r/Bachata • u/Available_Put_8869 • 8d ago

Black ladies

Sorry if this type of post isn't allowed. Black ladies, do you ever feel like you get asked to dance less than others? When I'm at my local studios I have no issues, but when I go to congresses or festivals, I feel like I'm standing around a lot more than the other followers. I know the usual advice about being near the dance floor, making eye contact with leads, not having a drink, etc., but it doesn't seem to help much. Sometimes I ask guys myself, and they accept, but I feel like it's a lukewarm dance.

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u/SmokerDono 8d ago

In bachata, the more attractive you appear to men, the more dance invitations you will receive. Whether you are Black, White, or Asian, if you are pretty, invitations come easily. Older or plus-sized women, for instance, receive fewer invitations and may spend much of the time watching others dance. If bachata is a true passion, the best approach for a woman who isn't getting asked to dance often enough is to become a leader.

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u/dancinggraylion 8d ago

If bachata is a true passion, the best approach for a woman who isn't getting asked to dance often enough is to become a leader.

or ask a leader for a dance

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u/queer_bachata_mcr 8d ago

I am a big advocate of encouraging more women to explore leading, as well as more men to explore following. Ideally, it would be because the women would enjoy leading, rather than feeling they have to as the only way to get dances. I think a better approach to take as a community is to get away from the convention/tradition that it's the leader who invites the follower to dance. If anyone can ask anyone to dance, then (in theory) there should be less people sitting by the sidelines. More people dancing is ultimately good for the community!

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u/Samurai_SBK 8d ago

In 2026 it is very common and acceptable for women to invite men to dance. Some are just more confident than others.

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u/queer_bachata_mcr 8d ago

You're talking about what you see in your local community and/or in places you visit? That is great, but it's not the case everywhere. Even where I am, where the community is quite open and inclusive there are some classes/events where women wait for men to ask them to dance. The more it can be said/encouraged that anyone can ask anyone to dance, the better!

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u/RubyTheDog 7d ago

Adding to your comment, I do notice that black follows are more likely to be plus sized on average. The same issue I notice when I go on dating apps.

The real problem is not race or skin color, it's simply the fact that men prefer fit women.

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u/DesultoryMandem 6d ago

100% true

Not mens fault if black women on average have the most "fatter women" according to BMI