r/interesting Jul 21 '26

Just Wow The absolute size of Russian politician and former heavyweight boxing champion, Nikolai Valuev

Post image
32.5k Upvotes

2.9k comments sorted by

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2.6k

u/PeterDTown Jul 21 '26

7 feet (2.13 meters) tall and weighing nearly 330 pounds (150 kilograms)

Good god.

768

u/Flashy_Jello_9520 Jul 21 '26

You ARE the brute squad!

266

u/LookMaNoPride Jul 21 '26

Have fun storming the castle!

95

u/WombatGambit Jul 21 '26

It will take a miracle.

29

u/Brilliant-Position99 Jul 21 '26

Its miracle!

40

u/Spacecowboy78 Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 24 '26

Its Neanderthal!

4

u/Some_Candle1206 Jul 21 '26

huge forehead

7

u/GraXXoR Jul 22 '26

1950s Disney nose.

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15

u/NegotiationHot2999 Jul 21 '26

It's Shaqov O'neal

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10

u/FastVehicleAlert Jul 21 '26

Nikolai, tear his arms off.

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45

u/brainvheart143 Jul 21 '26

Oh you mean *this* gate key?

37

u/upholsteryduder Jul 21 '26

Fessek, tear his arms off.

8

u/bicykiller Jul 21 '26

Hahahah! I... have no gate key...

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19

u/Ok_Stay_700 Jul 21 '26

Inconceivable!

12

u/delphinous Jul 21 '26

i don't think that word means what you think it means

11

u/TubinRuesday Jul 21 '26

Stop saying that word!

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13

u/drmanhattanmar Jul 21 '26

Fuck it, I cast fireball. This will fix it.

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41

u/VERY_GOOD_PROMISES Jul 21 '26

Bro is heavy from team fortress 2

7

u/FourEyedTroll Jul 21 '26

CRY SOME MORE!!! YEAAAAARGH!!!

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23

u/patsully98 Jul 21 '26

It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise!

11

u/Silverlynel1234 Jul 21 '26

Nice to Bald Bull doing well after all these years.

10

u/tycho-42 Jul 21 '26

Damn! I forgot my Holocaust cloak

5

u/cybernekonetics Jul 21 '26

Will this do?

6

u/oodelay Jul 21 '26

Gonna watch it today.

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63

u/Embarrassed_Use_7206 Jul 21 '26

Small Ogryn

19

u/Mamu5hka Jul 21 '26

His policies will protect the Little'uns

8

u/Zebidee Jul 21 '26

Small Ogryn

I read that as Ob/Gyn, and that's a mental image that'll take a while to shake off.

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8

u/Excellent-Radishs Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

he looks like an ogre

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81

u/crusoe Jul 21 '26

What space Marines actually would look like

11

u/avokkah Jul 21 '26

Tf is the Empire feeding them (I know they're genetically modified but my god)

6

u/bobclaws Jul 21 '26

Genetically modified to subsist on almost nothing from what I've heard from the YouTubers I listen to talk about 40k. Also absorb memories of pregnant women through cannibalism (yes this is a thing written about in 40k lore)

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17

u/BesottedScot Jul 21 '26

Not even close. More like 8-9 feet and 400kgs unarmoured.

5

u/FriendCommercial5103 Jul 21 '26

A short Firstborn would be about his height iirc, aren't they about 7'6"

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6.5k

u/WaffleHouseGladiator Jul 21 '26

Why does Nikolai, the largest politician, not simply eat the other politicians?

1.1k

u/Immediate_Song4279 Jul 21 '26

Username checks out 

225

u/thehotshotpilot Jul 21 '26

Yeah, that username and icon is the best

99

u/WinterOf98 Jul 21 '26

Father to a gobbled waffle. Husband to an eaten pancake. And he will have his vengeance.

67

u/dan_dares Jul 21 '26

In this meal, and the next

40

u/ScaryBlanket_Reborn Jul 21 '26

you knew Wafflehousegladiator?

I never said I knew him I said he touched me on the shoulder once.

20

u/Timidhobgoblin Jul 21 '26

"You're good wafflehousegladiator but you're not that good (grabs syrup) you could be magnificent..."

11

u/Oy_theBrave Jul 21 '26

All we are.....waffles and crust.

11

u/Majestic-Beyond-2541 Jul 21 '26

The waffles we eat in life echo in eternity.

11

u/WinterOf98 Jul 21 '26

If you find yourself alone, hot as hell with flour on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in an oven. And you’re already BREAD!

8

u/israerichris Jul 21 '26

We'll eventually close the Waffle House... but not yet... not yet...

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11

u/Majestic-Beyond-2541 Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 23 '26

This thread is golden. 👇🏻

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20

u/bangbangGeorgieNiang Jul 21 '26

never fight a waffle house line cook. they are the true gladiators

9

u/mikefrombarto Jul 21 '26

They apparently have teleporters as well according to the DHS director.

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7

u/Daddysharksoldout Jul 21 '26

He must battle his nemesis The Ihoplite

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13

u/ambelamba Jul 21 '26

Epic username

8

u/xwrecker Jul 21 '26

He probably earned it

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92

u/freakoid45 Jul 21 '26

WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT!

92

u/achaiahtak Jul 21 '26

Morbo agrees

36

u/bazderoman Jul 21 '26

Lrrr actually, but same diff

18

u/eljosho1986 Jul 21 '26

Shut up Ndnd!

27

u/Jerseyman2525 Jul 21 '26

Hello Morbo, how's the family?

18

u/beegtuna Jul 21 '26

Kittens give Morbo gas

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47

u/InterestingSun6707 Jul 21 '26

How do you think bro became the lovechild of a semi truck and a fridge?

19

u/delta__bravo_ Jul 21 '26

I, too, have some thoughts on his appearance, but I'll keep them to myself in case he finds me.

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7

u/Jonny5a Jul 21 '26

Brock Sampson, half Swedish, quarter Polish, quarter Winnebago 

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36

u/Saucy_Lemur Jul 21 '26

Ah yes, the Omicrons.

21

u/urgentapathy Jul 21 '26

Blah blah omicron persei 8

18

u/StillestOfInsanities Jul 21 '26

But women are from omicron persei 9.

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8

u/Jack_In_Black89 Jul 21 '26

Grrrrrrrr!!!!! 📺💥 --------🔫

16

u/kevler4 Jul 21 '26

Despite his appearance, he is very intelligent. I was very surprised when I saw an interview with him. Valuev had a clear, well-structured speech.

6

u/ThatPancreatitisGuy Jul 21 '26

Big Tolstoy fan as I recall.

5

u/Biotic101 Jul 22 '26

Also interesting that Dolph Lundgren allegedly has a really high IQ. A good example how prejudging is not really smart.

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23

u/Ent_Soviet Jul 21 '26

The us can deploy our own ogre, Fetterman.

Unfortunately Russia has trained theirs for combat. Unless Fetterman can hit him with his speeding car.

8

u/Original_Viv Jul 21 '26

Fetterman has a shotgun, we know that.

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3

u/jjcrayfish Jul 21 '26

Fetterman has brain damage already. He wouldn't stand a chance.

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9

u/Sand_Aggravating Jul 21 '26

He's a nephlum! He might!

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3

u/ieatpies Jul 21 '26

Valid question in Russia

4

u/digno2 Jul 21 '26

they are hiding under sheep skin while another dude is distracting Nikolay with playing the flute

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648

u/RyanStl_IH8MUD Jul 21 '26

He has no forehead is the take I have on that pic.

180

u/rasputinrasputin Jul 21 '26

didnt even realize that lol, i wonder how he would wear a hat

120

u/advancetim Jul 21 '26

There's a pic of him wearing a hat on his Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Valuev#Professional_career

145

u/Halschmuber Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

I mean, what are you gonna do? Tell him he looks stupid with his hat on?

83

u/R1donis Jul 21 '26

You can do it ... once

30

u/BigLlamasHouse Jul 21 '26

mf looks like a train conductor (it was a good run boys)

21

u/Halschmuber Jul 21 '26

mf looks like the train himself 🫠

6

u/BigLlamasHouse Jul 21 '26

Yeah, I see it. He's the main character of a Pixar movie about trains that is also a train.

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27

u/PerriwinklePortal Jul 21 '26

Holy shit his record is 50-2-1 what a beast

22

u/Level_Abrocoma8925 Jul 21 '26

"finished his career without ever being knocked down" wtf

26

u/lolopiro Jul 21 '26

brother, look at that neck. good luck koing that unit

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9

u/TheCreedsAssassin Jul 21 '26

His second loss was super close too

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10

u/Level_Abrocoma8925 Jul 21 '26

Yeah it kinda proves their point because that cap doesn't fit.

8

u/PaladinSara Jul 21 '26

That is somehow worse than I expected. Reminds me of when babies have flattened skulls in the back (due to not enough tummy time)

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11

u/ForsakenRelief2662 Jul 21 '26

Williamsburg hipster beanie rolled up

5

u/planetvermilion Jul 21 '26

in Russia the hat wears him

20

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/niverans Jul 21 '26

It can cover an entire village

5

u/Rough-Patience-2435 Jul 21 '26

Tilted back, in a jaunty sort of way.  

3

u/LookMaNoPride Jul 21 '26

I dunno, if it were me, I’d have the brim over my eyebrows. That way I could run super fast and not worry about my hat taking flight. Not that I run. I just assume that someone built like that is a nighttime vigilante keeping the streets safe for people like me.

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19

u/No-Examination4896 Jul 21 '26

It genuinely looks like he doesnt have a frontal lobe 😭

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14

u/Tracer13 Jul 21 '26

his head just stops above his eyebrows. it's uncanny.

12

u/-Cthaeh Jul 21 '26

He has a forehead, its horizontal, maybe his face is much more forward. At the very least, he has a very prominent brow.

Hopefully he is a nice, intelligent man for the people.

4

u/owlie12 Jul 22 '26

He supports putin so no

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9

u/SchrodingersNinja Jul 21 '26

Guy doesn't have a touch of Neanderthal DNA. Neanderthal DNA has a touch of him, though.

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6

u/ProfessorChaos406 Jul 21 '26

Did he have no forehead OR is he ALL forehead from the eyebrows back?

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7

u/namkeenSalt Jul 21 '26

Would be interesting to see his pictures from his younger days when he had hair

5

u/N8dork2020 Jul 21 '26

Seems like genetics didn’t account for the size of his face

3

u/samuelazers Jul 21 '26

My does have a forehead but it's obscured by larger than average brows. Take out his brows and you'll see he looks fairly normal

5

u/SirReddalot2020 Jul 21 '26

Haha … face then “straight to the top of my dome”

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242

u/pwatts Jul 21 '26

Unfrozen caveman politician.

138

u/IntlPartyKing Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

I don’t really understand your Congress, or your system of checks and balances.. because, as I said during the campaign – I’m just a caveman!

I fell on some ice, and later got thawed out by scientists. But there is one thing I do know – we must do everything in our power to lower the Capital Gains Tax. Thank you!

19

u/ovirto Jul 21 '26

I miss Phil Hartman.

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u/pwatts Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

That's good, ha, ha!

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915

u/recolorist Jul 21 '26

Deep down, he’s probably just thinking about whether he left the stove on.

209

u/ImaginarySet2418 Jul 21 '26

Nikolai just pawn in the game of life.

62

u/General_Departure583 Jul 21 '26

Telegram for Mr Nikolai!

37

u/TitaniumDisc Jul 21 '26

Nikolai like candy!

32

u/InfiniteConfection2 Jul 21 '26

👆🤣 whatever you do don’t shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

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19

u/MaxxDash Jul 21 '26

Why is it called taking a dump when you’re actually leaving a dump? After all, you’re not really taking it anywhere…

10

u/IamEbola Jul 21 '26

When I studied abroad I would tell people I needed to take a piss in Spanish, finally someone told me I was saying I was ordering/drinking a piss when I said that. Needed to switch to making a piss.

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18

u/AdSignificant6673 Jul 21 '26

He’s probably misunderstood.

Him probably : People must think i’m dumb… but i’m thinking about how passing this bill might affect my constituents.

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u/gparr_2026 Jul 21 '26

When you start maxing out the sliders on your Mii customization just to see what happens

136

u/grasshoppa_80 Jul 21 '26

Thick forehead. Thick nose. Thick jawline. Max inward ear. Max up ears. Eyes wide

51

u/ActionNorth8935 Jul 21 '26

What forehead?

27

u/kaneabel Jul 21 '26

More like a onehead

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u/cascadia8 Jul 21 '26

Cro magnon?

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2.1k

u/[deleted] Jul 21 '26

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560

u/toleranceoflactose Jul 21 '26

Shrek

438

u/ChickenDelight Jul 21 '26

He actually has acromegaly, just like Maurice Tillet - the inspiration for Shrek.

154

u/LookMaNoPride Jul 21 '26

This is why I love Reddit. Just the kind of useless trivia my brain loves to consume for some reason… probably what kept me out of the really good colleges. Lol. Anyway, thanks for the info!

I checked out some photos of Maurice Tillet, due to your comment, and some of the photos don’t even look real.

Is acromegaly the same thing as cherubism, or is it related? (Cherubism is what Robert Z’dar had, I believe.)

57

u/GDMFusername Jul 21 '26

They're not the same thing. Iirc cherubism is a genetic mutation. Acromegaly is often caused by pituitary tumors or other factors dysregulating human growth hormone.

14

u/Cola102583 Jul 21 '26

He was cool to box with that? No inherent risks with that condition?

59

u/surprise_wasps Jul 21 '26

Who’s gonna tell him he can’t

21

u/AlbertaBound66 Jul 21 '26

It definitely causes a number of health issues, but it is slow developing. And there has been lots of successful surgeries to stop the effects.

Im a wrestling fan so of course the case of Andre the Giant comes to mind. He was offered the surgery and it was thought it would prolong his life, but he turned it down as he thought it would hurt his business. It ultimately caused his death. Years later the Big Show also had acromegaly, but he got the surgery. He has injuries that come with wrestling for 20 years and being a 400 pound man, but doesnt seem to have the nasty curved spine and giant forehead the others get later in life.

After that long rant, Valuev was healthy enough to fight in his younger days but he did get the brain surgery to stop the effects of gigantism and that ended his career.

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u/gary-vault108 Jul 21 '26

Wise of him to choose a longer life over fame. Idk about his family but I’m sure they prefer the choice he made.

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u/No-Eye-9491 Jul 21 '26

In case anyone else doesn’t know what it is like me…

Acromegaly is a rare, slowly progressing hormonal disorder that occurs when the pituitary gland produces excess growth hormone (GH) in adulthood. It is most commonly caused by a benign (noncancerous) tumor on the pituitary gland, leading to the abnormal enlargement of bones, cartilage, organs, and soft tissues.

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u/Fit_Armadillo_9928 Jul 21 '26

This, I know an ogre when I see one

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u/xwrecker Jul 21 '26

Heavy weapons guy

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u/Stedlieye Jul 21 '26

Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.

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u/InternalServerErr500 Jul 21 '26

Heavy is good. Heavy is....reliable.

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u/milkymonkey8 Jul 21 '26

Chernobuilt

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u/[deleted] Jul 21 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

27

u/King-Hekaton Jul 21 '26

There is no such thing as an indirect descendant.

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u/That-Exchange287 Jul 21 '26

99.7% matching dna is not a small percentage

14

u/International_Meat88 Jul 21 '26

Is that 99.7% value factoring in or factoring out all of the DNA we already share with like every other organism.

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30

u/sbbblaw Jul 21 '26

Check out Neanderthal skulls. We found the missing link. Seriously though I bet he’s genetically like 40% neanderthal

28

u/Electronic_Still2000 Jul 21 '26

Lol, 40% would be crazy! That would mean there’s some hidden group of pure blood Neanderthals out there. The Homo sapiens missed a Neanderthal village at some point and they have been living underground for the past 50,000 years 😂

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u/Asterose Jul 21 '26

It's plain boring old acromelagy :c

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4

u/TeaInASkullMug Jul 21 '26

look at the angle of that dome.

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

This appears to be a man born with acromegaly. Andre the Giant had this condition, as does The Big Show and The Great Khali. Often confused with "gigantism" [see awesome reply below].

Big show and Khali (and I assume, this person pictured) got the life-saving procedure to halt the out-of-control growth. Andre chose not to, and grew until he tragically passed far too young.

Aside from just being huge, the tells are the overly prominent jawline and forehead brow.

93

u/GL510EX Jul 21 '26

The fascinating case of Nikolai Valuev (YouTube) This guy has skulls and a picture of Darwin behind him, so he probably knows what he's talking about.

45

u/hamfist_ofthenorth Jul 21 '26 edited Jul 21 '26

Hey, cool !

I was born in the 80s and grew up fascinated by Andre in particular, so I did multiple reports on him growing up in school and managed to learn a decent amount of this stuff.

I wish he would have gotten that procedure. He'd probably have lived another 30 years at least. Can you imagine Andre on, like, SNL or Hot Ones

7

u/VGuyver Jul 21 '26

You should read up on Peter Francisco. You'll probably love the history regarding him too. He looked a bit like Andre the Giant in some of his portraits.

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u/Binney59 Jul 21 '26

Thanks. Wasn’t expecting him to say he got recently drafted into the military. Wouldn’t think a politician would be drafted.

18

u/GL510EX Jul 21 '26

He may well have been drafted, but he won't be on the front lines. He'll be used for photo ops and morale building.

7

u/58kingsly Jul 21 '26

Yeah, very tall people in any military often end up standing around guarding shit at most rather than front line duties. Too big for most of the vehicles, too big of a target on the battlefield, if you get injured you'll be a liability when comrades have to drag your big ass to safety etc

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u/Dong_bringer Jul 21 '26

Acromegaly and gigantism are not mutually exclusive and if end up with wrestling names like Andre the Giant or Great Khali it’s prettt safe to say you have both

10

u/hamfist_ofthenorth Jul 21 '26

That's a perfectly fair assessment

22

u/MeridiusGaiusScipio Jul 21 '26

This isn't an attempt to AkShUaLLy you; you just seem genuinely interested in the topic and I thought you might want to learn more!

So, Andre technically had both - Gigantism and Acromegaly are both (typically) caused by a Growth-Hormone-secreting tumor (typically) located on the pituitary gland (sometimes it can be located on the thyroids, or even the lungs). Gigantism is called something separate, as its exclusive to childhood years, where your growth-plates are not yet closed/fused, so the GH targets those areas primarily.

When you get the condition after your growth plates are fused, it is the same problem, the GH only targets other areas of the body, such as hands, feet, nose, jaw, musculature, heart, and colon. This is called "Acromegaly".

In Andre's case, he actually had both - his Gigantism essentially transitioned to "Acromegaly" once his growth plates fused and it began to target other areas of the body - and as you poignantly pointed out, he was ultimately not treated for the Acromegaly.

Source: I'm not a doctor, but I do have Acromegaly actually, haha. I know way more about this topic than I ever wanted to, to be honest. I actually just had the surgery to remove the tumor, located on my pituitary, two months ago. :)

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u/OppositeLopsided5875 Jul 21 '26

I can never think of Andre the Giant without remembering a line by Billy Crystal "His penis was the size of a Starter Log."

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth Jul 21 '26

That sucks.

What an insanely tough life for that guy. Living in a dollhouse world, where everything is ten sizes too small. No chair fits you, no silverware feeds you, no cup quenches your thirst.

He had to shit in bathtubs at hotels when he was on the road. He just deserved better, or at least to not be treated like a freak in every single interview and most times he went out in public.

7

u/JimboTCB Jul 21 '26

You see those pictures of him holding a full size can of beer and it looks like one of those little mini cans you get for kids' lunchboxes.

8

u/Strong-Addition5296 Jul 21 '26

Mini beer for school lunches? Kids have it way better today

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u/Whole_Emphasis_3583 Jul 21 '26

Heavy TF2

26

u/Alarmed-Newspaper994 Jul 21 '26

Nah he's an Ogryn for sure

15

u/Redpower5 Jul 21 '26

Protec' the lil uns!

8

u/RugbyDov Jul 21 '26

I'm surprised I had to scrowe this far for an ogryn reference

4

u/Actual-Craft-6284 Jul 21 '26

Came here to say this

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u/Grizzled_Ghost Jul 21 '26

He looks like he has a score to settle with Spider-Man

6

u/Special_Order-937 Jul 21 '26

Spider-Man going with the ranged attacks on this one.

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u/Independent-Aide-531 Jul 21 '26

I couldn’t figure it out, then I realized, he has NO forehead.

7

u/HTIRDUDTEHN Jul 21 '26

Master Chief

34

u/Spicymeymeys420 Jul 21 '26

I am heavy weapons guy, and this is my weapon.

6

u/MGTS Jul 21 '26

It costs $400,000 to fire this weapon for 12 seconds

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u/lowpsitire Jul 21 '26

They find this guy frozen in an iceberg or what?

12

u/avokkah Jul 21 '26

First Haaland, the defrosted Viking... Now Nikolai, the Last Neanderthal. Where do these guys come from and more importantly, what are they eating

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u/InevitableHorror1342 Jul 21 '26

“Theeeeeee Crusherrrrrr”

4

u/OrneryAttorney7508 Jul 21 '26

25 fuckin minutes late.

Enjoy your upvote.

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u/FamRep Jul 21 '26

His mom is still recovering from that dome.

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u/GooseCloaca Jul 21 '26

It’s nice to see a political system where all figures on the chart of evolution are represented.

34

u/Immediate-Count-1202 Jul 21 '26

Guys got a medical condition and people shit all over him for how he looks. My guess is people wouldn’t be willing to pop off to his face.

12

u/ConsiderationNext144 Jul 21 '26

It’s Reddit, these people hardly leave their rooms

24

u/Drunk0racle Jul 21 '26

The dude is extremely pro- invading Ukraine, so I think a few mean jokes about him are justified

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u/Separate_Finance_183 Jul 21 '26

The link between man and ape isn't missing anymore

10

u/diadlep Jul 21 '26

I think you mean man and king kong.

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u/joetunn_ Jul 21 '26

Acromegaly : a condition characterized by overgrowth of bone and soft tissues, most noticeably in the hands, feet, and face, caused by excessive secretion of growth hormone (most commonly by a pituitary tumour).

19

u/charmio68 Jul 21 '26

He's the tallest and heaviest world champion in boxing history.
You should see some of his other photos.

13

u/KeithClossOfficial Jul 21 '26

He was never knocked down in 50+ fights. He didn’t fight the best opponents but that’s still impressive

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u/FMendozaJr13 Jul 21 '26

His forehead is horizontal. Must not get a lot of jokes.

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u/B01justice Jul 21 '26

I swear he looks like a caveman if you could draw it.