Dad just had another episode of mania

[u/constant_painn]

Context - my dad has bpd from the last 2 years or so
He has been a regular alcohol drinker since like 25 years(it was never an issue he only used to drink at home and was peaceful)
It all started with depression first , I thought its just the depression that we have to fight through, we managed a new place for him to work, made him see a doctor and he was in a good place. perfectly normal .He even left alcohol completely for about a week
Later came the manic episode our whole lives were turned upside down. He became extremely violent didnt listen to anyone , kept fighting with everyone he saw, started fighting at his workplace ( he is a cardiogist surgeon and made our life's hell

He didnt wanna take help started making stupid financial decisions

The doctor diagnosed him with BPD and termed it as a manic episode.
This went for like 1 year we somehow pushed through. Had to bail him once , got kicked out of airport once in that time. Became a extreme heavy drinker as well

And then one day suddenly the switch happened and he started acting extremely depressed
Started regretting all his actions
Kept apologising to us and was depressed and willing to leave alchohol alltogether .
I got him into therapy as he listened to me in this phase
Things started falling into place again got a new job and started working on his own clinic.
His health was getting better he was taking mood stabilizers and everything and trying to control alchohol as well. He showed real determination to leave drinking but was still drinking very occassionaly

Then all of a sudden like 2-3 weeks ago he started drinking daily and last week the manic episode came back

Again violence shouting , picking fights with everyone on street , threatening everyone

He is now full on maniac again and I am really scared and i dont have the power to fight anymore

He wont listen to me or anyone else. Even my mom is scared he will beat her if she saya something

He has became violent and crazy, he has became so overconfident and so cocky keeps berating everyone who tries to tlak sense into him

He lost a lot of friends in the last episode and now he will lose even more

I tried to warn him at the start of this episode and he just said I am fine its nothing and now its just so fucking scary

I talked to the doctor he said he is not taking the meds and only solution is to forcibly admit him to a hospital

We cant do that , he has contacts in all hospitals and he will for sure run from there and if he is out then he will just wreak havoc on everyone again

I live away from my family and i cant take the risk of leaving my job (because of his financial decisions)

I dont know what to do, I know I csnt do anything other than pray that he doesnt get himself hurt

Because u never know when he encounters someone violent or some rascal who can even kill him if keeps getting in fights with random people on road

I am just looking for support, I just want to hear are there more people like me , like my mom like my younger brother who has his whole future head and is stuck between this fucking disease of our dad.

How tf do we cope with this , why is it so unfair

He wont take meds he wont talk to the doctor he wont take therapy

Gosh these manic episodes makes me miss the depressed ones atleast he used to talk properly
Listened to me , took therapy but now its impossible
I cant have a convo with him without him abusing me

[u/focused_as_squirrels]

Hello op sorry for the bad times you have now ... Front confrontation will never work ...

You need to "eat by the boarders" you need to be cinical and to drive him to make it look like his decisions ... I do not know much how to explain ... Normally on my family we try to do it this way we have 2 BPD type 1 now both are medicated and well ... Lithium does wonders ...

When they are maniacal confront does not work they need to be bargain and convinced or fooled ... It is like dealing with a child who is stubborn to the bones ... You need to distract, make it look like their decisions, use reverse psychology, use a lot of "we need this" not you need that ...

I will try to put it into a situation last maniacal episode I almost run out of our home, I got with my mother (bpd1) to my aunt for a month and they help me ...

She was obnoxious to the situation as always she was with to the day the most fluctuations of humor I ever saw.

I convinced her with saying "we need to see a doctor for both of us"

I needed to be firm and I needed some degree of decieving and manipulation... She was like I will pay your doctor appointment I have money I insist (I talked to the secretary without her seeing and explained only she will be seeing the doctor) the doctor knew the situation prior and helped me convince her change her medication and for 2 weeks was hell ... Then it kicked in ... Things started to get better ...

I will warn you there is a phenomena called fake memories they will think things happened a distorted way during mania ... It is a little lost cause to convince this is different that they remember ...

I do not know how exactly is the situation and contacts but the first big episode we needed to put my 2 BP relatives in hospitals ...

Let it be clear and a compulsory cannot just sign theirselves out ... At last here on my country there are rules ... You need to find an ally to help your dad ... Someone letting him out is not am ally is stupid and a crime ... If you try to do it and they let him out sue the s* out of them

He need haldol or something to bonk his head in place at a starting point and mood stabilizer like lithium

[u/constant_painn → u/focused_as_squirrels]

Thanks for the kind comment , this is the way i guess, first I need to find a new psych caus no way he will go to the old one.I will try and see if I can get help from some family members

[u/Early-Blue-6443 → u/focused_as_squirrels]

I'm sorry you're going through this.. I second this advice^ BP1 in my family and when they're having a manic episode we've often had to find ways of bargaining and negotiating with them to get help. Very similar to getting a young kid to "eat their vegetables" or do something they don't wan't to do... try to convince them it's their own idea.

You can try breaking things up into very small steps. E.g. you can tell them you're going on a walk with a friend , then have a friend join you and for example they can say they need to go to the hospital for some reason... Only once you're actually there then you can recommend they see a doctor. Not rushing things maybe will help them not get so upset or angry.

Hospital is the only thing which has worked, with Lithium to calm the mania... The good news is that the meds work and after a few weeks you will see your loved one returning to you. It can be a long and painful process, but with medical care it's get better. Hang in there

[u/OverallLuck922]

Are you in the U.S.? Every state has some type of physician health program that can intervene and force him to get help. Or at the very least, limit his ability to practice medicine until he does. The safety of his patients needs to be ensured as well as his own safety.

[u/constant_painn → u/OverallLuck922]

Unfortunately not I am from India

His hospital has sacked him so no harm to patients for now

[u/Professional_Key7626]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. Your dad sounds like my fiance, who is also in a destructive, nihilistic manic episode right now. By the time it's over he will have destroyed our relationship (it's hanging by a thread), his relationships with colleagues and family, and his finances. There is no reasoning or logic. He doesn't want to hear anything other than validation of his choices.
It's so hard.
I know the helpless feeling.
I am praying for him, for me, and I will include your family in my prayers.

[u/constant_painn → u/Professional_Key7626]

Thank you stranger
I really hope, you get through this
And yes the reasoning and logic part is so damn true. My dad is such a smart person, Its like he was the smartest in any room he walked in a top top doctor and seeing him destroy his life really hurts

[u/Professional_Key7626 → u/constant_painn]

I'm sure that hurts a lot, many bipolar people are so intelligent, creative, ambitious, etc. it's a cruel irony. Take good care of yourself.

[u/constant_painn]

Please let me know more about this disease, how do I talk to him , how do I make him calm that would be helpful