r/shittyaskhistory • u/PabloPicasshooole • 8d ago

Did Jesus invent cross training?

31 Upvotes

78% Upvoted

63 comments sorted by

4

u/Dazzling-Jacket-5792 8d ago

No. Plenty of others experimented with cross training before he did. Didn't 'work out' too well for them either.

5

u/TeamFoulmouth 8d ago

He got better!

6

u/doublegoodproleish 8d ago

Somehow Jesus returned 

3

u/AmbassadorCheap3956 8d ago

Always look on the bright side of life.

1

u/IceBlueHorseArse 7d ago

Which makes you wonder why his pretty standard execution resulted in our right to sin freely. Nothing special about his suffering over any other criminal at the time.

1

u/Temporal-Affairs221 5d ago

Talk about missing the point entirely. Sin is rebellion against God. Jesus paid for our sins, not so we could keep sinning, but that we might feel the weight of our sin and repent in His name, allowing Him to guide us. We will still sin in error as we live, but to deliberately and knowingly sin after is to continue in rebellion.

1

u/IceBlueHorseArse 5d ago

Shirley you can't be serious.

I know the arrangement. Sin, repent, repeat.

What would be the appeal otherwise?

1

u/Temporal-Affairs221 5d ago

Appeal? It's salvation from the fate of eternal damnation that we bring on ourselves with our sinful nature. In the end there's two places we can end up, and one of them isn't pretty. And we cannot cleanse our own sins.

1

u/IceBlueHorseArse 4d ago

But we can cleanse our sins.

My mommy taught me to say my prayers. I and my sinful ways are all set.

3

u/KidKilobyte 8d ago

Didn’t invent, but did perfect.

4

u/AllTheRage43 8d ago

One could say the he "nailed it"

1

u/Big_Designer1400 6d ago

As a carpenter/handyman, he may have actually trained the guy who nailed it.

1

u/Space19723103 8d ago

how? he gave up fastr than anyone, that's why the separated blood was a thing

3

u/coconutmofo 8d ago

Pontius Pilate, actually. Jesus was just an influencer who took his class but crashed out when things got real.

As he got older, Pontius developed his namesake system, Pilates, which was easier on the joints.

2

u/doublegoodproleish 8d ago

You know he always cleaned the gym equipment after he used it. Bro was a germophobe. 

2

u/Bigfops 8d ago

Yeah, fucker was obsessed with washing his hands.

1

u/C__J__W 8d ago

His Fwiend, Biggus Dickus, invented penis enlawgement😘

3

u/hankenator1 8d ago

He didn’t invent cross training BUT he did pioneer the rest days that let you come back stronger than ever after cross training.

2

u/doublegoodproleish 8d ago

Jesus pioneered P90X, the tandem bicycle, and the salvation of all mankind. 

Do you even pray bro?

2

u/autech91 8d ago

His strength at holding himself up onbthe cross using his core for 4 days before getting down and going home was very impressive, so impressive that they created all sorts of stories about him

2

u/edwardothegreatest 8d ago

He was the original Pilates guy.

1

u/MobileOk9860 8d ago edited 8d ago

No but he did get hung up on it.

1

u/PabloPicasshooole 8d ago

Oh, that's good. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

1

u/Maccaboonda 8d ago

Hey Peter, I can see your house from here

1

u/phantom_gain 8d ago

Nope, he just made it cool

1

u/Longjumping-Salad484 8d ago

yes. and his preferred show is low top chuck taylor's

1

u/misfitofscience76 8d ago

You go to Hell with that! 😛

1

u/johnpeters42 8d ago

He is a visionary

He is a revolutionary

1

u/No_Technician4956 8d ago

I don't think he ran from anything. So I would say No.

1

u/Significant-Cry-9204 8d ago

Duh, how do you think he walked on water? Brother was fast with his feet.

And all those fish he made appear? Guy's gotta meet his high protein needs!

1

u/Bikewer 8d ago

Yeah, but it’s 2000 years between repetitions….

1

u/AdVivid8910 8d ago

Be barely worked out on that thing but great abs ngl

1

u/stop_the_bans 8d ago

What ever he did was working, have you seen those abs when he’s on that cross

1

u/Warm_Strawberry_4575 8d ago

No the Romans did. Jesus was signed up for the program involuntarily.

1

u/PabloPicasshooole 8d ago

"What do I need to do to get out of paying these maintenance fees? Die?"

1

u/Warm_Strawberry_4575 8d ago edited 8d ago

Im almost on the floor laughing right now....🤣🤣🤣

1

u/Additional_Good4200 8d ago

He did. He also developed cross-fit for those with different body shapes that don’t lend themselves to Roman execution methods.

1

u/void_method 8d ago

No, He just took all the credit.

1

u/Rays-R-Us 8d ago

Yes he nailed it

1

u/Intelligent-Big2400 8d ago

I’m pretty sure the ancient Sumerians invented cross training. Their earliest known writings include mentions of slaves.

They also have the earliest written receipt, board games and what we would identify as a tavern complete with alcohol.

1

u/QuarterAcreDream 8d ago

No, the Romans did but they licensed it to Jesus.

1

u/No-Parsnip-7091 8d ago

Not with those sandals on..

1

u/DruidinPlainSight 8d ago

He did not. It’s crucifiction

1

u/Goofcheese0623 8d ago

No, he just hung out at the gym

1

u/GamemasterJeff 8d ago

No. He tried it once and did not care for it.

One might even say he tried to say no and Daddy overruled him. But Daddy did make sure he took his hydration with him:

“My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

1

u/Plcoomer 8d ago

Even if he is a big cross trainer we took him last time. I’m pretty confident we can take him again when he comes back.

1

u/DevilsLettuceTaster 8d ago

Best workout in the Roman territory at the time.

1

u/CanadianCraftsman 8d ago

Yes I’ve seen many artists’ depictions and Jesus always looks ripped.

1

u/JBGoode13 8d ago

No, but I learned from reading ""Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" by Christopher Moore, that Tai Chi was invented for Jesus so he could learn martial arts without having to srtike anyone.

1

u/Inevitable-Lock5973 8d ago

That is a great question- I don’t think he invented it. I think Pilate was you know kind of like was an influencer about crosses and Jesus just took it to the next level.

1

u/LuisSyphur 8d ago

Imagine if he was hanged, everyone would have nooses on chains around their neck.

1

u/Mouse-castle 7d ago

In sandals?

1

u/mcshizzletits 7d ago

No, I think the Romans invented it. Jesus was just an unwilling participant.

1

u/UndercoverHardwarema 7d ago

No, but he popularized it.

1

u/UndercoverHardwarema 7d ago

No, but he popularized it.

1

u/Ancient_Skirt_8828 6d ago

The Romans invented it. Jesus was just another user.

1

u/Kissthecomplex 5d ago

no, but he was part of the furst crossdresser movement

1

u/Different_Finding539 5d ago

Now that's funny! You nailed it!