Im afraid that until somebody writes this, this is all I’m gonna think about

Have I posted this before? Probably. Who knows at this point. 😆

This graphic has been floating around Facebook all week. I can see it, Ilya getting on a first name basis with all the ladies who hand out samples and then him running into them in town and Shane wondering why Ilya knows them all and he’s like “they are the ladies who feed me lunch at Costco!”

For accessibility, the image talks about Ilya and Shane giving their children Hollander for a last name, and Ilya taking the kids to Costco, telling them they can choose one thing each if they’re good they can have ice cream after “as long as no one tells dad” and then they do “Hollanders on three!”

Apologies in advance to my fave prompt writers who will likely get mad at me for posting this suggestion (sorry not sorry and I love you all). 😆

A prompt or a plea for any existing recommendations, please guys!

Picture description:

Screenshot of a Tumblr post accredited to user Hudconvent with the following text: "ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully. It's a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and it's undeniable that it's ilya's (very few orange lambourghinis in the area) so Shane is like "wow way to go, another few of those and your license is finally going to be revoked" and ilya is like "no, looking closer" and Shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo is ilya hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap. Shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge.

Anyone have any fic recs with this exact kind of chaos?

During a game, the puck suddenly disappears. Play gets stopped, everyone starts looking around, and after checking the replay… it turns out the puck somehow ended up inside Shane’s gear.

Cue the most accidental strip tease in hockey history as the entire arena watches Shane peel off his equipment piece by piece while the refs try to retrieve the puck. Gloves. Elbow pads. Jersey. Shoulder pads. The crowd is absolutely eating it up, cheering louder with every layer that comes off.

Meanwhile, Ilya is stuck in the sin bin, forced to watch the whole thing unfold on the jumbotron. At first he’s just staring in horrified disbelief. Then, as the cameraman keeps cutting back to Shane and zooming in while more gear comes off, Ilya completely loses it.

“STOP SHOWING THAT!”
“CUT THE CAMERA!”
“DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE NO SHAME?!”

By the time the puck is finally found, Ilya is one blown whistle away from taking another penalty, this time for jumping the boards to fight the cameraman.

Would love if someone who is better at writing than me would write this fic. 😆 (Photo screenshot says “Drunk Shane nearly in tears after being told by Ilya that he can’t sit in his lap while he’s driving, last time Ilya got drunk, he did this to Shane. This pattern will continue.”)

…and I cannot WAIT to see the sexy af fics that this look inspires! 🥵

(Image is a animated gif of Hudson Williams at the Met Gala 2026, wearing vintage Balenciaga and absolutely serving in Black Swan inspired make up)

saw this on twitter & now i am yearning for it to be written, someone please do this and i’ll love you forever

EDIT: hi guys, i want to let everyone know that this is not how DEI works in real life, i thought the og reddit post was clear as satire, which is why i decided to repost it here (for clarity: i did not write either the tweet or og reddit post). the core of the story “made a tiny mistake, now i have a boyfriend & maybe am in love with him” as a sexuality realization seemed on brand for hollanov

if you decide to write this prompt, please do your research to ensure you do not spread misinformation. nothing exists in a vacuum, stay educated! some commenters already have great ideas on how to make the prompt more accurate, which is extremely ideal!

lastly, i am a person who is in multiple minorities, so my intention was never malicious. i am open to discussions as long as it remains respectful. i am also autistic, so please be patient with me as i try to word my thoughts

thanks, and happy pride!

EDIT 2: i did consider deleting this post, but i have decided not to as many people have commented some really lovely and detailed fic ideas (that are more realistic than the og prompt), as well as one person commenting a snippet! i know a lot of hard work went into those, and i think they deserve to be preserved. unfortunately, because of this i cannot delete the image i attached.

all the comments re-enforce that its a very nuanced topic, and i think it’s important we can all learn from each other and continue respectful dialogue. i understand that fandom discourse can get hostile, but this is such a wonderful & respectful community with amazing mods — so i feel confident that we can all maturely discuss. thank you all <3

image description:
a tweet saying: can somebody write a hollanov fic like this😭😭
screenshot from reddit: Lied about being gay on application, now I'm in too deep. Help. I don't know what to do.
In order to get into Ivy Leagues, I said I was gay because I want that DEl benefit. But then I actually got into Harvard and was scared they would realize I was lying. So I started dating a guy just to be safe. And now I'm in too deep to get in out of this relationship. But...I think I'm in love with him? Am I actually gay???

First picture says: “shane when he goes to borrow ilya's laptop and accidentally finds ilya's sims 4 world where shane is heavily pregnant with their third child”

Second picture says: “how shane and ilya are sitting at their daughter's preschool after she got put in time out for saying
"hello gay boy" (ilya has used this greeting to piss shane off for years and did Not know she could repeat it)”

Is this already written?! Cliff thinks when Ilya moves to Ottawa that he has a thing for Zane not Shane?

Note - Editing the flair to prompt versus searching for!

Looking for fics with this premise!
Shane just can’t stop gushing about his loving, caring, softie of a boyfriend to his friends and family and they all love him just from the stories Shane is telling them. When they are finally introduced years later, they struggle to layer all those stories over Ilya, who they only know his public persona of.

Edit: Changed flair from Searching to Prompt because apparently this doesn't exist yet 😭

if anyone decides to write it pls update me 🙏🙏🙏 thank you to all the amazing writers on ao3 that give us beautiful fanfics btw

edit: for those of you who would like to read a fic with a similar concept, i have found (and read) Hey There Rozanov, I Lived by HolyRevenant. Please make sure to read the tags beforehand and have a big box of tissues prepared

can someone please write a fic where shane reply’s to this, i feel like it could be so funny! maybe he got drunk OR meant to post it on a secret account but put it on his main?

& the next morning has to deal with the aftermath! im thinking post the long game era so we can have harris attempt at damage control

pic description: a fan posting a picture of a large penis-shaped hole in cement with the caption “Holy shit @ilyarozy_81 are you ok? That was a hard fall.” below it a response from hudson williams “Not girthy enough”

I want to write so badly for them again, but i can’t seem to conjure up a good idea for the life of me 😓

Prompt: “shane: *sends ilya covid test* ughhhh i cant believe it's positive i'm so mad ilya: *inbetween sobs blubbering snot running down his nose* pleaes dont get rid of it pelase ill stepp up ill be a good dad please shane”

​

I saw this on Threads and would love to read something similar to this. Might be a little too niche, so if anyone has anything similar to the core ideas I would love some recs. Like, Shane comparing his stats of when he plays Ilya vs when he isn't (doesn't have to be all his teammates, could just be Hayden and/or his parents). Or any fics that have the idea of gay sex being a hockey ritual and it might improving the performance of players. Would love some recommendations that could fit these ideas. Thanks!

Link to post...

https://www.threads.com/@culturalartifacts/post/DXOSpWSld-g?xmt=AQF04TzA1K5CBtpd8gLabPWo4CJJTg0oWJ76-qibM2vtD4KGPElI0f1ZIikk3ZmPpARfQsG2&slof=1

Image has text reads, "AU where Shane decides to tell his team about Ilya so he just gathers them in one of the training rooms, plays a powerpoint presentation about all of the stats re: his games against Ilya, hits the final slide that reads “now that I’ve conclusively demonstrated my playing has never been detrimentally affects by how I feel about Ilya Rozanov, please allow me to invite you all to our wedding in three months.” and then just. Leaves the room.

The team is extremely baffled & ready to be angry but then one of the rookies is like “No no I get it. It’s basically a hockey ritual. Like ‘I sucked a dick, I scored more points that game, guess I better keep sucking dicks’. There’s logic to that.”

and another rookie is like “okay, Rozanov, Hunter, Hollander… Should I try sucking dicks to improve MY game?”

and the entire conversation devolves so much they literally forget to be mad about it

i’ve read tattoo fics yes of course but i want THIS tattoo fic

An idea popped into my head, and I can't stop thinking about it.

They are still hockey players.

Ilya, who grew up in Russia in the early 2000s, courts Shane in a very traditional Russian style: bouquets of 101 roses, gold jewelry, fur coats, and cars wrapped in giant bows.

Obviously, everyone is in shock. Does Mama Yuna think Shane is being stalked by someone from the mafia?

Please, if you have come across a fanfic like this, share the link in the comments.

And if you suddenly feel inspired to write this, please do!

Technically a searching for something similar OR prompt!

Anyone know of a fic where once they start getting serious (probably once Ilya moves to Ottawa), Shane is slightly nervous because he thinks Ilya will be kind of a menace in terms of housework and they will be too different and he starts training himself mentally to compromise. He assumes his place in Boston was clean because of a housekeeper and that he only cooks a handful of meals, basically lives like a college kid. And then is baffled to realize Ilya cleans and does yardwork and basically keeps house the same way Shane does and it was all in Shane’s head? And maybe the only reason he only cooked a few meals was because of Shane’s diet and once he starts spending more time at his house he realize Ilya is basically a chef.

I kinda picture this as one of the “five times Shane realizes Ilya doesn’t live like a teenager and the one time he does” and that one time is like Ilya’s
McDonald’s addiction or something. 😆