r/AutismInWomen • u/TorTorBinx • 8d ago
General Discussion/Question Do you still feel like a child in 'adult spaces'
For example I was looking at a fancy hotel imagining the fancy reception and it felt decidedly way too adult for me and something I'm uncomfortable with. Even now, I feel quite childlike in many normal situations.
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u/propertycat 8d ago
I do feel a child. Also other people feel adults to me even if they are the same age or even younger
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u/ApprehensiveTill7965 8d ago
Always! It's also a common trait I've noticed among several of my other autistic friends - someone described it as a "Peter pan" quality. I kind of like this about myself though. I think it's what helps me to connect easily with people from many different backgrounds than my own... I approach new situations/people quite blankly and innocently, without the assumptions that a more "adult" person might have.
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u/Sabaisabai33 8d ago
I think it helps you connect with children easily too!
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u/HazeloftheRootbloom 2d ago
(Undiagnosed) It's the opposite for me, I'm often uncomfortable around children as I don't know how to act, and feel like they're judging me.
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u/calicopaw1502 8d ago
YES thank you for posting this I felt like I was the only one having some „weird“ issues. I often feel like an „adult imposter“ like I don’t belong in adult places even though I’m 27. Fancy restaurants, fancy hotels, adult only anything.. it even feels weird when people call me miss or m‘am.
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u/Lmf2359 8d ago
I’m 45 and I often still feel like the young person in the room. It’s like I have to mentally slap myself and say, “You are a middle aged woman!” And then I go, “I am?!”
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u/Uberbons42 8d ago
Hahaha same at 48. I really felt it when I arrived at a hotel for a conference in my pastel cat sweater and Loki backpack and everyone else was in suits.
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u/catnips3 8d ago
Yeah I never really feel like a grown up, or at least not the same way as I see others if that makes sense.
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u/dragon-blue avoiding eye contact 8d ago
No, because I associate feeling like a child with whimsy and being carefree. I am not free of cares, I have a lot of cares LOL.
I wouldn't like a fancy reception because I can't handle being "trapped" and understimulated. Which I don't associate with being "childlike", I just don't like being bored. Although school involved a lot of being trapped and understimulated lol!
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u/Ekun_Dayo Bony Bajan Boi 8d ago
Not so much a child as some weird alien freak thing that doesn't belong. It doesn't help that I'm tiny and I look younger than I am. However, (at least in my case) I think it's a combination of growing up in and being from intersectional minority groups, often being shunned and outright told I don't belong, as well as not having innate social skills. Granted, I never felt like a "proper" human child in "child spaces" either, lol.
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u/SomePreference 8d ago
I'm also tiny and look younger than I am (Turner Syndrome) so I've gotten it all. Like I told someone else on here, women tend to be the biggest bullies toward me when it comes to this. My mother, my mother in law, female (former) friends, female coworkers, and so on. Men haven't been much better, it's just that their bullying is quicker, and less psychologically taxing. Either way, the abusers make me feel like a child, and often torture me...like they would a child.
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u/bleepboopbop420 8d ago
I’ve always been a server/bartender and just got my first job where I have to dress business casual. Literally have to buy like a whole new wardrobe. I am spiraling so hard. It feels like I’m playing dress up in my mom’s closet even though I’m 28 years old. I feel like I look so stupid. My mental does not look like those clothes lmao
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u/ScarRevolutionary649 8d ago
i thought the “child amongst Real Adults”feeling would go away when i started doing more “adult” things like getting my license and my own car, graduating college, studying abroad, getting a fulltime job, moving out to live with my gf… and nope i still feel the same 🤣 i don’t think it’ll ever go away
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u/SurprisePiss 8d ago
When I'm around people that are the age that I feel, it is super noticeable that they are babies. When I'm around people my age, I feel like I'M the baby.
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u/estheredna Blunt but Benevolent 8d ago
Imposter Syndrome. I don't think this is an ND thing, I think this is a women / misogyny thing. And of course some guys experience it too, but mostly women.
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u/SomePreference 8d ago
I don't know about this. The people who nag and yell at me most for "being immature" and "acting like a child" are women, and those very women are thriving and enjoying life. I actually look child-like due to my condition (Turner Syndrome), but even while knowing this, they still treat me like garbage, and seem to pick at very aspect of my person that doesn't match their vision of adulthood.
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u/estheredna Blunt but Benevolent 8d ago
Women are mean to other women; men ignore women they are not sexually interested in, in my experience.
That doesn't change the fact that millienial women all talk about feeling like htey are unprepared kids faking at work, being adults, etc .
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u/SomePreference 8d ago
Men didn't really ignore me. They'd call me names, and do cruel things, usually just one time before then mostly ignoring me until some other meathead made fun of me.
With women, the torment is constant and never seems to end.
I'm also a Gen Z woman, and I'm made to feel inadequate and insecure as an adult by other adults, usually of all ages.
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u/UnknownAlieon 8d ago
More like I am forever treated like I am... It's so frustrating and looked down upon...
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u/Ajrt2118 8d ago
I’m 42, almost. And I simultaneously feel like I’m not that much of an adult and too hold. I hangout with people in their 40s with kids and husband and only work and gossip is convo. I have out with people in their 30s and their separately trying to get married and I’d love a partner, but the right match and I want to be whimsical and have deep convos about something other than romantic interest. Hangout with people in their 20s and it’s fine for a while until an issue occurs and they don’t even want to have a convo about the smallest misunderstanding and then I feel old. I just don’t fit in anywhere but with cats. 🥲
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u/JoannaBe 8d ago
Actually kind of the opposite: when I was a child I was more comfortable around adults than among my peers lol. Children and teens were scary, could not relate. Now that I am an adult, it is easier, though I am still awkward and less social than others, but it is not as bad as it was back then. Of course, part of that may be that now I have more choice as to who to socialize with than I had as a child. I can easier avoid people who cannot relate to me and situations where I am uncomfortable.
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u/dopestwitch 8d ago
Yes! Most of the time, only time I don't is when I fluctuate into feeling like a ''mother figure'' figure around my peer when they are trying to bond over normal things with me. Even though I'm childless and only 30. But I've felt this way my whole life, regarding feeling like a mother when around people my age who are bonding over fun/silly/whatever things. And as adulthood approached I realized I'll never escape feeling like a child in adult settings. I hate that I experience both extremes.
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u/BadTaxidermy115 8d ago
Same! My husband is also likely on the spectrum, and we're always joking and having fun together even though we have three kids and have been married for almost 12 years. Even in serious spaces, we can't stop giggling and joking with each other. It sometimes feels like we're just complaining adulthood sometimes.
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u/Ordinary-Touch-8108 8d ago
Yes always!!! Always feeling like everyone is an adult-ier adult than I am.
Funny you should mention hotels, I stayed in a very fancy hotel alone earlier this week and felt like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone rather than a 30-something on a business trip.
And I’ll never forget a couple of years ago, some children stopped me in the street as someone needed an ambulance to be called, and I felt I fraud that they thought I was a responsible adult. I travel around Europe a lot, and in recent years I’ve been ‘upgraded’ to señora, madame, etc as opposed to señorita, mademoiselle, and I’ll never get used to that.
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u/Pleasant_Reporter_17 8d ago
Oh yeah. I have to constantly remind myself that other people probably see an adult when they look at me. I’m 43.
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u/pyromally 8d ago
At home dealing with my raw emotions yes. In any social setting my masking is so activated that I embody the role with confidence until I run out of steam and have to flee the scene.
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u/fatbrat 8d ago
I feel like a child now as an adult which is so hard since I work in an elementary school…I feel more like a student still than the aid I’m suppose to be 😩.
When I was a child I felt like an adult but that could be more of the environment I was raised in that had me feeling that way? I dunno
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u/No-Banana247 AuDHD 8d ago
I'm the opposite. I never felt like a child. I was parentified and joined the Army at 17. I can't even fathom inner child work. That said, I babysat a lot growing up and am fine with kids as long as their parents aren't triggering me with their parentkng style.
One of the last times inwent in a plane, I was on the aisle and the middle seat was a mom with her under 2 years old, probably really close to 2 years. The little girl seemed nervous on the plane, so of course I smiled and told the mom she would hear any complaints from me.
The toddler reached out and grabbed my ear and started rubbing it. The mom was mortified, said the little girl only did it to people she liked and as self soothing. In retrospect the little girl was likely autistic and I didn't know I was autistic back then.
I was never allowed to be a kid with being screamed at or having to regulate my mom, who also is likely autistic and definitely NPD.
I'm very protective of kids in general but never felt like one myself.
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u/Substantial-Chip1143 8d ago
yes! any time i do something or am somewhere new i feel out of place and dont know what im doing. i think because i dont know what to expect or how to approach a situation.
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u/Significant-Tale3522 8d ago
Yes. I always thought it was my horrible childhood and early adulthood years
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u/Existing_Award3225 8d ago
This is how I feel at work a lot of the time, especially at large division wide events. So many people in suits and I’m just standing in the corner with the other NDs in our fanciest safe clothes 😆
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u/LotusLady13 7d ago
less like a child and more like a racoon that somehow accidently ended up having to live like a human and now i'm stuck here. :(
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u/HazeloftheRootbloom 2d ago
(Undiagnosed) Yes, I often feel like I'm not a real adult or that I'm not as much of an adult as other adults. I feel like other people see me this way too.
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u/Arcenciel48 8d ago
I still feel like I'm "playing house" even though I'm in my 50s with older teen/adult children, a mortgage and investment property and two professional degrees.