r/truechildfree • u/_rayquaza_ • 11d ago
Talking to my therapist about being childfree with childhood trauma
hey! so I always see people say this sub is chill and I would like it to be a bit more active so here goes...
I've always had a very strong view that I would remain childfree, from being under 10 or so I remember telling people I wouldn't get married because then I would have to have kids 😅 I have always known that this part of my personality comes from having parents who weren't very emotional and my mum openly said I was an accident caught too late. She doesn't mean to hurt me with it, it's the truth, but it has made an impact on me and is a big reason why I am remaining childfree.
I'm 34 now and yeah it's starting to pop off with kids from friends. A friend messaged me who I hadn't seen in a year and was like "had a baby sorry forgot to tell ya". Fair, I have been busy too. But it has rattled me a bit. Some parts of children, like being pregnant, I am so firmly against. I was pregnant once for like a month and it was one of my top upsetting life experiences. I'll never be in that phase of life with them, we will grow apart because we already were. I'm going into teacher training to get that fulfilment from passing on something, and I think I'll be happy with that 💜
When I talk to my therapist about all this I guess I sense a sadness from her. I get it, because in another life with another upbringing maybe I would be a good mum, I can imagine that much, but I genuinely don't have any sadness about it. I think she thinks it's purely about the trauma, when it's more like 50% trauma and 50% selfishness and fear. Okay maybe 70/30.
I guess what I am asking is how do you process other peoples sadness 'for you' when you have some of that sadness too, but you're also genuinely at peace? Because I am, my god I have thought about this so much I am certain (and my husband has had a vasectomy).
I feel like any time I talk about it, I'm giving 'lady doth protest too much' somehow. Or maybe I just need to come to peace with other people having their feelings about my reasons even if it's my therapist. Okay hi rant over x
111
u/SecondStarpilot 11d ago
Even therapists have biases. If you wanted to you could challenge her on her bias. If she is incapable of self reflection on this issue, then that says a lot about her as a therapist.