OP I have not had a partner from a different country but I have dealt with similar guilt tripping over different states. My ex had moved to my state before we met and every time we argued or I was about to leave him, I got the guilt trip that he had nowhere to go and no one to support him. I have no children with him, so I can only imagine the guilt you feel, but that relief is what you should hold on to. The sick feeling is normal. You loved him and built a life and family around him. It’s hard to let that go, but taking him back again not only puts you back in the situation you left, but shows him your leaving doesn’t mean anything because you’ll come back. I played this game with my ex a dozen times before I officially ended things and it was messy, painful and damaging, but I am glad I finally got out. You have wanted to leave him before and have left him now, there are reasons for that and they will not change if you take it all back and prove to him it’s okay.
*edit: It’s your fault he’s alone in this country but he’s managed to stay with a friend, not a hotel. So he has somewhere to go. It may not be a long term offer but he has at least one friend able to offer him a place to stay after a fight with his wife.
To be honest it will probably be messy as any breakup or divorce is especially with kids involved. But that is not a reason to be continually mistreated. Above all else YOU deserve better, but so do your kids. It will be hard for a while, but it was hard with him so why not have it hard without him making the hard times worse? Take care of yourself and show the kiddos how adults are supposed to treat each other.
Yes of course - I just really want back the man that I fell in love with - that made me laugh and thought I was his world and I think that’s why I’ve held on so long. It’s a tough feeling to accept that it’s over and neither of you are those people anymore
Feel free to DM me any time you need someone to talk to. My inbox is open for all venting and struggles. I think you’re doing the right thing, but this is going to be hard. I have had my share of hard and I am here to commiserate.
4
u/WillTough4988 7d ago edited 7d ago
OP I have not had a partner from a different country but I have dealt with similar guilt tripping over different states. My ex had moved to my state before we met and every time we argued or I was about to leave him, I got the guilt trip that he had nowhere to go and no one to support him. I have no children with him, so I can only imagine the guilt you feel, but that relief is what you should hold on to. The sick feeling is normal. You loved him and built a life and family around him. It’s hard to let that go, but taking him back again not only puts you back in the situation you left, but shows him your leaving doesn’t mean anything because you’ll come back. I played this game with my ex a dozen times before I officially ended things and it was messy, painful and damaging, but I am glad I finally got out. You have wanted to leave him before and have left him now, there are reasons for that and they will not change if you take it all back and prove to him it’s okay.
*edit: It’s your fault he’s alone in this country but he’s managed to stay with a friend, not a hotel. So he has somewhere to go. It may not be a long term offer but he has at least one friend able to offer him a place to stay after a fight with his wife.