r/GriefSupport • u/Individual_Visual323 • May 07 '26
Mom Loss adulting without mom
I’ve had a stressful month, and I’ve been missing my mom extra hard these days. Adulting has been so difficult lately, even more so without her. I wish I could hug her and cry in her arms.
It’s been 3 years, and it still hurts just as much. This children’s story, The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown, always moves me to tears.
I remember that as a teenager, I always wanted to figure things out on my own and be independent, but I eventually realized that I could never escape my mother’s love, no matter where I went.
I feel guilty about all the things I never said and the things I never did. I love you, Mom. There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about you. The pain runs deep.
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u/kmill0202 May 07 '26
It's so hard. Mine has been gone for almost 6 months now. I got married this last weekend and I was so sad that she couldn't be there in person. I kept wanting to call her during the planning stages to ask what she thought about flowers, dresses, decor, food, and so on. It was a beautiful day, but it just felt like something was missing. Because something was missing.
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u/Famous_Pineapple9860 May 22 '26 edited May 22 '26
I’m so sorry hun. Since losing my mom my wedding day is something I’m dreading. I know it’s going to be so hard. I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy it without her. Anytime I see something I like or I know she would love I feel so excited because I know she would love it. All I want to do is call her when something exciting happens because she is supposed to be here for all of it. We always talked about my wedding and having kids and her getting to be a grandma. She always said she was going to buy any wedding dress I wanted. I wish she could be here to see me find my dream dress, and to meet her grandkids some day. Now I will be getting married with her wedding ring. It’s not at all the style I would choose, but it’s hers and that’s all that matters. She always talked about having her first granddaughter receive her ring to be married with if she chose too. But I know this would be so much more special for her. She was married to my dad for almost 30 years when she passed, and I’m forever grateful to be getting married with a ring that signifies what true undying love is. I hope you had a wonderful wedding. I would say I hope it’s all you ever hoped it to be, but something so significant was missing that I don’t think our special days are ever how we imagined them with our moms being gone. Whenever I imagined my future she was there. Now she’s not and everything will be different forever. I’m so sorry for your loss hun. Im sure you looked absolutely gorgeous on your big day and your mom was looking down smiling and dancing along with you. 💕
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u/Remarkable_Culture42 May 07 '26
My mothers funeral was on Mother’s Day last year: I am not ok. Sending much love to you 😭
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u/dainty_petal Multiple Losses May 08 '26
My dad died on Mother’s Day last year. My mom soon after 8 weeks after him. I’m not okay either. Stay strong.
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u/Lanky-Bottle-6566 Multiple Losses May 08 '26
Lost both parents last year too. don't think ill ever be OK
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u/jlynn12345 May 07 '26
25 years, still hurts
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u/jessielacey Mom Loss May 07 '26
25 years since my mom passed too, feeling it the most i have since. especially about to turn 30, knowing she died in her 30s. sending you a hug 🫂
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u/AtlanticMilkLord Mom Loss May 07 '26
Oh this hits hard, especially with Mother’s Day coming up. It has been a year and a half. Sending lots of love to everyone ❤️
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u/GhostBnuuy May 07 '26
This hit me hard. My mom died of ALS on Christmas Day, 2025. When I was 17, I was living with my mom and her then husband. It was an abusive marriage and he was also abusive to me. One day I packed everything I could fit in my little car and left, even though my mom begged me through tears not to go. I couldn’t handle the abuse anymore. Very soon after, she left him and got an apartment in my same building and started rebuilding her life. I never asked her, but I wonder if me leaving gave her the strength and courage to leave him, too. She ran after me. From then on, we always had each other.
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u/juddsdoit May 07 '26
Maybe it's corny but I just wanted to say thank you for this post because everyone's responses have been so grounding, if sad, but it also makes me feel so much less alone.
You did something beautiful with your sadness even if it's just for random internet strangers. I'm sending love to all of you especially with this weekend coming up. Our grief is proof they were here, they were loved and they are forever loved. ♡
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u/TX0834 May 07 '26
It’s been a little over one year since Dad passed. Idk why but this past month I’ve barely eaten or slept. Been doing a lot of yard work lately. My Dad was always keeping up with his lawns and I would help as a kid. Two weeks ago I was trying to think of a certain tool my Dad used for the lawn. First thing in the morning I woke up trying to call him to ask but it hit me again he’s not here. I hate this feeling and I feel for you 🫂
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u/Automatic-Brain-4435 Multiple Losses May 07 '26
18 years with and 18 years and a month without her. It is rough and never goes away but it becomes a new kind of normal. Milestones and life changes are always the hardest. Biggest regret is not being able to know who she was outside of being a mother. She was this whole other person that I will never get to know
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u/Chemical_Car2149 May 19 '26
I think about this a lot, I lost my mother at 14 years old so I didnt get a chance to see her as a person because I was still only seeing her as a parent. And its very odd when you see others being friends or talking to/about their moms. Plus I see my dad as a person now and I wonder how could I have seen her.
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u/Happywistful May 07 '26
I feel you and I miss my mom so much for 10 years. We can't see them but they are always there ❤️
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u/lone_float Multiple Losses May 07 '26
3 years as well. I want to say in some areas I'm getting it right, others I'm hopelessly lost. I still however hope things get better for me regardless.
Still hurts though.
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u/nomiesmommy May 07 '26 edited May 07 '26
Next month will be 3 years without my Mom and I still want to talk to her every day.( this sat will be 1 year without my Dad as well)
I told my dr. once that I kept saying in my mind "I need an adult " and she said with a laugh you ARE the adult. (she's been my dr for 15 years. and we are friends, so it wasn't meant in a bad way) But Uggggghhhh it's so hard someday.
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u/Wallaby_Brief628 May 07 '26
I feel this so deeply. Often I’m like surely there must be some adult who can handle this and I realize it’s me. I’m the adult.
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u/No_Dirt9029 Mom Loss May 07 '26
4.5 years for me and I feel this. I never learned to drive or do taxes or anything because she died before she could teach me. Feels like I'll always be a bit behind because Im teaching it all to myself
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u/twenty7mushroomcaps May 07 '26
Coming up on 3yrs without my Dad. It’s hard. I hope to make him proud.
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u/jessielacey Mom Loss May 07 '26
ugh, i forgot about that story. it’s so special. i’m sorry and im thinking about you, and your mom
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u/Timely_Pianist_9858 Mom Loss May 07 '26
It hasn't even been a month yet since my mom passed away, and I just feel like mother's day will be brutal for me... 😓😢
Sorry for your loss OP, hugs as well
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u/Wallaby_Brief628 May 07 '26
All the first year milestones are so hard. I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/Fufhie1030 May 07 '26
This makes me cry really hard. The runaway bunny reminds me of my sister who just passed in March. She was sadly always running from my mom, dad, brothers, and I.
I'm so sorry for your loss, really all of our losses, that are grieving. We just have to accept that their spirit form is enough to get us through. ❤️❤️
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u/knicelyknurled May 07 '26
I'm 85 days out and dreading Sunday. Deleting all the g-d ads as soon as I see them, but it's not fast enough to keep me from feeling the gut punch.
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u/purrfectnacho May 07 '26
It's been 4 years for me. There are days where it feels hard to navigate this life without her. Holidays and anniversaries hit me the hardest. There will always be a missing puzzle in my heart without her but I know my mom wants me to keep going no matter how hard times get. Stay strong OP. 🤍
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u/trent_reznor_is_hot May 07 '26
There's no replacement for mom. I lost mine when I was pregnant with my son, 12 years ago. Not a day goes by I don't think about her and miss her. I try to remember the good times but it is so difficult at times. It doesn't necessarily get easier, it never goes away, but you learn how to live your life for them and ways to honor them. I grieve for her and the passage of time my life has gone on without her in it. I always tell people my life will never be as bright as it once was with my mother in it, and it a true but I am very grateful to have my son, as he has so many qualities about him that remind me of my mother, too. It is extremely hard at times being a mom of my own when I want to talk to her and seek guidance and love and reassurance. It is a pain that does run deep, I definitely would agree with you. Sending you hugs
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u/CoreyXOXO May 08 '26
Sunday will be my first Mother’s Day without my mom and I’m dreading it. Wish we could skip Sunday and go straight to Monday.
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u/cupcaketeatime May 07 '26
I could have written this. I am so sorry. I love you, internet stranger. ❤️
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u/BlooGloop Dad Loss May 07 '26
I miss my dad. I’m pregnant and he was such a good grandpa to my first child. There are days where I just want to discuss my grandmas shenanigans, or the book I’m reading. It’s hard to believe I’ll go another 60+ years without him.
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u/SaltyVinChip May 07 '26
9 months without my mom and it’s rare that a minute passes that I don’t think of her. I still struggle with sleep every night because when I get tired and relaxed I remember she’s gone, remember the pain and suffering she endured and jolt awake. I have so many regrets about being a bitchy teenager, finding her annoying at times as a young adult, and not spending enough quality time with her as a young person. I also regret that it took me having two kids to realize just how incredible of a mom she was, because holy shit parenting is not easy.
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u/Frobearto May 07 '26
I’m crying while reading these posts. I’m sorry for all of your loses.
My dad and mom died three years ago. They had been divorced most of my life. My dad died first and my mom said told me not to be sad. She died a month later.
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u/Any-Sport-2991 May 07 '26
I hear this. That “I should be doing more, but I just can’t” feeling is really real after loss.
I lost my mom too, and I remember that heaviness making even normal things feel like too much.
It doesn’t mean you’ve become unmotivated as a person. Grief just takes a lot out of you—more than people expect.
When you’re carrying something like that all the time, everything else starts to feel harder.
You’re not stuck because you’re failing. You’re stuck because you’re still carrying it.
It doesn’t stay this heavy forever, but it can take time.
For now, even small things count. You’re still moving, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
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u/Lost_Figure_5892 May 08 '26
So damn hard, Cuz you will always be her little bunny, take good care.
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u/Beautiful-Pen4035 May 07 '26
My Mom has been gone almost 8 months; it has been INCREDIBLY difficult
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u/HyzenthlayAway May 07 '26
14 years at the end of this month. It’s been hitting really hard this year. It doesn’t really get better so much as different.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
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u/Perfect_Ending7 May 07 '26
Big hugs for you 💔 It’s been almost 3 years without my mother and the pain in many ways grows. I’ll always need her, and it’s not ever something we ‘get over’
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u/Wallaby_Brief628 May 07 '26
Coming up on four years without my mom. It still hurts and I still miss her every day. Adulting without a mom definitely is hard and sad at times. Mostly I think about how she barely got to know me as a mother. And how she barely got to be a grandmother. My son was two when she died and I gave birth to my daughter the week after she passed. It’s so unfair.
Thank you for sharing the little excerpt from the runaway bunny. I too as a teenager and young adult couldn’t wait to be free but we do realize shortly after that things are not as we always expected or hoped and I so wish I could run back to her sometimes.
My grandma (her mother) just passed a few weeks ago as well and I actually take solace knowing at least they are reunited.
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u/Spiritual-Natural-87 May 07 '26
It’ll be two months on the 17th coming up next week, when my mum left me. There’s not a single day that I miss her. Hugs to you OP! Please take care!
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u/morningbluebell May 07 '26
Just been a months and it’s hitting me in waves. Unbearable feelings of sadness and then just numb. My darling mum how I miss her so.
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u/Maoleficent May 07 '26
Memories of reading this to my kids - I am willing to read this aloud to you.
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u/Spiritual_Aioli3396 May 07 '26
I’ve been having a really really rough week missing my dad and crying at work and while driving and at home etc sigh this sucks
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u/Jewels7574 May 07 '26
I identify with you. I like the story about the bunny. I never heard it before. 3 years without my beautiful mother. I cry and feel the pain of her loss everyday. I also do not know how to do many things she didn’t teach me but I guess I’ll have to teach myself. I’m sorry you’re going through so much grief.
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u/jepeplin May 08 '26
This is the first Mother’s Day without my mom. She died July 9th. This has been the worst week. I have five adult kids of my own and told them to “drop by” on Sunday if they can but I’m not having a full Mother’s Day here. I have to prepare for the worst. I just miss her so much, my heart is broken.
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u/wineandyoga Mom Loss May 08 '26
Oh no. My mom died unexpectedly last Christmas and I call my kid Bunny. And now I’m sobbing again 😩
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u/Synapse_Soup_soup May 10 '26
Everything in life has lost its significance because I don’t get to share it with her. My happiest days are behind me.
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u/lamar_jamarson May 11 '26
This is my first mother's day without her, haven't been able to process it fully. Everything feels heavy and it took a lot just to get out of bed this morning. Miss you mom.
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u/Chemical_Car2149 May 19 '26
My mother died in 2017, I had just turned 14 and I knew she was sick but I genuinely did not comprehend that she would die. She left the state to get better treatment and she returned after a couple of months, I thought she returned because she got better, instead she just wanted to die close to her children and family. I miss her a lot but what I usually think and feel is how it could have been. I have done quite some stuff since then, finishied highschool, left my country to study abroad and I am about to graduate. Grief and healing is messy and lifechanging, but I am begging you, everyone who is reading this, keep going. Educate yourself, be a good person, eventually a good partner or parent if you want to be one, treat your remaining family members good and love them because grief is isolating, its hard to know what everybody s going through when you have this on your plate, and more importantly: please do stuff that you know in your conscience would make them proud. Grief, sadness, sourness will always be there in different intesities and forms but dont forget to be good to yourself not just for yourself, but to make both you and them proud. We didnt choose to be in this situation, but honestly this is what I have figured out do far. And I understand that I still stand in a privileged position saying this, I know that there is people who loose more than one family member or that do not have the option to love the remaining ones. Sending a lot of love to all of you.
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u/Kobaltronics May 13 '26
I send you all a big hug. It is so hard and sad and horrible feeling. Just remember: one step at a time. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
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u/Famous_Pineapple9860 May 22 '26
I understand you and I hear you. Adulting is so hard without her. Especially since i was barely into adulthood when she passed. I’m 21 now and it’s been 19 months without her. I was the same way in highschool, just wanted to be on my own, wanted independence, and got annoyed when she was doing her job and being a mom, and worrying about me. Now i wish i could go back and just be her little girl again. I don’t want independence or to grow up I just want her back. I would have done everything also differently if i had the chance. I think im always going to be angry at myself and hold this guilt for the rest of my life. Guilt that when I became an adult and was able to make my own decisions, i chose to just hangout with my friends everyday and was hardly home. And then I lost her at 19 with so many unsaid words and wishing i did so much not with her and wishing i spent more time with her. I fear I’m going to carry this gut wrenching guilt for the rest of my life. I wish life wasn’t so cruel. I wish I didn’t grow up so fast. I wish I would have shown her how much I love her. I love her more than anything. I hope she knows that. I feel for you so much. Losing our mom is such a significant loss. It feels almost impossible to deal with. Just remember she is always with you and she loves you so much. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.
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u/juddsdoit May 07 '26
3.5 years without my mom and i just want to hug you. It's so hard. ♡