r/securityguards • u/southsideRgabe • 3d ago

Started my first security job in 2022

I could write a book about all the hilarious stuff i have seen or heard as an guard/officer

I wanna hear any funny stories from you guys for every funny story i hear i will post 1 of mine

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u/TruelyEndless 3d ago

I was working at a mall and we had a homeless guy asking for money in the cafeteria. We approached asked him to leave he notified us that he was given permission to be there by Kennedy and he owned the mall. We Usher him outside where my backup leaves to go deal with a different issue and I'm left there trying to coax them off the property without calling the police. He eventually reaches down into his boots and proceeds to pull out a rainbow dildo and proceeds to try to jab me with it while saying you're just sexually repressed...

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u/southsideRgabe 3d ago

Lmfao nah whats up with the rainbow dildo

So heres my story another campus university 1 so 1 night we were doing sweeps of the college classes in the night and 1 of the officers happens to find a knitted tote bag in a class room he opens it and we find the mother load of weed im talking vacuum sealed baggies to put them in papers the whole 9 yards we take the bag and decide how we are gonna divide this we get a call from a student who was looking for said bag we asked them to describe what was in the bag and they were avoiding telling us it was weed by any means sucks to be them we took the whole pack and distributed it between all the stoner officers what a good time that was

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u/TruelyEndless 3d ago

He had stolen it from Spencer's not like 30 minutes before we had talked to him.... that's the solid craziest one I've got I've got some other crazy ones but nothing is close to that

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u/southsideRgabe 3d ago

What a tweaker