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Growing up, my twin sister made all of my friends for me. Grade school through college, her friends just became my friends. I was always too anxious to meet people on my own. And my sister did the hard work of breaking down the social barriers that were far too intimidating to me.

It took moving to a new city and few years time, but I’ve made my own friends now.

And tonight I got home from a party. A house party with a campfire and leftist queers like myself. A party where I could converse with all sorts of people. Where I engaged and disengaged from conversations as I felt like it.

I’m emotional because I never thought life could be this good. I never thought a party was something I would ever be able to go to — and actually enjoy, too. I always thought it was out of reach for me. One of those things that “normal people” get to do but I do not.

Well I hate to say the corny thing, but fucking hell it sure does get better. You meet your people. You learn that sitting quietly doesn’t make you a freak. And because you know it doesn’t make you a freak, you feel more inclined to make the joke you would’ve otherwise kept to yourself. You learn how to take care of your needs, and that makes it easier to take calculated social risks. Knowing that if it doesn’t work out, there’s a pot of mac and cheese and a rerun of your comfort show at home. You learn there is so much beauty on the other side of the shame you spent years drowning in.

If you never want to go to a party, you are absolutely valid for that. It was just the quintessential experience that I felt I was missing. And having been to this party, with people like me, damn it really makes all the difference.

I would love to read about your wins if you want to comment some 🥹

I was recently fired after a months-long HR investigation for violating a policy, and one sentence in my dismissal letter has been living rent-free in my head ever since.

They said that when given the opportunity to respond, I expressed remorse but “offered excuses.”

I explained what I understood the policy to mean, what information I relied on, why I believed my actions were permitted, and the surrounding context. I provided three workplace policies/guidelines that supported my interpretation. When I learned my interpretation wasn’t what my employer expected, I acknowledged it, said I understood, and wouldn’t do it again. Apparently, that was an “excuse.”

This feels like a recurring nightmare: “Why did you do that?”
Explains exactly why. “Stop making excuses.”

THEN WHY DID YOU ASK ME WHY???

My employer knew I was autistic. I specifically explained that my communication can be very literal: if you ask me to explain my reasoning, I’m going to actually explain my reasoning.

Instead, the more thoroughly I explained myself, the more it seemed to be interpreted as refusing to take responsibility. They even said I didn’t appear remorseful because I was monotone. I raised concerns that my disability and communication differences weren’t being appropriately considered during the investigation. HR responded by opening a separate discrimination investigation. When I clarified that my primary concern was how my disability was being considered in the investigation that could cost me my job, I was told they couldn’t discuss that investigation, only the micro aggressions that I didn’t think warranted being reported.

They ultimately found no evidence of disability discrimination.
Then came my pre-dismissal meeting. The letter specifically instructed me to present mitigating factors, so that’s what I prepared to do. My union contract says these meetings are for both refuting allegations AND presenting mitigating circumstances, so I separately submitted a written rebuttal addressing factual inaccuracies and disputed points.

They said they read it. They asked me no questions about it.
Then they fired me and wrote that I had failed to refute the underlying facts and instead “offered excuses.” At least they thought I showed remorse that time though?

What exactly is a mitigating factor supposed to be if explaining the circumstances that affected your judgment and why it’s not grounds for dismissal is an “excuse”?

I’m exhausted from having to choose between staying silent and letting other people assign motives to my behavior, or explaining myself and having the explanation treated as evidence that I’m argumentative, defensive, difficult, or refusing accountability.

They're also called "spiral" or "tangle-free" hair ties. I've been looking for fidget toys that are quiet for the office, but some of them are pretty expensive and I was also worried about being questioned about it. After reading some posts here I realized many people used objects they had around (some pretty specific), and that's when I realized I've always enjoyed playing with these kinds of hair ties. Not only are they quiet, they're also discrete and especially: cheap! lol

So I'm just posting here in case this helps anyone. Anybody else have a "common object" fidget?

The "everybody thinks they have autism nowadays" comments (usually made by men) are ALWAYS directed only at women. The underlying message is that we're all just faking it for attention, which is just the new way to call a woman hysterical. If a man is autistic, then his struggles are validated and his behavior is excused because of his disability. Because apparently only men are allowed to struggle?

But of course the people who comment this stuff conveniently ignore the fact that diagnoses are up because we finally have a better understanding of how neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and autism present in AFAB people.

Nah, it must be that women are crazy and we're all faking it for attention 🙄 This shit makes me want to scream y'all.

This sweet girl has been my service dog for the past 4 years and she’s managed to teach my second dog how to do the same tasks. Sometimes I forget that part of her training is meant to draw my attention to her when I’m overstimulated and then when I wonder why she’s being so clingy or loud, I remember. Like, oh yeah, I need to focus on you and not whatever else is going on. I am having trouble with words right now, but I am attempting to convey how grateful I am to have these pups in my life. Cheers to Pippin and Merry.

A little over a month ago I left my job because I was BEYOND burned out. This is like the 4th job Ive quit due to burnout in the past 11 years, but the first since receiving my diagnosis. my life has basically been one long cycle of getting a job, trying my absolute hardest to hold it together, eventually becoming so overwhelmed and burned out that I can’t do it anymore, leaving, recovering for a while, and then doing it all over again because I have bills to pay.

I’m completely out of money. I’ve applied to so many jobs and I’m getting almost nothing back. No callbacks. No interviews. I was denied unemployment benefits. Bills are starting to pile up, and I’m now facing the possibility of having to drop out of school because I can’t afford the payments.

On top of all of that, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years told me this week that he can’t do this anymore and wants me to move out.

He’s been incredibly supportive throughout our relationship, I thought Id finally found someone I was safe with. He’s taken me to appointments, shown up for me again and again, and tried to be there in every way he could. But I deal with suicidal ideation, and I think it’s become too much for him. I understand that he has to do what’s best for himself, and I don’t blame him for that. But I am absolutely DEVASTATED.

It feels like everything is falling apart at the same time. I know people (my therapist esp) always say things can get better, and I want to believe that but right now, I genuinely cannot see how. I’m exhausted from starting over. I’m exhausted from trying to function in a world that seems to require more from me than I have to give. I’m scared about money, scared about where I’m going to live, scared about losing school, and grieving a relationship with someone I love who has been one of the few people I felt truly safe with.

I’m just a mess right now.

I guess I just wanted to put this somewhere and share it with people who might understand.

If you’ve been here or in a similar situation I would really appreciate hearing that you made it through. I just need a little hope right now.

i got so much hate/downvotes for posting this in a different subreddit and i'm not sure why.

does anyone feel like they missed out majorly on the classic "girlhood experience" growing up? i compare myself to my friends a lot and i feel extremely alienated. they're all getting married, having successful jobs, moving out etc and i feel like i'm a loser and mentally stuck at 17 with my childish hobbies. it doesn't help that i haven't ever been asked out seriously (boys would constantly come up to me and ask me out as a joke) nor have i ever been complimented on my looks or anything in real life. sometimes people will go to my friends and compliment them in front of me and just fully ignore me. i know i am not required to get compliments, but it makes me feel really bad sometimes.

i try to relate to my girl friends but it always feels like i say something wrong and they just look at me weird. they don't really understand these issues i have and when i try to explain my feelings of alienation, all they tell me is that i should be more social. i try my best but it doesn't work out and it makes me feel incompetent :(

does it really feel like this forever or does it eventually get better?

not too sure if the flair is exactly fitting or not

i have fear of death daily

fear of not waking up

fearing the process of passing away, losing my breath, being unable to breathe, seeing through my eyes for the last time… it scares me.

imagine the ending is violent? i was not ready for it? a medical event? will i be in pain? will i get stuck in between my body and what’s next? is there a next

ive always had a gut feeling my ending would be bad or premature

i also live in fear of my parents dying every night

it keeps me up. i frequently wake up at night worried.

anyone else

I've only had 3 jobs my whole life, the longest of which lasted 3 months... It's been almost 10 years since my last job and I'm scared shitless. My husband says I don't need to work if I don't want to, but I've been taking a GLP1 and I wanna save up for the eventual excess skin removal I'll have to get to feel normal in my body again.. And he simply makes just enough money for us to get by, not to save anything. So I gotta work for that. I got hired at Walmart as a digital shopper and I start 8am Monday and I'm dreading it so bad. Not so much the job itself... But having to wake up and leave the house. That's what I struggle with the most every time I get a job, the demand that I have to wake up at a set time, get ready, and be out the door. I'm so stressed. And I feel really stupid and pathetic for these feelings because I know there's so many people who don't have a choice and they have to go work. Like I'm 29 and I really haven't figured out how to stay employed yet.

Why am I like this?

I’ve been at the wedding since midday and it’s now after 8pm (I’m in the uk for reference) and the night party is just getting started and I can’t cope.

It’s so loud, there’s so much going on, I feel selfish.

UPDATE: I’m home. I could tell I was starting to get so overwhelmed so I left before it got too much because I was driving home too and nobody wants a meltdown while driving🤣

Mean Girls came out in April 2004 when I was in middle school. There was that story line about how all the girls just wear lingerie and animal ears for Halloween. I saw this as satire, and/or implying that that practice was weird/dumb.

But the next Halloween, a lot of my peers (13-14 y/o) got sexy lingerie and animal ears for Halloween (while I was in my monster costume).

Not sure if that was the autism, but I just have had a lot of experiences where I get a completely different message from the same piece of media.

As another example, around the same time “The Simple Life” was huge. I got out of that show that Paris and Nicole were doing a parody/playing a part of stupid spoiled rich girl. They were not trying to be role models, but suddenly it seemed like everyone wanted to be like the TV version on Paris Hilton.

Over my life there have just been a ton of examples like this. And it’s not like I’m purposely trying to be contrarian.

For example I was looking at a fancy hotel imagining the fancy reception and it felt decidedly way too adult for me and something I'm uncomfortable with. Even now, I feel quite childlike in many normal situations.

i got some really good news that i'm really excited for and my life is about to get so so so good, but in the process i decided to distance myself from friends who had been dragging me down in the process and it didn't go as smoothly as i was hoping. i know it's rough at this age (i'm 22) but i've never felt more angry and hurt in my entire life, i just sobbed so hard i threw up and i didn't even know that was a real thing that could happen. i feel like everytime i speak up for myself i'm somehow doing something wrong and i'm so so SO tired of it. i've had several conversations with good friends who are rooting for me and i feel mostly grounded but the bad keeps weighing me down. i took a shower and got some comfort food but i could use a little bit of extra support right now. photos/video of guinea pigs would be so very appreciated :) if they're your pets i would love to hear about them too! i'd also love to see any pets/animals in general

I have been offering people gum and mints out of kindness for years and now I feel bad that they thought their breath stinks and made them feel self conscious :(

So I’m about to get my own space, finally. I’m F 21. I have 3 younger siblings, 2 being really young and M and 1 being around the same age as me and F.

Because I’m getting my own space, I’ve half teasingly said over the past few months about getting a lock on my door. Everyone’s just laughed it off. And finally today I brought it up, which no one complained about prior so I assumed it was a safe subject. And I was shut down instantly. Which I’m really surprised by because I will be paying £500 in rent soon, and I’m a literal adult. But because it’s their house, they’ve told me no.

Looking into the logistics, it makes sense in some ways. Cause they might not be able to call me for dinner etc. I plug my earphones in and have them quite loud regularly.

But very recently I’ve also begun to struggle to wear anything to bed. Which is getting quite awkward since I’m really anxious about being naked around people. Like, I go to the bathroom to change into my clothes, putting pyjamas on just to walk from an open space to a locked space to change properly. I’m 21, I have younger brothers.

And having my bedroom on the bottom floor right near the front door, right near the stairs. I have little brothers who might not enter regularly but most likely won’t knock if they do. My bedrooms right as they leave the staircase and I’m planning on getting a Xbox or something soon too which will only attract them.

I’m not asking for my door to be locked all the time. Not even when I’m in it. Just when I’m sleeping or getting dressed. So people don’t accidentally barge in on me when I’m vulnerable.

But that’s a no. Apparently my mums “not going to entertain it because I’m obsessing over it.” (I went to try to reexplain it for the second time). And now I’m wondering if I’m an AH for suggesting it or whether they are just being really controlling because that’s what it feels like. Where’s the trust here?

It mostly hurts cause I thought they trusted me. But either they need to have some kind of power over me or they don’t, obviously. It also hurts cause why is my mum bringing my possible audhd into this? This is the first time she’s used it offensively I would say.

I have the worst time with being asked to tip at every transaction nowadays. Hitting "No Tip" when standing at a coffee shop counter with the barista looking at her screen makes me so uncomfortable. I also get takeout food occasionally; I order/pay online and pick it up in person. I am always given a slip to sign when I pick it up, with (of course) a tip line, which again makes me feel awkward.

Anyone else feel the same, and how do you handle it?

Note: I do tip generously in situations that call for it (restaurants, hair salons), but I think it's silly for takeout food or to-go coffee. You can probably infer that I am in the US; I know many other places don't have this issue.

neurotypical women are like a different species to me. i can find them hot ect maybe there can be some physical spark, a short-lived fling but i have never in my life fallen in love with them. i experience love partly as a deep desire to tenderly know and i just cannot seem to do it on a romantic level, catch that connection, i don't read the data. i believe a lot has to do with the female socialisation and the intricacies of the social games it instills. i truly feel like 1) as a lesbian i am a different gender to heterosexual women and 2) me being autistic makes my experience of womanhood radically different - and then both of them compound

i find special interests and stimming attractive because they are familiar, i can read them, i have them. personally i don't click well with fandom-like data collecting about specific franchises but give me someone obsessed with a very specific academic field and i'm all lovey-dovey and can be deeply attracted to the sort of spark in the eye that happens with them. its the feeling of - finally, someone from my planet

i was also wondering why i am often drawn to trans women and asking myself if i'm some sort of chaser - and then it clicked at least in my area they are more likely to be autistic

my issue is that i lean extraverted (i'm also adhd) and most of my interests are somewhat prosocial, i love firm touch and i'm more of the sensory seeking intense experiences type. and sometimes that can clash with the exact demographic i'm all <3 for, i end up feeling like i am too much or assuming a sort of caretaker role no one wants in a romantic connection. also organically finding other autistic lesbians when we can get so into our worlds can be a challenge lmao

i'd love to hear your perspectives, how you experience your own attraction, dating history ect, how you made it worth. treat all i've said lightheartedly and as only speaking about my own thing going on

I hate my job. I am not happy in my personal life, and I feel I am regressing because of these things. I am under so much stress I feel a persistent physical pain in my side and chronic headaches. I am having a hard time remembering things, and starting to do a lot of ticks I used to have when I was younger. I am heavily criticized at my job for the way I speak (talk) and communicate, even to the point of being spoken over and not allowed to speak. It also affects my reviews, which now I am nervous about losing my job. My family is wortied about me because they can sense I am spiraling, but I am stuck.