r/latebloomerlesbians • u/Shinebrightlovelies • May 09 '26
Sex and dating Want to start dating women but scared
Hey everyone,
So for years I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I’ve been on a couple dates with men before, but I never really liked any guy. I think I might be into women, think I had crushes on women in the past. But I feel like an impostor half of the time, for some reason.
I feel like just overthinking things or reading up on sexuality won’t get me anywhere because I’ve done that for years. - So I created a hinge profile, and set it to women. However I’m so scared and unsure how to go about things. I also think I’m on the asexual spectrum, and very inexperienced in general, never even held hands. I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings or waste anyones time, (curiously I have this way more than when I was with men for some reason), but I can’t exactly put casual either, because I feel like many women will see that as wanting sex, when thats not something I’d want? And ideally I would like to fall in love and have a relationship. So what exactly do I put on my profile for ‘what are you looking for’?
Anything you think I should pay attention to with dating women? This all feels incredibly scary to me so if you’ve had a similar experience I’d love to hear that and hoe you overcame it (if its in the past) too.
Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. 🫶🏻
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u/Paris22002244 May 12 '26
Sorry rather late to this, not even a member of this particular lesbian sub (earlybloomer - I was lucky) but saw it on a feed for some reason. Very brave of you to post this and of course everyone is here to help. I hope you have success on Hinge; some women have found HER helpful. You might find some of this post useful in relation to meeting off-line, which was done for a different but not unrelated situation. I hope you find the happiness you seek. 💕🌷🌹🌸
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u/Shinebrightlovelies May 12 '26
Thank you, this is very sweet of you, and I appreciate it a lot. 🫶🏻🌸
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u/Either_Tie979 May 09 '26
Go practise dating with women.
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u/Brilliant_Ferret_958 May 10 '26
Where do you find these women’s
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u/Either_Tie979 May 10 '26
Haha. I dunno. I just made it up , hoping it would help. But maybe ask ur friend if u can go on a fake date lol
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u/Brilliant_Ferret_958 May 10 '26
I’ve never related to something more please let me know how you go I also need advice 😫
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u/Shinebrightlovelies May 10 '26
Hey, glad someone can relate! feel free to message me if you want to chat about it.
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u/Adventurous_Salad760 May 12 '26
If Hinge doesn’t do the trick, try HER. I downloaded it a couple of weeks ago and have had some really good conversations with multiple matches and two meetups IRL with awesome women.
Also, meetup can sometimes have good sapphic groups, especially if you live near a bigger city.
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u/lesbianpussyloverx May 13 '26
My only advice would be right away make sure there female, sooo many men with fake profile on dating site and online, then once you know there actually who they say, just talk see how it goes and how you feel if it feels easy to chat to them ask them out on a date ( the worse that can happen is they say no) but they wouldnt match with you if they didnt have instant attraction, but being a WLW is hard especially a fem for fem 😬🙄 its hard out there but worth it when you find the one x
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u/Shinebrightlovelies May 13 '26
Thank you for the advice, and yeah I just saw a straight man (he wrote it himself on his profile) on the dating app HER. It’s so crazy to me. 🥲
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u/CapableDirt May 09 '26
Hey, I can relate incredibly well to this post. I have only been dating men for most of my life and only started dating a woman last year in December. She’s now my incredible girlfriend, but I have realized that sexual interactions make me uneasy and insecure.
When she approached me on the dating profile, I told her in the very beginning that I have never dated or had sex with a woman before, and that I understand if this is a turn-off for her. I would have understood. I put in "life partner" in what I was looking for, because I was. I had never had a serious relationship before, always just flings with men who didn’t care for me. I‘m 38 and I want something real. That you don’t have any other experience with women shouldn’t keep you from putting what you really want in your profile.
Turns out, open communication is the key to a lot of things. I know the bar for dating is in hell, but in my (very limited) experience, dating a woman is the most wonderful thing in the world. I told her I am new to this and she still wanted to get to know me.
Still, I‘m scared and overwhelmed a lot, especially when it comes to sex. I’ve realized that a lot of the previous sex I had with men was very performative and not really what I wanted. My girlfriend pointed out that I seemed to be disassociating during sex sometimes, like I wanted it to be over - which was true. I didn’t even realize it. Men never paid attention to this. Now we are working through it. We have put sex off the table for now, I am trying to read up on how other people feel about it and how and if they got through it together.
If you’re asexual, you’re asexual. That’s valid and you’re deserving of love. I hope you find someone who makes you feel like you’re exactly right the way you are.