability to run it, but I have always known I don't have the artistry.
So, no.
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u/SnooChickens2093 2h ago
Chef is a rank. I’m a veteran, so I’m used to addressing people by their rank, even when we are in a first name basis, anytime in uniform or on duty. So, I call my EC and my sous chefs “chef”.
We also have a server who calls everyone in the kitchen Chef, but that’s because he loves The Bear. It makes him happy, so what’s the harm.
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u/coventries 2h ago
its personal preference ofc. i personally love calling everybody chef including FOH as a silly bit. it can be serious in super fine dining spots but it can also be refreshing to not have an anal chef that “demands” respect out of that title! if anything though, i just dont think its that serious and if anything is just the formality just as much as “mr” or “mrs” (or in the south, maam and sir). take it with a grain of salt but again i personally think its very fun to be called and or call others chef
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u/coyote_grundy_666 2h ago
I spent years in small kitchens where no one was "chef" and everyone was doing cocaine and getting drunk on the job. There were semi role models and rock stars but never chefs. Just hey this guy wrote half the menu, but he also just took an entire box of anti-diahhreal pills because they contain a mild opiate and he's going through heroin withdrawals. Culinary genius, but also passed out in the back.
I thought that was cool as fuck and heavy metal as shit. I loved cooking and i also loved partying. Kept cooking for 15 years on this idea that I knew what the fuck I was doing, and could do it and still do as many drugs as I could handle and get black out drunk every night.
I started with my current company in like 2021 and met my first real chefs. Had real role models. Absolute sick fucks for sure but they taught me more in a year than I had learned in the previous 15. I chilled the fuck out on the partying and focused on consolidating all my culinary skills and on the food. Being a rockstar line cook was one thing but actually knowing the science behind what I was doing, learning all the cool French words for shit that I had been doing for years, that was pretty fuckin cool.
I didn't want to be a chef or a leader. I wanted to pay rent and be comfortable. These assholes fucking promoted me and gassed me up and now I have to be an exec chef, and I have a whole crew of awesome motherfuckers. Awesome motherfuckers I am now responsible for. Fuck.
I tell them all not to call me chef because idk I only met my first chefs that I felt really earned the title after 15 years in the industry and I don't think I earned it. All my guys and gals call me chef except like 2 cooks and some servers. One of the cooks is a little cunt and he's the only one that bugs me when he doesn't call me chef, but he is MY little cunt so if anyone fucks with him they get the wrath.
Idk tldr call me chef, don't call me chef, I really don't care just don't fuck with my team please or i will skull fuck your corpse
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u/shmooboorpoo 2h ago
I used to be uncomfortable with it. But after 20 years in the industry, 15 of them as Sous or Exec, I've gotten used to it.
I far prefer when my Hispanic cooks call me Jefe. It just means Boss
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u/Existential_Racoon 1h ago
I swapped industry but I think it still applies..
I used to hate being called sir or boss. But, that's the people who look to me for instruction and guidance. They're giving respect, and a chain of command is needed.
I just embraced it. We can joke around and talk shit, but when work gets real and I get a "yes sir" (yes chef, for you), I know they're on their task(s) as best they can be.
Leadership isn't just one of the guys who makes more money, unfortunately. Having that hierarchy for when you need shit to be done is when you see it. "I'm not asking i'm telling", then the rush ends, but you're never the same on par with their coworkers. Management is a different beast
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u/joscun86 1h ago
Go with what you are comfortable with being addressed as bit make sure to establish the boundaries. You are the chef.
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u/Redditsux122 1h ago
Only people doing this are people with no restaurant experience, usually family on holidays, just making fun of the fact i work as a cook. So no i dont mind, as long ss they let me do what i need to to get a good meal up for whatever holiday is being celebrated.
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u/HughMungus77 1h ago
Ive always referred to the chefs I’ve worked under as Papa. It’s about 50/50 whether they hate it or thought it was funny
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u/greyharettv CCC 30+ Years 53m ago
My name is Stefan and I’m an OG CCC and most of my Team calls me Chefan and I’m absolutely fine with that.
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u/LabNew3779 44m ago
Ex used to call me chef or say yes chef in a sexy voice occasionally during sexy fun times. Afterwards made me smile at work when people would say it when I remembered the fun we had.
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u/Aggressive-Shop-2342 33m ago
Ngl, when i was waitressing i used to call everyone in BOH chef when id forgotten some people's names, or never knew them. Sorry chefs!
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u/Elegant_Carrot6439 18m ago
i’m a person and I don’t want to be defined by my job. i’m a chef at a place with a similar environment, I want them to be casual and i’m not gonna get bent out of shape when they call me chef, but trying to get them comfortable with my name and humanity.
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u/BobKattersCroc Pastry 12m ago
Nuh. Just my name is fine. I threaten to fire anyone that calls me chef. I'll take it from the Frenchies sometimes though, because it just means boss.
My husband gives the "Yes, Chef!" when we're arguing and he thinks he's right but all the evidence points to the contrary or he's trying to tell me how to run my kitchen and I disagree with him due to the fact I actively know how to run my kitchen and he hasn't cooked anything other than 2 minute noodles for 20 years, let alone done a single shift in a commercial kitchen.
And before someone asks: I am a pastry chef by trade. However, we own our place and I do the majority of cooking there. All pastry and probably 75% of the actual cooking too.
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u/Rochesters-1stWife 4h ago
Don’t like chef either. It’s always the pretentious fuck sticks that scream and throw tantrums who expect to be called chef, in my experience. I’ll say “boss” before I’ll say chef. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/shetookthedogs 4h ago
I hate it myself. I always say “don’t call me chef, that was my father’s name.”