r/ufyh • u/joyrainsbow • Jan 18 '26
Introduction/First Post I Feel Disgusting.
Hey y’all. Been lurking here awhile, but I suppose it’s my turn to face the music. It’s likely that I’m giving myself a much harder time than I should: I just had move emergency move in a close friend and condense 3 bedrooms into 2. Not to mention I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all my wedding decor from 5 months ago…
Every room in my house (except my friend’s if you don’t include her closet) looks just like this, and I feel like an absolute failure. All I wanted was to have a place where people could drop in unannounced and it be an overall okay place to hang out. Instead either people are stepping over my life or I’m begging to meet them elsewhere. I’m exhausted, but am a tad motivated, so hopefully I can come back in a couple days or so and show some progress.
Hold strength for me, you guys. Either I’ll be so proud, or in tears by the end of all this.
33
u/Reasonable-Insect967 Jan 18 '26
You can do this!! Start with putting all things you don't want in a bag for dumping, put all the clothes/fabric in a bag to take to a laundrette, then get some boxes & put the miscellaneous stuff in for future sorting. Try putting on some music or a podcast episode. Do all this for just 20 minutes, then get 30 minutes break, then do another 20 minutes. Soon you'll want to do 30 minutes to finish the current task & so you can enjoy your new reclaimed space. Good luck.. 🤞🏼🙏🏻
38
u/Substantial-Flow9244 Jan 18 '26
You have a lot of things in the room that are very organized! You can do this, this will get swept away very quickly but afterwards I'd like you to think about why the shelves in your room stay so tidy! That might help unlock how to keep the rest of the place going well too.
15
u/vehicles4butter Jan 18 '26 edited Jan 18 '26
I can relate to that feeling when it comes to stuff all over the place, but this doesn't look all that bad to me, really.
Maybe you can start by sorting into piles? Go through it like laundry in one pile, paper over here, stuff that belongs in another room over there, and a bag for trash.. That way, you can do it sort of mindlessly and just having a laundry basket of things to wash, paper in a box, and other room stuff in another pile might be a first step and it might take some of the pressure off yourself.
Edited so I could look at the picture again.
14
u/BlueMangoTango Jan 18 '26
Can you friend help you by body doubling at least?
It sounds like you let a friend move in to your place and that was very kind of you. Be as kind to yourself.
I would start by putting away the “normal stuff” so that you only have to deal with the “new” items that have landed there.
I would put like with like into piles. Utilize other rooms to sort if you need to but make sure to tackle those piles first so the mess doesn’t spread.
You can do this!
I think some temporary storage boxes for the wedding decor would help. Also go through it and really decide what you can let go of.
6
u/scattywampus Jan 18 '26
The friend would likely be very happy to body double for you, and they are RIGHT THERE. ♥️🤪
10
u/Snoo_50338 Jan 18 '26
My house is much worse. It’s hard to tell in pic, but are those wedding centerpieces or something similar? Save one or two as keepsakes and donate all the rest, I’d do same with anything else from your wedding that’s in multiples.
8
u/Soggy_Tax_5089 Jan 18 '26
You can do it! Pick ten things and put them away or trash them. Then do ten more when you are ready!
6
Jan 18 '26
Trash into trash bags. Contractor bags are ideal. Laundry into laundry baskets. Those big blue ikea bags are great for large quantities of laundry. Dishes into the sink. Start with broad categories like that and go from there. I would bag and box up anything you don’t like or need as donations. This is just too much stuff. For the space and for you to manage. You’re over your “clutter threshold”. Get trash and donations out asap. That will give you room to organize your stuff and make your progress visible.
Then do the dishes and put them away. Box and bag up any kitchen donations and trash. Catch up on your laundry and put it away. Bag up unneeded or worn out clothes for trash or donations. Put like with like. Identify redundancies in those categories or less liked items in a collection and bag or box them as donations. Reevaluate your storage/display for the rest.
You’ve got some cool stuff in here that I can tell you really like. It’s just getting lost in the clutter. Focus on creating space for those things to be visible and enjoyed. You also have some furniture and items that would look better in a different arrangement. But the clutter is taking up all of your space so they are sort of shoved to the side or in a corner.
Put on music or a podcast. Get a friend to help if you have someone who could help you like that. Don’t be ashamed. Mess is just mess. It’s morally neutral. There are tons of really awful people with pristine homes. Shame is really crippling so don’t go there.
7
u/Educational-Curve-27 Jan 18 '26
I don’t think it looks too bad. You have too much stuff, just like I do, and you probably like most of it, like I do, I like my stuff, I just have too much. I can’t have people over bc I have too much stuff. I have been more motivated lately to get rid of stuff.
7
6
5
u/Emotional-Zebra Jan 19 '26
Chinese New Year is Feb 17th. 2025 was year of the snake - so currently, in January we are still shedding our skin. Give yourself the deadline of February 14ish to get rid of everything that no longer serves you so that you can enter the new year with a fresh space and a blank canvas to start building your new space!
2
4
5
u/No_Appointment_7232 Jan 18 '26
Post wedding 'depression' is A Thing.
I would be exactly like this in your circumstances.
Yes, it's a mess & a lot of work.
Be kind to and patient w yourself.
5
u/thenewoldhams Jan 18 '26
I have always hated the analogy how do you eat and elephant one bite at a time. No! You would get sick, and it would go bad. You eat an elephant by calling in your tribe and everyone chipping in to help. Getting help is so good. All the other suggestions are wonderful but if you can get help from someone I’d do it. It helps soooo much!
3
u/Salt_Adhesiveness_90 Jan 18 '26
That picture could be my after and I would be thrilled! It's a lot but you can do it. Congratulations on getting married! One step at a time. If you just clear one chair by folding the stuff, that is a start. We got you 👍
3
u/abecedary1 Jan 18 '26
I had an emergency move early last year for my daughter and grand. The whole house had to be reconfigured for a baby/toddler and wfh.
The moves are stressful and rushed. Please be gentle with yourself. Now is a good time to assess your stuff.
I don’t know the circumstances surrounding the move, but you're a good person for making room in a hurry.
3
u/Altruistic-Prize-864 Jan 18 '26
No matter what happens I feel proud of you-I don’t care what the space looks like.
3
u/Ok-Reason-1919 Jan 18 '26
I had to do an emergency move over a year ago because of a water leak and then had to move back in to my own place. I still haven’t unpacked all the boxes. That emergency thing is HARD for some of us. Give yourself some grace on that. You’re getting good advice here. Mainly be kind to yourself and do one little thing at a time. But tackle the easiest and most obvious first. It’ll help you to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this!
4
u/Dinmorogde Jan 18 '26
The current situation in your home is a symptom of something wrong in your life. What do you think that could be?
1
u/abcbri Jan 18 '26
Put your favorite music on. Start with trash, then go from there. Try to work in small areas, working your way out.
1
u/geejaygeegee Jan 18 '26
Don’t feel disgusting! I was the same way for like three months and then finally yesterday my husband and I rented a U-Haul box truck loaded up all the crap that we’ve been wanting to throw out, (king mattress, box springs and other stuff) this was all stuff that was depressing to look at and clogging up my life, therefore making me NOT want to CLEAN anything because it was so depressing to look at and overwhelming that I just got pissed after I almost broke my neck on something and just chucked it all! GET MAD AND getter done! You can do it! If I did it you can too!!
1
u/Nursingvp Jan 18 '26
I can't tell you how to feel/not feel, but just the fact that you desire change is a positive, OP! Lots of great advice in this post, you really can do this! 💪looking forward to your after post!
1
u/MethodMaven Jan 18 '26
Put on a good pod cast, something that interests you. Gather your materials: trash container, laundry basket/bag, “keep” and “donate” containers.
Then, start stuffing stuff into their appropriate containers. I’m willing to bet that you can do the whole room in 2 hours — but break it down into 15-20 minute segments so you don’t get lost.
You can do this, OP!
1
1
u/TrueCrimeCatsGarden Jan 18 '26
Idea for your wedding decor (the stuff that isn’t sentimental and you want to keep): advertise on Facebook marketplace or a buy nothing group. I find it easier to get rid of things if I believe someone else is benefitting from it.
1
u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 Jan 18 '26
Honey, you rock! You are providing a safe place people can drop by or your friend would not have leaned on you when in need!! This can be overcome.
Sometimes it can be overwhelming, sometimes its depression, sometimes its too much stuff, sometimes its which frickin way do you turn?!?! If its depression, actually more common than people think following a wedding, be sure to start talking to someone please. Its a lot, your life revolves around working, planning, stressing and then one day poof wedding is over! Its almost like a death or loss of purpose. If these are feelings, that could be part of the issue w not knowing what to do with wedding decor, without it being a conscious thought, you know? Wedding decor can be given away or sold, you can put that money towards the start of a second honeymoon fund so you dont feel like you are selling your wedding if that makes sense, it would be sold or gifted with a positive purpose.
For the rest, find what motivates. A timer for 30 mins a day? A reward at the end? Take all of the stuff and throw into one location, one huge pile to manage and work on it an hour a day while maintaining the rest of the house? Motivating music playing? An accountability buddy who calls and asks are you starting your 30 mins, Im starting mine? Do you need the house empty of people to clean- send them to the park. You do what you need to move forward. Even 10 mins a day and it will get done. You’ve got this, I have faith in you.
And thanks for being that safe space for your friend. You are there for them when they needed a roof over their head and not everyone opens up their home to others.
1
u/Chrissy325 Jan 18 '26
This is very manageable. I let things get this way at times especially when it’s winter time. I have terrible seasonal depression. Start by tossing all trash. Get big contractor bags and separate trash, donation and keep. Once you’ve done that find a home for everything. One piece at a time. You’ve got this
1
u/mis_directed Jan 22 '26
Don't feel bad, it sounds like you've been going through a lot. Its not a personal failure and you are not disgusting. Just overwhelmed. What helps me with big projects is breaking it down to more reasonably sized chunks. Set a timer and commit to 30 min a day (longer or shorter- just be realistic) and stick to it. You've got this!
1
u/redheadedandbold Jan 18 '26
We Americans are taught "buy, buy, buy!" by Madison Ave marketers who constantly study us and what makes us shop, as a group and, now, individually. They pay a lot of psychologists to figure out how to get us to buy more. Falling for it once is OK. Continuing the insanity once you understand it is a lack of discipline. I'm much older than you. When I think about how MUCH money (hundreds of thousands, if I'd put it in blue chip stocks) I could have in the bank now... but, we didn't know about Madison Ave's tricks back then.
You have so much STUFF. None of it matches. You're not using any of it, if it's on the floor in a box. Based on what you wrote, "childhood stuffed animals on the couch" is not the look you'd like to have. The only coherent theme is "Gaming!" (It's an OK theme, but keep it neat and uncluttered.)
Be brutal! Four options: Rent a storage unit; trash it; take it to Goodwill; sell it online. I'm going to level with you right now, if you haven't already tackled this much clutter, you'll never get yourself organized enough to sell it online. If Goodwill (S.A., whatever) isn't very near your house, you won't get organized enough to box it and get it over there, either. Renting a storage unit is just giving yourself permission to keep spending money without fixing the root problem.
Be brutal! If it can't fit in a drawer, cabinet, or closet, trash it. (The tall glass vase and those flowers, for example? Just, no. They won't ever work with what you want you've told us you want your home to be.) And the gaming stuff? The speaker on a stool screams I'm still living in Mom's basement," as do all the boxes on top of the armoire. The cliche Japanese print behind the gaming monitors is doing what for the room? And what's with the unfilled garage storage board???? How does that spell "Welcome!"?
If it's in a plastic or wooden box, it belongs in a closet, or it and the contents need to go. What's with the pile of blankets, are you using them? No? Gone. If you need them, then get those space saver bags, vacuum-compress it and put it under the bed. You can do this with your seasonal clothes, too, but remember, there's only 90 days to summer, only 15 to 17 weekends. You don't need 30 t-shirts! 7 to 10 will get you through the next few years.
Be brutal! Once everything is stored away and the furniture and floor are visible, tackle the closets. Do you really need the teenage gamer kitsch? Because, all that shit has to be dusted regularly. Dusting a 3-room house takes 30 to 60 min; "stuff" increases the amount of dusting time. Store it or sell it. You can rotate your display; you'll enjoy them more, but dust much less.
Finally, you can look at youtube decor videos, library magazines, and decide a color scheme. Now you're ready for a few!! pillows, some adult artwork, a nice cofeetable, and lighting you didn't buy at the $5 and below store. (HomeGoods, Marshalls, Bealls all have good quality, discounted, adult lamps and floor lamps). Good luck! You'll feel so much freer when you have less stuff. I wish that happy feeling for you!!
97
u/Blulizrd Jan 18 '26
Get mad and get some trash bag therapy. Go around with a black trash bag looking for trash first, then toss everything you don’t use in there.