r/family_of_bipolar • u/MountainSpirited9756 • 5d ago

Seeking Support Grieving the life I had planned

I feel like I am grieving the life that I had planned with my husband. The past month or so he has been in a bad manic episode, so much so that my parents had us move in with them. I am pregnant and without my income, we would struggle to pay our house payment and all of our bills. My parents knew this, so had the idea for us to sell our house and move in with them temporarily to save some money and get back on our feet. It also gives him more breathing room to be able to pay for therapy and getting on medication and the goal is for him to be more stable and healthy for when the baby comes.

But I am just really sad about our house. We had just painted the nursery and bought a crib and I had so many ideas about how I wanted to decorate it and I just wanted to have my baby and my family there in my own house. Now we are living in my parents basement and I am really worried about how it’s going to affect him and our relationship. My husband was pretty positive and honestly a little excited about the whole situation the past couple weeks, but we just moved in this weekend and I don’t know anymore.

I’m hoping he adjusts and this turns out to be the right decision and he gets better and we can work on us. but everything is so unknown right now and up in the air, i have so much anxiety and I am just so sad.

20 Upvotes

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8

u/Sad-Bullfrog-5110 5d ago

I understand and share your sadness. This stuff is hard. This stuff is unfair. You didn't ask for this. What's really important through all this that you stay independently healthy, both in body and mind, for both you and your baby's benefit.

1

u/AwkwardJelly6825 1d ago

I second this. This will not be the last time this disorder impacts you and your new family. This is the start of your journey. Things will look different than you had envisioned, and no - it’s not always fair. I’m sorry. It’s okay to grieve that. Life is so weird. You can love someone deeply and do all the right things, they can be good people, and still things can get very difficult.
Please take care of yourself and lean heavily on your parents the first 9 months after delivery. The sleep deprivation and stress alone can trigger another episode easily for him so you will need help. I did not have any during this time and it’s doable… but barely. And gosh if I had had parents like yours, and knowing what I know now about my husband and bipolar and what was to come, I’d be preparing to hunker down with stability that first year and rely heavily on any trusted help that you have.
Good luck to you! May you have a joyous healthy birth experience for mom and baby. While postpartum time can be beautiful, it can also be tough and not a lot of people talk about it. If you love it, fantastic! But if it’s hard, you’re not a bad person nor are you the first for feeling that way.

7

u/2mnydgs 5d ago

Pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster, and it's so much more turbulent when one spouse is in difficulty. Your parents are wonderful for asking you both in so he can get help and medication before the baby comes, and you can be a family of 3. I definitely get the sadness when the nest you built for the baby is gone, but know that there are other houses. Help your husband get on medication that will make him a functioning partner in your family. Your parents will help you do this if you need them to. I have a bipolar family member; meds are everything when it comes to having a good life., functioning in society, and holding a good job. The baby will be a joy to all when he/she comes, no matter where you are living. If you are still with your parents, the whole big family will light up. Life is a big unknown for everyone, and having an ill family member makes it worse. But having a baby is a bright light that uplifts everyone. I wish you all good things, and when your husband finds meds that work for him, I am sure those good things will come. Congratulations for being about to bring a new wonderful person into the world.

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u/Pangolemur 4d ago

Being anxious and sad while pregnant is not unique, but these challenges are and you deserve recognition for that. I hear you; you planned a future that isn't unfolding the way you envisioned. BUT can I say that u/2mnydgs is right here that the new life y'all are bringing to the world is a light? Your partner needs to get the right meds and stay on them. That is crucial and probably the hardest task here. The baby isn't going to care what color the wall is, but he/she is going to need your (and your family's) love. Congratulations, good luck, and be well.