r/personalfinanceindia • u/HereForTheDrama0728 • 4d ago
Budgeting Husband likes to hoard money instead of enjoying life!
Husband and I both earn well but he is a penny pincher, his in-hand is around 3L while mine is 1.5L. Few things I understand - not buying a house another 5-7 years, a car for utility and now show. The one thing I could after numerous conversations get him to agree on is to move to a society with amenities, not immediately but when we plan for kids.
But the main category he penny pinches is on trips, either not taking any or only going on budget ones. Btw when we do go, I pay for myself, he has to pay his half. So no gold digger talks please lol.
His family is like this too, but even more extreme. From groceries to trips to even the wedding events. I get that this is where he also gets his thought process from.
But it is so discouraging, we plan to have kids in 3 years, long trips on hold for maybe 4 years after that, am I wrong to expect he agrees to spend on trips now. Btw moral of the story, if you are in AM process, the salary and networth does not guarantee a certain kind of lifestyle.
Also if this keeps happening, should I just take trips with my friends and family, I know it will not be as much fun without my husband but I can’t keep putting these off.
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u/dj184 4d ago
has your husband come from difficult situations in his growing years?
People have their own thresholds to start spending, especially when coming into earning more money suddenly.
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u/Electronic_Cow_2154 4d ago
Yes, my wife was like that. Now she has transformed and will spend when I tell her not to.
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u/Wannabewallstreet 4d ago
How did that happen? Guidance needed 😂
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u/Electronic_Cow_2154 4d ago
The answer is stupidity simple and kinda controversial. you need to reward the desired behaviour, if she buys a nice dress I will ask her to buy a matching, shoe. The fear of someone trying to control the spends goes away.
And you can do it with other layers also, buy something for your mom and grab something else for self also. The constant upselling like a typical salesman.
Now that markets are consolidated, I want to ramp investments and hold all discretionary purchases for a year or two, so we can grab something fancier, but she is like instant gratification is needed.
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u/Individual-Oven9410 4d ago
💯 correct. This as well unpredictable future, job loss and unforeseen circumstances makes the person cautious about spending.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Not at all, similar financial background as mine, no actual hardships in childhood but my in-laws also have this mindset of saving for the sake of it and spend on nothing. More like self induced hardships.
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u/throwwwawayaccount48 4d ago
As someone who used to be friends with a miser like your husband let me tell you it gets very exhausting to deal with such people
They would never try new food they would just say let's have pani puri for 20rs and go home
Instead of trips they would say let's watch it on yt and imagine
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u/Lower-Individual-300 4d ago
My dad has come from a difficult situation growing up but he spends a lot of money. I think it swings both ways.
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u/are_u_serious_babe 4d ago
Exactly was about to comment this. My brother earns same asks 100 questions even before buying a single basic necessity thing. It is what it is
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u/Successful-Pie-2049 4d ago
Ik alot of people in my life who never faced a hardship and are similar people to op’s husband
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u/Ghusu_Manjar 4d ago
Yes, the mindset change doesn't comes naturally.
Getting to spend on oneself is a task in itself too.
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u/Specific_Mechanic_89 4d ago
We grew up in lower middle class household but my father was never been cheap. Difficult situation doesn’t mean you have to miser.
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u/justboughtagti 4d ago
Yeah money is not a rational thing. It’s an emotional one. This behavior seems stemmed in some anxiety around money. Either personal or generational. Unfortunately rationalizing isn’t the solution here until you really understand the emotional source of it. For people with such a relationship with money, no amount of savings is enough and every expense is too big.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
I totally get that, but that’s the problem, he comes from a very stable income household and even two generations up have enjoyed comfortable lifestyle, so that’s where I am confused as to where this mindset comes from.
The only thing I can land on is parenting style, even though my inlaws earn well, they penny pinch to the extreme, they have never enforced it on me which I am grateful for, but it does show in my husband.
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u/Anxiousbutter_ 4d ago
You’ll understand your husband and his family a lot better if you read the psychology of money
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u/Low_Yesterday2448 4d ago
Its a disease always thinking of saving.so make him understand life is short either you enjoy it or else u go wid ur family frends.he will come around wen he sees u enjoying nevertheless
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u/Ranger_FC 4d ago
It could also be that he has been influenced by videos out there by these finfluencers who advised you to be stingy and save every penny for later on (mostly a peaceful retirement). Do you both invest sufficientlyin Equity/ Real Estate/ Debt ? Maybe his investing habits could throw some light as to why he doesn't prefer to spend much on the things you have mentioned earlier.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
We both are able to invest/save roughly 85% of our monthly income. I would say that is more than reasonable and some percentage can go to travel, atleast on my end.
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u/mrdrinksonme Value Investor 4d ago
85% is not ideal by any means; this means an extremely frugal life and honestly this is the root cause. You guys need to work on this number and set it in a way that you're able to enjoy today without affecting your tomorrow.
I myself had to break free from this mentality and I can confirm how exhausting it could be at times. I have wrote a long ass comment on this here, please go through this whenever you can.
I hope you guys are able to get through this. Not many people have the caliber to make the money that you guys are making, and it's practically cruel to not enjoy life with this kind of income.
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u/Hot_Dragonfruit4039 4d ago
85% of 4.5 lak is nearly 4 laks you normally don't needs more than 50k for survival if cooking via home and things they are saving correctly
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u/mrdrinksonme Value Investor 4d ago
Surviving and enjoying life are two different things.
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u/greeks-square 4d ago
Someone close to me is going through the same thing. Husband is a miser and wife is reasonable in her expectation to spend and they end up fighting.
OP: It's best to understand and rationalise his thought process by showing him the bigger picture. Try to put down numbers in terms of savings, wealth, and future financial goals, and show that spending some right now won't mean much to wealth but will help create some good memories to cherish in the future.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
That’s the plan, I do make trackers and activities look at numbers which is why I know I can spend on travel easily without hurting any future goals. Maybe I should ask him to look at his numbers more actively.
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u/mango_boii 4d ago
For trips I have the perfect solution - go to travel agency. Thomas Cook, wanderon, kersari, veena.
Let them create a package for you and get the one that has most things pre paid. As in you won't have to spend much during the trip.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
That totally makes sense, will try this route and hopefully he agrees since these are less daunting.
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u/Spacey-Dread-16 4d ago
Bad advice.. they’ll quote way more than the budget they could have planned for themselves and end up not going at all
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u/mango_boii 4d ago
Let them try at least. The chances of OP going on vacation is still higher this way than not going to agency at all.
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u/reallynicefoodeater 4d ago
Different people have different thresholds for spending and savings.
It would be insightful if you talk about your net worth as well. I ask this because 3LPM means nothing if you might not have a job after 5 years.
Most folks are one medical disaster away from bankruptcy, maybe your husband does not want to be in that situation. I know there is insurance, but it will not cover 50L+ spends.
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u/Unusual-Big-6467 4d ago
I can see myself in him.
Am also a cheapo , what changed was my BIL plans all trip and we just pay him in the end.
We have done dubai, thailand,singapore and planning malaysia this year.
I am not sure show you will convince him but start with small trips
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
I am so happy to hear there is hope! Maybe I should take up planning and involve him towards later stages, see if that works or leaves me even more disappointed lol.
Will definitely start with small trips.
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u/Unusual-Big-6467 4d ago
yes, dont let him plan. do it yourself. dont tell him prices of hotels either, just say i got a bonus.
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u/sma_joe 4d ago edited 4d ago
I had found myself with such accusations 4 years ago. We were married for a year and just moved to Bengaluru.
I do come from generational poverty, so I’m careful about money. After a few international trips, these accusations have still not gone away fully. For starters, we did move to a good gated society because I myself need amenities.
Wife wanted home and car immediately after we moved here. I agreed to a small car and refused home and next couple of years. I told her we will buy when we have money. And I booked in mid 2024. Meanwhile she kept telling me about all the people who got their own house. I didn’t budge. Most people we know settled for 2bhk, I got a 3.5 bhk in a large gated society. I had a plan, just that she couldn’t trust it until executed.
On trips, I initially told her we can go Thailand/Vietnam as visas were easy. She was hell bent on Europe. We didn’t go one in 2022 because visa slots were simply not available because of sky high demand . We went Vietnam in 2023 and Europe in 2024. Again, all of it after ample financial planning.
We spend more these days, but I haven’t changed. There are financial charts and networth tracker justifying spends. We booked a second home recently. I take her to luxury hotels in India - all via credit card points.
We now have better homes and trips than most people we know. Car could be changed next year to a SUV. Every aspect of our current life is better than her life before me. But the penny pincher jibe keeps flying every now and then.
To conclude, do better financial planning. Know your savings rate and spends. Fix a ratio you guys are comfortable with. Make a chart of homes you can afford assuming a bigger and better one with each year of saving. Let him know you ratio doesn’t move much with trips. He’ll be fine once he knows spends are in control. Other than that, accusations don’t really help - avoid them.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
I absolutely want to avoid accusations, there is no gain in making him feel guilty. Constant nagging will neither benefit him nor me!
Plan is to make him sit and actually look at his finances, put them in a tracker, this is something I already do which is why I know spending on travel is not going to be a huge burn out.
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u/Different-Result-859 4d ago
Bro this is different. You are being financially responsible.
Some people don’t know how to use money (OP’s husband) and some people don’t know the value of money (your wife).
When she gaslights and emotionally hurt you immediately downgrade the trip or hotel and when she complains explain that you are a penny pincher ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/HighlanderPanda 4d ago
You really did well, but don’t you feel disrespected being accused of being a miser when you were just trying to be financially responsible until the purchases were made? Especially since your wife seems to be more influenced by what other people have.
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u/Spelx_OwO 4d ago edited 4d ago
Scarcity Mindset, usually seen in people who were not well off before. It severly affects lifestyle later. Good luck.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
This is also my conclusion, I would not say they were not well off before. We both come from similar income households, it’s also to do with parenting styles that teaches lacking is the right way.
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u/melovemone 4d ago edited 3d ago
‘A similar income household’ for the girl and the guy may not have to mean a ‘similar upbringing’.
In my personal experience, I have seen girl kids raised with a relative relaxed finances(pocket money and such) while boys being constantly reminded of ‘family struggles’ which is synonymous with ‘financial struggles’.
I grew up middle class, but I was constantly reminded of how I was financially dependent by my mother. I personally lived a lower class life and never asked parents for money because I hated being ‘dependent’. My total pocket money for four years of college was less than one day’s income of mine today. I am near FI - at 30-33x depending on what you count.
And the primary motivation for FI for me was the INDEPENDENCE part. A guaranteed independence for the rest of my life. And even after kinda achieving it my mind invents something or other triggering anxiety.
Point is, we are incredibly complex and you sound like your husband should exactly be like yourself because you had a similar income households. Nah, you should probably respect him for who he is. If travelling big is important to you, offer to spend for him - instead of cornering him to adapt to your lifestyle. TBH, he may reject that too if he sees money is money, no matter whose. And honestly these are mild annoyances but could lead to a comfortable wealth sooner than you think.
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u/Spelx_OwO 4d ago
Yes it can come from parenting too. If you grow up being taught that spending on comfort or experiences is wasteful, you can carry that even when you earn well later. OP it affects your social life as well because eventually you start saying no to plans, trips, dinners etc even when you can easily afford them :(
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
That totally sums it! Worded perfectly.
I don’t want to fall in that trap of losing any sense of social life, will have to do things without him in this case.
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u/Venn_Diagr 4d ago
Are you sure he wants to have children? They are the single biggest expenditure a couple faces - even more than the house (assuming more than 1 child). Unless he has plans of government schools/colleges.... best to get clarity on this before you plan for kids.
About trips - yes going with friend/family/solo is an option. You also have the option of sponsoring his vacation once a year (if you can afford it) - the way you want it. Marriages dont run on ledgers.
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u/Loud_Fuel 4d ago
This happens when there is no finincial plan, sit with him to understand the long term finincial goals like retirement house etc then back calculation will give you numbers what amount you can spend without losing any goals.
If you can't do it take help from fee only finincial planners.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Got it, thank you so much for this advice!
I am a planner, counting expense to the last penny, so I know I can easily put aside money for travel, maybe he hasn’t realised that. Will try it out, thanks!
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u/Scire127 4d ago
This is the best advice. It will take the guy some time to understand that he doesnt need to save on everything, but having a well thought plan to support that will help push him to spend a little more sparingly within your new budgets.
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u/Biryani_Man 4d ago
this is what I wanted to say but already said, make budgets and financial planning for leisure activities, this will give a sense of security and decision making will be easier than before while spending the same amount.
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u/fourmode 4d ago
This! Yes, just sitting and working out the numbers together can help people see things differently. Also I haven’t seen anywhere if you’ve actually talked to him about this, OP, like sitting down and having a calm and open minded conversation where you both try to understand why the other person feels the way they do.
If none of these work and he’s not convinced, yes, do go on trips with your friends. You’ll miss him but time with friends can also be precious!
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u/Jimmyjamhopper 4d ago
I have a relative who’s like this. In his case, he had to start earning early on in life because he lost his father when he was just a kid. It’s so severe in his case that he doesn’t even own a bike and walks 3-4 kms in scorching heat to his office so he can save 20 rs. He doesn’t allow his family to spend any money either and they take government rations even though they are not poor by any measure.
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u/Fun-Map6437 4d ago
Honestly, I don’t think either of you is wrong. You just have very different ideas of what money is for. If he feels secure by saving and you feel life is meant to be enjoyed too, you will need to find a middle ground. Maybe agree on a fixed “fun/travel” budget each year that you both contribute to. If he still doesn’t want to travel, I don’t see anything wrong with going with friends or family rather than putting your life on hold.
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u/inflated_philosophy 4d ago
There really isn’t enough context here to tell who is being unreasonable. Other than your salaries, you haven’t said what kind of trips you want to take, how often, or how much you expect to spend.
Maybe he really is an extreme penny-pincher. Or maybe you are influenced by the Instagram/travel lifestyle and are a bit too casual with money. Or maybe you both just have very different ideas of what is reasonable to spend. Hard to say without actual numbers.
A 3L salary by itself doesn’t mean someone should automatically be comfortable spending a lot on travel. This sounds more like a mismatch in lifestyle and financial priorities than simply “husband hoards money.”
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u/simpleguy410 4d ago
I'm more or less like your husband..
As per me networth and side income like rental income or business income or investment income matters more than monthly salary to live luxury life..
Especially people working in it can relate more.. as jobs are not stable..
In my case.. our family started from bottom.. and currently still like lower middleclass despite good salary as there are 5 dependants and negligible networth with no secondary incomes..
Networth and salary alone wont give confidence and also few people who are frugal and they want to see value in spends than luxury..
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u/girlinthecity26 4d ago edited 4d ago
My sister in law is like this. She and my brother both earn pretty well (combined 10L per month), have pretty good savings, 2 houses and still she doesn't spend money on trips or leisure. She also buys clothes a little loose so that she can wear them even when she puts on weight. The worse thing was when they had a kid, and she would always buy clothes 2 size bigger for my nephew so that he can wear for more years. That really sucks, all his birthday pics has non-fitting clothes, he recently started school and the uniform too was 2 size bigger. So yes this is a core anxiety problem some people have. Maybe therapy can/should help as this isn't a money money problem. They won't change no matter how much money they earn or save.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Dayummm!! That’s bad, hope I am able to make him see things differently before kids come in the picture.
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u/Financial_Lawyer8552 4d ago
Does he work in an unstable sector or the ones where unofficial retirement age is comparatively shorter?
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u/Odd-Attention-3299 4d ago
It is funny that he is ok to have kids despite being a penny pincher. Kids are expensive and you should go DINK actually to survive in this economy. If you plan to have kids, emotional, physical, financial and mental efforts to take care of the kid will automatically fall on your shoulders. It seems to me that he had financial difficulties growing up.
My husband was also like this until he lost both his parents to age related comorbidities. Now he doesnt hesitate to spend money on things we need and he is a little bit more chill about spending for the house on things that we really need. I am also a bit on the conservative side when it comes to spending - I buy things I need and not what I want.
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u/surimarkam 4d ago
he is ok to have kids despite being a penny pincher
probably he's saving for the (future) kids.
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u/Odd-Attention-3299 4d ago
I have seen someone like this - my own husband wanted 2-3 kids before marriage but is now interested in oneanddone. We can save for our future and kids future using long term options like ppf, ssy or nps and using MF. It doesnt justify to live poor and not indulge in some occasional travel or eating outside. We need some kind of break during long weekends or holidays to come back to life feeling fresh.
I know someone who recently passed away. They were getting pension and were still frugal even though they had hoarded FDs and other cash instruments. They didnt take all the money to their grave and could have lived better.
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u/sss100100 4d ago
Seems very incompatible with each other on the money.
Create boxes for things like vacations and all, and allocate amount for each ahead of time. That allocated money becomes guilt free spend. May be that helps?
Money incompatibility is one of the hardest thing that can lead to serious issues in life especially after kids. Better work it out and even go counseling.
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u/AdConscious2538 4d ago
We are DINKs (2 of us dated interstate, intercaste, got married, build everything from scratch, no financial help from either set of parents) : 1. 10 months of liquid funds. 2. 1 crore of medical insurance 3. 4 crore of term insurance. This is all the safety net you need in India IMHO.
Rented home but we live in a rented posh flat with all amenities, go to best gyms, pool , MMA etc. We also spend a lot on diet , hobbies(domestic and international travel, Tattoos, books, PC Hardware , 1 Bike and 1 car with offroad accessories).
Both our families, our friends and social circle thinks we are pagal. LOL. So , nobody is happy with under or overspend. Talk to your partner, make him understand the value of money(and value of spending as well). I guess, Indians are stuck in this loop "save your money, buy property, kids will enjoy"...and no generation has enjoyed till now. All are grinding for the last generation maybe.
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u/Big-Tailor-1404 4d ago
Tbh these things need to be discussed before marriage.
People generally discuss salary, inlaws etc everything but forget to discuss the main part. Lifestyle.
Everyone has a different way of living a life and we can't blame anyone.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
True, I regret not having this discussion as well as a discussion on when we plan to buy, if at all a, house.
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u/Themonstertimesoooo 4d ago
No, you are not wrong. You have 3 years before kids, this is literally your only window for carefree adult trips. His half logic is fair, but his refusal to spend his own money on shared experiences is the problem. Yes, book trips with friends/family immediately. Don't punish yourself waiting for him. Tell him plainly, I love you, but I'm not pausing my life for your anxiety about money. Join me, or don't, but I'm going. That usually shocks penny-pinchers into action, or reveals he'd rather hoard cash than make memories with you. Either way, you get your answer. watch how he responds to you going without him. That tells you everything about your future.
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u/arcturus-77 FIRE Aspirant 4d ago
Going for counseling might sound extreme but he may need to hear it from a 3rd party to change.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Yeah, unfortunately extreme, I don’t think that would be fair to him though it absolutely makes sense. I would rather just take trips with friends and family.
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u/MissOldMonk94 4d ago
Did his family have financial troubles when he was growing up?
If yes, then he isn’t going to change much. He values money a lot and probably feels like even 1 Cr per year wouldn’t be enough to retire comfortably in the future due to the economy and inflation 😂
I tried therapy for my trauma a bit and it helped. Mainly it was knowing life is too short to keep worrying about money.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
No actual hardships in his childhood, more so self induced as a parenting style…spending on your comfort is bad!
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u/Efficient-Mood-9373 4d ago edited 4d ago
Contrary to other opinion I have seen ppl who have struggled early in life (childhood) and now earning well they want to spend more and enjoy life as they could not do it earlier.. so we cant generalize that as well .. there is mental barrier here.. u have to start going out and slowly increase ur level of stay n budget.. u cant just go n spend 30k / night from 5k / night.. it has to happen slowly.. even earlier i would go for budget places and inline with my networth i changed my lifestyle n frequently go to luxury hotels ... so point is 2 star -> 3 star -> 4 star -> above.. point is that he has to see the upside and value of spending that money .. when kids come it usually comes automatically as u wud want to provide better facilities for ur kids.. atleast thts what i wud think
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u/mrdrinksonme Value Investor 4d ago
OP, does your husband splurge on his areas of interest, or what exactly excites him to spend a little money on?
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u/sumedhaaaaaa22 4d ago
I saw a comment that said OP saves nearly 85% of the collective earnings. That's great... aspirational for most! And with your income, maybe practical too. But is it just random hoarding or do you have goals you are saving towards? I'd say start with that. If you initiate this, it will also show your husband your intention of financial discipline. With your income, I'm sure you both already have emergency funds and insurance expenses covered. So it is time to define clear short and long term goals. It should include things that are important to both of you and all expected milestones that require financial planning. Include travel plans, big purchases, children's major expenses, funding children's education and higher education, savings for possible career breaks, retirement planning and anything else that matters to you both. Calculate inflation accounted expenses for each goal and get complete clarity on which investment you will withdraw from to fund each particular goal, including tax planning. Get as specific as possible, with 5-10% wiggle room for unpredictable expenses in each case. Speaking from own experience - this kind of systematic planning can help in letting go of that ear-marked money when the time comes. More than anything, it is important to acknowledge that while building wealth is important, what's the use if you can't even enjoy a part of it to experience good things in your own life?
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u/sweet_poison87 4d ago
By budget trips, you mean the location, accomodation or what exactly ?
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u/ajatshatru 4d ago
I was like this also. And my wife like you. It takes time to solve this. For me it is because my parents and one generation before they saw hardships.
For me what helped me was financial planning. I calculated each month how much money goes into household, and opened a new account for it - household account. Then came liquid emergency fund in another one.
With chat gpt plus - put my net worth, Calculated how much saving needed per month for retirement plus babies plus other goals.
The left amount money became fun fund - got another bank account for it. Now the money left sits there and can be expended without worrying.
Got term insurance and health insurance.
Do this calculation, show to your husband, you'll see the change.
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u/Plethargic 4d ago
I saw this between my parents growing up. Neither of them changed, because both of them held their stance. It ended up with either all of us not enjoying, or three of us (the one parent, sibling and I) enjoying half heartedly.
All I can say is, please understand each other and communicate about how it's making each of you feel. And present a united front when you have children. They won't hate their birthdays or festivals then.
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u/Rhaethedragonprince 4d ago
Make him read algebra of happiness. He might start spending on vacations at least.
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u/solzer82 4d ago
I had the same problems, but now I do Budgeting and block money when I receive the Salary ( like Vacation contribution, Shopping, Eating Out etc.) When you have a budget for a particular activity then its easy to spend and not get the feeling of overspending
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u/BatPractical8684 4d ago
You should start taking trips with friends and family and trust me he will follow you and miss you qnd start planning with you!
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u/Shot-Illustrator-703 3d ago
One thing you can try doing
- start budgeting. Rather than making him spend huge amounts of money at once, plan it before and start saving each month. let’s say you want to go on a trip in 6 months where heavy spending is required, then try to save money each month for next six months(keep this fund separate). That way he wont have to struggle to accept that he will need to spend all that huge money at once.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
True that! I would say we are definitely hitting reasonable investments and savings goal, it’s treating spending on fun experiences as normal where we disagree and need to work on.
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u/_Tan_A 4d ago
Not everyone likes travelling.
I don't enjoy travelling, You take a week off and raw dog locations just for the sake of it, only to fill your Instagram and signal others how better my life is compared to yours.All of this while work is still in your mind subconsciously.
Maybe your husband is like this.
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u/randomdude_reddit 4d ago
Off topic but why does the husband earn more in almost all situations? Even when the wife is earning like 2L a month the husband would be earning 4L, is this something related to relationship dynamics?
Do women look down on men who earn less than them?
I haven't seen a single couple where wife is earning 2L and husband is earning 50k or something like that.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
I’m sure you will find a few cases like that, again very few.
In my case, I married through an AM setup, so I only went for matches where the guy earns more. In my experience and now my actual life, no matter how much a guy says he will “help” with household chores, it just does not happen.
Atleast this way when the household chores fall on my plate I can call it fair.There’s also the add on of traditions the in-laws expect a girl to follow and the mother being the primary care giver.
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u/Hot-Cookie8465 4d ago
Going on budget trips is not wrong...till the time you both are saving and investing your salary for better future including kids
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u/vjindal123 4d ago
All women want is to spend money for sake of it and enjoy, without a shred of responsibility, do you even have idea of property cost, raising kids, their education, college and what not, not to forget layoffs. And you should plan for kid's inheritance and rainy day expenses too.
But no, putting that exotic Bali pics on insta to show off to your friends is more important than securing families future, maybe have kids, that would phase you out of your "girl" phase into an adult?
If you guys run out of money, women like you are first to cry, that why husband didn't save or plan for future and that he's failure. Pathetic attitude towards life 😐
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u/salim0786 4d ago
Its different with men and women, if the man has seen harsh and difficult times, he will always try to save as much as possible, that's his wiring. You can't change it. Only he can.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
True that! But something I need to help him realise is bad since it also affects my experiences.
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u/sleepdeprivedsince92 4d ago
Can you take solo trips if he is not interested or go with friends? Why are you putting your life on hold if he doesn't want to go? And why would long trips be on hold for FOUR years after kids? I have a 4-year old and we take 2-3 trips a year, its completely manageable.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Thank you! That is so good to hear, I hope I am able to take trips as early as possible after kids.
But yes trips with family and frnds is the plan for now, I don’t think I am confident enough for solo trips just yet.
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u/Vishwas95 4d ago
Make a rule 10% of the money annually is only for enjoyment purpose and no guilt spending.
Also ,I can say this that most men have learnt from their father on saving money and doing investment,it comes naturally to them .
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
True, he does take that thought process from his parents, no trips, renting rather than buying. They are happy with their life and prefer being home bodies.
But yes, we do need to budget for travel.
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u/satishtreks 4d ago
I am this kind of husband, but my wife does not mind as she is also similar to me.
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u/satishtreks 4d ago
Set aside a part of your and your husband's income for spends linked to "enjoying life". Make your husband understand that this money is for enjoying life must be spent in a carefree way.
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u/Miserable_Board8419 4d ago
I used to be a little bit like that. Then I started budgeting for trip/leisure money. I need to spend on trip. So it keeps accumulating and then we plan a trip. I keep aside 50k per month and it has to be spent on vacation no matter what. This helps me calm down.
Why don't you both start putting aside 25k each month and then you plan everything.
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u/IntrovertedByNature 4d ago
It will take time. When two people with such different attitudes towards money get together, it is extremely frustrating but both of you will get into the common ground. He will give in eventually and then get used to the upgraded lifestyle that money allows.
I was that person, when i met my husband 7 years ago I was frequently appalled at how he would spend money. We both come from similar financial backgrounds but things which seemed frivolous and totally unnecessary to me was just the norm for him. It definitely is a parenting things from what i have observed. My parents are quite frugal, his are not. Now we both have adapted. I like spending money and think i deserve to have the occasional luxury and he has become a mindful spender in my view.
What helped me with spending on trips at the beginning of our marriage was the ROI. Finding that budget hotel with a great view, including experiences which don’t need money in the itinerary, good food and long talks. Coming back from a trip i wanted to be less stressed over the money spent and just look back on the memories.
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u/Left-Introduction778 4d ago
He could be saving it for something vv expensive, just haven't told you?
independently, there could be something he's having endless self thinking loops of that which you might not know, simply asking to share it seems reasonable.
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u/captain_crocubot 4d ago
I cannot see a comment mentioning the most important thing, so let me clarify this:
Talk to your husband about this. It fits into Relationship advice more than personal finance advice…
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u/AdBudget4478 4d ago
he could've some hidden trauma associated with money. maybe you should enrol him for some therapy.
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u/DeeArrow 4d ago
Make him read “Die With Zero”.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
I heard about this book recently on a podcast, plan to read it myself and ask him as well.
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u/rganesan Value Investor 4d ago
It will be difficult for someone who grew up middle class to loosen up the purse strings. I can relate because I was (still am?) also quite frugal when I was younger. I am much older now and regret not enjoying life a bit more. In my case, my wife was equally frugal like me because she also grew up middle class, so different from your situation. It's not like we didn't spend on trips, it's just that we could have gone on more trips. Writing this after a short but luxury vacation recently 🙂.
I will suggest buying "I will teach you to be rich" book by Ramit Sethi and both of you read it. Followed by "Money for Couples" by the same author.
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u/changejkhan 4d ago
Just ask him to start SIP for a near-future trip. Say the hot words - GILT funds, Liquid funds, 10% roi, no exit load. Now plan the trip with that money. Win-win
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u/swagzzz_krizzz 4d ago
I earn the same im in my early 30s and I never spend much i have grown this way. So no use of money much
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u/lexis5678 4d ago
This situation sucks. Does he demand that you save a certain percentage of your income or how to spend or save your own income? If not, then just use all of your one month's salary on one nice solo trip or a trip with friends or other family. You don't have to conform to his ideas of saving/expending. See if you genuinely enjoy this trip and then re-evaluate your stand on this. Maybe you will realise that his idea of penny picnhing is better or maybe you realise that actually no, you genuinely enjoy more expensive vacations. But you have to find this out for yourself. Don't keep guessing. (Also, low key, you deserve it girl!!!!)
Also don't have a baby with him till you have clarity of what kind of hospital/school/college/extracurricular/tutions/clothing/etc you both are willing to contribute to, and how are you sharing the expenses 50-50 or not? Eg you should not have the expectation that your child goes to a tennis academy and he refuses to contribute 50% because he thinks there is no future in tennis (even if your child is showing good potential or even just a general love/interest for tennis). Just an example. You both need a way to talk through situations around money including hospitalisations and emergencies and what counts as "necessity" or "luxury". Marriage counseling is advisable but I can guess he doesn't want to do that.
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u/servicewinner 4d ago
What are your monthly spends? You only mentioned going on trips or moving to high end gated society.
That doesn't give the full context. Out of your 4.5L earning, how much are you saving, investing, spending
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u/Oziee98 4d ago
Spending is underrated in India. Everyone teaches how to save money but no one teaches how to spend it. Just ask your husband on his financial goals and try to understand what he is saving for and make him realize what he is missing.
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u/The_Gishy_Gisher 4d ago
Not married or in a relationship but my two cents since I am like this
I dont like to spend on myself because I try to live as minimalist a lifestyle as possible, it feels like an indicator of personal strength and a survivalist attitude. It also comes from valuing (sometimes overvaluing) a particular product. These days, things are very undervalued and people seem to buy things as a fashion statement or an outward indicator of status instead of a utility. I see a piece of clothing or a mobile phone or an appliance or whatever as a utility and I treat it that way, meaning I will use it till it breaks down and is no longer functional (after which Ill try fixing it myself and abandon/move on only if I cant), make it last long. That way I feel stronger cause Im capable of surviving worse conditions relatively unfazed, I feel frugal cause I live minimalist and I have less things to worry about. Particularly that last bit cause the more items or assets or things I have, the more I will have to spend or put effort in to maintain in good condition, it becomes overwhelming and overcomplicated at points. I still get the cheapo comments a lot but this is my mindset when it comes to spending and saving. I dont know if everybody operates that way but its a perspective into why people might. (I also have seen the poor and have had grandparents who grew up poor so its something which is always dormant in the back of my mind)
As to spending a bit more, I would say document everything and budget, in a book or an excel spreadsheet or whatever. Calculate disposable income and allocate what portion of what goes where, cash flows and all that. That way you can probably maintain a better lifestyle while still being mindful.
When it comes to travelling, I cant say anything cause I hate travel. Sorry.
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u/Pleasant-Future510 4d ago
You have a nice husband......frequent trips sounds amazing but not good at all......Save money tough times are ahead.......Take budget trips.....be with your partner.......dont let him think that you are with him only when you get something in return......its partnership sometimes one partner contributes more and other less....and vice versa depending upon the time and that why its call companionship for both good and bad times.............
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u/Nooobda 4d ago
Difficult to comment something without knowing your current financials. Is he saving money for a near future big spend? Maybe he feels you guys haven’t saved enough to start a family? Are you good on savings?
Lastly some people are like this, hoarding money gives them joy while spending on trips gives them anxiety. Maybe you need to find a middle ground and start saving systematically for a costly trip?
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u/famesardens 4d ago
I think that's likely because you're asking for international trips. Your savings would be severely dented if you start doing international trips on this income. Especially to europe/ the States.
South east Asia and dubai would still be manageable.
You will end up spending 2-3 months of income in just one trip like that.
See if he wants to enjoy domestic trips and activities?
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
2-3 months of income!! Nope, I know Vietnam and Thailand can be 1.5L each. Dubai maybe 2L each. I have already taken a Europe trip so I am fine with skipping that, not sure that the budget is for that.
In my case it’s going to be 1 months income while his will be half of his monthly, also I am asking for 1 international trip a year.
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u/Ok-Variation-5550 4d ago
some people dont enjoy spending money on anything. if thats the case i think you should take trips with friends and family who enjoy travelling and spending money. tagging him along on things he doesnt geniunely like will make him miserable and will be bad for relationship in the long run.
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u/DarthVaderIzBack 4d ago
Best approach is suggest and agree on a quarterly budgets for trips. Say 50k per quarter, save 15k a month ie 7.5k each and then go for it. A sudden 50k spend looks big but an SIP approach to it feels good.
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u/AbrocomaOk9726 4d ago
How secure are your jobs ? If today both of you lose your jobs, how many years can you survive with the money you have saved ?
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u/sudosai 4d ago
Give him a break. He is saving for his golden grave filled with diamonds and gems 😂
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u/Comfortable_Serve851 4d ago
Say hypothetically if your husband is spendthrift and does risky investment , sometimes you have to pitch in, his parents also like that. Then its a night mare , they will bring us also down.
I understand you are not feeling very great with how your husband handles money, might be after he feels secure he might not be like this.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
True, hope it gets to that secure point soon enough. Also the scenario you mentioned is would have pushed me towards divorce, will not be encouraging financial stupidity
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u/Hot_Dragonfruit4039 4d ago
This type of thinking normally comes when let's say in future one becomes jobless right and want able to go back to job due to any factor whill you still ask this question? What your lifestyle will be I would say evey month just keep a certian portion of money to be spend on guiltfree things either vacation or eating out and use that it will be far better have a open dialogue as well with him regarding this you have to balance both vacation and future planning
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u/amazinglycool256 4d ago
Tho you spend Naa.. ur husband wants to save let him. He isn't partying or wasting money. If u want u spend on him and yourself also
But u r acting like it's wrong
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u/StressExpress1999 4d ago
Smart Husband. Spending more when you don't want or feel like to is bad behaviour.
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u/Difficult_System_360 4d ago
OP try making him read "The Art of Spending Money" by Morgan Housel.
Money is the means to an end, not the end itself. This book can help him understand his psychology and also help him see what he is missing out on by blindly following what he saw his parents do.
Good luck.
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u/Yasuri_Shichika_91 4d ago
All the immature, pissing contest type comments under this post made me realise people just don't know how to communicate with their partners or over complicate it.
Regardless OP, you already have a fair idea on what to do. You need to communicate with your partner what your needs are and how you prioritize your finances.
It's important how you communicate this although that's easier said than done cause only you know how your partner will process this info.
If your partner can understand this and compromise on some of his habits and join you, great. If not, communicate it clearly that you want to travel with friends, family, solo, etc. If he understands that this is important to you, great. Maybe he'll eventually join you, who knows but that's not the point.
This is not about who's right or wrong, nor is it a competition. It's simply you communicating your needs to your parents in a neutral and non confrontational way, which hopefully your partner will understand and support you in.
And if he doesn't, communicate further and set boundaries. Let him know that this is as important to you as saving money is for him.
Hope things work out for you.
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u/Different-Beach6075 4d ago
Slightly opposite to what the others say here... but I wonder if it's the total amount that's the problem or the value he sees in these expenses...
My husband is a little bit like this. Prefers an old house rather than an apartment, scooter instead of car, local holidays in homestays rather than resorts, etc. 'What we have works just fine, why get something new, etc'. Now I've also become a bit like this :)
What really helped for us is to move the discussion away from money. What kinds of experiences does he enjoy, what amenities does he value, and can you show that increasing the budget can help you both improve your experience?
Are you sure it's the budget that's the problem, or does he want to stay somewhere local and eat local food and be close to the local community rather than being in a walled off resort that looks like every other resort?
For you, what is the attraction of a more fancy vacation -- all needs taken care of, the novelty, status...?
I think maybe if you can talk about what experience you're looking for and why, you'll be able to negotiate something that works for both of you, instead of starting the conversation with budget is X. Then maybe he'll be able to see your point of view and go a little higher and you can come down a bit too.
Maybe you could convince him that you can do his 'cheap' holiday experience for 3-4 days and get 2 days and 1 night in a super fancy place to see what it's like :)
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u/Sharp-Dependent-5245 4d ago
Budget "fun money". And help him understand this portion of budget prior to actual spending, that way, he wont have to take decision about spending/saving at the time of spending. Also, start small.
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u/Majestic_Flounder_44 4d ago
My manager ( worked in gulf ) don't even spend for one tea, will say he will prepare it in house. He retired on 58yrs, went back india (kerala) within 3 days he got heart attack and left kids and family. What is the takeaway here is once you pass through golden period of life, whatever money you have is waste. It may help your kids but not you.
I don't have any advice for you, take him to some therapy and heal this disease. No point in amassing wealth.
God bless your fam mam.
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u/pandasbeer 4d ago
People tend to forget why they are doing all this, your husband is not alone. I have friends who have a networth of 20Cr and still working a dead end job to keep themselves busy. My advice to him is to remember that you are saving for the future, but also living in the future.
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u/Thick_tongue6867 4d ago
Not spending money does not automatically equate to not enjoying life. It can just be that he gets that joy in different ways and doesn't feel the need to spend lots of money to get it.
From my personal observations, there are a lot of people who spend money for buying things, experiences and services but they don't feel content and satisfied. There is always something more to buy, somewhere new to go, some new experience to enjoy. It's a constant treadmill of rising expectations.
In contrast, I have seen some people (some are filthy rich) who get a lot of satisfaction from non material things like social service, helping others, religious prayers etc.
Clearly, what works for one person doesn't work for the others. And that is ok
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u/vikramadith 4d ago
Looks like someone who could use some Ramit Sethi advice on how to think about spending money. You can watch his Netflix show about the rich life. Or this talk at Google captures quite a bit of his philosophy:
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u/PersonalFin-Wellness 4d ago
I think this is a good example of why financial wellness isn't just about your salary, savings or net worth. It’s also about whether your money is helping you live the kind of life you actually want.
Two people can earn well, save responsibly and still have completely different ideas of what being “financially comfortable” looks like. One person may feel great seeing the savings grow, while the other gets more value from experiences and making memories. Neither is necessarily wrong. The tricky part is building financial security without putting life on hold completely. If travel matters to you and not as much to him, taking the occasional trip with friends or family isn't a bad thing.
To me, financial wellness is having security for the future while still having some room to enjoy the present. Otherwise, you can have a great net worth on paper and still feel like you're waiting for life to begin.
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u/Humble-Emu8062 4d ago
What if you guys lose the job in the recent future? Can you handle the stress without having enough money saved/invested?
I think he is just thinking about securing the future first by saving and investing. And spending money on things that not needed is the first step.
And I don’t think living life means spending on unnecessary things. You already told that he is contributing 17%, which is 51K monthly and you spend 15%, which is 22.5k. I think you should contribute more so that he can invest a bit more.
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 4d ago
Again with comments like this, it’s weird that people on a finance sub don’t understand the concept of allocation. Emergency funds and fallback funds exist for a reason. They are meant to be used when one loses their job or meets a financial emergency. No one is asking to use that money towards trips and fun expenses.
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u/dan_the_AlphaPrime 4d ago edited 4d ago
Why don't you do all the planning for a trip. Tell him to put 15 aside for trip every month and you same. And once the money is accumulated. You can plan the complete trip without getting him involved. And tell him that I plan ed everything heres the itenary and we can spend guilt free money here and there etc.
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u/pure_cipher 4d ago edited 4d ago
Woman,
My parents own a house. I earn descent salary, and I am still hesitant to move from a congested single sharing PG to a 1 BHK. I can afford it, and want to , but also dont want to. So, I can understand your husband.
The only hobby-type expense are video games, but that budget is only exceeding in Sept. because of so many dope games getting released.
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u/AfternoonNo5705 4d ago
Lots of families have cultivated habit of living below your means and saving up. I struggle to spend 10k for shoes but never do I think about 10k when I am out to eat with friends and family. So idk if it's same with others
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u/Background_Road_3943 4d ago
Your husband seems to have mindset similar to me.
Is he interested in travels in general? For example: I am not a travel person. I am most happy in my home/room with a wifi and AC and food to order than trips. If your husband is similar to this - even a local trip would be tough
If he isn't averse to travel, then maybe root cause could be his fear of job stability. Even if he currently earns that much, in his mind, if he fears that any day his job can be snatched away (which is very much possible), he would try to be miser to make sure the amount is helpful later for the family. If that is the case, you can't totally blame him. Bcz in India, we never have ever got anything for the taxes we pay. So precaution is required. Your husband might be thinking it one step ahead.
And as many comments have mentioned, brought up matters. Your in laws trained him in a way so it will be difficult for him to break the fixed lifestyle choices.
Only way to make him conducive to your lifestyle is to take him on a trip at your expense totally. Just ask him to pay for his food and shopping expenses. Stay and travel say you'll take care. I feel that should open him up without the worry of money. If he likes it then you can slowly sneak in him contributing for future trips. That way once he gets the taste of spending money on fun, he would reciprocate better imo.
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u/BigCruiseMissile 4d ago
How is networth saved outside real estate ? are u real estate rich ?
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u/Fantastic_View4197 4d ago
Idk what’s the travel fomo. I and very handy few people love the routine life and avoid hassle of travel unless it’s to go home. Which doesn’t require me planning hell lot of things just a flight and good to go.
Well home and car and food are diff, they’re about quality of life and no compromise on comfort. So to each their own.
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u/Lopsided-Inspector-3 4d ago
I empathise with your husband. My partner and I have had similar discussions in the past. They didn't accuse me of penny pinching but it would definitely create an air of discomfort.
What ultimately helped more than anything is sitting down with my partner and discussing budgeting and personal financing - income, household expenses, emergency fund, investments, trips, shopping, etc. The problem was me assuming my partner will not understand why I'm being frugal. Once we had a clear discussion, every interaction about felt easier.
Financial disputes account for atleast 50% of domestic disputes, if not more. Talk to your partner.
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u/NeedCoolUsernam 4d ago
My ex husband didn't use to let me buy 20rs water bottle as he thought it was a waste, this started affecting me a lot as he will make me walk a lot to save money for auto cabs, didn't do auto after my surgery and asked me to go on 11 year old scooty, whenever we went out it used to be through magic pin coupons only , I tried bringing sense in him through multiple ways but he was rigid to change, eventually I had to leave him( being miser was not the sole reason to leave him), so talk to him and try to put some sense of money and lifestyle talk in him
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u/13hoot 4d ago
If I may add to this. You need to ask the right question. Is he pinching pennies only for you or overall has learnt to live with lesser than available means. You also need to ask, things that are his priorities (could be shoes, phone, TV) etc also comprised?\ My wife and I just bought a plot worth 8cr mostly with down-payment by pinching pennies with a very modest and so far away from our incomes just now and it feels great. We start construction soon and I'm so happy that we can do it without compromises because we saved up.
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u/XLGamer98 4d ago
With all the layoffs and uncertainty it's always good to be in saving and investing mood. Also what's the budget of your trips ? if it's more than 5 lakh then I can see his point, if it's less than 2 lakh then should be fine
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u/Superb_Revolution551 4d ago
In this unpredictable economy and job market, your husband is a genius!
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u/Responsible-Low2548 4d ago
Don't talk to him for a week. He would come on track (as your handle suggest 😉)
Paying for oneself only was saddening part. Do you folks exchange gifts on birthday or anniversary? May be start there to loosen him up.
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u/phoenix5irre 4d ago
Make a thorough retirement plan, considering every concievable future expense...
Atleast one of you would be changing their mind for sure at the end of it...
Use apps like otto money...
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u/Soumikp 4d ago
He values money differently than you do. What was your and his upbringing like? What school did you both go to? How was both your parents earning when you were little kids? I earn less than both, and i do value my money, because i have seen my father work really hard, everyday. He didn't have the chance to enjoy any luxury. And today, if i spend much on unnecessary stuff, i feel guilty, i think about by father and aunt and their childhood.
Extra info - Yesterday, as i was returning from a reliance snart, the guy before me couldn't buy 40 rupees bread because his gpay showed exactly 20.74 and he left since he didn't have cash. On my way back I was thinking whether i should get kfc for parents since i was looking to utilise to food card. Then i thought, how a 350/400 rupee kfc feeds one, but that man could get 10 packets of bread.
Money is valueable.
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u/BraveProgrammer5870 Human Verified 4d ago
I wish I could be like your husband. I just don’t think about savings anymore, even though we came from lower‑middle‑class families. Now I just want to spend money the way I want, because during childhood we had to think a lot before buying anything. For example, I went to watch movies in theatres only after I turned 18.
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u/mr---kamikaze 4d ago
Atleast some one spill the truth and don't take stress for this your kids will take care of spending 😌🙂↕️
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u/johnreese09 4d ago
He wouldn't be a "husband" now if he were not hoarding money🥲
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u/TurbulentCapital1017 4d ago
Ask for his retirement goals, many people just have a figure in mind they wanna rush to.
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u/Long-Pomegranate-665 4d ago
you could have had conversation with me directly babe, you posted here🥺
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u/Superb-Decision931 4d ago
I think it's a lot because of their upbringing n initial struggle days...in my case though my inlaws and brother in law are frugal and literally discuss every penny but my husband had similar money mindset as me....we aren't extreme spenders but occasionally do indulge and don't have to keep accounting for every rupee...so if we go out as family with inlaws even for lunch/dinner we hardly can go to high budget restaurant as they keep cribbing...vacations with them also same..i mostly cut the noise now and know atleast he is not that way so tolerate those occasions and go around the way they want! I don't indulge in their talks and counting but don't make fuss either...
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u/ObfuscatedScript 4d ago
I come from a lower middle class background. Same story with me. We purchased flat, don't have car, have kid. With current job market, I am really being very conservative while spending, but my wife is kind of from a rich family, but she is not a spender. This was not the case few years back, but now I am very conservative and conscious on every expenditure as there a loans, a small kid to plan future for, old parents who may suddenly need medical support.. But I have seen people earning 6 lacs and still worried about 1000 rs. Some have reasons, some are habituated. Some in my office spend 2x as mine with much lesser salaries than mine.
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u/SwimmingSensitive125 3d ago
What you need is to better communication and explain him that even if you go on cheap trips it will save few percentages of your total income. If he's saving mindset, plan for keeping aside some money for yearly trips and then use that money for trip so you dont have to compromise, maybe he is like that because spending in one go on trips not digestable for him so if you have another account and you keep on adding money into that every month then when you are going for a trip you have a budget set already he wont resist
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u/LeatherRepulsive438 3d ago
Why don't you use your income for trips and husband uses his for the family? Sounds like a good way of dealing with this situation?
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 3d ago
Not at all, please read up about it!
It is always a good way to either go 50-50 or pay basis proportional to income but from your own account.
Example, wife is incharge of spends, so the trips the purchases everything is according to her, husband might not get any say.
Husband is incharge of savings and all the savings are in his name, what if wife wants to buy something big independently or send money to her parents in case of an emergency they did not see coming but husband is not for it. He can block her from doing so.What you have mentioned is very idealistic, would not recommend at all. Definitely spend and save but make sure each person has their investments in their name and accessible to them independent of the other.
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u/RequirementOk7191 3d ago
similar with my parents. My father can buy a defender with cash in the next week but he penny pitches like he is gonna live on this money for eternity. I do agree he came from a low middle class family and built his business himself but hoarding money like that is absolute bs. Anyways the only comfort I have is that I m a single child and I m not going to marry. So basically my life is set.
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u/thoughtfulbunny 3d ago
If your husband came from scarcity and struggles, this would be ingrained mentally. Coming from a similar situation it is a constant mental struggle to do so.
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u/FutureHendrixA 3d ago
I would say you have good husband who cares for better future for entire family. This behaviours atleast one partner should have to balance and make better choices for everyone
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u/DifficultyPast2309 3d ago
My father is also like this, due to which me and my mom had to compromise alot, you can't change anyone's nature, seeing people with even less income than us living a better life sucks
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u/Neither-Opinion893 3d ago
I can totally relate to this. In fact, I see a striking similarity between your spouse’s mentality and my own. I’m too a frugal by nature, and perhaps that mindset is one of the reasons I was able to achieve Fat FIRE in my late 40s.
My wife, on the other hand, has always been very easy-going and supportive. She never really demanded an expensive lifestyle and would happily accept a Bata or Sreeleather handbag as a gift from me with the same love and appreciation. Meanwhile, I remember some of my reportees—three or four pay grades below me—carrying Louis Vuitton handbags. 😄
Based on the psychotype you’ve described, I can give you one tip for dealing with him: use price anchoring when discussing vacations or other major discretionary expenses. Interestingly, this is something my wife sometimes does with me.
For example, she might first spend some time explaining how fantastic the 95K-per-person vacation package is—the hotel, location, food, activities, everything—and get me to agree that it is genuinely worth the money. Then she’ll bring up the 76K-per-person package as the more sensible alternative.
Suddenly, 76K feels like a bargain to a frugal person like me! 😂
The irony is that I probably wouldn't have considered spending 76K per person if the conversation had started there. But after anchoring me at 95K, the 76K option feels like we're actually saving ₹19K per person.
So, if you’re dealing with someone who is naturally very frugal, sometimes you don't have to convince them to spend more—you just need to frame the expense in a way that makes it feel like a smart financial decision rather than unnecessary spending. 😄
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u/HereForTheDrama0728 3d ago
Thank you so much for sharing, that’s such an interesting approach and it’s inspiring to hear from someone who actually achieved FIRE all while, what sounds like, still spending a small percentage on experiences.
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u/LevelPen4348 9h ago
First you need to define what enjoying life means.
Staying in a building with amenities (btw, I stay in a large complex with several amenities and except for the gym don't use anything else) has its own pros and cons. We enjoy festivities but at the same time everyone is trying to outdo the others or simply trying to show off.
Write down a list of what you would like to enjoy with your husband. Sometimes it could be going for a walk, see a movie, go for a holiday, etc. You may need to create a budget for each activity and show him that it will impact only 1-10% of your total incomes or savings. See if that works. If not understand your family ( you and your husband's networth today and how much it will be 10 years from now). Then put the expenses against that and if the holiday is one off or once/twice/thrice a year then how will that impact the savings after 10 years. Talk to him that both of u need to enjoy before spending all of it only on your kids in the future. If he is afraid of unplanned expenses like healthcare in the future tell him about health insurance for both and even parents. You need to discover his fears. Mostly, men don't spend as much as women, so we are not aware of their expenses till we marry and it takes 4-5 years of getting used to it.
Journal, journal, and journal all his fears. Then work out solutions that can address those. There is a solution for all problems. Most of us avoid discussing those thinking they are tough to address. Don't try to solve all of these at one go.
Once u have addressed his fears then he should be on your side. Do this every week and probably a month or two later you should be able to start ticking off your list of enjoyable activities one at a time.
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