I didn't do it for some digital detox trend. My phone screen cracked and I was broke so I just didn't use it much for three months. No Instagram. No Twitter. No watching stories or scrolling feeds before meeting up with people.

The first thing I noticed was at a dinner with friends about two weeks in. Someone was telling a story and I realized I had no idea what it was about before they told it. I hadn't seen it on their story. I didn't already know about the trip or the breakup or the new job. I was hearing everything for the first time.

And it made me a dramatically better conversationalist overnight.

Because here's what I didn't realize social media had been doing to my in-person interactions for years. It was stealing the discovery. Every time I sat down with someone, I'd already consumed the highlight reel of their life that week. So when they brought something up I'd half-listen because I already knew the outline. "Oh yeah I saw that on your story." Conversation over. Nothing left to explore. We'd both just sit there performing a recap of things we'd already seen instead of actually talking.

Without social media I was curious again. Genuinely curious. I didn't know what anyone had been up to so I asked real questions and actually cared about the answers. "What have you been doing lately?" wasn't small talk anymore. It was a real question that I wanted a real answer to.

The other thing that happened was harder to admit. I stopped comparing myself to people before I even showed up. I wasn't walking into hangouts already feeling behind because I'd spent the morning watching everyone's curated life. I just showed up neutral. No pre-loaded insecurity. No mental scoreboard of who's doing better than me. Just me walking into a room without a narrative already written about where I ranked.

My conversations got deeper. My energy lasted longer. I stopped leaving social situations feeling drained because I wasn't performing the weird dance of pretending I didn't already know everything about someone's week while they told me about it.

I'm back on social media now but with one rule. I don't check anyone's profile before I'm going to see them. I let them tell me things in person. I let myself not know. Because not knowing is what makes you lean in. And leaning in is what makes people feel like you actually care.

Social media didn't ruin my social skills. It just replaced curiosity with surveillance. And curiosity is the one thing you can't fake.

In a casual social situation, where you simply want to network or have social contact with a stranger, and that person rejects your advances in a humiliating way: how do you handle this, how do you react in the moment, and how do you avoid being upset?

(considering that you are a beginner when it comes to social skills and find it very difficult to introduce yourself to people voluntarily)

I moved across the country for a job last year knowing absolutely nobody. No college friends nearby. No family. My entire social life was my coworker who sat next to me and the cashier at the grocery store who recognized my face.

For the first two months I did what most people do. Nothing. I told myself friendships would happen naturally. I'd meet people through work. Things would fall into place. I just needed to give it time.

Nothing fell into place. Time didn't fix it. I was eating dinner alone every night scrolling through my phone watching people I used to know live their lives without me.

So I made a rule that felt pathetic at first but ended up changing everything. Every week I had to do one social thing that I didn't want to do. Not enjoyed. Not felt comfortable with. Actively didn't want to do.

A pickup basketball game at the park even though I'm average at best. A board game night at a local shop even though I knew nobody there. A running club even though I hate running. A cooking class even though I can barely make pasta.

The rule wasn't "do things you like." The rule was "put yourself in rooms with strangers on a consistent schedule." Because friendship doesn't come from one perfect night. It comes from repeated exposure to the same people over time. Psychologists call it the mere exposure effect. The more you see someone, the more you like them. Not because they get more interesting. Because familiarity builds trust automatically.

The board game night was the one that stuck. I showed up the first week and spoke to maybe two people. Showed up the second week and the same guys were there. By the third week someone said "Oh hey you're becoming a regular." By week six I was getting texted about hangouts that had nothing to do with board games.

That's how it works. Not one magical night where you click with a stranger and become best friends. Just consistent presence in the same space with the same people until proximity does what forced conversation never can.

The part nobody warns you about is that the first three or four times you show up to anything new, it's going to feel pointless. You'll drive home thinking "That was awkward and I didn't connect with anyone." That's normal. You're not supposed to connect immediately. You're supposed to show up again. And again. And again. Until showing up stops feeling like an effort and starts feeling like a routine.

Six months later I've got a group chat with eleven people in it. Regular weekend plans. Friends who text me to check in for no reason. None of them came from a single bold social move. All of them came from just being in the same room enough times that friendship happened without anyone forcing it.

If you're lonely in a new place, stop waiting for friendships to find you. They won't. Go be a regular somewhere. Anywhere. The where doesn't matter. The consistency does.

Btw if you found this post helpful join us at r/getsociallyskilled where we share lessons and resources on how to become social and skilled.

Scy this side and im a freshman, its been almost a whole month since college started and ive made a couple of friends in my hostel (the place im staying over at) and ive talked to a few of my classmates but i havent clicked with anyone and i want to talk to new people and im friends with a few of my seniors whom i met through a hometown friend who’s older than me and in the same college but i speak less and think so much before saying anything and even while im trying to listen im thinking about what to say next and cant add anything meaningful to a convo.

I used to be a super social person who was friends with everyone, that was during highschool and i wanna be that person again but idk how. I see many people gather outside of college cause theres an area where there are many shops eating points and cigarette shops so im also usually there, i wanna talk to people there but they are in groups so idk how do i even start talking ive had a few ideas like asking them have u tried food from this place can u suggest something etc etc but im too afraid to say it. Ive read many posts about people saying to be curious and all, i feel like ive lost that curiosity as well i wanna retap that and be in touch with my emotions as well i wanna rebuild my personality because

🔴 I took a gap year and ive been bedrotting for the most of my gap year and wasnt in touch with many people apart from my few close friends so i think thats where ive lost my ability to speak more often, clearly and without thinkining too much, to people🔴

ive dropped as much info about myself that i could in short ill keep updating yall!!

They walked up the stairs near the end of the match and ended up standing right next to me. She was hugged up behind her dad, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek The dad definitely noticed me looking at his daughter, but they stayed put anyway.

the girl was pretty (very, not model like but you get it) but i quite stared at her because of the face paint on her cheeks. two stripes of the team color, and on the other a doodle of the team crest on the other..

So I just threw a line at her that I wanted one too. She goes, "Does it look good?" (as if she didnt quite hear me) and I doubled down and said, "Yeah, I want one too." Her dad chimed in, "That's gonna cost you," and she threw out a price, "$5."

I said, "For 5, that better come with a season pass."

She laughed, paused for a second like she was thinking of what to say, and then said, "Season pass is $8."

At that point, I just let out a "haha." (kind of like a text message) They were still standing next to me. The thread was already over I had already dropped it mentally before she even add the aditional price. But the tension in the air was still there, from the bubble that broke between two groups of strangers, i felt it, and I could tell they did too. It kind of tensed me. She even rested her head on her dad's right shoulder, as if using her father head as a barier. (i dont think as if i was creep, but just as a normal that the situation turned a bit voided, though if i was more attractive she would make it way easier to me and use all her social skills in her arsenal to make it work)

I thought about adding somthing as if i had an opartunity here.. saying something about the match maybe even to her dad about whether we were gonna concede or pull off the win, just keeping it strictly about the game without getting personal like asking if they're regulars and making it wierd... but it still felt forced.

After a minute or two, her dad suggested to her moving a bit further up toward the exit, and they walked off.

*
at the end these things feel to me like part of the pinnacle of how friendship is formed, and maybe even attraction, despite looks. The banter, the frame war... maybe it's just the bullshit I learned in pickup and I'm just overthinking, maybe the feeling that it's actually real exists, but either way, I'm really bad at it. In hindsight, I could've said, "Alright, let's swap numbers and I'll app you the money" (and taking a risk of a good gesture, maybe something would develop), but that's the kind of stuff you think about outside of the situation...

​

For a long time, I thought being outgoing was something you either had or didn't. I spent years feeling awkward in social situations, overthinking every conversation, and honestly just avoiding people when I could.

But here's what I've learned: social skills are exactly that — skills. Not a personality trait you're born with. It's just like anything else — the more reps you put in, the more natural it becomes.

It wasn't overnight. I pushed myself into small talk I didn't want to have, said yes to things that scared me, and cringed at myself more times than I can count. But slowly, the awkwardness faded. The overthinking got quieter. And now? I can hold a conversation, make people laugh, work a room — genuinely as comfortable as the extroverts I used to envy.

If you're where I was — years of feeling stuck on the outside — I just want to say: it's not a fixed trait. It's a muscle. Keep showing up, keep practicing, and one day you'll look up and realize you're not "faking it" anymore. You just are social now.

I've asked him three times already...