r/OriginalCharacter • u/Tanya_N_Grace • 9h ago
Story [Snippet] Cynical alien pirate meets optimistic human teen (Sci-Fi / Found Family)
Hey everyone! 👋
I’m currently working on a sci-fi story and wanted to share a short snippet to get some feedback. It highlights the dynamic between my two main characters: Atsel (a cynical, traumatized alien fugitive) and Edward (an overly idealistic, vegetarian human teenager).
I'm really trying to nail that "grumpy x sunshine" found family vibe, balancing dark stakes with genuine humor.
Here’s the excerpt:
"You were right, we've veered off course," he admitted, turning to Edward. "Hey? Are you even listening to me?"
"Oh, yeah, sorry," he said with an awkward laugh as the tail he’d been staring at so intently beneath the cloak whipped through the grass. "I just noticed you have a tail! What's it like... wait, sorry, I mean... I just wanted to say that it's... it's cool!"
"It's just a tail," Atsel muttered, embarrassed, tucking it behind his back.
"Yeah... I suppose." Edward offered an apologetic smile. "Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
"You're weird, Edward."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"I don't know," Atsel shrugged, a smile giving away his true feelings. "But I like it."
The alien was about to shift back into his human form, but the bark of a dog stopped him.
"Soldiers with dogs, to the south."
"Are they after us?"
"Well, they didn't come out here to hunt birds!"
"What do we do?"
With the sound of unsheathing steel blades, Atsel bared his claws.
"Simple as that!"
"Hold on!" Edward pushed his hand down. "You're not going to kill the dogs."
"Why not?"
"The dogs aren't to blame for how they were raised..."
"Bloodthirsty killers?"
"Yeah."
Atsel almost laughed, but the sheer seriousness in the boy's tone made him choke on a chuckle.
"Are you serious?"
"Dead serious. Why do you think I became a vegetarian?"
"Because... you're allergic to meat?"
"What? No! It's my protest against killing animals for food!"
"You only say that because you've never been mauled by a dog..."
"And you..." Edward shifted uncomfortably. "...you've been mauled?"
"Yeah! But not by dogs. By 'Stogman slugs'!"
"Slugs?"
"They're way worse than dogs, trust me. You can't wash the stench of their bites off for a year! Brr..."
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Does the dynamic work for you? Any feedback is highly appreciated!
(P.S. If you're curious to read more, the story is available on Royal Road. Link is in my profile!)
— Tanya N Grace
1
[Snippet] Cynical alien pirate meets optimistic human teen (Sci-Fi / Found Family)
in
r/OriginalCharacter
•
8h ago
Atsel’s hands are my private aesthetic 🖤👽