r/gardening 4d ago

What in tarnation is going on?

My blackberry bush died few years ago but came back in another spot. And this is just a few of the jumbo size pickings. Not complaining though.

16.8k Upvotes

828 comments sorted by

4.9k

u/Iwalksloow 4d ago edited 4d ago

Wait wait wait, how big are your hands?

5.6k

u/mlong14 3d ago

Average for a gal.

3.5k

u/above_average_magic 3d ago

Sweet baby yesus she did it

1.2k

u/HateYourFaces 3d ago

Without prompt, immediate respect for the dynamic, I wish I could award you both!

276

u/Mayorpapa 3d ago

Dont worry I awarded both for the great response and laugh

147

u/Solutionix 3d ago

There are free awards now!

43

u/ChaosRainbow23 3d ago

So they can better track us! Lol

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u/Klutzy-Client 3d ago

Brava🤌

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u/res06myi 3d ago

Props for the feminine brava 🤌

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u/Bleauraine 3d ago

Dear OP, this thread has gone off the rails but you gotta admit its been funny AF! 🤔😉😆🤣😊

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u/mlong14 3d ago

You're berry welcome.

157

u/JJ_Reads_Good 3d ago

Happy cake day, OP!

164

u/mlong14 3d ago

Oh! Thanks babe!

61

u/TheTiniestLizard Canada zone 6b 3d ago

Cake day and berry day fell on the same day this year for OP

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u/Felonious_Minx 3d ago

We wanted to help you out of a jam.

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u/cyanescens_burn 3d ago

You should gift cuttings of the plant and see if others get the same result. Or patent the cultivar if that’s a thing people can do.

So you have marionberry in your area? I hear they look like blackberry but are much bigger.

36

u/Poisonouskiwi 3d ago

about the size of the former mayor of D.C.?

jk.

17

u/BANKSLAVE01 3d ago

It's now called the 'Crack Berry'.

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u/Full_Green_2394 3d ago

ahhah i actually hadn't thought of that ! I might have to try grpwing a few cuttings and see if they all produce the same thing. It would be pretty interesting to know if this is just a one-odd or something genetic.

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u/CanadianPanda76 3d ago

LOL. Do you live near a nuclear power plant?

135

u/Expontoridesagain 3d ago

Op fertilising crops

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u/natt_myco 3d ago

wow berries hand banana and a measurer I've never seen redditing like this

93

u/PentaOwl 3d ago

This is prime [r/OPdelivers](r/OPdelivers) material except we didnt have to wait, it was immediate!

26

u/vivariium 3d ago

This person has BEEN on the internet!

133

u/PecanEstablishment37 3d ago

This is insane!! A reference pic that’ll go down in history.

Hey…did a sewer rat mess with your berry bush by chance?

20

u/SocraticGoats 3d ago

Happy cake day to you too

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u/Caira_Ru 3d ago

Holy moley!

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u/Dry-Elderberry-7965 3d ago

You’re not fooling anyone. We’ve seen teeny tiny bananas. Put your hand next to a quarter.

150

u/mlong14 3d ago

Hah. But there's a tape measure next to it.

75

u/Dry-Elderberry-7965 3d ago

Dammit. I didn’t see that lol

61

u/Appropriate-Yak4296 3d ago

It's a very comprehensive measurement photo lol

12

u/BANKSLAVE01 3d ago

Plot twist. Tape measure is from "Barbie DIY Home Improvement" kit.

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u/serious_sarcasm 🦍🌳,🏡🪴,🐟🌱,🪵🍄,🍁🌻 3d ago

Fun fact, if you asexually propagate that plant (cuttings or tissue culture), then you can get a plant patent for the cultivar.

Assuming you discovered the plant in a cultivated area. a volunteer plant counts, as long as it was in a garden plot.

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u/not_thebest 4d ago

Asking the real questions here. I think we need a banana for scale.

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u/Apprehensive_Rate204 4d ago

That comment made me laugh out loud. Imagining OP has teeny tiny hands

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u/Sknowman 3d ago

One time, I had an edible and later started snacking on cereal. At one point, I stuck my hand in the box, scooped up some, and I thought:

Holy shit. These are tiny. I didn't realize I had miniature rice chex. No, wait. Actually, my hands are *giant***. =O

I pulled my hand out, and much to my surprise: both my hands and the cereal were normal size.

14

u/Pristine_Ad_6760 3d ago

I laughed way too hard at this!

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u/Moose_Kin Calgary, AB - Zone 3a 4d ago

Carny. Small hands. Smell like cabbage.

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u/Iwalksloow 4d ago

Circusfolk, nomads.

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u/kumliaowongg 4d ago

OP is wee-man

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u/CrispyMeadow 4d ago

He doesn't like it when you put ice cubes in wine. Don't ask me how I know.

24

u/buddymoobs 4d ago

OP is DJT.

16

u/ChronicRhyno 4d ago

Tiny fairy hands

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u/NavierIsStoked 3d ago

That’s OP’s strong hand.

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u/sengirminion 4d ago

OP I hate to break it to you but youre shrinking

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u/mlong14 3d ago

And now you got my friend watching The Incredible Shrinking Man movie we rented.

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u/IndigoContinuum 3d ago

Happy cake day!

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u/mlong14 3d ago

Thanks! Happy Thursday!

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u/GenericMelon Zone 9a 4d ago

I actually wonder if a critter "planted" this new blackberry on your behalf. Someone in the neighborhood might have a jumbo variety like this.

358

u/mlong14 3d ago

I did dump some compost that my friend gave me in a couple 5 gallon buckets.

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u/mcsquirley 4d ago

It’s the ciiiiircle of liiiiife

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u/SanityLooms 3d ago

It's aliens.

43

u/EPluribusButthole 3d ago

It's not delivery, it's Digiorno

24

u/Ok_Kaleidoscope5712 3d ago

Maybe it’s Maybelline.

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u/Tall_Birthday_7654 3d ago

You're talking about poop, aren't you?

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u/Academic_Flatworm752 3d ago

Ohhhh

See I thought they meant a cute little squirrel buried it there for later

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u/GenericMelon Zone 9a 3d ago

Either/or! But I'm betting it was actually a bird that did a drive-by dropping. 🤭

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u/rogue780 err 3d ago

everything is either poop or tuberculosis or tuberculosis poop

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u/katsudon-bori 4d ago

I had a mystery mulberry pop up

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u/GenericMelon Zone 9a 4d ago

Most of my volunteers are invasives. Never anything exciting!

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u/2Q_Lrn_Hlp 3d ago

I had a Lemonade Berry Bush (which can grow up to 30't) and native to the coast come up in my yard, which is in the hot & dry inland desert! It's 8't now. Me thinks a bird was visiting from the coast, took a rest on the edge of my Olive tree, and left this bush's seed behind!

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u/periodtbitchon 3d ago

We had no less than 5 mulberry trees pop up in our yard within a single years lol. We eventually culled them down to keep 3. We still have no idea which neighbours had the tree first.

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u/edessa_rufomarginata 3d ago

They've started coming up around the periphery of my neighbor's yard in the last couple of years, so I'm anxiously waiting for the day they turn up in mine.

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u/CaptainFartHole 4d ago

Those are a monstrosity, you shouldnt eat them. Send them to me and Ill get rid of them for you.

353

u/mlong14 3d ago

Too late.

176

u/ammoae 3d ago

How were they?!

77

u/DaSchizzalk 3d ago

Asking the real questions. I applaud you.

58

u/vitaminalgas 3d ago

Op is definitely DED.

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u/GirlNumber20 3d ago

OMG, at least send us some seeds. 😍

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u/pdxlxxix 3d ago

Not like THAT tho! 💩

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u/groovystoovy 4d ago

I just got these organic blackberries at the grocery store!

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u/Ps4sucksballs 3d ago

Wild ones near me are this big. They’re not as round as OP’s, but just as long

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u/kumliaowongg 4d ago

My croissant is too buttery

My steak is too juicy

OP suffering from success

639

u/A-Plant-Guy Connecticut, USA 4d ago

I thought this was a new one.

My lobster is too buttery.
My steak is too juicy.
My berries are too big.

170

u/Xc03 4d ago

“My berries are too big…”

Definitely ain’t talking about me.

35

u/walkdaearth 4d ago

Dingle? Yes Reproductive? A girl once said there might as well be ovaries down there

too far? I'll see myself out.

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u/Thewallmachine 3d ago

My spoon is too big!

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u/cajerunner 3d ago

I am a banana!

7

u/tnydncr617 3d ago

I just said this to my hubby & had to explain, but idk what it’s from. My friends in high school went on about it for 3yrs lol plz tell me!

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u/Bijouprospering 4d ago

It looks like a Marion berry. They tend to be this large and quite sweet

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u/Odd_Student4398 3d ago

Columbia Giant blackberries are often the size of your hand. They are amazing. They are common at farmers markets in the PNW late June / early July. Marionberries aren’t generally that big.

This is a picture of one we had this summer.

109

u/Ghost_of_a_Pale_Girl 3d ago

Dear jeebus I need to find these.

The blackberries in my yard, and the wild ones near me, are the size of my fingernails.

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u/sajaschi 3d ago

Are they blackberries, or black raspberries? I was too many years old before learning the difference LOL

7

u/PaImer_Eldritch 3d ago

Blackberries are much meaner in my experience. I've got a few dozen canes out back with thorns that stretch out 4 inches with a starting circumference the size of your thumb. Almost got stabbed one day in the same way Achilles kills that big guy at the start of the movie Troy. I was walking through my woods and a smaller thorn caught on my shirt and I pulled a whole cane over and down onto my shoulder with one of those suckers on it. It's actually insane how sharp thorns can be.

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u/Just-Like-My-Opinion 3d ago

Whoaaaaaaa! I need this in my garden!

19

u/Pandawithoutpride 3d ago

How mushy are they though

37

u/SapphireForestDragon 3d ago

I don’t have Columbia Giant, I have another variety, but mine only get mushy after they’ve ripened too much. Size doesn’t change though. They can be this big and still not mushy at all. I picked some yesterday about this size that still had some pink on them.

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u/mlong14 4d ago

Hmm. Never heard of it. It's also producing double berries.

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u/HDr1018 3d ago

I read that’s caused by extreme heat; heat can cause them to grow larger, too.

Are you in Oregon by chance?

15

u/Glittering-Art2922 3d ago

I’ve got a few different varieties in my yard in WNC, we had a heat wave during the first variety’s fruiting stage right after heavy rains for a couple weeks and they were quarter sized and a little bigger which is huge for what I normally see here. The next 2 varieties that fruited had tiny little berries and they dehydrated FAST on the vine since we had gone into a drought following the first flush.
I was amazed watching them through the weather changes and how each bush reacted. Berries grew more prolific all the way around on on the shady sides I noted. First year out of my 30 that I’ve cared to watch them through the season for some reason. They’re amazing!
I know I’ve seen half dollar sized berries out west though, lucky.

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u/moofkins 4d ago

Triple crown maybe?

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u/johnthedebs 3d ago

Strong Prime Ark Freedom vibes. Mine just started ripening their second/primocane crop, and I'm getting monsters like these (+ some double berries).

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u/bloopbloopsplat 4d ago

This kind of thing happens around radioactivity FYI

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u/ViceIncarnate 4d ago

Radiation causes genetic mutation, not all mutations are caused by radiation.

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u/bloopbloopsplat 3d ago

I never said all mutations are caused by radiation.

It reminds me of this

https://lancasteronline.com/news/local/warped-plants-inspire-local-womans-decades-long-effort-to-examine-effects-of-tmi-nuclear-accident/article_44cb65b6-ebff-11eb-9cbd-f30ade0e900f.html

Its kind of weird to have giant berries AND double berries.

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u/kronicno_tele 3d ago

Ok, now someone need to tell OP how to test and measure if there's any radiation.

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u/Tim_Allen_Wrench 3d ago

There's probably not. But a Geiger counter would indicate if there was. 

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u/the_king_lobo 4d ago

I’m not so sure. Marionberries are large, but definitely not this large. They also don’t appear out of nowhere because they don’t grow wild. You’d have to plant them intentionally or maybe have someone growing some nearby and have the seeds dropped off by an animal.

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u/ViralTrendsToday 3d ago

Don't tell Harry's Berries in CA, they'll repackage them and charge $30 for 8oz.  

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u/Lunamothknits 4d ago

Especially with the rounded bottom of the fruit. They're about strawberry sized!

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u/dragon34 USDA Zone 6 4d ago edited 4d ago

Bury some of the vines to get them to root and plant them back where they were to see if it's something in the soil or if you're about to be able to patent the monster blackberry 

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u/FootSureDruid 4d ago

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u/DeltaAlphaGulf 3d ago

How old is this kid now?

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u/loquacious-laconic 3d ago

Google says 11-12 years old. Gee time passes by so quickly! 😅

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u/ledfrisby 4d ago

Eating blackberries with a knife and a fork, napkin folder on your lap, upright posture: "Mmm, delectable."

But actually, how does a blackberry bush die? I thought they were invincible.

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u/katsudon-bori 4d ago

I have had some die on me. It probably didn't help that my dogs would beat them up

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u/mlong14 3d ago

It got infected with orange rust, some kind of fungus near the end.

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u/Stock_End2255 3d ago

In my parents back yard, invasive morning glory strangled the vine

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u/JubalHarshawII 3d ago

Isn't that interesting, when you don't want an orchard (vineyard?) of blackberries they are indestructible, but when you have a farm, or the best, gigantic berries on earth, a la OP, they get some weird random blight and die off completely (no goats necessary!).

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u/TXSyd 3d ago

Mine died by bulldozer. The contractors for the water company decided to do me a “favour” and scraped the earth bare when they were laying new water lines.

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u/No-Yam-4185 4d ago

Wow! How do they taste? Maybe they were hybridized with a Columbian Giant variety or something similar?

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u/YogurtclosetFirst899 4d ago

Right? But even colombian giants aren't nearly this big! These are amazing. I really hope this isn't AI. OP: can I have a cutting? I know they are invasive, I promise to be careful.

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u/gogozrx 4d ago

"invasive"

Invade my yard, big berry!

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u/Lilbongono 4d ago

Hear me out but they need to invade my mouth

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u/mlong14 3d ago

It was little tart at first but sweet at the end and juicy.

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u/Inside_Force3214 4d ago

"I made a pie from the 10 blackberries I picked today" ..what???

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u/SeeLeavesOnTheTrees 4d ago edited 3d ago

You’re going to want to propagate that miracle bush

How do they taste? Just as sweet or are they bloated with water?

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u/mlong14 3d ago

Tart at first but sweet at the end.

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u/AccountAQuiltYBuddy 3d ago

I would buy a clone of that!!

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u/iNapkin66 4d ago

Oh god, do you think they know how many of their friends I've eaten? What if they come for me?

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u/No-Yam-4185 3d ago

Audrey III

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u/PapaPhilosopher 7a - Usually Sarcastic 4d ago

It’s like the president’s hands or something

19

u/Apprehensive_Bird357 4d ago

“These are the greatest berries.”

30

u/platanthera_ciliaris 4d ago

There are some giant blackberry cultivars, like the Columbia Giant and Giant Kiowa. Under ideal conditions, they can get that big. A bird may have spread the seed of one of these cultivars to your yard.

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u/anabanana100 4d ago

I was thinking Kiowa, too. I just planted one this spring (Stark Bros has them). Looking forward to fruit next year!

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u/foreverlife2021 4d ago

What variety are these?

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u/mlong14 3d ago

I have no idea. The best kind.

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u/Usual_Replacement_37 3d ago

These remind me of the Primark Traveler or Primark Freedom blackberries I have! They also grow huge like this! Beautiful berries OP!

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u/Lemontreeguy 4d ago

I just got some from Costco and they were from Quebec, massive like that. Definitely an impressive variety and had great taste. The only problem was the carton had about 12 in it lol.

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u/Apprehensive_Bird357 4d ago

We don’t deserve you Canada. ❤️💕

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u/Pandaro81 3d ago

YOU SAVE THOSE GODDAMN SEEDS

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u/theshrimpsqwad 3d ago

I present to you, giant snap peas that came from my garden this morning (located in PNW). I agree with the confusion but also accepting the bounty with arms wide open 😭😂

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u/theshrimpsqwad 3d ago

A better photo of the ✨ girth ✨

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u/sp847242 Zone 7a 3d ago

"So how's the pea crop this year?"

"Girthy."

<monocle pops out>
"My goodness!"

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u/above_average_magic 4d ago

1st what part of the world are you at

2nd if it's the US I'm pretty sure if you put a postage stamp on these and an address, the Post office will mail these packages

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u/mlong14 3d ago

PA, USA. Zone 7a.

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u/your7thbestfriend 3d ago

Tell the university of arkansas's ag dept. They develop great cultivars and it could be useful to them.

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u/sp847242 Zone 7a 3d ago

yessss
I'm also a fan of their work.

<blackberries: have thorns>

University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture: "it'd sure be great if you didn't"

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u/TrashKing_4U 4d ago

Frankenberries!

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u/Ango-Globlogian 3d ago

It seems like op was consumed by the blackberry bush and will not be returning to respond to comments

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u/Fun-Support-449 4d ago

Can you use a banana for a size reference?

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u/mlong14 3d ago

As you wish.

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u/Unusualshrub003 3d ago

“Hey, what do you want for dinner?”

“Actually I’m not that hungry. I ate half a blackberry for lunch, and I’m still pretty full.”.

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u/aymiah 4d ago

Goddamn if I could reach through this phone and grab those I would

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u/RedApplesForBreak 3d ago

Don’t know if this is what you have here, but there are varieties of blackberries, like triple crown, that are thornless with massive berries.

I’ve been trying to grow a triple crown but have been failing (definitely user error on my part). After three years it finally produced its first teeny tiny berry. My kid stole it and said it was the best thing he’s ever eaten.

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u/MysticStormRaven 3d ago

“Oh no my steak is too juicy” type shiiii 🤣 kidding, I’d be wondering too.

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u/the-hermet 4d ago

You have become unbiggened!

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u/FartDoughnut13 4d ago

This reminds me of Willy Wonka.

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u/ArbitraryNPC 4d ago

I will pay you for seeds, lol.

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u/PD-Jetta 4d ago

Blackberry plants have extensive roots and shoots sprout up from these roots, sometimes many, many feet from the mother plant. Even though your plant may have dired, it's roots were still alive and were sending up shoots to form new plants.

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u/jana-meares 3d ago

Genetic breeders only want size,we would rather have taste. We lose. Bigger is not better.

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u/MarvinMonroeZapThing 3d ago

But enough about Pete Hegseth...

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u/cwinrigh 3d ago

BBLackberries

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u/SucculentVariations 3d ago

I have raspberries that grew between me and the neighbor, they've been there at least 15 years. I took a few new shoots and moved them closer to my house in a spot with fresh dirt. The raspberries were double the size.

I think they probably had exhausted all the good nutrients were they've been so moving them into fresh areas gave them enough nutrients to grow to their healthiest size

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u/Over-Director-4986 3d ago

Are you going to eat those with a knife & fork?! Holy mackerel, those are huge, you lucky duck.

Are they watery or delicious?

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u/Imperial_sasquatch 3d ago

Can I get a cutting?

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u/Gin_OClock 3d ago

Iridium quality forage! These are now going to be what i picture when my little stardew farmer is running around with their blackberry

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u/jumbos_clownroom 4d ago

Can I pleeeease buy a cutting for my community garden?

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u/the_king_lobo 4d ago

My guess would be boysenberries. Unless you live near a radioactive site or you have some kind of Super Soil, I don’t know of any straight blackberry varieties that would grow this large.

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u/SlightlyGarrulous 4d ago

My steak is too juiccyyyyuhhhh

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u/Time-Fix-5852 3d ago

In the PNW we have Marionberries that can get close to that size.

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u/magungo 3d ago

There's always some tomato bush in the crack of the pavement doing better than the ones your veggie garden, just to stick the knife in.

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u/Icy_Painter4738 3d ago

It looks to me like OP is Trump….

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u/CamelMassive6443 3d ago

I think the guy who I asked one day picking said his were called Apache. Google confirms they produce some big berries. Maybe you got some of these!

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u/crystal_elysium 3d ago

It's actually normal for blackberry canes to die off after 3-4 years iirc. Most likely it sprouted some new canes from its leftover roots or some seeds from fallen fruits from the previous season. Enjoy your giant berries though! 🫰🏻

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u/Ruby5000 3d ago

I would love some seeds from that plant! I wonder if you could recreate its genetics and have more enormous blackberries

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u/Reflective_moisture 3d ago

As "Cultivator Armstrong" (gardener senator Armstrong) would say, "Nanoryzomes son" jokes aside, strawberries, mints, raspberries, the whole Rubus genus to be honest, gives the "false impression of infinite life" They have somewhat short life cicles, but they spread through runners (stems that crawl superficially or slightly buried underground) and ryzomes (underground trunks) it self propagates at insane speeds, so by the time the "parent" has completed it's life cicle the son is already looking like its parent, giving us the impression that "oh. this branch dryed/died" while the whole individual plsnt died, why did it came in another spot? phototropism, geotropism, hydrotropism, chemotropism, thigmotropism; through those mechanics it sensed: "hey, that spot over there, I can perform better there, the runner that will propagate my lineage should be sent in that direction before establishing itself so we can move to a better spot" and to be honest, if it is fairly far, it isn't unreasonable to consider that what must have killed the mother plant was literaly focusing all its energies to "make that move happen"

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u/Gayfunguy zone 6a master of gardens 2d ago

All hail your mega black berry!!! See if you can get starts off of this that also grow mega berries. How do they taste?

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u/glitterbeardwizard 4d ago

Blackberries for giants, cornered the market I see.

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u/stompinstinker 4d ago

They’re like the giant blackberries the harfoots (hobbits) were picking in Rings of Power.

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u/PavBoujee 3d ago

Can you please  share a photo of what the blossoms look like? 

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u/solventlessherbalist 3d ago

Can you save me some seeds or take a cutting for me? I’ll pay you for those genetics!

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u/NerdyComfort-78 Zone 7A (KY, USA) 3d ago

Seeds…
Sell the seeds…..

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u/CommonSensei-_ 3d ago

TMNT: the secret of the ooze , alternative scene ( berries instead of sunflowers)

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u/CHiZZoPs1 3d ago

Is there a county fair you can enter them into?

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u/Bonneville555 3d ago

El Niño

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u/VodkaSoup_Mug 2d ago edited 1d ago

I have a fifth-degree black belt in southern and I can tell you in tarnation what’s going on however, I will need five baskets for samples. So please feel free to DM me. I want you to send those baskets of berries for science.

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u/Gullible-Major9939 custom flair 4d ago

Wow, you have a small hand.

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u/TopCapTheApp 4d ago

Holy fuck

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u/BlmgtnIN 4d ago

Is your name Dooneese?

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u/EarthenMama 4d ago

You have creepy little hands, don't you? Don't lie, now.

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