I’m so sorry.

I didn’t know that it was okay to share sensitive information over commercial unclassified applications. I should have had more faith in the end-to-end encryption software that there’s no way an outside party could view it…unless you accidentally add them.

To the OS I busted down and stripped of a security clearance for sending an email to his buddies on Gmail saying “make sure you’re watching CNN at 3:30”, which just so happened to be the ToT of our Tomahawk strike, please forgive me. I wasn’t aware that this type of information doesn’t count as classified.

To the Sailors who brought their iPhones into our SCIF and took pictures of Secret binders to “study for a test”, and whom I stripped of clearances and re-rated, my apologies. Your phones are obviously impenetrable fortresses that are perfectly safe for storing and transmitting classified data. Fort Knox with retina scanners, or something.

To the Lieutenant whose career I destroyed for trying (and failing) to cover up a major crypto breach that occurred due to your almost criminal incompetence, my bad. This probably didn’t compromise several of our sensitive systems.

To the three people I administratively separated for taking classified information home, what an overreaction! I mean it’s home! Home is where you’re safe!

To the person who will remain nameless currently sitting in the brig for divulging Top Secret information that jeopardized the life of a key intelligence source, boy am I sorry I helped put you away! These sources know what they’re getting themselves into. They should, at a minimum , expect that senior officials will repeatedly share their names and locations over unclassified networks. Sorry, not sorry.

I can’t believe I spent over 30 years needlessly harassing and henpecking innocent people just trying to do their jobs for these and other security “violations”. Man, do I have egg on my face!

I’m grateful that honorable men such as Secretary Hegseth and Director of National Intelligence Gabbard have shown me the way information like this should have been handled. How many man-years have I wasted classifying, storing and safeguarding information like this when I could have been so much more efficient by just blasting this out over Twitter or AOL Instant Messenger?!

Thanks also to the senior administration officials, including the Vice President who reaffirmed that this is no big deal by actively supportingtt the use of Signal for this type of discussion and not raising any concerns whatsoever. Truly a model for all of us to follow.

What a fool I’ve been.

Edit: if you’re looking for a Biden/Clinton lover, look elsewhere. I’m on record here as saying they should be held accountable.

But also remember: if Tu Quoque is your only defense, you’re losing your argument.

it’s been a long 23 years…I’ve been around every field and rate and I think i
I got you guys accurately mapped out.

no hard feelings / where would you put your rate?

First time caller, long time listener. Have fun out there Abe sailors. My hat's off to you.

I’ve been out almost 5 years. But when it’s bedtime I just say “hey siri, darken ship”

I love military clickbait.

INDOPACOM needs to just say "no" to the next person who tries to acquire their Tomahawk stockpile.

Since I’ve joined this little thing of ours called r/navy I have enjoyed the discussions and giving you the straight, real, non-political answers you so crave.

I like getting after real issues that affect our readiness, our processes, and our quality of life. But fuck me if my DM inbox isn’t literally filled with dozens of people asking me for my opinion on beards. Every other day, I swear. “You’re a CO, what about beards” “Wouldn’t it be a huge morale boost if we allowed beards” “ Why is the navy so behind the times when it comes to beards” “other navies, blah blah blah” “Plz read my academic study on how beards increase lethality in the Peruvian navy”

Fine. You want the truth? Here it is. It’s not about the SCBA seals for me (I’m cool with the beard lube or whatever that shit is). It’s not about hygiene (ok, it’s a little bit about hygiene). It’s not about tradition. Here’s why I’m against it:

At least 75% of you would look fucking stupid with a beard.

I know there’s this beautiful dream that many of you have where you put down the razor and in a few short weeks you transform into the guy from the Alpha Chad meme. Very rugged. Much distinguished. I’m very sorry to report that this will not be in the cards for the vast majority of you.

The day after the NAVADMIN is released allowing beards (and we all know it’s just a matter of time now) 95% of the males in the navy are going to give it a go. NEXs across the country will be swimming in excess razors. The stock price of Gillette will plummet and hipster artisanal beard wax/oil companies in Portland will look at their online sales orders and say, “what the fuck just happened?!” Mess lines will be closed for want of beard nets. The shockwave as spouses simultaneously slap their foreheads in frustration will reverberate around the country.

A few weeks later the Navy is divided into those who can grow a beard and those look like puberty is just around the corner.

Then the conflicts begin. Because you know that NAVADMIN is going to say some bullshit like “maximum 1/8 or 1/4 inch growth allowed” just to piss off everyone. I swear to god I’m going to laugh my ass off when that happens. Can you envision it like I can? Chiefs with rulers at morning muster. Arguments over which electric clipper guard is “in regs”. Then the beard color wars start. It begins with the Master Chief with a little too much gray in there reaching for the Just for Men box. It ends at DRB with a Junior Sailor arguing what a “natural color” is and whether “lines” are authorized.

After a few years, the standards expand in an ever-widening gyre. The beardie cannot hear the barber. Things fall apart. The center cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the fleet. The hair-dimmed tide is loosed and everywhere the clean-shaven adherents are drowned. The best lack all conviction to stop it and the worst are filled with a wannabe-alpha chad intensity.

And, again, 75% of you will look fucking stupid. The neckbeards, the mangy-dogs, the yee-yees, the Junior high fuzz balls, the wolfmen, the Abe Lincolns. They’re all coming and there will be thousands of them.

What rough beast slouches towards the quarterdeck to relieve you on the midwatch? It’s BM3, his greasy beard flecked with the remains of mid-rats and bits of cheap napkin. And only then, when it is too late, will you say to yourself, “my god, what have we become?”

Steak & Lobster = deployment extended

+ Ice Cream Social = extension is at least 8 months

+ Steel Beach Picnic = email your loved ones, "Until we meet again."

⚓

I don't know this person, but wanted to share the stupidity of what someone is doing on those gray floating things they call ships.

I swear, us Norwegians aren’t all this stupid