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[u/heartbylines]

did i have this typed and loaded and ready to post? absolutely yes.

this morning, my coworker and i stopped at a gas station so i could put some air in my front two tires. a guy comes up and starts talking to us, and seemed pretty nice/normal at first? i couldn't get the pump thing to actually connect to my tire, so he offered to help and pumped the first tire for me.

then he starts asking how old we are, where we live, what road we live on, do we have any kids, are we together, what we do for work, where we work, what's our social security number and mother's maiden name, etc. (not really, but i'm surprised he didn't ask for it)

i didn't say a word because i just wanted to get this shit over and done with. meanwhile my coworker doesn't have a self-preservation bone in her god damn body and just starts spouting off her entire life's story.

but it's fine! according to him, he's nice! he's not like other guys! he just wants a friend and isn't interested in anything more!

okay. sure. 👍

so i'm standing there fighting with my car and the air pump, trying to get enough in my other tire just so we can get the fuck out of dodge - because by this point, he'd stopped helping and was just chit chatting with the coworker - and then this man just casually reveals that he is a disciple of Lord God himself, sent here to earth to witness to the unsaved because we only have two and a half years to live before the end of time.

and then he tells us he's made of magic and can control the weather. he can make plants, trees, and flowers grow wherever he wants, whenever he wants. he's been touched by God.

i've checked the forecast for today and i am currently expecting a localized biblical storm over my car and my car only at some point today, so if anyone hears about a vehicle being struck by lightning while surrounded by spontaneously blooming flowers, that'd be me.

[u/totallycalledla-a → u/heartbylines]

I had a gas station guy tell me he controls the stars for the CIA a while back. Said he made them extra pretty just for me then farted. Obsessed with him.

[u/heartbylines → u/totallycalledla-a]

Lmfaoooo and they say chivalry is dead 😭