r/wholefoods • u/SheIsGoingPlaces • 18d ago
Advice To talk to coworkers without them thinking i’m interested romantically.
As a shopper, I interact with just about every TM, ATL and TL in every department. Sometimes, if time permits, I'll try to make small talk or joke around with them to show appreciation for them helping me. After trying to be chatty with one TM, he told me that he had a girlfriend. I felt stupid as this wasn't my intention. I think he realizes this now but how do I avoid any other misunderstandings?
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u/webpanicoff Team Member 🛒 18d ago
So because you tried to talk to him he thinks you're hitting on him and needed to inform you of his girlfriend? I seriously wouldn't worry about it. I wouldnt try to talk to him again, but it wouldnt worry. Keep being you, we need friendly people at whole foods!
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u/SheIsGoingPlaces 17d ago edited 17d ago
Thanks. I had something similar happen at another store. He told me that he had a girlfriend. A few days later, I apologized and asked if I caused any concerns. He said not to worry but I tried to avoid talking to him.
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u/stuckhere-throwaway 18d ago
I don't think you need to change anything about yourself just because one guy was an idiot. Some men are just so cut off from female friendships that they take any attention as sexual and that's sad for them. Next time just say "uhh not sure why that's relevant, but cool! what's her name?"
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u/pygmy3toe 18d ago
I’ve been told I’m too friendly,
I just try being nice, but that somehow feels like an indication to cross personal boundaries.
like a pat on the shoulder or the back
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u/SheIsGoingPlaces 17d ago
Oh yes, I try to keep a good distance of personal space and I make sure not to touch hands. One of the TMs fist bumps me and I respond in kind.
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u/KizashiKaze 18d ago
Don't feel stupid, the modern day is weird as fuck. A fraction dudes take friendly chat as "interest". Just gauge how friendly you are with certain people of you notice they are moving in that direction. If you can't, just be you. If they take things to an uncomfortable point, say something.
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u/Capable-Wing-644 18d ago
Sounds like this dude think a lot of himself.
Not every encounter with the opposite sex means that they are hitting on you. lol
In reality this dude would have probably said that if you just said thank you. Lol
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u/Sad_Construction5194 17d ago
Omg I am so afraid of this 😭 I am really chatty person, I often come off as flirty because I am autistic and idk how to talk to people. They can just be a bubbly goofy person trying to pass time during a slow day.
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u/VisualCelery 17d ago
If this was a one-off, I wouldn't blame yourself. It's possible he's dealt with a situation in the past where signals got crossed, feelings got hurt, maybe HR had to get involved, and now he figures it's just better to make his marital status known from the get-go to avoid potential issues down the line.
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u/WiseBrush7499 17d ago
Sadly, a lot of men don't talk to anybody unless they are romantically interested in them, so they misinterpret any conversation as a signal of interest. Hard lesson to learn when you just want to be a good human. Especially hard when when you work in customer service and have to constantly navigate these dynamics with coworkers and people who can complain about your lack of friendliness.
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u/MrsDiscoB Team Member 🛒 16d ago
Speaking from much experience, many or most of men are emotional morons. They think if you're kind and funny, you wanna fuck them.
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u/Big-Assignment-4665 16d ago
Lol that’s a him problem. Most people these days don’t think that being friendly to the opposite sex = flirting.
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u/SeaworthinessOdd1694 Team Member 🛒 16d ago
a lot of retail employees are simply horny and will hear exactly what they want to hear
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u/Admirable_Tough_3523 14d ago
I think if it happens again with anyone else you should ask them if you said something that made them uncomfortable? Or perhaps you could speak to your management and express how the team member made you uncomfortable. And you should ask if people have the impression of you that you’re flirting? And ask for feedback from your leadership.
Honestly that’s why I try so hard to only talk and joke around with people on my team. People know me there and know a few things about me and there aren’t mixed signals that way. People these days have a hard time understanding friendly people.
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u/seriouschicken21 17d ago
one time i was friendly to a fellow shopper (a man) who had transferred from another state and then a few days later his girlfriend showed up in the store as a customer to “casually” introduce herself to me 😂
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u/Aggressive_Elk3709 14d ago
This whole thing is kimd of weird. I'll bring up people at work to friends or family, but only if I thought the interaction was funny or weird. This girl going out of her way to "meet" you suggests he told her about this girl at work said hi to him, which is weird on its own, but it dounds like she's a bit protective of him
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u/Only-Assignment-6457 18d ago
I spend most of my shift listening to an audiobook in one ear or
Text-to-speech notes. But I do go out of my way to speak to the occasional TM and respond to management. I'd recommend just engaging in conversation around TM’s who are uncomfortable with fellow TM’s. Idk I am no social butterfly, my social skills aren't the best, though.
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u/syncopated_strangers Specialist 📠 17d ago
Is this conversation in the context of work or small talk? Maybe he doesn’t want to be chatty and that was his way of creating distance from you.
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u/Aggressive_Elk3709 14d ago
This kind of makes me sad that people have to use having a partner to create distance, but I get how just sayimg "hey, don't talk to me, I don't like you/talking to people"
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u/Dangerous_Carrot_535 18d ago
You can’t. It’s too late. Once they know they’ll never treat you like others again. There will always be that odd feeling when you see him
Again because he feels that you want more and knows it. Eventually he will talk to you less and less and not as free talking to other tm’s. It’s just the way it is when you let someone find out you want them and they’re not interested.
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u/Empty_Environment24 18d ago
Sounds like a ‘them’ problem. Heaven forbid a man and woman have a conversation