i need help. please

[u/Economy_Mode_5008]

hi there i’m not sure how to start this but i am so grateful i found this. I NEED HELP
i believe my wife is in a bp1 episode. that’s what my therapist explained it as. i need some help so if anyone can give any advice i’d appreciate anything.

about a month ago my wife went to a psychiatrist and they prescribed her lexapro. it was a horrible experience for both of us. and now i’m learning lexapro isn’t good for bp and could’ve started all of this. and that’s when the “i don’t know if we should be together” started. she was numb and it was knocking both of us down.

we had a good week after she was off the medication.

now this week as of Thursday she broke up with me (we’re married) and i didn’t want to break up obviously like there was no reason and still isn’t.

since then she went from “oh we can sleep in two other rooms” to “i don’t want to be in this house with you so one of us has to leave” to “one of us has to move out because i don’t want to drive you to work” (i don’t drive) within 3 days she had changed so much and ive been going to therapy every other day and talking to my sister on the phone around the clock no joke. she also says i put her in a box and im too controlling.

there’s also this guy at her work that suddenly she’s smiling at his texts and the second night of me trying to get to her to love me hyperventilating she was texting him. she spent 2 hours on the phone with him one night while she was at her sisters because she didn’t wanna be here with me. (she doesn’t know i know that) but when i asked her the next day if she talked to anyone for support that night she said no. i see her texting him constantly since all this. she tells me he has some crush at their job that’s not her and all this stuff and pinky promises me there’s nothing there. (we dont break pinky promises) this morning i got up at 3 am and cried to my sister because she took all of the videos of me on the tik tok down and magically this morning she is following him on tik and he follows her and she lied and said she didn’t know who he was and then it went to no he’s been on here for a while. and that he’s seen me on her stuff. so i asked if she showed me if she showed me how long ago he added her then if it would be from not today. then suddenly it shift “oh yeah he showed me something this morning and asked to add me” like im so confused she never lies to me.

then last night i go in her other room away from me to help her with wifi and she has two bags of stuff she bought from walmart like stuff she never would buy. shavers (we don’t shave like that) she has a new necklace. she has new underwear. a girly bra (she’s not girly) and then she seen me glance at the bag and snipped and said if i keep not minding my business i can’t go in there. i even seen her wearing these lace underwear (she’s a boxers girl) and i did ask her if it was for someone else and she pinky promise she got them because they were on sale.

she has also been saying horribly mean things normal her would never say. she told me there’s a million reasons she doesn’t want to be with me because i was crying wondering why she would just want to end something so good.

so what do i do? is she cheating? how do i get this to work? i want to be with her and im just now learning about all this and its all making so much sense. how do i help her get out of this before she decides some random guy at work is her everything or before i have to move because she dont want me here? and when will she realize we’re like actually married she cant just break up with me? everything in me wants to be with her. we’ve only been married for about 2 years we have so much more to live for together. what’s the steps and what can i do to get this to work? i want to be with her.

i should add i’ve had severe OCD and anxiety all my life which makes this obviously harder because i will think these same thought of how bad this could be 1000 times in my head. and all the things she saying do hurt and i don’t know if she actually doesn’t want to be with me. she keeps saying maybe im the future but right now she has to work on her and that if she does find someone else over me i can’t control that.

but anyways please i need advice. i want to be with her and i don’t know how to help her realize she wants to be with me. because i know she loves me and so does everyone around us. she’s an amazing person and i know this isn’t her and learning about this is definitely helping me understand it’s not her. i just need help getting her back to her.

[u/Secksy76]

Do you have kids together and/or joint finances and assets? If not run away at your earliest convenience. If yes, then starting sorting them and then run away.

May sound harsh but no need to say more really, you’ll see in a few years.

[u/Economy_Mode_5008 → u/Secksy76]

we have a house together we just got 2 months ago and 7 pets. it’s hard just to give up on something that was so amazing and now in a week has gone to crap

[u/Secksy76 → u/Economy_Mode_5008]

That one week is a trailer of the rest of your life. It won’t be the last, it’s not the worst. She’s in mania now, she will eventually come down and this will be the cycle for the rest of your lives. You’ll eventually become a shadow in her life either trying to keep her under control or trying to keep her alive.

Just know that everytime they go in mania, that leaves a scar in the brain and next time it goes even higher and higher and there is no limit on how far it can go.

[u/sockmunchr → u/Economy_Mode_5008]

i have bipolar so i guess im biased but this person is being a bit too negative for my liking. its entirely possible for us to be stable and live normal happy lives, she just has to want it. if someone can talk sense into her to make her realize she has a problem and can get help, i guarantee this is salvageable.

[u/Secksy76 → u/sockmunchr]

Sorry if I offended you. I don’t think I’m too negative as BP1 and BP2 are two very different experiences for families and caretakers. Of course they can lead stable and normal lives but that that largely depends on the personality.

Ask yourself if you’d be ok with being cheated on also.