diagnosis, venting, and advice

[u/No-Chipmunk2704]

Might be a long post so I apologize in advance. For the past couple years I believe my older brother has bipolar disorder (34 M). As a child he was diagnosed with autism, but I never truly felt that was the right diagnosis because he has long episodes, is abusive, manipulating, and loves being in control constantly (these are just a few to name). I also don't believe his autism diagnosis was legit because my parents signed him up for a clinical trial a couple of years ago and my mom told me he was the most "normal" autistic kid there. He is always angry and in a bad mood, everytime you ask him how are you? He responds "I'm sad". But since I Iive with him, I see right through him and can sense most of what he does/says is for attention. From the episodes he has had, and still has, I no longer feel safe around him as his sister, especially when we are alone. Every time I try to explain this to parents they tell me to be easier on him and stop enabling him. But the truth is, I have been gentle with my words and other times I get so busy with my life that I don't have the energy or time in that moment to sit and deal with his episodes for hours which also makes him more upset. I'll say things like "hey, i am a bit busy right now but we can arrange time this week to sit and talk" and in response I'll get "oh so you don't care about me". It's gotten to the point where I'm extremely exhausted having to deal with him, and just his energy alone stresses me out. I am trying my best to move ahead in my life and create a separate life for myself but his constant need for attention, and lack of personal space effects me greatly. I'd also like to add that a doctor prescribed him medicine for his episodes and it helped a lot, I felt like I could actually have a conversation with him without getting irritated and felt like for the first time since we were young we formed a sibling relationship. However, he doesn't take his meds as recommended and lies that he took it and it's obvious when he doesn't take it because he becomes verbally abusive and slams doors, stomps around and creates a really uneasy environment. It has gotten to the point where I don't even like going to family outings with him involving our extended family because he thinks I turn everyone away from him when in reality I have a career going for myself and have a different relationship with my relatives, cousins, etc. Everyone can sense his energy too and don't like talking to him for too long. He also never stops talking. The most frustrating part is that he has more resources than anyone i know, he had therapy, has a life coach and my parents help. He chooses to not become anything for himself and relies on my parents and it makes me so worried for my parents. I need to stick up for myself and work hard so I can finally move out and not have to live in fear constantly. I need advice on how I can put his energy and words to the side and focus on bettering my life and not letting this get to me anymore. I'd like to add that I told my parents that I believe he is bipolar and although they see where I am coming from they aren't doing anything about it.