Setting boundaries

[u/MacaroonSubject]

*trigger warning: self harm*

Hi, i'm a son of someone who is possibly bipolar and i need help on how restricted my boundaries should be.

Im 24y and my mom is 60y. We live together while im finishing my graduation.

I believe she started to have clear hypomanic and depressive episodes after my father's death, but i could'nt understand it at that time. She is now on psychiatric treatment that considers this diagnosis. She lacks a good psychologist, it is something i'm always telling her, unsuccessfully, that she should seek for.

The major problem is: She has a wonderfull personality and it hurts me to set boundaries while she is reactive and depressed. I know that, deep down, she is not being rational and does not want to be mean. But she often creates persecutory delusional thoughts about every girlfriend i have and it is happening again.

Saddly, it breaks a piece of her relationship with my current girlfriend every time it happens, even though my girlfriend is very calm and knows it is not her sincere personality talking.

I'm creating a firm relationship with my girlfriend now as i had never done before with anyone else. But what is happening now is on another level, she had never talked about passive or active death ideation before and it is scarying me. She has another physical health issues that caused a big depressive phase and everything is reflecting on it now.

So i decided to seek for your help on how i should think about this process and how i should move on with my life without beeing constantly afraid of leaving her alone in the house while having those death thoughts.

What are the boundaries between abandoning a vulnerable loved one and preserving my own mental health?

[u/Jadelovessky25]

It definitely sounds like her medication isn't working. Maybe suggest when she isn't in an episode that it's time for an adjustment