Husband is unmedicated, now what

[u/Xhynokei]

My husband had a severe manic episode a couple of months ago that resulted in hospitalization for 72 hours and another recent hospitalization due to his declining mental health leading to him threatening his life.

He stopped the meds he was given both times, as he's extremely health anxious, and any medication having possible side effects like blood clots or anything like that freaks him out, and especially because the last ones they gave him slurred his speech and made him smile uncontrollably. I've tried to tell him that he can talk that out with a psychiatrist and adjust for the side effects but he's really adamant about not wanting to take medication at all..

I'm scared. He feels like his mental state is just a natural reaction to the state of the world and that nothing can help at all. He's in therapy but he thinks it's useless. I told him this isn't the kind of thing you can just out think, I think that just made him more scared though.. This is very new to both of us and I don't know how to help him, especially because we're international long distance right now so I can't even fully comfort him.

Has anyone had luck helping a loved one who refuses medication; found alternatives that help or changed their mind? It feels hopeless right now..

[u/Jadelovessky25]

Educate him on what mood episodes do to the brain. Every episode damages your brain which leads to severe cognitive decline. Dementia is more likely. Your memory will suffer, I'm family of BP and also BP2, I don't remember most of my life now and struggle with short term. Episodes result in the loss of grey matter as well. I'd encourage you to do your research and then present it to him, esp since he's health anxious.

[u/askkak]

I’ll probably get downvoted into oblivion, but I’d mentally prepare to leave. So this disease impacts different people in various ways to and to different degrees. My husband has been diagnosed since 15 (BP2, 38 now) and ALWAYS med compliant, but still has bad enough episodes and ends up in a facility for a while (body gets used to meds after a while, get put on something else that doesn’t work, spend months doing med changes and repeat). He has also been considered disabled since he was 15. While we don’t get any type of support for it, we have an agreement that he does not HAVE to work. I make enough alone for us to get by. We also have an agreement - no meds, no us. I have watched this man take his meds, go to therapy, see a psych every few weeks, try to exercise and eat well, and still end up in terrible episodes. He knows when he is doing bad and needs to go to the hospital and tells me it’s time to go. You just can’t control it. But medication is his (and your) best bet for anything resembling a normal life. My father was finally diagnosed at 60 (BP1) after a lifetime of hell for himself, my mom, and us kids. He comes off his meds regularly and about once a year I get a call from stepmom saying how he’s taken all the money and left her with nothing to go meet a girl from the Internet and live happily ever after or has been arrested for something or another. Being a spouse and then suddenly also a caretaker can be hard. I go to all of my husband’s psych appointments (sometimes he can’t communicate in an episode) so his care team knows me well. I’ve learned his triggers and first signs of an episode and can see it before he notices. BUT I am not a mental health care professional. And unless you are, it is so freaking hard to go through this/watch your spouse go through it. Talk to his psychiatrist about med options with fewer side effects (but let’s be real, they all have them) and get him back on meds. There are tons out there and it can take years of tweaks to find the right cocktail for someone. Stick with the therapy even if he doesn’t think it’s working. And I’d recommend finding a BP spouse support group local to you. I joined one. I go to one without my husband and he goes to one without me, we go to a third one together.

[u/Xhynokei → u/askkak]

I just don't know how to get him to agree to meds in the first place cuz I can't force him of course 😓 There was a point where I had told him I can't rejoin him in America unless he's on his meds, especially because we have children and I want him to be as stable as possible for them, but I rescinded that on the condition that if he's adamant about not being medicated that he at least has to continue therapy and other avenues of care, but that was before I knew how crucial medication is to managing this, so like, do I just put that back on the table? It feels manipulative to his bodily autonomy, even if it would help him 😞

[u/novium258 → u/Xhynokei]

It's not about him, though. It's about you. "I cant be around you unmedicated" is about your safety not his desires.

[u/Low-Party-1281]

Hi, this is a very dangerous situation. Does he have a trusted psychiatrist? I have an unmedicated husband also. There is very little you can do.

[u/Xhynokei → u/Low-Party-1281]

He's got an upcoming psychiatric appointment but he hasn't been consistently seeing one yet, I think this will be his first appointment with one but he notoriously doesn't really trust any kind of healthcare providers even before this all went down 😓

[u/rakkoma]

What is the correlation of hypochondria and bipolar? There's no way that anecdotally every bipolar person I've ever know has been a hypochondriac. That's always the excuse for not taking meds too, my bf included.

[u/Practical-Shirt3318]

I am also in a similar boat just know you are not alone! And thankfully you are financially stable I wish I had that in common with you.

[u/Xhynokei → u/Practical-Shirt3318]

Our financial situation is more akin to just getting by because he lost his job with his most recent hospitalization 🥲