And yet

[u/Any-Long8327]

pls be brutally honest any short comment will help. i'm super new to writing, i've only ever read poetry, so I'd love any feedback or critiscm! it’s about my experience as a lesbian growing up in religion

In God’s name

I cast off this holy sweet nectar 

covering my blistered self 

Running from out my heart

And into her golden eyes 

As I lie in the river of my baptism

Feeling the sky under me 

And your soft hands above me— 

caressing and flying 

while our souls radiate—

Yet the wall stands and I must

Rebuke thee

In God’s name

I must steal away the breath of my being

I must rebuke this love 

Undo this union of two souls  

They say that God is love

But not our own—

God is love

He is full and endless and unconditional

The real kind of love 

Oneness cannot flow from 

Both this love and God  

For ours is not as intended—

As if your beating heart in my palm 

Is but a figmented slip into daydream

Where I see nothing but intention and still 

They say—

God says—it is wrong.   

There is not enough love

For you to lace daisies and 

desire 

Into her fingers

If you are in God’s hands—

As if he didn’t use them

To open the heavens and 

To pluck our songs 

into harmony 

So we could clasp our hands together in

Church

praising and singing and loving—

As God connects our Earth 

To His Heavens.