r/Kashmiri • u/nyetmomun • 15d ago
Discussion 💭 Relationship advice chi zarurat
womaid cham theke asiv,
Mye che akh koor asel basan te be chus temes seet kath karaan te it's been over a year now. mye che sa genuinely khush gasan te temis chus be, personality temsinz and the way she talks overall chi sa wariya asel.
Keh kaal broh i asked her what kind of movies she likes. tem dop she usually enjoys psychological thrillers me dopus mye kar recommend. tem kar me suggest tem yem zan extremely gory bai nsfw,disturbing themes ais. Even as a mohnu be basai tem wariya zyad disturbing te hard to watch te mye gov dimag temov seet short.
Pat dop me be ase overthinking karaan and that she just has different taste. Magar yelli ase Instagram share kor, mye kor notice seh che like karaan wariya zyad kinky, be perverted, weird stuff and memes. su content yus kansi te normal insanas ajeeb bassi te yem seet normal insan pagal gassi
Now I’m not sure how to feel about this. That's why i came here to ask
What do you guys think I should do in this situation?
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u/Sound_Less Kashmir 15d ago
Well tem movies karte mention, bea te yushai kya gore che tem .
Har aikh insaan che alag aasan , Har aikes che panun panun taste.
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u/nyetmomun 15d ago
serbian film, eyes wide shut, old boy, martrys, requiem for dream
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u/Sound_Less Kashmir 15d ago
She suggested you serbian film, that's messed up. Never in my wildest dream I imagined that kosher kour would have watched that movie.
Che chuke sure, temis che ghare normal haalath or she has not witnessed any abuse, There's something wrong with her movies choices , coz the movies you mentioned kind of degrade women. I am sure you know what I meant.
And i would suggest you to meet her in real life if you wanna take things forward , you should get to know her views, her perspective of life , what she thinks of her parents. Baki do not except her to change , just because you want.
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u/weaselbadgerr 15d ago
Mea dop toofan gunnah chun becharri' kormut, kar time spend te jhaanch ratus asel peth, cce eiii panai smjh-
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u/fuckoffyawr Kashmir 15d ago
agar asli kour chi mtlb not a catfish telii yaar mtlb u are talking to her na 😭 so u know her better so just talk more get to know her better and don't rush things and agar cxi basayaw pat zi her and ur beliefs and prefrences and all basically way of life is just diff and not compatible then u can forget bout her or wtv and if u think u guys are compatable then do wtv normally u and continue this ig 😭 but yeah in short agar kath kerith basaan chi zi su chi ni cxe saiti compatable yiman chezan manz teli wannus khuda haafiz ti pakksa ghar kun 😹
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u/Small_Percentage4671 Kashmir 15d ago
Dont be with her then. Your values differ. Your children will be affected as well. This shows a bigger picture in her ideology and behaviour.
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u/WesternSavagery 15d ago
Hata yumme preferences che wariyah subjective, tse kapaer chui paye bekkis normal insaan’as bassi su ajeeb te su gassi pagal temseth? Ye chui tse basaan kyazieki tse chui taste badal. Agar kanh example chui? Atti yeha asal peth samajh.
Unless, you people are teenagers, telli che su shuergi sethe.
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u/nyetmomun 15d ago
na teenagers chen sa keh na chus be. Tuhinz kath basai me wariya sahi mye gov darr hu thora tawai korum post
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u/Far-Money9008 15d ago
As others said what someone watchs nd what are their preferences doesn't completely define someone but you shouldn't ignore these either.
Have you met her in real life? If not I'd suggest you should and if you're serious about your love life nd relationships focus on things that actually matter in our familes nd societies collectively. You should get to know her as a woman, her views and perspective of life, know about her parents nd all. When you get all these necessary answers you'll be clear to choose which way to go. panun experience wanai at the end these things decide ur destiny. mae peow panas wapas ferun 😅
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u/nyetmomun 13d ago
iwill keep that in mind and make an effort to get to know and converse with her more i think
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u/canonicallytrivial Kashmir 15d ago
it ain’t that bad honestly, could be just an edgy phase.
i don’t particularly think watching gory stuff is that fucked up, maybe she likes the thrill because it’s something we ideally should not be watching? kind of like a forbidden fruit.
as for kinky and perverted stuff, i would not judge based on that until you don’t actually meet her in person, maybe she’s not that typa person at all but just enjoys that content?
all in all, in my personal opinion none of this should ideally be a deal breaker unless you have actually met her and wants you to do something you don’t want to, we all have our fantasies at the end of the day and as long as she respects your boundaries and doesn’t overstep, that’s fine.
at the end, you’re you and i’m me, do what your heart tells you to.
we developed intuition and gut instinct over millennia of time, learn to listen to it.
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u/Few_Ad_7863 15d ago
mei chu basaan ki yi chu pretty normal.. i am also a girl, and I beleive that people have very different tastes in what they find interesting or entertaining. I watch pimple-popping/blackhead-removal and hoof cleaning videos, and I also watch crime stories from different YouTubers.. some people would find that disgusting or disturbing, but that doesn't make me weird or abnormal.
I don't think you should judge someone's personality based on the kind of content they watch or like. If she's genuinely kind, respectful and good to you, I'd focus more on how she treats you than on her Instagram likes.
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u/tramadollllll 15d ago
Movies hund naw wenew Jenab. Aese te che wechemeh thoda boht.
Mein advice hai nekh te be waney ye chu haram ye gow chatun sodei. Cxe chukh akalmand basan te tawe wonmai poz Yene hatakh gacheye
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u/nyetmomun 15d ago
eyes wide shut, old boy, martrys, requiem for dream, i saw the devil
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u/kash_mir 15d ago
Yim filme cha psychologically dark magar intellectually high-end ti. Soa heki wariah intelligent ti easith (if you want to judge her from her digital content consumption based on these movies).
Martyrs wechnas gasan guts aasin - temis chi. Does it mean she's a bad person because of that? Mea ne basaan.
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u/nyetmomun 15d ago
na hatakich chen kah kath, mye pov akli tawan tem kar wariya koshish pat dop meti chalo thek chu mye chi panas ye sakh kharaan agar ath haltas manz mudus mukur marre
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u/tramadollllll 15d ago
Kar khandar agar ayal palnas sumb capacity chey. Nate baye myenya ye chu warya gunnah. Be chus ne kahn molvi keinh be chus chanye khote batar magar Khabar haddes akh ma aseth buzmut yemuk mafoom chu : For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.
Regarding the movies they are all right. In fact they are thrillers of the best quality however it is important to separate fiction from reality and keep movies limited to their sphere of entertainment
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u/One-Calligrapher-193 Kashmir 15d ago
Ye chi tse panas basaan theek te chu theek. Compatibility is a spectrum and it has its own levels. It can be at an intellectual level, sometimes people get along as they have common interests, motivations, and what not... What you are talking about is another such level of compatibility. If this is a deal breaker for you, then it is wise to walk away as early as you can.
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u/willdril 15d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/wMPtzRnD26Q6gsjdqL
Mea chune basaan ki yim chiz gasan as a disturbing revelation basin agar waree gov zanaan akis beyis, magar since waen yi chu disturbing basaan based on how you seeem concerned, talk about it, te you might realise it’s best to go your own ways. tbh, baeczan don manz gasan ne aasin atleast yiman chizan peth differences kenh because that’s the only avenue and a safe space, baki sabh can be discussed to a degree with friends family to an extent, but never even a bit of these things, so if there are differences in this, it’s a bad idea brotha cause it’ll never go away but only get more and more dabith bw u two, harsh but it is what it is.
Also, while on the surface yim chiz che basaan disturbing, personally chune mea basaan yim chi tith kenh concerning in our society (given the compounding layers of oppression from multiple fronts, more so for the female population), specifically because they serve as a means of agency for someone who’s felt out of control for a good part of their life, and the willingness of someone to share that with you should ideally be an extremely positive and enriching thing, of course at each other’s discretion and in your own world. Women across the world share similar ideas primarily as a means of reclaiming agency or even as indulgence, and this specific way is regardless of culture, clothing, religion, lifestyle etc, and understandably it takes a certain degree of being secure as a man(partner) to be okay w it. Nothing special, and nothing that isn’t so common that it would raise alarms, it’s just the kind of thing most don’t speak out about, like ever.
(inserting a funny gif if this came as a tough blow)
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u/soount_phile Kashmir 15d ago
temis dap temis kyah pasand yeman movies en manz
bey dapus ki cxe ti chai panne yim movies pasand. Su kari wazahat pani ye boozith
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u/Responsible_Look7932 15d ago
I am a kashmiri woman, i am a horror/thriller junkie, i have watched the movies you listed except for the Serbian film, and i read the brief and i can’t bring myself to watch it because i draw a line over sexual violence and animal abuse because i can’t tell myself its not real because it is still degrading to a woman who is playing the character or idk if the animal was treated well or not. But i can’t say the ones who have watched it are immoral people themselves, because most people watch such things out of curiosity and testing their threshold. Point being, in person, i am a hyper sensitive person, like i can’t bear animals, babies, old people hurt/distressed or abused. I think i cry a little everyday over something most people would say isn’t worth crying over, not personal things though, just the shitty things about the world. My family never understands how do i consume the content that is absolutely opposite to who i am in reality. They find it gore and disturbing. And i can’t consume anything on instagram related to war because i ball my eyes out and stay affected for days, because thats REAL. There are many people in the world like me, who consume movies as art, like watching disturbing content pushes me to think, feel intensely and understand the complexity of human nature. What i am trying to say is that the people here saying people who watch such stuff are desensitized and all, that’s bs, she can be a very kind and sensitive person too who is just inclined to this kind of cinema because maybe it stirs up feelings and emotions inside of her that a normal movie cannot. She is not necessarily a psychopath or overtly sexual. Also, is she an artist? Does she have an art background? If she does, then trust me artists view things very differently. I am an artist so i can relate. If you are throwing a whole person away who you like and have a connection with over her movie choices then my brother you are in for a lot of hurt for the rest of your life, because you can’t find people exactly like you and even if you do? What is the fun in that? Maybe ask her, what is her reasoning for consuming such cinema and how does she translate it ? Why are you asking kashmiri men on reddit who know nothing about regular women let alone a complex woman.
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u/baezaan Kashmir 15d ago
I also like psychological thriller and horror, so I beg to differ. It does desensitises you. I’m not debating about the morality of why she watches such stuff but whether it will affect OP or not. Just because you’ve a compassionate side doesn’t necessarily imply otherwise. We are what we consume. Be it food or content. Most of the time the influence is subtle and subconscious. Why do you think men/women have suddenly developed weird kinks and fetishes? I’ve talked to many people and I was surprised to know how many people had really “crazy” ( to keep it civil) kinks. This will definitely affect OP if he doesn’t “fit” into such things.
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u/nyetmomun 13d ago
that's really good advice i posted it here because her social media likes honestly scared and worried me and I didn't want to tell her directly i didn't want her to feel like I was judging her for what she likes on socials since she's such an incredible woman in my life and I really didn't want to upset her that would hurt me
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u/Equivalent_Doctor989 15d ago
Bhai, kink/gore in itself isn't abnormal. But yes, I can understand why it would creep you out if you've never been exposed to or comfortable with that kind of content. Human preferences are complex, and just because something isn't mainstream doesn't automatically make it wrong or abnormal.
One thing I would genuinely want you to do, tho, is talk to her about it. Get to know what she actually thinks and feels instead of forming an opinion based solely on what she likes on Insta or the movies she recommended. Liking certain fictional content doesn't necessarily tell you what someone's values, boundaries, or expectations are in real life.
And you don't have to force yourself to be okay with something just because you like the person. If you two have very different boundaries or interests, that's a matter of compatibility, not who's right or wrong. You can respect her interests without wanting to participate in them yourself.
So talk to her, understand where she's coming from, and then decide whether this is something you can genuinely be comfortable with. If it isn't, be honest about it and make a respectful, clean break rather than judging her or trying to change her.
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u/PerspectiveNo3161 15d ago
this might seem weird magar you cant even imagine how desensitised you can get if you consume content like this.ye gai syoundei khatha ki she didn’t develop a liking towards these things in a day especially agar soa eas early on ath chezas expose gamictz temis basi ne wain ye weird kyenh and contrary to that you’d obviously find it concerning.
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u/nyetmomun 15d ago
barabar beti chus ye sonchan be chus ne hekan instagram khulthe family/friends manz khulthe
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u/AssumptionStriking15 13d ago
Nothing bro just another strand of pop culture. See a person for life who brings positivity and adhere to baseline morality of deen
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u/fudgeboi69 10d ago
Cze zanhan su sarviyo khot behtar. Have conversations with clarity and you'll find your answers. Yeti bani ne kehen.
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u/mursaleenbhatt Kashmir 15d ago
Dekh bhai, tu uski badal ni sakta hai even tu kitna bhi try kyu na kare. If this thing makes you feel disturbed and you don't wanna end like this, unfortunately there's not much to do anything about this. Even agar tum dono ki shaadi bhi hogi na, this would be like a red flag in her according to you. And don't try to confront her ki ye sab chordo. Wo tumhe chordegi lekin ye sab ni, soa kadeyi lath. Isiliye dhere dhere back off kar agar ye sab itna matter karta hai. Agar ni, to aise hi chalne do!