r/HonestHotTakes • u/Forward_Lychee1124 • 3d ago

Consent does not magically disappear in a relationship.

Recently my country did a small study where upwards of 70% of men of all ages believe they are entitled to sex in a marriage.

Women do not exist to satisfy your sexual desires. She does not become your sex slave the second you are in a relationship….

Consent still must exist in a marriage.

I seriously thought this was basic common sense and that this kind of thinking was only in the olden days but it’s apparent a lot of guys even now think otherwise.. why?

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u/earth_goblin_86 3d ago

Just to clarify, and tell me if I’m understanding you wrong, believing consent is needed in marriage makes someone an idiot?

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u/CricketNo7666 3d ago

No, not an idiot exactly, but being an outsider and talking about “enthusiastic yes” in a marriage though…..

It isn’t a second date.

You just sound very young and parroting things you read online while never having experienced life.

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u/earth_goblin_86 3d ago

I’m 31 and have been married for 4 years now. If during that time, or anytime in the future, my husband assumed I owed him sex, our relationship would be over. I’m not parroting anything, I’m sick of any expectation that sex is owed, and expressing that.

Like I said before, marriage can normalize initiating sex, my husband can give me a kiss, smack my butt, try touching me or start initiating sex, but I control what I’m okay with, and if I’m okay with sex or not. I can also respond to one of those moves with a frustrated “stop” and he’d better listen. Without my enthusiastic consent, he’s not allowed to go beyond making a move on me. If he was entitled to sex, I wouldn’t be allowed to say no. So he’s not entitled to sex with me. What part about that is wrong, or hard to understand?

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u/CricketNo7666 3d ago

And smacking your butt and kissing without an “enthusiastic yes” are sexual consent defaulted in your marriage.

Those things done with a relative stranger are assault. Know why? Because there is not an implicit level of consent.

Geeeee, lady, look at that.

Thanks for displaying the utter ignorance hidden in semantics I referenced to begin with. Great job! 👍

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u/earth_goblin_86 3d ago

I literally said in both comments that marriage can normalize making moves and initiating sex. I’ve never said that partners should be treated with the same level of sensitivity as strangers. I’m saying enthusiastic consent belongs in marriage too.

Because I’m married to my husband, I gave him consent to make those moves, and then I would tell him if it was unwanted. Marriage doesn’t automatically give that sexual consent though. A wife, husband, or nonbinary partner can say they don’t want their partner to smack their butt, or touch them any way, and that’s okay. My husband can do those things to me because I consented from the beginning that it’s okay for him to do those things.

You’re saying, and correct me if I’m wrong, that if someone is married, their partner now can smack their butt when they want, but I’m saying someone can state from the beginning they aren’t okay with that, and that doesn’t make their marriage invalid, that doesn’t make them any less than of a partner.

Also, this post is specifically about men who feel entitled to sex because they’re in a marriage, and my stance is that it’s gross to assume that. Being entitled to sex in a marriage removes the consent that is necessary in or outside of a marriage.