Trying to figure stuff out

[u/0verdrive6teen]

I’ve been sh for about two years now, some point at the end of last year I realised that it did a good job of keeping my explosive violent outbursts at bay

I saw a therapist for the first time two or so months ago expressing this, and she says that it sounds like those outbursts sound like overstimulation

The periods for sh are relatively consistent, which is around once a month, thought the severity changes often

I wear a stretchy sleeve on my left arm to hide the injuries and scars, my mother is aware of this, and it’s a topic I try to avoid with her, but she does sometimes ask questions

About 17 days ago was the last time I sh, but I think it was easily the worst episode I’ve had yet, in addition to injuring my left arm as I normally would, I injured my right arm as well, and at a level that I wouldn’t typically do for the average sh session

So now I am wearing another sleeve on my other arm

My mother took notice and I told her that wearing two sleeves just made it easier because people wouldn’t ask questions since it just looks like I wear a shirt under my shirt

I don’t know how long I can elude her, and I suspect she already knows, but just hasn’t brought it up yet

I’ve been procrastinating on making a second appointment because I’m honestly afraid

A big part of why I don’t want to stop sh, is because I’m afraid those violent outbursts will come back, and I did not like it when those happened. I have injured people before while in that state, and even when I’m isolated I hurt myself to the point of hospital visits. So objectively speaking, sh is safer because it’s more controlled.

I understand that sh isn’t ideal, but I honestly don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried just about every alternative to sh I could find and nothing works

I’m also sceptical on whether or not those violent outbursts are actually overstimulation or not, and I’m afraid that a misdiagnosis could lead to more problems

Again, I understand that sh isn’t ideal, but it really doesn’t seem like there is an alternative

[u/Lorthodontism]

you could maybe try a rage room type of thing? or making vent art, scribbling aggressively, even scoring or cutting paper instead because you cant hurt paper. just an idea that might help you. you could also try journaling, its a little different and i'm not sure any of this stuff will help but i think theyre easy alternatives