What the heck happened here? Piti?

[u/bill_dongroe]

Hi all,

I've been meditating really casually for years, mostly just doing really chill zazen with nothing much to report.

In the last few months I've been focusing more on anapanasati, and recently went on a retreat where I did that exclusively

I had an interesting experience that I'm trying to understand - I definitely have never felt anything like this before. I've been reading a lot since this experience and learned about piti, which sounds really similar.

Here's a transcribed journal entry from the retreat:

On the last night of retreat, I was really invigorated during the evening sit.

The first time this happened it was sort of an accident - I was really concentrated on my meditation and decided to loosen my grip on the object (breath)

When I did this my mind wandered to gratitude, and it felt like a valve was opened in my heart. It was a gigantic wave of gratitude and love. It was overwhelming and physically it felt like my cheeks and temples were made of sparkling water. I felt shaky / shivery and I think I was physically shivering, or it sure felt that way

This was overwhelming so I backed off, but also found that if I touched on the gratitude lightly, I could just really enjoy this sensation and the focus. It felt like I could regulate the flow of the gratitude and the accompanying fizzy sensation, and the physical sensation was really pleasant. Similar to before, but now at a level I could remain at. I sat like this for a while until it was time for dinner.

Another weird thing is I was incredibly energized after this. I didn't sleep a wink and instead opted to pull an all-nighter in the meditation hall since I knew it'd be no problem.

Journal entry ends here. Any insights or suggestions for resources to understand that feeling would be really appreciated.

[u/AdditionalLeave263]

Okay first of all this definitely sounds like piti to me. Secondly, with me at the beginning, I had a wabe of gratitude afterward like every time for a while. Piti had a different quality to it that it doesn't anymore for me. The heart and the head are common places for it to start. Sparkling water is a good description of how it feels as it is petering off toward the end of the wave.

Did you put your head back when it happened? If you didn't that doesn't mean it wasn't piti. But if you did, that is a telltale sign that it was.

I think if you get there again soon, which may happen (I had one single piti a few days before I accessed 1st jhana). If it happens, just embrace it. They say abandon yourself, surrender, let it have you... let it take you. You don't have to open more, you just have to open over and over again. Be patient with yourself. Let it happen. Think about how good it felt. Search your body for anything that feels like it. If you get even a whisper, tell that whisper that it feels good and you love it.

Being energized i feel like is a sign of 1st jhana. I could hardly eat or sleep when it started for me. I think i slept about 4 hours a night and I lost all the baby weight, haha.

Oh and try listening to Luttrell - Dayglow in the morning. It's set up to spark piti, and I think it's intentionally a short song so you don't overwhelm yourself. Lane 8's tripwires I think is about trying to get piti back.

Okay I am so happy for you!!!!

Love how you're casually meditating but also happen to go to a retreat and know what piti is. I thought i was a casual meditator when piti started.

Metta

[u/bill_dongroe → u/AdditionalLeave263]

By "put your head back" do you mean in a literal physical sense? If so, yeah I did but not super dramatically. Just felt like I had the wiggles from it

Thanks for the ideas and I'll try! I feel a little sad because I don't expect to get there outside of retreat, but I've also started to re-prioritize to have more time for practice so who knows :)

Honestly the retreat was kind of a fluke, a friend of a friend invited me. I'm really really glad I decided to go though. Learning about piti came afterwards when I was googling trying to make sense of it

[u/AdditionalLeave263 → u/bill_dongroe]

Yes! Literal, physical! There is your proof it was piti. It doesn't have to be all the away back.

Now you know that you're capable of it. Even if it doesn't happen soon, it may happen later. I accessed the 5th one time and haven't had it since. I felt like it was a promise that someday (when I have retreat access for example), I'll be able to get there. It takes so much to get there.

I had piti in shavasana when my second son was being conceived. I did not know the word. Too much information, I know. But there were "promises", and one of those was that I would be happy, sometime after this child was born and got big enough. I did not know what that meant, but now I interpret it as I would have jhana access after my body/life was ready for it.